


Kill For Me

by theo_lord_of_love_and_rage



Series: I'm Glad You're Evil Too [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Absent Parents, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Consensual Underage Sex, Content Warnings Change Per Chapter, Creativitwins, Dated Gender Expectations, Drug Use, Dubious Morality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Roceit - Freeform, Sexual Content, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, the kids are not alright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 131,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theo_lord_of_love_and_rage/pseuds/theo_lord_of_love_and_rage
Summary: Roman wants to become the king’s knight, securing his social status if only for long enough to be able to leave the kingdom and be set for life after the old king passes, but greatly underestimates the intensity of the application process and how much it may ask of him. Knight or not, will he emerge unscathed or unchanged?------------The kingdom of Sadaire was strong and beautiful, but it had its secrets. From its aristocrats to its homeless, they all knew, it was a cutthroat battle to climb your way to the top. Everyone’s hands sooner or later had to get dirty in some way or another to ascend to the next status.When the king of the land is suddenly stricken by illness, a young man striving to become a knight sees an opportunity. To be in the king’s guard and become his knight in a time of need, that was surely enough to set him for life.Then he could get out of this infested kingdom with his dear brother and travel the lands as the valiant knight he’d always wanted to be as a boy.But will it be that easy? Well one thing about Roman never changed since his days as a boy, he always dreamed big.---------
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: I'm Glad You're Evil Too [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133792
Comments: 254
Kudos: 168
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	1. Veiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Roman the squire.  
> ________________  
> Includes: Referenced abuse.

Roman hated this kingdom. Not in a way that a person hated another. It was more along the lines of how a person could hate something that they knew was hurting them, but they also couldn’t do without. He’d seen it many times, wives with their belligerent, drunken, frankly abusive husbands. Awful to them at nights but when it came down to it, the women weren’t offered the jobs that the men were, they couldn’t sustain themselves. Damned if they stayed, damned if they left. The same was the case with Roman and this kingdom.

He didn’t enjoy recalling the countless nights he laid curled up in his brother’s lap, hands clamped over his ears to block out the violent screaming of their neighbors and the people that were hurt in the streets. Remus had always been so much better at blocking it out than Roman was, so he took care of him while they lived there, even though they were the same age.

His twin was the one of the only redeeming things about this place, they fought, they argued but at the end of the day all they had was each other. Their parents had walked out of the door hand in hand one day when the boys were seven and never came back.

The boys had both been a wreck but it had been Remus who got Roman back on his feet, he seemed to bounce back so quickly that Roman often thought Remus had been faking it for his sake. After all, Roman had really only been able to function with more positive energy around him while his brother seemed to function no matter how bleak their lives were. He was the one who taught Roman to fake it till you make it. It helped. 

Looking back, Roman didn’t think he would have lived through those years without his brother, he owed him a lot. Not that he’d ever say that to his face- no, someday he _would_ , especially if this plan worked in his favor. Remus was the only reason Roman found himself where he stood on this very day.

Lined up with three other men around his age in the throne room of the royal family, awaiting the king and queen to receive them. His back was as straight as an arrow, his feet shoulder-length apart below him, his arms barred behind his back. 11 years of training to be a knight, drilled this stance into his everyday life.

An off-handed comment Remus had made while he was home, that he suspected the stance had been literally screwed into him by one of the hot instructors, played on repeat in the back of Roman’s mind. The man tried to block out the crass remark, knowing he was supposed to be focused and present, but to no avail. It was actually a pleasant memory since after making the joke, his brother’s face had darkened as he asked for assurance that no one had _actually_ touched Roman, with the unspoken promise of maiming anyone that had.

He wasn’t able to see his twin during the majority of the year, so Roman reasoned that comments like that were Remus’ way of showing that he cared and worried about him despite the letters they sent back and forth.

A noise brought Roman back to the present, a distant low thud coming from his left, perhaps forty to fifty feet away.

Roman didn’t even dare look at the men standing to his left, knowing the guards in the room were watching. They were hardly who he was trying to impress, but their very job was _watching_ , if the king spoke to them after this was all said and done, Roman wanted them to have nothing to criticize. Looking at the competition, was showing weakness to the competition.

Roman _would_ become a knight, and he would be the most revered knight that a squire could hope to become. He’d washed his tunic and pants at least three times early that morning to appear pristine while Remus did his hair, cleaned his boots and then tied a small length of red fabric around Roman’s left bicep around his white tunic as he left their home. He had smiled such a small smile as he told Roman to not forget about him there, so assured that Roman would succeed.

He felt a mix of excitement, guilt and dread as his thoughts once again went to his brother, knowing if all went well today, he would not see him for another year at least. He clenched his right hand hard, intentionally digging his short fingernails into the skin of his palm to ground his mind again, _“Don’t think about it. You’re in this moment, be present in this very moment and we can miss Remus later. You. Can. Do. This.”_

The low thudding noise came closer, ever closer and Roman breathed in evenly as he knew, he was about to meet the king. A doorway in the wall adjacent to the empty thrones was opened by a servant who bowed before speaking, “Announcing his Royal Majesty!” That was his cue.

Roman immediately went down on one knee just as the king set foot in the room, bowing his head until he was commanded otherwise.

The news that the king was ill and likely not going to get better had rushed through the kingdom, and Roman was just thrilled that he’d been in the market when it was being talked about. His very presence here hadn’t been requested, neither had any of the other men, most likely.

As soon as the king’s health status had become public knowledge, squires and those formally trained had flocked to the castle to request a position serving the king. Roman dared not wait past the second batch of people who’d all been rejected within the week that they’d arrived. He’d arrived early on the third week and now he was here. He would get this opportunity, impress the king and become his knight till the old man died. It seemed twisted to wait for something such as that, but it was not as if Roman _wanted_ the king to die. It would simply...expedite his dream. A few years in service would be just fine by him.

Despite his confidence, his heart was hammering away in his chest, muffling his hearing.

“Another batch of young boys, here to become my knights?” the man’s deep voice croaked with every word. He certainly sounded sick, as if he’d been coughing throughout the night.

“Yes, your majesty. Introducing Cyrus Corsa of Vinder, Josiah Taton of Kirton, Remy Aldin of Winchester and Roman of the Capital in Sadaire,” a young man’s voice listed off the names of the three men next to Roman.

“Thank you, Logan,” the king took a deep breath and seemed to mutter something under his breath, “Remy Aldin, you knelt too late upon my entrance and then attempted to look at my face before being given permission.”

Roman tried not to smirk to himself and was able to stop by using the very memory of his instructor once punishing him to run twenty laps for laughing at one of his fellow trainees. Now was not the time.

“With all due respect, your Majesty, I believe Josiah Taton was the man who committed these two disgraces to your presence,” the man right to Roman’s left spoke without missing a beat. Roman could hardly believe it, he was arguing with the _king_ of all people?

Silence.

Then the king let out a throaty chuckle, “Quite. Josiah Taton of Kirton, you are dismissed.”

There was no protest, but Roman could imagine the pained expression of the man as he heard him stand, bow and excuse himself quietly. He felt the secondhand dejection of the whole thing sink in his stomach.

 _“Well that was scary, but less competition? Yay? I should really be careful around this Remy... If I can even make it through this,”_ Roman’s thoughts anxiously noted as he stayed as still as possible, thankful for his many years of training. He’d only been shown decorum for if he were to meet royalty a handful of times, but Roman had gone over it himself next to his bunk many times at night. He never could dream small and he just _knew_ one day, he’d do something great, meet royals and perhaps even serve them.

“Cyrus Corsa of Vinder, please explain the social climate around the areas of the black market in your hometown,” the king drawled out, “Rise, if you must, to do so.” Roman broke out into a sweat, _“Shit.”_ They were all being tested, this was a test and if they didn’t answer in a way that pleased the king- holy shit Roman felt like he was going to puke.

He heard Cyrus rise and proceed to give a detailed rundown of how the black market was socially decimating everyday life and making night travel incredibly unwise for women, children and young boys like he was talking about the weather.

“Good,” the king noted, obviously pleased.

“Roman of Sadaire, explain the sash tied around your left arm,” the king’s request left Roman sweating, “You may rise to do so.”

Roman took a calming breath as he did so, slowly rising and lifting his head to look at his king. He didn’t look too sick, though Roman supposed he’d only seen drawings of the king from years ago in the texts they had to study in his years of training. The queen had to be less than half his age, appearing no older than thirty as she sat quiet with her hands clasped in her lap.

He breathed in and did not keep the man waiting, “It is a sign of protection from my family.”

“Your lover?”

“No, your Majesty. My twin brother, Remus.”

“He believed there was danger in coming to my home that you needed protection from?”

 _“Smart wording, genius,”_ Roman’s thoughts yelled at him. He stayed resolute, “No, your Majesty. He wished to protect my mind from forgetting him.” Roman hoped that was enough to please the old king.

“...He is your _only_ family?”

“Yes, your Majesty.”

The king smirked and looked over to the queen and the man that Roman was noticing for the first time, standing where an advisor usually stood. He looked to be around Roman’s age however, and advisors were usually never so young. This must have been the Logan that had introduced them.

“I like them. They can stay for a week to prove themselves. Rise, Remy Aldin,” the king ordered as he looked back at the men with a glint in his eyes. The king stood, using a scepter to help him for a moment before straightening his back, “You all will be shown to your quarters and then be subjected to a trial each day to prove your worth as a potential knight. You fail even one, you go home. Dismissed.”

Roman bowed deeply, almost robotic in manner before turning and walking from the throne room with Remy and Cyrus. Had... Had he seriously made it? To the trial run, yes, but still... This seemed, off.

Remy’s vigilance had been tested along with Cyrus’s socio-political awareness but Roman... Had gotten a question about his attire? It was of emotional significance, yes, but this all felt a little underwhelming.

_“No, it just hasn’t hit you yet. I should write a letter to Remus as soon as I get to my room, that’ll get the feelings going!”_

Roman gave a small nod as if replying to himself as the doors closed behind him and the other two men. He took this opportunity to actually look at them, he nearly snickered. Cyrus looked like someone Remus would mercilessly make fun of whenever given the chance. He was fairly tall, only a few inches above Roman’s height but nothing else really... stood out about him. He was all around, average, which Roman had no problem with. But he could just hear Remus now, “If he were a spice, he’d be flour,” he’d never let it go.

Remy at least had some personality, whereas Roman had his hair out of his face, Remy didn’t seem to mind the fringe that hung over the left side of his face. Roman also couldn’t help but smirk as he realized that Remy only reached his chin in height, but perhaps he’d grow taller in time, he seemed to be as young as Roman, if not, younger. He was at least sixteen, which was practically an adult for the time, and he acted it.

If Roman wanted this position, he’d need to be more knowledgeable than Cyrus and more vigilant than Remy.

“Ya’ got the hots for me or something?” the latter man muttered.

Roman blinked and looked ahead once more, trying not to be frazzled. “Just observing,” he spoke curtly.

“Nobody’d blame ya’,” Remy seemed to tease in a sing-song voice.

“Hush, you degenerate,” Cyrus muttered joining the conversation Roman was trying to get out of.

“Oh, like you’ve never sucked a dick before in Vinder, that place is just crawling with homos. But wait, you know that, so you’re trying to get away from it,” Remy noted.

Roman kept his mouth shut, not wanting to antagonize either of the two.

“Yes, but I seem to have run into another _thing_ that needs cleansing,” Cyrus growled.

That however got Roman angry, “If you thought tucking tail and running here was your salvation, you have miscalculated. Everyone knows the only reason our king has a queen was to create the next heir, they both have harems consisting of - guess what - the same sex as them.”

Cyrus glared at Roman and opened his mouth to reply before a servant came to his side, head bowed as they asked for him to follow. Cyrus nodded and left without another word.

Roman looked down as Remy elbowed him softly in the side with a smirk, “I bet you 10 silver I can bed him before the week is over.”

Roman scoffed, letting himself smirk a bit. “If we all even last that long, sure. I don’t see him biting though.”

“You know the type?”

“Closeted and resentful? Absolutely.”

“...That was you, wasn’t it?”

Roman blinked wide before looking away, no he shouldn’t talk to him like this. Like they were friends, Remy was the competition.

Said man kept having a one-sided conversation with Roman until he too was met by a servant to show him to his quarters. He waved back at him as he went, “Bye Ro-ro.”

The nickname reminded him of Remus, it was certainly one of the many nicknames Roman had been given over time. The fact that a complete stranger was using nicknames already, Roman didn’t know how to feel about it. On one hand he was annoyed that Remy had the audacity to assume he could address him as such, on the other hand it was nice to have a reminder of his brother besides the fabric tied around his arm.

Roman’s attention was drawn over to his right, down the hallway from where he stood. He’d seen movement and assumed there was a servant that had finally come for him, but he saw nothing.

His eyes narrowed, never had his eyes failed him before, he was _sure_ he’d seen something. Though the interior of the castle was not helping him, the tiles of the floor were white marble but the walls and vaulted ceilings were black with accents of gold. The servants he’d seen so far wore all black, they seemed to blend in from a distance.

That was the exact realization that helped him spot the change in the hallway, at the very end was an open doorway, where a tall figure stood wearing all black, watching. Their face was covered by something, but they were much too far away for Roman to discern what it was, a mask of some sort maybe?

“Squire Roman,” a soft voice called Roman’s attention away from the figure down the hall. The servant in front of him had dark hair that seemed to cover the majority of his eyes. Roman nodded in affirmation that he’d heard him. “This way to your quarters,” the servant began leading him up the stairs and to his quarters in which he’d spend the week.

Before leaving the servant introduced himself as Virgil. Virgil told Roman that he would be his personal resource whilst he was in the castle, clothes had been gathered for him and hung in the closet and that Virgil would come get Roman for lunch.

The man simply nodded, not speaking until Virgil was leaving. “Thank you, Virgil,” the statement was met with a shallow nod as the man closed the door.

Roman was alone, _finally_.

 _“Wait, you dumbo, you need stationary!”_ the thought made Roman rush to open the door. “Virgil, wait!” he saw the poor man jump from the scare before turning with a smile he could tell was fake, “Sorry, could I have access to some stationary with a quill and ink?”

A short wait later, Roman had his requested items and sat down at his desk. The room was small but preferable to when he had to spend the majority of 11 years sharing a room with nine other boys, the stink, the clutter, the muscles... Okay it hadn’t been _that_ bad.

He was by all means gay and so was his brother, but his brother had only realized it in the past six years or so. Roman groaned as he buried his face in his hands, he couldn’t believe he’d almost told Remy about him. But there was something about the man that... made Roman want to talk to him, even his name was similar to his brother’s. Not that Remy was at all like Remus, but perhaps in a different place with less at stake, the man would have made a nice friend for the twins.

Roman shook his head and got started on his letter.

* * *

Time dragged as he worked on the wording of the letter until it was perfect, it seemed his mind was right. He _was_ ecstatic about the events that had unfolded that morning, as weird as it was, he was being given the chance of a lifetime! He was not going to throw away this shot at a better life for him and his brother.

As much as Roman’s speeches on how he wanted his future to pan out only included himself, realistically he’d never be able to abandon Remus. Even though his brother functioned just fine in this kingdom, he deserved better. Every day of the week he worked, either at the butcher’s chopping up meat or at the cobblers making shoes. He’d worked even harder when Roman had been first training to be a squire, saved up enough money to get them out of the house their parents had left them in. Their home right now was better than where they’d started, but when Roman walked in the richer neighborhoods and saw the luxuries the two of them had never even had the chance to have, he knew he needed to get his brother into one of those houses.

Life had never been fair to the two of them, Roman wanted to correct that injustice by taking life into his own hands.

He stared down at his letter for a moment, written in print to make it easier for his brother who’d learned how to read second-hand from Roman’s teachings. Cursive was out of the question with him as he often equated it to “tangled vines with thorns”. But something was missing with this...

Roman smirked as he dipped his quill lightly and began scribbling. A few minutes later he grinned, imagining Remus’ face upon seeing Roman’s drawing of himself, standing on top of the castle triumphantly. He placed the quill down and stood right as there was a knock at his door.

“Squire Roman, it is time for lunch,” Virgil spoke through the door.

Roman sighed as he rolled his shoulders and made his way to the door to open it and follow Virgil to where Remy and Cyrus were already standing in the dining room. It most certainly was not the main dining room nor was it the servant’s, perhaps one for overnight guests.

Roman observed the other two and noticed that Cyrus was pointedly avoiding Remy’s gaze as he smirked at him. Once Roman came into the room, Remy gave a lazy wave that Roman couldn’t stop himself from returning in time.

The three of them had not even sat down before the door opened again and a servant stepped in, “Announcing his Royal Majesty!”

The squires all stood to attention, since kneeling was not proper dining room etiquette. The old king barely walked into the room before stopping, “I do not mean to interrupt your lunch, so I will be quick.” He moved aside to beckon someone behind him to come in.

Roman expected the queen to come in behind the king, but it was most certainly not. Who stepped in was a brunette man dressed in a black suit with gold accents around the collar and the sleeves. With a glance Roman could tell that he was taller than Cyrus by a few inches, which made Roman really want to see Remy stand next to him. His face however, was strangely covered by a black veil that elegantly hung from a thin golden circlet that was sat high enough on his head that it could be considered a crown of sorts. The veil dropped just past his chin and reached around the majority of his head to end past his ears.

Wait...

Roman remembered the figure he had seen after exiting the throne room standing in the open doorway at the end of the hall. It was him. The figure had stood fairly tall in comparison to the door, Roman didn’t think more tall masked/veiled people were wandering around the castle on the same day. It was with one glance that Roman could tell that he was a noble of some sort, he carried himself with the grace and confidence of a noble.

“This is the Royal Seer. You may call him the Seer, his name is strictly confidential, especially to those who are just here for the time being. You understand,” the King said with a smile that was seemingly directed at the Seer, “He will be overseeing your every trial, conducting some himself and will be eating with you at every meal. Please treat him as a respected resource.”

The Seer nodded to each of the squires in the room before speaking, “A pleasure to meet you all.” Such a short statement gave Roman more information to glean, the Seer was polite, intelligent and he absolutely had Remy’s attention from the moment that sultry voice came from beneath that veil. But not Roman, nope. Not at all. Not even a _bit_.

Roman breathed in and out to calm himself before bowing his head in response to the Seer.

The king nodded as he clapped the Seer softly on the back, “With that, I will take my leave.” And then he did, allowing the squires to relax, if even a little bit.

Roman nearly stepped out of the way when the Seer seemed to turn towards him and beeline for him, only to realize he was pulling out the chair next to him to sit down. _“Calm down Roman, calm the_ **_hell_ ** _down. It’s just a voice, a sultry, sexy voice coming from a tall, confident man.”_

He could hear his brother teasing him about this now, he turned to pull out the chair next to the Seer, not wanting to move more for the fact that he didn’t want to insult the man and less because he really wanted to be closer to him. He then decided he would _not_ be including information on the Seer in his letter to Remus.

“Roman, correct?” the sultry voice being closer did _not_ help Roman in his denial of attraction to this man but he was able to grit his teeth to avoid reacting and turned his head.

“Correct, it is nice to meet you, Seer,” Roman greeted as calmly as possible. He didn’t know why but greeting a person with a veil covering their face was both intriguing and slightly unsettling. It made him morbidly curious to peer underneath it.

He knew all about morbidity from his brother. Often he’d go on rants about embalming, burning bones, gutting the next person that stepped on his shoes. Remus’ venom was really frightening sometimes, but he’d always calm down when Roman began to distract him with lighter topics. It had worked so far, Remus hadn’t killed anyone. Yet. He hoped.

The Seer let out a quiet chuckle before shaking his head, “Please, call me Dee. The Seer is my job, not my name.”

“And Dee, _is_ your name?” Remy asked excitedly as he sat down across from Dee leaned as far forwards as was considered polite.

Dee shook his head, “No. Though I’d rather be called Dee than my job, at least while not in the presence of the king.”

“So if you are a seer Dee, can you see the future?” Cyrus queried.

Dee exhaled sharply out his nose as if he was laughing, “That, my friend, is confidential.”

Food was brought out and the four men ate, each squire couldn’t help but try to sneak glances at Dee as he ate, trying to see any part of his face.

Roman just wanted to see how he would eat the soup that had been placed in front of him. But he did see something he wished he hadn’t.

As the seer was reaching under his veil to wipe his mouth with a napkin, his right hand had moved the veil ever so slightly to reveal pale skin, a sharp jawline, and a yellow eye, looking directly through him.

Roman tore his gaze away to look at his food, his heart beating in his ears and suddenly not very hungry anymore. It had been the best food Roman had ever eaten, and the guilt now sinking in his chest had ruined it. He had violated the man’s trust, impeded on his privacy, he wore a veil for a reason but...

The way that one yellow eye had locked with his hazel eyes had felt... _chilling_ , in a way that made the guilt almost worth it. Roman couldn’t help but shudder as he avoided looking at Dee for the remainder of lunch.

* * *

Dinner hadn’t been much better, but Roman was at least glad that Dee sat next to him again, scared that his rudeness had scared the man off. It was not as if Roman wanted or could pursue Dee romantically or otherwise. He was a noble and Roman... an orphan with nowhere to go, for now at least.

Roman simply wanted to be as respectful as he could to anyone he met unless they deserved otherwise. It was a part of his personal code that he needed to keep in mind to keep the infection of this kingdom from tainting his morals.

The man approached the desk in his room to hold his letter up to the oil lamp and nodded once he saw that the ink was dry. He folded the paper and wrote the address of their home. He’d give it to Virgil in the morning and it would get sent off to Remus who was probably biting his nails down worrying about him.

It felt nice to have someone like that in Roman’s life, that he could without a doubt, assure that they were worrying about him. Even though he was sure that Remus didn’t quite _enjoy_ worrying about him, with how quick his mind jumped to catastrophe.

A knock came at Roman’s door, “Squire Roman, the Seer is here for you.”

 _“The Seer? Shiiiiit,”_ Roman winced to himself somehow knowing that he wouldn’t get off that easily, _“Maybe Dee, could help you get off easy.”_

The man slapped his face with both hands, willing away the dirty thoughts that most _definitely_ were inspired by prolonged exposure to his twin. “Enter,” Roman confirmed with a wince as his voice cracked slightly.

Dee opened the door before walking in, inches from his head hitting the door frame. Roman couldn’t help but be a little envious of his height but shook his head as he approached Dee and knelt before him.

Dee seemed to take a step backwards before stopping, “...What are you doing?”

“Apologizing, but I shall wait for you to say what you wished to say, Dee,” Roman answered lowly not daring to raise his head for fear that Dee would think he was trying to get another peek under his veil.

He saw Dee’s staggered stance relax a bit as he turned to close the door before turning back, “You _were_ quite rude weren’t you?”

Roman nodded.

“And nosy.”

He nodded.

“And disrespectful.”

And nodded again.

“And on top of all of that, cute.”

Roman nodded feeling shame rise in him and- what? Roman froze as Dee’s right hand came to rest on top of his head before trailing down to brush his cheek. His hands were gloved, they had been gloved at lunch and dinner too. Roman bit the inside of his cheek, “I-I’m sorry?” Had he just been called... _cute_?

Dee sighed, “I’m teasing. You don’t have to apologize, is what I’m saying.”

Roman nodded before realizing Dee was still touching his face, even through a glove, it was embarrassing. How to get the hand away from him? An idea then occurred to the squire, he reached up with one hand to take Dee’s and press his lips to the man’s gloved fingers. “Your kindness is truly appreciated, Dee,” he said against the fingers. While this hadn’t slowed his pounding heart, it had at least given him some control in his level of embarrassment.

Roman waited for Dee to move his hand to stand, making sure he kept his head bowed until he was standing up straight.

Dee seemed to be thinking for a moment before nodding his head towards the small table with two chairs in the room, “Shall we talk?”

Roman nodded perhaps a bit too eagerly before going over and pulling out a chair for Dee, the man seemed to stifle a laugh as he took the seat. “I’m not your wife, I _can_ pull out a seat for myself,” he noted as if teasing.

Roman nodded as he took his own seat placing his hands on the table, “Well, no harm in being polite. You are my guest.”

Dee chuckled and not for the first time since they met, Roman wished he could at least see the man’s smile that went with that deep, satisfied, breathy chuckle of his. _“Stop fantasizing. Stop it Roman!”_

“Tonight is the first evaluation I will give you Roman, are you ready?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Roman tried to transition from the chaos that was his mind to the conversation in the quiet room.

Dee bridged his hands in front of his face before leaning on them, “I am going to ask you a few questions every night for however many nights you are here. You must answer as honestly as possible.”

Roman nodded and straightened up, sounded easy enough.

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

Roman felt the air get taken out of him as he heard the first question and immediately knew this was serious, “No.”

Dee was silent for a moment before continuing, “Have you ever wanted to kill anyone?”

Roman blinked hard and thought, had he? He’d tried to avoid becoming like many of the inhabitants of this kingdom, cutthroat and selfish, but when his parents had left... Had he wanted them dead? He knew he was angry but mostly, he’d just been sad.

Roman shook his head, “No.”

Another short period of silence, Dee continued with his questions. “Would you kill someone for the king?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill someone for your brother?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill your brother for the king?” 

Roman again felt the wind taken out of him along with a swelling of pure disgust rising in his stomach as he tried to keep looking at the man across from him.

“I know these questions are difficult, Roman and I... I apologize, but answer honestly, we’re almost done,” Dee’s voice seemed quieter but calmed Roman down enough for him to rasp out his answer.

“No.”

Dee nodded, “Would you kill the king for your brother?”

This was too much, it had to be a test, a trap. Roman’s nails dug into the wooden table as he wondered why Dee would insist that the truth be answered if he wanted Roman to lie to him? “Th-this is a trick question, right?” he uttered out sounding sick.

Dee shook his head and sighed as he removed the glove on his right hand to gently take one of Roman’s, “Tell me the truth that you, Roman of Sadaire, feel in your heart.”

Roman felt the cool of Dee’s skin, it was grounding. “As a brother and as a human being, I would. I’d... If I had to kill the king for my brother, I would,” he uttered without looking at Dee.

Dee nodded, “Good, now this next part may hurt just a _pinch_.”

Roman opened his mouth to ask for clarification before Dee’s grip on his hand tightened and the seer uttered the word, “Calibrate.”

Roman’s body was jolted with electrifying pain all at once, hardly letting him yell as Dee held on to his hand.

The pain in reality only lasted around half a minute before subsiding, leaving Roman dizzy with his head pounding. Dee let go of his hand before standing and coming in front of Roman to reach down and pick the man up and transfer him to his bed.

Dee pulled off the man’s boots and untied the red fabric around his arm to fold it and place it on top of his bedside drawer.

Roman made soft whining noises as the pounding in his head seemed to get worse by the minute, his vision was dark, he could barely move, what had happened? He hadn’t any clue.

A shadow appeared by Roman’s bedside and Roman helplessly reached for it, “W-who? Re? Remus, b-brother...”

Dee shook his head, “You need to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Y-y’ voice,” Roman reached for Dee’s face and was actually able to touch him through the veil, “Not Re, Dee? Dee’s voice s’nice... n’hot... Stay?”

Dee hesitantly nodded and Roman was entranced by the two glowing yellow points of lights that seemed to ebb and fade in intensity from under Dee’s veil. Slowly, he fell asleep staring at them, his arms falling to the bed softly.

Dee stared down at the young sleeping man and took a calming breath. “Well that was _pleasant_ ,” he muttered to himself sarcastically.

“Only lied once. We may make a knight of you yet, Roman,” Dee spoke as he caressed the side of Roman’s face, unable to help himself before seeming to remember something and retracting his hand as if he’d been burned.

The man glanced around the room as if someone could have seen and pulled his glove on once more, forcing his magic to calm down so as to not show through his veil. He turned away from Roman and left the room, trying to forget the warmth of the man’s fingers touching his face, of all places. 

“I’m not getting attached,” he seemed to remind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems legit.
> 
> Hi everyone, been a bit since I posted on here and I'm glad to finally be back. As for the people responsible for my return, I blame:  
> Quarantinevibes, PendragonQueen09, Rainstorm67 and shnuffeluv. 
> 
> They really made me fall in love with this ship hard. So you can blame/thank them for everything that happens in this twisted little story! I'd love to hear feedback, thoughts and constructive criticism if you have some, this is my first Sanders Sides fic.
> 
> I'm also going to try something that I've never done before and have a schedule for uploading. If things arise, people are pushy or demanding if I miss or am late on an update, I'll go back to my usual; typing the story at my own pace and uploading when ready.
> 
> The plan as of right now: Updates on the weekend of Saturday/Sundays.  
> If there are any mishaps in updates, it will be posted about on my tumblr at theo-lord-of-love-and-rage.tumblr.com


	2. Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trials begin...  
> ________________  
> Includes: Self-depreciation, self hate, intrusive thoughts and implied abuse

Dee looked at his face in the mirror once more before lowering his veil down to cover it, today he’d be looking over the squires and how they did in sparring. He was looking forward to it, even though doubt laid at the back of his mind that this whole thing would even work, it hadn't in the last two weeks. He’d need to wait, and wait, and _wait_.

Though he did hope that Roman would succeed, the man seemed interesting and already showed reverence to him. Dee absently touched his face before forcing his hand back down to the vanity in his room, “I’m not getting attached. It’s likely they’ll all fail. It’s only the third week.”

But still, _what_ was going on with him today? He couldn’t stop his mind from replaying what Roman had - in a weaker mindset - asked of Dee last night. 

_“Stay?”_

He’d been so vulnerable and unguarded like he never seemed to be during the day... Dee shook his head, solidifying in his mind then that _he’d_ definitely fail, no doubt about it. No one could look that helpless and also be a knight.

A knock came at the door dragging Dee away from his spiraling thoughts, “Seer, it’s me.”

He exhaled softly, relieved to hear the man’s voice rather than the king’s, “Enter.”

Dee liked the man that came in dressed in all white with a sky blue collar and black-framed glasses. He had a bright smile on his face which suited him, he was a kind man, the kind of man Dee would’ve benefited from having in his life as a child. Yet here they were, meeting far too late for Dee’s liking. It hardly made sense to him that such a kind man could be the _queen’s_ advisor. A bad taste lingered in the back of Dee’s throat as his thoughts brushed past the woman, but he tried to move past it and save the thought for a later date.

“Yes, Patton?”

“Just letting you know that their royal majesties want you to pop in to give an update before you go to _pop_ breakfast in your mouth!” the man grinned as he energetically rocked on his heels, “So you’d best hurry so you can get a full meal, wouldn’t want you sick or anything!”

The man was always overly enthusiastic, loud and tried to insert too many puns and wordplay jokes into his everyday conversation, but all of these things, Dee could accept because Patton genuinely cared for him. He could tell. He smiled and made his way towards the door, patting Patton’s shoulder as he walked out. “You are simply too _horrible_ for this poor little world, Patton.”

“Dee! That’s so nice of you!” the man knew Dee’s game by now. But only when he wasn’t trying to hide his sarcasm. 

The two spoke to one another as they walked before quieting as they neared the private chamber in which the royal family was waiting. Dee felt his face become stony under his veil as he opened the doors, leaving Patton in the hallway as he closed the doors behind him.

* * *

“Roman.”

“Roman...”

“Hey, Ro-ro!”

Roman jolted upright in his bed with a gasp hearing someone calling his name from outside his room. “Uh, yes? Enter!” he groggily answered as he moved his legs off the bed.

He looked up bleary-eyed as he saw Remy at his door smirking until he seemed to give Roman a once over, “Gosh babe, don’t you have any sleepwear?”

Roman looked over himself seeing that he was in the same clothes from yesterday as he shook his head, “I didn’t bring anything besides what I wore yesterday. What time is it?”

Remy came into his room and shut the door behind him, clicking his teeth as he made his way over to the wardrobe, “5:40 am. Y’know fun thing about these things, they have sleepwear in here for us too.”

Roman felt his face get hot in embarrassment. He _had_ looked in the wardrobe once, but he’d only given it a glance before moving on. “I... I thought there were only day clothes in it,” he muttered before looking up at Remy.

He was in a sleep shirt, hand on one hip as he continued staring at Roman.

“What?” Roman asked, looking over himself once more as if there were something else wrong with his state of dress.

“You sleep above the covers...”

Roman blinked and was about to deny that until he realized what had made Remy say that, he was in fact, above the covers and his bed was still in most respects, made up. “Huh, I must have been tired,” he uttered mostly to himself. He wasn’t entirely sure however because he really didn’t remember last night that well.

He’d eaten dinner with the other squires and Dee, retired to his room for the night, Dee had visited for a talk and then Roman was waking up as he was now. He flushed as he remembered that the mysterious veiled man had come by his room, he remembered apologizing to him but then... 

_“And on top of all of that, cute.”_

What Dee had said right before brushing his gloved fingers along Roman’s cheek, he remembered _that_ but what had Dee said before that? What had Dee said _after_ that?!

“Uh, Ro-ro?”

Said man looked up at Remy who looked entertained by whatever expression Roman was wearing at the moment, “You look a little uh, troubled there babe.”

Roman shook his head and stood up to walk past Remy and to his wardrobe, “I’m completely fine.”

“Well good, so am I. My dreams were _so_ nice to me last night, a certain someone made a guest appearance.”

Roman would have rolled his eyes had he not been _just_ thinking about the man, “Dee?” He was used to such less-than-subtle conversations, living with his brother for so long, so he just rolled with it. He opened the wardrobe to find that Remy was right, sleepwear was hanging on the far side for him to use.

Remy gasped and laughed, “Oh, how did you know?” There came the sound of him landing on Roman’s bed.

A feeling of slight annoyance surfaced in the man, he had not given Remy permission to lie on his bed, but he _was_ in sleepwear so he supposed there was no harm. “I saw your face when he first spoke yesterday,” he answered as he grabbed a shirt and some pants.

“And I saw _yours_ ,” Remy didn’t miss a beat in his reply.

Roman felt his shoulders stiffen as he whirled around to see Remy sprawled across his bed on his stomach, smirking at him widely. Roman tried to calm his racing heart, “Is there a _reason_ you dropped by, Remy?”

The smirking man rolled onto his back before getting up and heading for the door, “Just seeing how you’re acclimating and seeing if you’re as smitten as I am.”

Roman raised an eyebrow, “So I suppose I’m winning 10 silver, if you’ve given up on Cyrus?”

“Oh, no, that bet is mine to win. While it will pain me to do so, I can get Cyrus to find that gay boy he’s worked so hard to repress. But in the meantime,” Remy leant up against the door, “did you happen to have a... strange dream last night?”

Dream? Roman paused, he usually did dream every night, but he wasn’t sure what he’d dreamt about last night, he couldn’t even remember having gone to sleep. He tried to recall... A shadow, two yellow points of light above him, not threatening or scary. It had comforted him.

The man’s mouth pulled into a tight line as he looked at Remy. _“But why does_ **_he_ ** _want to know?”_

Roman walked forwards, suspicion lacing his voice. “Why would I have?”

Remy stared at his face for a moment before shaking his head, “Disregard that, I’m sure it’s noth-.”

“Remy,” Roman stopped him, tired of acting like this, “Sit down, please.” He nodded towards the bed.

Remy looked surprised by the order but nodded as he did so, Roman took the seat near the wardrobe at the table so his surprise guest wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. He bounced his leg for a moment, wondering if this was a good idea. But his mouth began moving before he could mull over that thought much longer, “You and I, in another time, another place, we’d be good friends. That’s what I think. Do you agree?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Good. But we’re competing against one another for the position of a lifetime, so I think it’s... a bad idea for us to be friendly with one another,” the words came out less resolute than he would have liked, “as long as we’re both in the competition, that is.”

Remy then gave a smile as he looked down, “Ah. Very true, _but_ I propose a different route.” He grinned wider, “How about we be friendly to one another _until_ Cyrus gets dropped.”

Roman’s eyes widened and held a hand up to his mouth to think for a moment, “That... could work with me.”

Remy nodded, “Exactly. It’ll suck to be all indifferent to you once it does happen, but let’s be real with one another here. Best case scenario, if I don’t get this then what, _Cyrus_ will? Like hell! I’d want it to be you if not me, babe.”

Roman nodded, feeling a kinship with that statement. From what he’d seen of Cyrus, he didn’t trust him nor like him. He was smart but generally, bigots didn’t get pity points in Roman’s book, even if they were deep in the closet. He sighed with a smile as he messed with the rough fabric of the shirt in his hands, “I feel the same, in the end, I suppose.”

He stood, “Mind if I change here? I’ll answer your earlier question.” Remy nodded as he stood up and turned around to give the man some privacy. Roman began taking off his tunic and pants, “I don’t remember going to sleep last night, but I usually always dream. This time all I remember was... a shadow.”

“Sounds pretty scary.”

“No... Foreboding and unsettling, yes. Scary though?” Roman found undergarments in a drawer to change into, “No, it was comforting. Especially its eyes.” He paused, not realizing that the two yellow lights he could remember were definitely small enough to have been eyes, and now that he’d called them as such he couldn’t imagine them being anything else.

“What were its eyes like?”

Roman slipped a clean shirt on along with his pants, tightening the drawstring around his hips before tying it tight. “They were glowing, softly like... firelight through half-lidded eyes surrounded in the shroud of midnight,” he murmured distractedly as he stared off into the middle distance.

Remy hummed a laugh, “Quite the wordsmith we have here. Sure you’re in the right profession?”

Roman seemed to remember Remy was there and gave a humored smirk as he headed for the red fabric on his bedside table, “That, my friend is just a whole other monster. Except it is not the strongest that wins, it is the most revered and the most wealthy... I wanted to, at some point but...”

“Corrupt business is no place for an honest man,” Remy turned towards him with a smile, “It wasn’t for you, I get it.”

Roman picked up the length of fabric and held it over his left arm before tying it so it wouldn’t fall off, “So, did you have a strange dream?”

Remy shrugged, “I mean Dee and I were surrounded by giant mushrooms as I rode the hell outta-.”

“Censor!” Roman yelled over top of what he knew Remy was about to say, a habit he’d developed for when a topic of conversation was about to get explicit and he _needed_ to not hear it. “Sorry, I got it. No need to explain,” he explained with a wince.

Remy seemed to understand and just grinned, “Alright lover boy, I won’t make you jealous anymore. I’ll see you at breakfast and...” He began backing for the door before opening it and stepping through with a wave, “I suppose I can also spend this week matchmaking for you and Dee.”

Roman felt his face become hot and yelled after the closing door, “I never asked such assistance- and he’s gone.” He stared hard at the door for a moment before his gaze wandered to the pile of clothes near the wardrobe.

He went to pluck them off the floor before putting them in a bin that he was _fairly_ certain was meant for dirty clothes before he sat in the chair closest to him at the table. “Dammit...” he’d trusted Remy. One thing Remus had always advised against, trusting faces that were _too_ kind.

His twin had been burned on many occasions, perhaps enough to ruin any genuine relationship he’d somehow managed to form over his nineteen years. Roman had also been burned, but much less so than his twin.

Everytime Roman had come home with stories of all the friends he’d made in squire training, Remus had asked for what equated to book reports of information on them. Their mannerisms, their families, what they talked and asked about. Roman had complied and Remus had told him which people to steer clear of. Sure enough, those boys had ended up turning their backs, using or otherwise hurting their so called “friends” down the line.

It had helped Roman, in the end, his observation skills had vastly improved so he _hoped_ he hadn’t just made a huge mistake with Remy. He certainly wouldn’t let his guard down, but he could at least trust the sassy young man more than Cyrus.

Roman glanced over to his left and blinked wide as he saw the empty chair across from him on the other side of the table. He straightened in his chair before his left hand instinctively began reaching across the table as if something was there, he remembered... He remembered Dee’s cold bare hand holding his.

_“Tell me the truth that you, Roman of Sadaire, feel in your heart.”_

A knock startled Roman into standing up to hear Virgil at the door. “Squire Roman, it is time for breakfast.”

Roman called, “I’ll be out in a moment!” He floundered for a moment, going to the door, turning back to get his letter to Remus and then going to open his door all the while wondering one thought.

_“What in the world did we talk about last night?”_

* * *

Roman gave his apologies as he was the last one to walk in for breakfast before taking the empty seat next to Dee, not trying to give away the fact that he currently felt strange around the man. 

“It’s been thirty seconds, Roman, please,” Remy dismissed his apology.

“Thirty seconds wasted,” Cyrus’ mutter was just loud enough for them all to hear it.

“On the contrary. In any polite setting, it is customary for all members of a meal to wait at least ten minutes, for a person invited to dine to arrive _before_ the present members begin eating,” Dee began as he picked up a napkin to lay it in his lap, “In fact, in most groups that dine on a regular basis, one or multiple persons are designated as the ones that _should_ arrive within this time allotted to allow hot food to cool and conversation to begin smoothly. Any arrivals _after_ this ten minute grace period is considered rude.”

Dee turned to look at Roman, “So I suppose you have nothing to apologize for, Roman. Thank you for being here.”

Roman’s heart fluttered as all feelings of shame were cast aside, “Y-you’re welcome, Dee. Thank you.” The man nodded in response before picking up his utensils and beginning to eat.

Roman didn’t miss the smug smirk he got from Remy or the cold stare he received from Cyrus, he ignored both and went to eat after placing his napkin.

He really had to stop this, fawning over Dee was not going to help his odds in this. He knew many squires he’d grown up with would have leapt at the opportunity to bed a member of elevated society to get more opportunities and benefits for themselves. Roman would not stoop so low, he had skills, he was intelligent, he didn’t need to. Most of all, he didn’t _want_ to.

Many tales he’d heard and read as a child told of true love, true love’s kiss and love at first sight. And only two of those things had been disproven for Roman when he had been younger, now he knew better. Kisses were nice, but they were nice with anyone you found attractive. And love at first sight was just aesthetic attraction, and that was always the most dangerous thing to base any relationship on. But he still believed in true love, giving his body to anyone he didn’t love or feel was his true love, made Roman’s stomach roil in disgust.

So he wouldn’t use his body in such a way, deceiving and manipulating another into giving him what he wanted. A part of Roman insisted, _“Dee wouldn’t be so crass anyways, he seems too classy.”_

As Roman glanced over to observe his dark clothes with stitchings of golden thread, straight posture, elegant figure and graceful movements to pick up the smallest thing, he had to confirm. Dee was much too classy to do any such thing.

“Roman?” Dee turned to him, causing said man to try and pretend like he hadn’t been staring, “Do you know when your letter will be arriving at your home?”

Roman blinked wide, “How did you...?”

“I spotted you on my way in, speaking to that servant boy, you seemed worried,” Dee noted.

The man tilted his head with a noise of uncertainty, “I suppose. I just know how he worries, my brother, that is. I wanted to know how long it will take to arrive. It should be there by midday”

“I see, he sounds like a good brother.”

“He... he is,” Roman spoke with a soft smile as he picked up his water to drink.

Then Remy interjected, “Is he as hot as you?”

Roman choked on his water and Dee held a hand to his veil, audibly stifling a laugh. “Like I said, this conversation has... _certainly_ begun!”

* * *

Dee led the squires through the castle after breakfast. The rest of their conversation had been very... enlightening. Dee had asked Remy what his definition of an attractive man was and the man had gladly obliged for five minutes straight, while Cyrus looked very uncomfortable.

Then Remy had turned the question on Roman, who blushed and dodged the question with, “I think Dee’s answer would be much more interesting!”

And to all the squires’ surprise, the man had complied and listed off less physical attributes and more personality based things. When Remy seemed to catch on to this, he asked Dee about it.

Dee had explained his answer like so, “An attractive person can be most any kind of person once you know their true character.”

That resonated with Roman and he hadn’t been able to stop staring at the man until breakfast was over, it was hard not to. He was already charming, polite and intelligent. Now he had revealed himself to be deep as well? 

Most nobles were the shallowest beings, and to find one such as Dee was eye opening.

Even now, walking behind him as Remy continuously spoke to Cyrus at the back of the group, Roman was unable to stop staring. Now because of a certain thought that had been bugging him.

With a glance behind at the two men that actually seemed to be talking with each other, Roman sped up his pace to walk beside Dee. The man seemed to tilt his head to look down at Roman, “Hello there.”

Roman nodded with a hesitant smile, “Hello...” He paused and then looked ahead as the words he wanted to say left him. It was silent for a few moments.

“Well this has been a wonderful conversation,” Dee remarked drawing Roman’s attention again, “so philosophical, analytical and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Roman surprised himself as he cut Dee off. 

The man huffed a laugh as he turned his head once again to look at Roman, “What is on your mind?”

Roman bit the inside of his lip before commenting, “I’m simply confused. Etiquette lessons were something I always took very seriously in my training to be a knight, however I’m sure that this ‘ten minute grace period’ never showed up in our lessons.”

“Ah, but it applies for _polite_ dining. I’m sure if you had trained instead to be a royal’s or nobleman’s servant, you would have been taught of it, no doubt about it.”

Roman paused for a moment, taking that statement in. He smirked, “So if I asked another noble about this rule, they’d concur about the existence of this grace period?”

Dee seemed to pause for a moment before chuckling deeply, Roman felt a shiver go down his spine. “Alright, you investigative squire, you caught me,” he admitted as he turned his head to face forwards again, “So what shall you do with this information? That I fabricated a rule of etiquette to get that downer off of your back?”

Roman chuckled, “Use it to have more casual conversations with you, I hope. Now that I know you seem to be a fan of sarcasm _and_ you lie to those who have annoyed you. I imagine you have many entertaining stories of other nobles that got on your bad side?”

Dee hummed thoughtfully, “I suppose so. But is that all? Will you not slander my name and call all nobles... deceitful pigs?”

Roman shook his head with a somewhat fond smirk, “Well, Dee. I don’t even know your name, and if I were to liken you to anything, it wouldn’t be a deceitful pig. No... you’d be a tall onyx tree, with black bark, leaves the color of pale milk with branches woven by golden vines standing tall in a field of plain oaks.”

It took the man a moment to realize what he’d just said, and he felt his face become hot as he stopped walking and looked at Dee. The man had also stopped walking and had turned fully to face him. Roman put his hands up as he tried to apologize, “I-I am _so_ sorry, Dee! I-I didn’t mean- I shouldn’t have- _So_ rude and forward of me, I cannot be more sorry-!”

“It’s fine,” Dee said quietly before turning and beginning to walk down the hall again at a faster pace, “Your first trial is this way.”

Roman reached after him and groaned as he slapped his own forehead, how stupid was he! Things had been going so smoothly, and Roman just _had_ to mess it all up! The man jumped as Remy threw an arm around his shoulder and frowned at him.

“Babe, what happened? What did you do? What did he do? You need to give me the whole rundown,” he spoke at such a quick speed that Roman could hardly keep up.

“Leave him be, he probably just humiliated himself,” Cyrus spoke boredly as he passed the two.

“I’m sure he didn’t, Cy,” Remy dismissed the idea.

Roman just shook his head as he gently removed Remy’s arm from him and began walking down the hall again, “No, for once, he’s right.” Remy didn’t approach him again.

He gripped at the red fabric tied around his arm as he sighed, wanting nothing more than to be home with his brother, who worked all week, hardly got any sleep yet still had time to help Roman with whatever he asked of him.

 _“No.”_

Roman straightened his back and felt his face harden as he could practically feel determination flowing into him, remembering why he was there. He’d make things right with Dee, work with Remy until Cyrus was no longer an issue and he _would_ be the king’s knight. He would stand and fight.

* * *

Little did Roman know how soon standing and fighting would _actually_ be occurring in this trial. He was excited yet the prospect of using real swords against the guards of the castle was daunting.

There were nine of them in total with their armor stripped and placed neatly on stands that had been dragged out to the courtyard in which they'd be fighting.

"You'll each fight three of the guards before you, one-on-one for the morning until we break for lunch. Each of them is trained in a different style of swordsmanship and hand-to-hand combat," Dee explained as he took three swords from a rack and handed them to each squire, "You get knocked down, you are allowed to stay down for two minutes. You stay down any longer and you'll be forced to stand to the side for twenty minutes, missing valuable training time."

Roman looked at Dee as he was handed his sword, he stood seeming to stare at him for a moment before looking at the other squires. "You have until noon, spend your time wisely."

Dee watched the squires fight from the sidelines, it was a sunny day and his all black clothing was helping him keep a lovely warm temperature. If he were anyone else he’d be sweating, which is why he imagined that onlookers stared at him strangely. Just another reminder that he’d never be normal. Dee felt another pair of eyes boring into his back and with practiced ease, slowly swivelled his head to stare at one of the servants waiting to the side. They were there in case any of the guards or more likely, the squires got injured and could not continue fighting.

The servant that had been staring had dark hair that hung over his eyes but Dee could still see his eyes widen and go to the ground as he realized that he had been caught. The seer huffed out a breath in irritation before turning back to the courtyard.

Cyrus was a calculating fighter, he watched for openings, weaknesses and then attempted to exploit them. His only problem was, this process took too long. In the heat of battle, strategy was important, but whichever fighter came up with the best strategy _first_ was often the victor. The squire was currently trying to deflect multiple quick blows from a guard, being pushed further and further back being allowed no opportunity to strike back. He’d been knocked down four times and had jumped right back up, driven by anger to beat his opponent. He was much too hotheaded as well.

Remy knew the importance of speed, and his small size helped him with that. He was acrobatic and was a genius at maneuvering out of the way of blows, but lacked the strength needed to escape or properly block blows he couldn’t dodge. He was currently lying on the ground after having been knocked down a third time, breathing and making the most of his allotted two minutes as he verbally counted the seconds. He’d soon stand and be ready before he was forced to stand to the side.

Roman was... 

Truthfully it pained Dee to watch Roman fight as he had to admit the squire seemed to be the happy middle between the other two squires. He’d been looking for evidence to discount the squire, but alas, he was able to duck, dodge and roll out of the way of blows he knew he wasn’t strong enough to block. He also had a strong offense, attacking quickly and taking his opponents strengths and weaknesses into mind. He in fact, got a bit too cocky sometimes, which got him knocked down a few times. He wouldn’t immediately stand, taking a moment to catch his breath before visibly shaking out his limbs and standing, ready to go again.

Dee sighed as he watched the man and felt something burning in his chest. He knew what Roman had said previously had bothered him, but why? Because it seemed too forward? Dee didn’t care about that, no. 

Because it seemed insincere? No, Dee could tell the man had meant every word.

Because if Roman knew the truth, he wouldn’t have said such a thing? Exactly.

Still, why did Dee still have this feeling in his chest? He usually had no problem pushing such things from his mind, they were unimportant, unnecessary for a creature such as him. He winced silently as he realized his thoughts were echoing words that had been spat his way when he was younger. They were hard to ignore.

But still, he’d only met the man yesterday and there was something about Roman that just seemed...

A clash of metal followed by a cry pulled Dee out of his thoughts and he almost regretted not having paid attention for the last minute. He expected someone to have been hurt but no, his mouth opened in a silent gasp.

There stood Roman, looking ecstatic as he looked down at the guard that he had knocked down. The other two groups had stopped in their fights to look over in awe. Remy, however exhausted, looked proud and gave a thumbs up to Roman. Cyrus seemed furious, and immediately looked away as he realized what had happened.

Dee closed his mouth and without realizing it, he smirked, pleasantly surprised.

Roman shook his head and transferred his sword to his non-dominant hand to offer his hand to the guard. The guard took his hand and stood before grinning and clapping Roman on the back. The squire hissed and muttered an “ow” before grinning back.

Dee felt eyes on his back, but they were unlike the observers he was used to. He frowned as he approached just a few steps to speak, “Very impressive, squire Roman. Now, you all have approximately twenty more minutes until this training period is over. I’d suggest you concentrate on whatever other skills you can hone within that time period.”

The squires and guards all nodded and went back to work, but Dee still received a grin from Roman that gave Dee the word he’d been thinking of earlier.

There was something _gravitational_ about Roman, that made Dee want to be as close to him as possible. It felt good to talk to him, however guilty it made him.

 _“No, you can’t be guilty. Monsters don’t have the capacity for guilt,”_ Dee’s mind hissed at him and he shook the thought away with great difficulty by repeating like a mantra in his head, _“I am not a monster. I am not a creature. I am me.”_

Soon the awareness that he was being stared at subsided and with that, went the intrusive thoughts at the back of his mind. Dee breathed evenly, sure that no one had even seen a physical difference with his momentary lapse in awareness. He’d honed that talent long ago, keeping it all inside.

Dee turned his head to look at the servants lined up nearby once more and saw the man that had been looking at him before. He remembered that servant to be the one that Roman had given his letter to for his brother.

“You there,” Dee called pointing at the man so he knew he was being addressed, “Are you the servant assigned to squire Roman?”

The man flinched - as all the servants had done - when Dee spoke and hesitantly nodded as he kept his gaze to the ground. “Y-yes, Seer,” the man answered.

Dee waved him over to stand by him as he continued to watch the squires spar, Remy and Cyrus were working twice as hard now, trying to match Roman’s feat. But even Roman hadn’t let his victory go to his head, he was trying and not getting lazy.

“What is your name?” Dee asked.

“Virgil, Seer” the man quietly answered. 

Dee rolled his eyes so hard it was hard to keep his head still, but he managed. He hated being so imobile all the time, moving his body was more comfortable and he really needed more than just his voice to express himself. But _no_ , he just had to be _this_ right now. A boring stuffy noble.

He instead sighed, “Please call me Dee when we are not in the presence of the king.” He didn’t need to look down to know Virgil had nodded, “What do you think of your charge, the squire?”

“As in... As a person or a potential knight?”

“Yes,” Dee smirked down at Virgil though he knew the man couldn’t see it, “And I know that is a frustrating answer, but please forgive me. I like to be thorough.”

Virgil seemed to try and not glare at him before looking towards the courtyard where Roman was fighting, “He’s dedicated, which I think... I think it’s good for him to be so as a person and a knight. He cares for his brother and... I think he’s doing all this for him.”

Dee blinked hard at the man, “You do?”

Virgil glanced at him before nodding towards Roman, “I mean... Yes. He’s still got that length of fabric around his arm even though he knows it could get damaged. He protects it whenever a strike gets too close to it. I think it represents his brother in a way.”

Dee hummed thoughtfully as he watched Roman, he thought that he’d noticed Roman’s fighting get particularly aggressive when a blow went towards his left arm. He then looked down towards Virgil, surprised that _he’d_ picked up on it as well. “Have you, brothers of your own?”

Virgil huffed a laugh, “No. I just... always wished I did have some. Brothers, sisters, but it was always just me. ”

The comment hit close to home for Dee. How much less would he have suffered had he had siblings? Then again, with his parents, who was to say they wouldn’t have made Dee suffer _more_? There was no reason to wonder about how such things would have changed the man he was today. Dee nodded solemnly, “I understand. Now, please continue. I’m sorry I interrupted.”

Virgil shook his head dismissively and did so. It took a bit for him to relax and realize that Dee simply just wanted to converse with him as a person, not as a servant. But like the seer suspected, Virgil was surprisingly vigilant. Through talking he helped Dee realize that Roman looked more determined than yesterday or even that morning, and every once in a while, the squire would glance at Dee.

Dee supplied that it was possibly due to him not liking being stared at but was surprised when Virgil replied with the sassiest side eye Dee had ever seen. Virgil had a different theory, “He’s trying to prove something to you, maybe. Did you call him weak or something?”

“What? No, never. I just,” Dee sighed, “He complimented me and I didn’t know how to respond.”

“Did you say that?”

“ _Yes_ , then I did an entire musical play in the hallway explaining the entire emotional plight raging in my head.”

“...You walked away.”

Dee bit his lip, “Yes, I walked away.”

Virgil smirked, “Well in _that_ case, if I complimented someone, they didn’t respond and walked away and _then_ I had to fight a bunch of guards...”

Dee rolled his eyes, “You are _not_ about to psychoanalyze a man you met just yesterday afternoon.”

“I’d want to apologize. He might be saying he’s sorry,” Virgil continued on like he hadn’t heard the man.

Dee snickered, “Why would _he_ apologize?”

“You’re a noble, and being too upfront with a noble can insult them... If you weren’t replying to me so casually, letting me call you by a nickname of sorts, I’d be responding with as little words as possible and I’d only mean a few of them,” Virgil admitted as he looked up at Dee. He gave a little smile, “As a noble or not though, you seem like a good man, Dee.”

Dee felt his throat clench for a moment before he cleared it as he uttered, “That’s not true...”

Dee reached into a pocket to pull out a pocket watch. “You can go back, it is nearly time for lunch,” Dee dismissed Virgil, “But... thank you.”

Virgil nodded and with a little smirk stated, “Maybe try responding like that, next time you don’t know how to react.” He returned to the line of servants.

Dee stared after him for a moment before he opened his watch and nodded, tucking it away to walk towards the fighting matches. “Cease sparring!”

It took only a few seconds for this to happen but right at the last second, Remy hit the guard he was fighting with a blow he couldn’t really stop in time. The guard lost his footing and fell.

Dee hummed with interest. The rest of the guards and squires seemed confused for a moment before they laughed as Remy apologized with a wince to the fallen guard. Said guard stood and gave Dee a nod before stating, “He got me, Seer.”

Dee nodded, “Indeed he did.” He was glad his face was covered at times like this so he could glance over at Cyrus without drawing attention and see his outraged expression. Poor boy. “Let us get you all inside, fed, cleaned and healed, yes?”

Remy had beaten a guard and so had Roman, Cyrus was not doing so well but it was still only the first day. Four more to go. Dee personally thought the man would do better as a tactician, but it was not his call who stayed and who left. 

* * *

Roman smiled at Virgil as the purple glow around the man’s hands dimmed, the servant removed his hands from Roman’s lower calf where he’d been cut. All that was visible now was a light line of bruising and all Roman could feel was a light burning sensation. “Don’t scratch the mark,” Virgil shook his hands out before noticing Roman staring at him with rapt interest, “Wh-what is it?”

Roman shook his head, “I simply find the magical arts fascinating. It’s amazing that you can do such things, Virgil.”

Virgil’s cheeks gained a bit of color as he looked to the side, “It’s nothing.” He stood and began gathering the torn and dirty clothing on the bed and in the laundry basket. 

“Don’t be so humble! Only, what, one in a thousand people are capable of the gift? And from what I’ve studied, even when capable, it takes much skill and control to use magic in the particular way the user wants to,” Roman complimented as he stood to grab the food on his bedside table to finish what was left of his dinner.

After their trial today, Roman’s wounds had been bandaged and he’d been told to take lunch in his room. He’d been visited by Remy at least once, but very briefly. The two had congratulated one another for their feats and Remy recalled Cyrus’ expression as being “priceless”. Roman just listened for a moment before suggesting the man head back to his room, as he looked to be in pain. Remy listened after bidding him a good night and “pleasant dreams”, to which Roman had nearly thrown a pillow after the laughing squire.

Roman finished what stew was left in his bowl and placed it to the side, “To think that the king has such talent as you, and you’re just a servant... Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” He _really_ needed to stop putting his foot in his mouth.

Virgil shook his head, “It’s fine, but yeah. His majesty only keeps me around because of it. I’m not... Responsible enough to take on a position like “royal healer”, so here I am.”

Roman looked at him, “Would you _want_ a job like that?”

Virgil pulled a face as he folded Roman’s clothes, “That... seems like a lot of work. And to be honest, I do not like to work hard.”

“But you could?”

The man paused for a moment before continuing the task in front of him, “I could bear to take on more responsibilities... I guess.”

Roman gave him a smile, “I’m positive you could, Virgil.” He then looked to the side as he pulled his legs up so he was lying in his bed, “You’re sure nothing happened to the courier?”

It was getting late and no word of the arrival status of his letter had reached him. Virgil shook his head as he completed folding and placed the pile of folded clothes by the door, “I have not heard anything, my apologies.”

Roman shook his head without looking at him, “Not your fault.” He heard the dishes that had held his dinner being gathered and sighed as he thought of his brother. Roman was wearing his sleepwear so he wasn’t wearing the fabric that Remus had given him, and he felt the urge to reach over and grab it.

He felt somewhat silly, worrying so much. But he’d only been home for a week before coming to the castle. Usually he’d have two months with his brother before he had to return to knight training, and missing this time right now was almost physically painful.

A knock came at the door and Roman sat up quickly, hoping it was who he thought it was.

Virgil opened the door and seemed to smirk before looking back at Roman, “The Seer is here for you.”

The squire stood and brushed his hands over his sleep shirt with a nod, “Enter, please.”

Virgil let the door open before picking up the laundry and dishes that he’d expertly stacked with both hands and stood to the side, allowing Dee to walk in. The servant nodded to both of them, saying goodnight before he left.

Dee stood in place for a moment before turning to close the door. The room was thick with silence.

Roman clenched a hand into the hem of his sleeve, calling back his courage to help him speak. “I’m sorry, for what I said earlier.”

The seer half turned towards him, “Are you?”

He nodded slowly, “I am sorry that it seemed to cause you distress.”

“...But you meant it?”

Roman blushed and looked away, “Y-yes, I suppose, but that doesn’t excuse-”

“That’s what distressed me,” Dee stopped Roman from going on with his apology. The squire looked up at him, confused. The seer sighed, “You... you’re very heartfelt and strong Roman, even in your opinions. Despite the fact that we’ve known one another for only a day, yet you can still call me such... lovely things with no flattery in your words...”

Dee turned to face Roman fully and tilted his head downwards, biting his lip under his veil. “It’s embarrassing, I suppose. I don’t know how to respond to it and I don’t understand it,” he admitted.

Roman blinked wide before approaching the man, “So... you _weren’t_ insulted?” Dee shook his head, confirming Roman’s question. “And you really just left, because you didn’t know how to take the compliment?”

At that, Dee looked up, opening his mouth to deny that but then shut his mouth once again. He nodded, “Not a genuine one, no. And there’s also the fact that... you don’t even know what I look like, yet you compare _me_ to some scenery that sounds like it’s straight out of a storybook-! How _am_ I supposed to respond to something like that?”

Roman’s face became concerned as he raised his hands in front of him in a placating gesture before hesitantly reaching out to take one of Dee’s hands, “It’s okay. I’m sorry you’re so frustrated about this, it was not my intention to upset you in any way.” 

It was only after Roman had started softly speaking that Dee realized that his breaths were coming to him in shorter bursts, he was distressed and it was _showing_. Dee quickly pulled his hand out of Roman’s before straightening up, “It’s fine. I apologize for my overreaction, it was very unseemly of me.”

Roman’s eyes became a bit sad as he again, slowly reached for Dee’s hand. The seer didn’t pull away again and watched as the squire softly spoke, “You don’t need to do that.”

“Do what?” Dee’s voice was thick with confusion as to why this squire was still trying to connect with him... and why he was _letting_ him try again.

“Put on a show? Pretend like you don’t feel things? You seem to do it quite a bit, but in my humble opinion, I prefer it when you do feel things,” Roman stated.

Dee’s breath hitched and he felt his own hand tightening around Roman’s. He knew why he had let the squire try again to reach him, some part of Dee had _wanted_ him to. But dare he pull away again? Part of him also knew that he shouldn’t be doing this, that he needed to stick to the plan. He needed to _not_ get attached.

Roman sat him down on the bed, holding his hand. Dee glanced over to him and the squire smiled softly. _“Fuck it,”_ Dee thought, abandoning all the voices screaming at him from his mind.

“Why don’t I explain what I said to you, so you can understand what I see in you? If you have any questions, you can stop me. Does that sound good?”

Dee looked down to their hands and back up to Roman’s face, he nodded. “Yes, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I oop-.
> 
> Sorry Logan Stans for the... lack of Logan. I promise I'll try to give him more chances to appear in later chapters.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos! To keep track of updates drop by my tumblr theo-lord-of-love-and-rage to give it a follow and get out of context previews for the next chapter.
> 
> Patton now exists! ...Sorry Logan Stans. >->  
> Have any theories, questions, constructive criticism? Comment them below or send a message to my tumblr! ^0^


	3. Illuminated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... how'd it go?  
> ________________  
> Includes: Self deprecation, self-harm, description of injury, blood, intrusive thoughts, suicide mention

It was near one in the morning when Dee retired to his own room, his chest lightly aching. He hadn’t been hit, hadn’t eaten too fast when he’d eaten dinner, so _why_ was he in pain? He leaned back on his door, closing it before pushing himself forwards to go to the vanity. He stared at his dark form in the room only dimly lit by moonlight, but darkness had never really been an issue for him to see in.

Slowly, he straightened up and removed his veil. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and loosened the string holding his black shirt underneath closed. He looked down at his chest and found, like he thought, no physical indication that anything was wrong with him.

He looked at himself in the mirror, a scowl overtaking his expression as he reached up to touch the skin on the left side of his face. The cursed face that had cursed his entire existence from the moment he had been born.

“If only you knew,” he found himself speaking to the air as if the squire was there. His voice was resounding through Dee’s mind and he couldn’t help but recall the last two hours he’d spent in Roman’s room.

* * *

“Will you even be able to remember everything you said?” Dee had asked with slight amusement in his voice.

Roman shook his head, “I don’t need to, you’re right here in front of me, aren’t you?”

“Roman,” Dee groaned as he held his free hand up to his face, “please, _keep_ throwing compliments my way, I can certainly handle them!”

“Sorry, sorry! You’re right, couldn’t help myself!” Roman gave an embarrassed smirk before he gave Dee a once over, “I remember.”

Dee straightened up and placed his hand back down as he saw Roman’s eyes scan him over again before he began, “I likened you to a tall onyx tree because, well, you’re tall and wear all black. In my mind, I imagined that you’d have pale milk leaves because...”

Dee averted his gaze, “My complexion.”

Roman nodded, “Exactly, which is mostly covered, which is why the leaves are the color of your skin and the tree has the color that you wear. Then I couldn’t imagine you to be the same as other trees, that hang easy-to-reach fruit or seeds. So I imagined you’d be decorated in vines made of gold, like the accents on your clothes. And with all of that, don’t you think you would stand out in a crowd?”

Dee nodded, feeling his face especially become hot for some reason. “I suppose.”

“Then how else could I have described you _but_ standing in a field of plain oaks?” Roman seemed to ask without expecting an answer before lightly squeezing Dee’s hand in his, “Does... does that make more sense?”

Dee felt something flutter in his chest, he nodded. “I... I still don’t agree.”

Roman shook his head, “That’s fine. Like you said, we’ve only known one another for a day and a half. I could be wrong, in fact I probably am.”

The seer glanced at him and despite Roman not being able to see his face, he seemed to sense his confusion as he explained, “After all, only _you_ really know _you_. What I perceive or others perceive is irrelevant to who you are.”

Dee nodded and with an incredulous shake of his head he chuckled, “What are they teaching you squires in those training camps?”

Roman laughed and shook his head, “Nah, it’s all from my brother.”

That made Dee start and reach into a pocket, “That reminds me, I have... here.” He’d handed Roman a letter which made the squire’s face light up.

“Remus replied! Oh thank Gaia,” he accepted the letter letting go of Dee’s hand to do so.

Dee rubbed his gloved fingers together, feeling strange now that Roman’s hand was no longer there. “Apologies for not giving it to you as soon as I got here, it was my intention.”

“We got side tracked, I understand...” he trailed off for a moment, “How did you come to have it?”

Dee stood as he sighed, “Well I heard that your letter’s status was more or less unknown, so I had someone go expedite the process and had the courier stick around for as long as your brother needed to write a letter in reply, if he so wished.” He laughed when he saw Roman’s slight look of suspicion, “I just paid a little extra for their time. You should read it. But if you... don’t mind, I’d like to stay for a while longer.”

Roman tilted his head as he stood, “Have more questions?”

“Yes I... I do, but they’re unrelated,” a sinking feeling settled in Dee’s stomach as he said that.

Roman had allowed him to stay while he read his brother’s letter to himself, he’d laughed aloud quite a few times as he read through it. He’d told Dee that his brother had crammed so much onto one sheet of paper, it was impressive.

After Roman had finished reading, the squire had commented aloud to himself about wanting to write a letter to be delivered in the morning. The seer found himself helping the squire before he could really think about the time he was wasting.

In fact time hadn’t seemed to go by at all, when Dee checked his pocket watch as Roman laid the finished letter out to dry, it was past midnight. The squire had stared at him with wide eyes and apologized for keeping him up so late but Dee wasn’t having it.

“It seems I have the issue where I can’t take a genuine compliment while you apologize before it’s been made clear that a mistake has actually been made,” Dee commented before he hesitantly sat at the squire’s table for the second night in a row.

Roman made his way over to sit opposite him and Dee wished that time could continue to stay frozen like it seemed to in Roman’s presence and in Roman’s presence alone. But he forced himself to continue like the plan dictated, “I am going to ask some questions of you, Roman.”

He emphasized how important telling the truth once again, and just like last night, the seer asked his questions and the squire gave his answers.

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

“No.”

“Have you ever wanted to kill anyone?”

“No.”

“Would you kill someone for the king?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill someone for your brother?”

“Yes.”

“Would you kill your brother for the king?” 

The question that the squire seemed to struggle with the most, it provoked a visceral reaction from the man. It was to be expected, it was a cruel question. Dee took off a glove to hold Roman’s hand, calming him so he could give his answer.

“No.”

“Would you kill the king for your brother?”

This question Roman also struggled with, if only because Dee was watching and he felt tested. Dee assured him that he should speak from his heart.

“I would.”

The seer nodded but couldn’t bring himself to speak this time around when he calibrated with Roman. He’d lied again. Just once.

The squire’s pained groans started up and then subsided before Dee gently picked him up to put him in his bed. He’d lingered as Roman spoke to him, not mistaking Dee for his twin again as he muttered inane fragments of sentences to him as Roman’s hands softly grabbed at the seer’s sleeves. 

Dee sat there, unconsciously letting his magic flow through him and shine through his eyes as he stilled the squire’s hands, Roman seemed to be mesmerized by the glow and subsequently fell asleep.

Dee remembered that as soon as he’d calibrated with Roman, was around the time that his chest had begun aching like this. His magic had never caused such a side effect on him before.

“Wait...” Dee uttered to himself before thinking a little harder. Roman’s pained expression mixed with shock and tinge of betrayal. The phantom ache nearly felt worse for a moment. Dee leaned heavily on the vanity in front of him with a humorless laugh, “Ah, I see now.”

 _Guilt_. He’d never felt it so bad that he could physically feel pain before. He began pulling his thin-fabric gloves off and carelessly dropping them where he stood, shaking even though he wasn’t cold.

Dee caught himself staring at his reflection once more, “Serves me right, trying to be human, even for a little while and then just... reverting back to my monstrous ways. He opened up to me and I just let him _knowing_ what I was about to do and then I-!”

Dee punched the mirror, cracking it as he growled to the darkness of the room, “I hurt him, I hurt them, I manipulate and lie and poison _anyone_ that gets close.” It felt to him as if he was stating simple facts rather than putting himself down, he punched the mirror again.

“I’m poisonous,” the mirror cracked more with the next punch.

“Incapable of empathy or sympathy,” more cracking noises along with the hot pain in Dee’s hand was grounding.

“I hurt them- hurt _him_ ,” Dee’s bloody hand fell away from the mirror and landed on the vanity below.

He breathed deeply as he let his own words sink in, he clenched his hand as he glanced down, the pain of his fingers cut and splintered by the glass throbbed. He hissed in pain before shaking his hand out.

 _“So what are you going to do about it?”_ his internal monologue suddenly started, _“This is no way to carry on, you’ve spent too long on the fence.”_

Roman’s words echoed in his mind, _“After all, only you really know you.”_

His brow furrowed, and despite his current state of distress, the memory of Roman was encouraging. Dee’s eyes began glowing softly, illuminating the edges of the cracked mirror. He turned to go to the washroom, preparing for a long night.

He had some thinking to do.

* * *

Roman opened his eyes wide in his bed. Nothing had awoken him like yesterday, like Remy calling him or Virgil knocking at the door. It felt weird for the squire, but not unfamiliar. He sat up in his bed and groaned as the movement made him dizzy and for some odd reason, he remembered.

Last night, the night before last, the memories were no longer quite as nondescript. Dee’s questions that Roman could’ve sworn he’d heard the night before last, how Roman had given the same answers on both nights, the numbing pain that had followed the end of the short questionnaire and suddenly being in bed.

The squire moved to get out of bed before noticing, he was under the covers this time. With a distressed noise not unlike a whine, Roman moved the covers out of his way before standing as he paced the length of the room.

This made sense, some part of his mind supposed. He hadn’t remembered taking off his shoes, nor removing the red length of fabric from his arm nor actually getting in the bed from the first night. But _why_? How could Roman have forgotten that he couldn’t remember what had transpired?

But he remembered now, Dee’s bare fingers brushing his face as he laid in bed and- _“Not important right now, Roman!”_ He shook his head as the realization slowly dawned on him.

Roman had been far too naive.

He’d only met Dee two days ago now, who knew how conniving the man could really be? He’d already proven himself to be a masterful liar. The only reason that Roman had caught him the once is because the squire had confidence in his studies.

_“But our conversations yesterday and last night didn’t seem false.”_

He couldn’t base everything on one day of _seemingly_ genuine behavior.

_“What could he have gained by lying to me?”_

Appealing to Roman could have some unknowable benefit at a later date. But then another thought verbally manifested on Roman’s tongue, “Why me?” He stopped pacing. Wait.

What was it that Remy had asked him yesterday?

_“Did you happen to have a... strange dream last night?”_

Roman looked at the door, as if the other squire was still there. Remy seemed to have experienced the same thing and then hidden it. Did he remember only partially or did he have complete recall like Roman now seemed to?

One thing was for sure, Remy seemed to not be confident enough or trust Roman enough to talk about it. But who else was he to talk to? Cyrus and him weren’t exactly on good terms and even if they were, again, Roman had to stop being so naive. 

This was after all, the royal family’s home, the rulers of Sadaire who had done nothing to make life better on the streets nor in the homes of those who were just trying to cling onto what they had.

This was and always had been a cutthroat kingdom, and Roman was in the thick of it. He’d hoped that he’d found some sort of eye-of-the-storm here, clearly not. Even someone like Dee...

No... Roman remembered more. In his time with Dee in his room, as short as it had been, he recalled the words the seer had spoken to him in a haze. The seer had taken it upon himself to bid Roman to sleep, take care of him when he had been unable to move and lulled him to sleep with those-.

Roman realized the eyes he’d remembered from his “dream” yesterday, had been Dee’s, recalling the glimpse of the yellow eye he’d seen staring at him during their first meeting. The squire slumped back into a chair as he muttered, “He has magic, _of course_.”

A knock came at Roman’s door and Virgil spoke, “It is time for breakfast, squire Roman.”

Said man nearly opened his mouth to ask Virgil of something before closing it and deciding against it. “I will be out soon,” he instead replied as he stood and threw his sleepwear down to the ground.

Virgil seemed nice but so did Remy and Dee. Roman truly didn’t know who he could trust anymore, he had no true allies within these walls and wouldn’t until he began to get smarter about this. Besides, that was two people now within the castle walls that had magic. With the gift being so rare, there was no way that was a coincidence.

As Roman dressed, his eye caught the paper on his desk, a letter to his brother. He rushed over, arm halfway through his sleeve as he grabbed the quill laid to the side and turned the paper over. He quickly began to write. Once he was done the squire folded the paper and wrote his home address, where the one person he could confide in was.

* * *

Dee glanced behind him as he led the trio of squires towards the courtyard once again after breakfast. Cyrus was trying to stay at the back of the group but of course Remy couldn’t bear to leave the man’s side, seeming to enjoy either his company or his blatant annoyance at Remy’s company, far too much. This left Roman walking behind Dee, looking out the windows as they walked past them.

Dee yawned a bit into his hand, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to keep his eyes from watering up.

“Did you get enough sleep?” Roman asked as he was suddenly by Dee’s side. The squire glanced at the seer with a blank expression.

Dee knew that the memory of last night would be vague for Roman but this knowledge didn’t stop Dee from still feeling the guilt in his chest. The pain however had since alleviated since early that morning.

He shook his head, “I don’t need much to function, it’s fine.”

“So that’s a no, then,” Roman noted, “I just hope that it wasn’t because I kept you up for a while last night.”

Dee had to fight the urge to stop walking and look at the squire, “No... I simply had some thinking to do.”

It was normal, Dee supposed, for Roman to have remembered _some_ of the time they had spent together, it _had_ been over two hours of just the two of them. Dee’s small burst of magic could only do so much. But still, it was concerning that the squire’s recollection went as far to be able to recall how long Dee had stayed. It had only been when he was done helping Roman with his letter that the two had realized how late it was. After that...

The dull pain in his chest had made a reappearance. Dee sighed, “A _lot_ of thinking to do.”

“About us?” Roman looked up at Dee and the seer met his gaze.

“I... I’m sorry?” How perceptive _was_ this squire?

He pointed back towards Remy and Cyrus, “Thinking about us and how we did yesterday.”

 _Oh._ Dee tugged at the bottom of his veil, _“Don’t be stupid, of course he wasn’t talking about me and him.”_

Roman meanwhile had his own moment of self-scolding, _“He probably thought I was talking about last night again, don’t be stupid.”_

The squire shook his head to clear his thoughts as the seer seemed to be thinking. Dee looked his way a moment later, “Yes, I suppose. Today’s trial should give me more information to work with, however.”

“Can you give me a hint as to what kind of information we’ll be giving you?”

Dee looked forwards again and shook his head, “Sadly, no. On a completely unrelated note, how are your wounds from yesterday?”

Roman looked over himself, barely having remembered that he’d been wounded, “I don’t feel them, not even a bit actually.”

“You’re not numb though?”

“No.”

“Good. Forgive me for switching topics so quickly.”

Roman shook his head, unable to stop himself from smirking for a moment before he looked forwards. He had a feeling that Dee had lied again, but for the squire’s benefit.

Roman was trying to play dumb while also trying to trick Dee into giving more information or a reaction that would confirm Roman’s suspiscions, but it was tough. With his face covered and his mannerisms that Roman wasn’t used to as of yet. His only tell would be his voice and how he spoke, but the way he’d tugged at his veil had been interesting, Roman was sure that the man had never done that before. Was it a tell for frustration? Anger? Guilt? Or had the fabric simply been uncomfortable where it was hanging?

Roman noted that they were nearing the large doors that led out to the courtyard and had one more idea he could try. He rubbed the side of his head, “Though my head has felt strange since I woke up this morning.”

He was trying to get a reaction, but the reaction he didn’t expect was Dee suddenly quickening his pace to walk in front of Roman and lean over. It was not an unfamiliar position for Roman, staring up at the man, but even standing the seer seemed to loom over him. “Uh?” he stopped walking and heard the squires behind him also stop and quiet down.

Dee pulled a bit of his glove off to only expose his wrist before gently holding it to Roman’s forehead, “There’s no pain, is there?”

Roman tried to calm down, the simple action leaving his face hot. “N-no,” he uttered loud enough for only Dee to hear.

It was still for a moment and as Roman stood there, he could swear that he began to see two yellow points of light come into existence from beneath Dee’s veil. But just before he could visibly confirm anything for sure, the seer pulled his hand away. “You do feel slightly warm but it doesn’t feel like you have a fever or anything,” he turned to begin walking down the hall again, “Tell me if you begin to feel worse.”

Roman nodded dumbly and stood still for a moment before Remy came behind him and threw an arm around his shoulders. “Well looks like things are better between you two, and because I know you didn’t see that from the outside,” Remy glanced back at Cyrus before looking back at Roman, “that was cute as hell Ro-ro. I’m impressed, didn’t need my help after all.”

Cyrus stopped beside the two, looking unimpressed. “Did you sleep with him?”

Roman shook his head before doing a mental double-take, he looked over at Cyrus with a frown. “No, of course I didn’t. I know we don’t know one another, so I’ll educate you a bit. I’d never do that,” he spoke lowly.

Cyrus shrugged nonchalantly as he began walking again, “Whatever.”

Roman frowned and began walking himself, not sticking around to get pulled into a conversation with Remy. He had to keep his distance from him as well. His head felt less cloudy now, whether that was due to his reaction to Dee touching him or a spell the seer had used, he couldn’t think about it now.

He’d think about it and Dee’s reaction later, right now he had to focus on what was to come.

* * *

Roman grunted as he blocked a swing that came too close to his right shoulder. The guard he was fighting pushed his sword harder against his, grinding metal before suddenly pulling the sword away and swinging for Roman’s left leg.

Instead of fumbling to try and deflect with his balance already off, Roman leaned backwards and jumped, just able to get his feet under him once more. The guard’s swing had yet to fully carry through so Roman made the best of the distance and began charging the man.

Before the guard could bring his sword back to attack Roman again, the shorter squire had leapt at him, hooking his arm around the guard’s neck and using his momentum to pull the guard to the ground. Roman grunted as they both hit the ground and immediately flipped over, removing his arm out of harm's way and standing as he placed the tip of his sword at the guard’s neck before he could retaliate or get up.

Roman breathed heavily as the guard stilled and raised both of his hands, yielding. The squire breathed out a long breath of relief as he removed his sword and helped the guard stand up.

Today the squires were fighting one on one with the guards they’d personally struggled with the most in the day previous. In the afternoon after healing and lunch, they’d again be fighting. This time around there was no mercy rule, they either lost against their opponent or won, and then went again. Roman’s weakness apparently lied with experienced fighters, he supposed he’d trust that information, fighting had a way of making reflective thoughts near impossible for him to have. So Roman hadn’t remembered who exactly he did well or worse against. But one thought was on his mind currently, the afternoon fight. Dee hadn’t seemed to be able to give more information regarding that matter, however.

The atmosphere was completely different from the day before as well, due to the king being in attendance as he sat near the beginning of the courtyard with his advisor by his side. The two were in shade under the beaming sun being created by four servants as they held a tall tarp over them so they would not be uncomfortable in their seemingly continuous conversation. Anytime Roman had glanced over, the two’s mouths moved intermittently as they observed the fighting.

The guard that Roman helped up gave him a formal bow of his head and Roman returned it. “We go again in five, visit the healer,” Roman was told. The squire nodded and left the area in which he was designated to fight, ignoring the sting of the injuries he could now clearly feel now that adrenaline was wearing off. He decided to give Cyrus’ and Remy’s areas a glance as he went. 

Cyrus had been knocked over backwards as he’d been trying to grapple a guard and gave a cry of pain that Roman could hear from where he walked meters away. Roman couldn’t help but wince as he watched him stand once again only to be tackled by the guard and forced to yield. Roman frowned as the squire was helped to stand. Something was clearly wrong with his shoulder, he was hardly moving it. The guard Cyrus was fighting also noticed it and threw her sword down to grab his shoulder.

Roman looked away as Cyrus’ shoulder was relocated and tuned out the loud grunt and growl of pain the man let out.

Remy was doing better than yesterday, going on the more offensive side and using his speed to deliver quick blows, sometimes just as an insult to his opponent before dodging out of the way. His current fight seemed to have been going on for a bit and he seemed to have suffered some injuries, but not many. Either way, he was hanging in there.

Despite the fact that Roman was unsure if he could even trust Remy anymore, he felt pride in seeing him adjust to his weaknesses.

Right before Roman reached where Virgil was posted, sitting in a chair on the side, he had to pass Dee. 

He was standing at a position where he could watch the fights without being in the way. He didn’t look Roman’s way, and Roman didn’t expect him to. There was one thing for certain, when the king was present, _everyone_ was all business, which he supposed is how it should be.

Roman couldn’t yet determine Dee as just another corrupt noble with magic he used to maybe block his memories, he just couldn’t. And it wasn’t the fact that Roman found his very presence attractive that stopped him from doing so, it was Dee’s behavior in the nights and interactions like the one they’d just had in the hall.

_“Or maybe he’s just a sadist.”_

Roman rolled his eyes at his own thoughts, a sadist that seemed unable to stop himself from taking care of him. The idea seemed funny to the squire. 

Virgil nodded to Roman and stood as the squire came up to him, “You’re doing well. Where’s the most damage?” Roman began to show the bruised and bloody parts of his hands, forearms and legs from constantly getting thrown down on the rocky ground. The servant got right to work as he concentrated his magic on the wounds, “How much time?”

“Five minutes.”

Virgil cursed under his breath, “Of course.”

Roman thought for a moment before asking, “Did the squires from the previous weeks not do as well?”

“Not sure, they didn’t do this trial,” Virgil muttered and continued in his work unaware of Roman’s surprised expression, “There were ten of them the first week, the maximum number allowed dropped. There were eight the second week, the maximum number dropped once more and here we are with you three.”

That seemed strange to Roman, not seeing the benefit in cutting down in numbers before he thought of Dee and their nightly meetings. He’d likely done the same to Remy and even Cyrus, though Roman suspected the latter squire would never admit it even if he did remember. Who was to say that the squires of the previous two weeks hadn’t endured the same? And to what end?

There was something that Roman knew for sure, using magic required energy, concentration and health. Using magic on ten people for a week could have had a negative effect on Dee’s overall health and since the number had been reduced and then halved, it was probably safe for Roman to assume that the same occurred with eight people and they didn’t want to take a chance with six instead.

But who was this _they_? Roman couldn’t imagine Dee working alone, especially since he couldn’t imagine what benefit his answers gave to the seer. But who could be the man’s accomplice? Virgil? The King? There were far too many unknowns in this situation. Roman then felt very eager for the day to be over and hoped his brother’s letter would arrive by nightfall, he _needed_ someone he could trust here.

“Done, you have about a minute, go stretch out,” Virgil backed up a few steps as he held his head. He seemed dizzy but was able to get his balance back as he quirked a small smirk at Roman, “Don’t get as hurt this time please?” The servant almost sat down again before he spotted Cyrus making his way over and stayed standing.

Roman gave a distracted nod to Virgil before turning around to return back to his sparring area to do as he had suggested, ignoring Cyrus as the two passed one another. The squire was unaware that two eyes were following him as he went. 

Dee watched Roman without turning his head, the seer wouldn't let his body language give away anything right now. He was being watched. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the king raise a hand, Dee looked his way to see that he was being beckoned. _“Great,”_ he thought as he began making his way over.

He went around the chair that had been placed outside and passed the advisor giving him a nod. Logan returned the nod as Dee stopped to stand on the king’s left side, “Greetings. His majesty and I were simply speaking on the strengths and weaknesses that you observed yesterday.”

“My advisor has a few questions for you, Seer,” the king explained.

Dee nodded as he gave Logan a once over, “If we could be permitted to walk the area so I can continue my observations, I’d be more than willing, your majesty.”

“Permission granted,” the old king waved a dismissive hand. Dee frowned and nodded his head towards the courtyard.

“Advisor,” he prompted as he began to walk away. The other man dressed in all white with a dark blue collar adjusted his thin glasses as he followed.

Dee was glad to be away from the king, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about the man’s advisor. He’d never even spoken to him one on one before. Dee walked until the two were a safe distance away from the closest fighting area where the shortest of the squires was sparring, “So what are these questions that you have for me, advisor?” 

Said man barred his arms behind his back as he looked at Dee and spoke, “It is to my understanding that the amount of squires being allowed in every week was dropped from the perfectly reasonable ten that I suggested at the initial start of these trials. His majesty assures me to trust in your decision, however, I would like to understand the reasoning behind it.”

Dee gave a hum of understanding, “So you come to me despite his assurance?” He watched the man’s face in his peripheral vision.

Logan blinked and looked away before nodding and turning his head to look at Dee again, “Yes, even if his majesty trusts you, I am not obligated to share in his trust. I am his advisor, after all.”

The seer nearly laughed, the king, trusting him? He was just able to hold it together and keep the amusement out of his voice as he spoke, “Your attentiveness is admirable. I will explain my reasons with a question of my own. Take in our squire here, Remy Aldin of Winchester.”

Logan looked from the man next to him to the squire. He nearly leapt around the area, always leaving the guard spinning to find him. Whenever the young man had the guard’s back, he would attack viciously. “A quick-footed young fighter,” Logan observed before looking back to the seer, “is there some significance I am supposed to glean from that?”

Dee finally looked away from the fight to tilt his head at Logan, “Stop looking at me, if you want to discuss the squires, you might as well look at them, yes?” He watched the man blink wide as if he hadn’t considered that and slowly look over, the seer nodded in satisfaction. “Now, after yesterday when they fought multiple skilled people, I have gotten very interesting information about the men we have here this week. The first day was to get them out of their heads, this day is for us to _see_ what is in their heads,” Dee explained.

Logan’s brow furrowed, clearly not understanding. “As in what they’re thinking?”

The seer turned back to watch the fight, “I suppose, but more what drives them. Remy here, for example, is ambitious and strong willed. He’s young, gifted, he’s likely considered a prodigy in his hometown. If he were two years older, he’d have the others beat. But he saw an opportunity and he’s going for it, come what may.”

Logan looked over to him again, “And how would I observe that through watching him spar?”

Dee chuckled as he began walking again, “It’s in his eyes. Don’t be frustrated, reading people is either a gift or a skill.”

“Which of the two is it for you?”

The seer smirked under his veil, “ _Both_. Now, Cyrus Corsa of Vinder. Would you like to try and see what drives him?” He heard the advisor give a slight sigh, he was getting frustrated but keeping as professional as he could.

Cyrus was finally on the front foot, learning that his constant thinking wasn’t doing him much good in something that required instinctive reactions. “He seems frustrated, angry...” Logan gave a slight shake of his head, “Anger?”

“You’re getting better. But after yesterday, I can see more,” Dee noted, “He’s desperate, trying to prove something to someone or perhaps even himself. He also has a lot of self-hate in him, but I discovered that through interactions more than this.” Logan glanced over and Dee elaborated, “He’s closested and phobic.”

The advisor didn’t need more of an explanation as he followed Dee to the next area, “Roman of Sadaire.”

Dee glanced back at Logan, “This one has your interest?”

The man shook his head, “No, it will simply be a complicated matter pulling his and his brother’s records up to elevate their status and give them a family name. If he does succeed, that is.”

Dee frowned a bit, knowing of Roman’s status as an orphan. He’d known as soon as he heard Logan announce him from the room in which Dee had been waiting. No last name meant no roots. Though he was sure that the squire was hardly at fault, this place had never been kind to orphans. “Yes, I suppose so. What do you see in him, besides an orphan? What drives Roman?” Dee prompted trying not to dwell.

Logan watched Roman fight for a long moment, trying to observe as much as he could. This “reading” of people surely couldn’t be that complicated? He saw the red fabric tied around the man’s arm, tied tightly so nothing would remove it and had yet to be damaged since he’d first arrived. The advisor blinked wide, “Family. His brother.” He looked over to the seer, who nodded.

“Exactly, not one power hungry bone in his body despite his misfortunes. And despite not having any roots, he has someone to fight for.”

Logan nodded, feeling somewhat proud that he was correct this time. He then gave a slight frown, “How does this justify the decrease in applicants? I have yet to see your reasoning, seer.”

Said man gestured to the courtyard before them, silently prompting the advisor to look once more. “My question that I ask you, to answer your initial question, advisor: With ten men or eight men, how would I have been able to take the time in this week to properly know more than one or two even slightly relevant facts about them? I need this small sample size to more accurately take in each of these men’s capabilities, not only as fighters, but as potential knights with strong characters and bonds.”

As the advisor looked across the area and took in this information, he felt a slight swelling in his chest. He looked back towards Dee and gave a curt nod, “You have given me much to think about, I understand. Even if this week fails to yield promising results, I will not question the number of applicants again. Yet I beseech you not to ask his majesty to lower it any more than four.”

“Of course, advisor. I am quite content with this sample size,” Dee said before looking at Roman as he fought determinedly, “Though I’m unsure if this will last for much longer.” He smirked.

* * *

Cyrus, Remy and Roman stood lined up outside the courtyard that afternoon. All of them had been healed, fed then told to stand as Dee met with the king as his advisor. The squires would again be observed by the king as they fought using a larger area yet they still had no details as to what they would specifically be doing, which was more or less anxiety inducing.

Virgil was again sat in a chair to the side, now under a tarp of his own with a glass of water in his hands. He’d nearly passed out multiple times earlier and Dee had noticed. He wasn’t about to have their only healer unconscious and someone bleeding to death in the yard. So the seer had made sure to speak with the king about making sure the servant was taken care of.

Roman really hoped that Virgil wouldn’t have to do much this afternoon, the man looked more pale than usual and already close to fainting even in his chair. He watched as the man took another gulp of water from his cup, something sparkled in the shade of the tarp, but it was gone a moment later as clouds came over head to block the setting sun.

Dee made his way over to stand in the courtyard in front of the squires, making all of them start to pay attention. “This afternoon fight will be a one on one fight between two squires, followed by the victor of the two who will face the top squire,” he pulled a paper out from behind his back and Roman’s face hardened as he awaited the names, “Cyrus Corsa of Vinder and Remy Aldin of Winchester. Whichever of you prevails will fight against the top squire, Roman of Sadaire, as has been decreed by his royal majesty, King Atroa.”

It took a moment for Roman to comprehend that the king had just declared him the best squire of the group. It then took all of Roman’s hard-learned discipline to not jump up and down in excitement and keep it contained for the king that he knew was watching and the seer in front of him. He’d still have to fight the victor, there was no telling how this would turn out. He also fought the urge to glance to his right to see his fellow squires, having a pretty good idea of what their facial expressions were in his mind. Remy, reluctant but calm acceptance. Cyrus, pure rage disguised as acceptance.

“The fight will take place under the following rules, fight until your opponent yields, is unable to stand or I call the match. No killing blows, use only honorable combat,” Dee explained as he backed outside of the fighting area, “You must best your opponent three out of five matches before you are declared the winner of the entire fight. Pick your weapons here.”

It surprised no one when Cyrus picked the long sword that he’d been using this day and the previous, but Remy’s selection of a short sword was interesting. Dee saw it as a smart choice for the man, while he wouldn’t be able to reach Cyrus as easily, his movement would be less encumbered by the lighter weapon. And once he got in close? It would be Cyrus’ disadvantage then.

Roman gripped his fingers into his own sleeves as he watched the two take their places opposite one another and bow, he had to use this opportunity to observe how they fought, it would give him the advantage when he later fought the victor.

* * *

It was alarming how fast Remy moved when he was trying to get close, he’d rush for Cyrus’ open left side and once he saw Cyrus move to face his left, Remy would stop on one foot, pivot and then go for the man’s now completely open right side. It was how he’d won two of the rounds so far, but it was also how he’d lost his first.

Cyrus had started to catch on and become a sentinel where he stood, not moving until Remy was well within reach for him to throw the man off his balance. Roman had winced from the sidelines when Cyrus had punched the man in the chest as he tried to retreat and then pinned the smaller man under his knee, winning his second round.

It was at this point that Remy seemed to continue on with his tactic of rushing in from one direction but didn’t try to switch directions at the last second, willingly going within Cyrus’ range. The taller man swung his sword at Remy’s exposed back, but missed as the squire suddenly crouched, effectively dodging before shooting up and headbutting Cyrus’ chin. The two fell and Remy held his sword to Cyrus’ throat.

“Cease! Point to Remy Aldin,” Dee called the match.

Remy stood and backed away, his head and body ached but he still found it in him to smirk at Cyrus. With a growl, the taller squire stood and readied his blade again. He swung vertically at Remy, which the man was able to side step. Any other round and Remy would have rushed right in at the opening, but if he won this round, Remy would win the fight. He had to be cautious.

Roman frowned as he watched, he could tell that Remy wasn’t letting his chance of winning get to his head, but Cyrus was getting more aggressive by the second. Swinging more, thinking less, giving Remy plenty of openings to go for. The latter squire stopped after another barrage of missed or blocked swings and smirked.

“You know, you don’t have to try so hard, Cy,” Remy began as he started circling the man, “If you lose you still got an amazing opportunity, learning experience. Plus...” The man gave a grin, “You’ll have a connection in the castle, and I’ll make sure to make time for you when you need something.”

That _really_ set Cyrus off, and it was just what Remy needed to break through his reckless attacks, cut his hand and punch the man in the gut. It wasn’t enough to bring him down so Remy stepped out of the way before bringing the pommel of his sword down on Cyrus’ head, making his body crumple to the ground before Remy held his blade over the man’s head.

Dee raised a hand, “Cease! Match point to Remy Aldin.” He nodded to the squire who retracted his sword and bowed to him.

Remy looked down at Cyrus as he tried to stand and offered a hand to him. For a long moment, the fallen squire glared at the hand before turning his head. With a roll of his eyes, Remy let his hand come back to his side as he turned. “Alright, Cy. Just because you don’t admit that you like men, doesn’t put you above me,” he said like a reminder as he walked away.

It all started to go wrong, Roman saw it before Remy did. Cyrus had grabbed his sword and stood, he was holding it straight at his side. Roman didn’t think, he broke into a sprint as he saw the sword aimed for Remy’s torso, it’d be a killing blow. Cyrus was further away than Remy was, Roman was the closest one to Remy, he’d have to be quick. 

Remy glanced back just a little too late, he heard Cyrus roar just as Roman crashed into him, tackling the smaller squire out of the way. A second later hot white pain ripped across and up Roman’s back. He gritted his teeth in pain as he hit the ground.

“Roman!” Remy shouted as he turned to hold the man up that was covering him with his body. The man’s eyes were wide, he seemed to let out a silent wince as his arms gave out underneath him. Remy then saw the large bloody cut that started from the bottom right of Roman’s back that went to his left shoulder, quickly leaking blood. Remy breathed in and out in short bursts as he looked towards where the healer was already rushing over, “Shit, hurry!”

Roman heard Remy talking softly to him as he laid in the man’s lap. With his head to the side, Roman could clearly see the reason that Cyrus hadn’t fully run at least him through.

Dee held Cyrus’s uninjured wrist in one hand and his throat in the other. Despite the squire only being a few inches shorter than Dee, the seer was able to lift the man several inches off of the ground. “Drop. It,” he growled as his grip tightened on Cyrus’ wrist, “Or I will break you.”

With a croaking grunt of pain, Cyrus dropped the sword, yet Dee didn’t let go of him. He looked back at Roman, the squire’s eyes half open as he stared up at him, his shirt staining red even as Virgil healed as fast as he could. Dee tightened his grip and Cyrus choked and began to claw at his arm and kick his dangling legs, trying to free himself.

“You fool,” Dee whispered though he wasn’t sure who he was talking to as he ignored Cyrus’ struggles.

“Seer. Drop the man before he passes out if you please,” the king’s order nearly made Dee growl. He did as he was told, weakening his grip until the man unceremoniously crashed to the ground, wheezing and coughing as he was hauled up by several guards. The king walked up to the scene with his advisor in tow, “What a disappointment. Take him to the dungeon and get our healer some revitalizing potion, I’d hate to lose either of these promising men today.”

Dee nodded as he found himself, for once in agreement with the man as he went to quickly get the potions for Virgil. Roman watched him go through his blurring vision, his black silhouette getting smaller and smaller in the orange glow of the sun. A black ember lost in an inferno.

* * *

All that registered when Roman awoke was pain. Pure, back-arching _pain_. Though with his particular wound, arching his back was very likely a bad idea. His head was pounding as he gave a small groan.

“Ro-ro, hey,” Remy’s voice was small but close, “Here, have some water.”

He felt the cool glass press to his lips and slowly get tilted for him to slowly swallow the drink, it thankfully soothed his dry throat. Once he was done he opened his eyes to look at Remy, eternally grateful that there was only one candle lit in the room, knowing anymore light would kill his eyes. He looked at the squire and smirked, “Have you been crying?”

Remy pointedly looked away as he wiped his eyes, “I was _sleeping_ , you woke me up is all.”

Roman simply nodded with a small smile, “Of course. Are you injured?”

He looked taken aback before becoming angry, “Am I- am _I_ injured! ...Shut the fuck up Roman.” There wasn’t much venom in his voice.

Roman sighed, unoffended and knowing it was best not to respond. He looked around and then at himself, he was in his room and shirtless in the bed. His torso was covered in bandages and he again looked around to find what was missing. The red length of fabric sat folded on his bedside table, the sight was both a relief and a painful one as he wished his brother was there with him. He almost asked if there had been a letter for him but found himself without words as he looked at Remy again.

He was crying, not making any noise as the tears fell down his face. He noticed Roman staring at him before opening his mouth to say something and then closing it again. Remy slowly turned around, “I... I was going to betray you after all of this.” The news wasn’t exactly shocking but it was still strange to hear the man audibly state it, “After the asshole was gone and we had talked more, I was going to get manipulative and trick you so I could win.”

Roman nodded before remembering that the man wasn’t facing him, “I had a feeling, but thank you for telli-.”

“Wasn’t finished,” Remy turned around as he sniffed his tears finally stilled, “I’ll actually leave you alone for the rest of this, Ro-ro. That way you know I’m not using you, and I’m _actually_ your friend, even if you don’t accept me as one. I’d understand if you don’t, but _no one_ risks their life for me and then gets disregarded like they don’t mean anything.”

Roman’s mouth pulled into a thin line and he nodded, “Thank you, Rem.”

Despite the atmosphere in the room, Remy grinned. “Aw, a nickname? Thanks Ro-ro,” he reached down to hold Roman’s hand to give it a squeeze before heading for the door, “I’ll go, need to let them know you’re awake.”

Roman gave a small wave as the man left before sighing as he stared at the ceiling above him. That had been stupid, _incredibly_ stupid. _“What would have happened to Remus if I had died? Would he go on or would he just-”_ Roman tried to stop the train of thought but it was too late.

His brother in his ramblings of rather disturbing subjects would often bring up his own death, wondering how he’d die and such things. Things that Roman supposed everyone thought, but they more often than not kept in their minds. _“What if I had chopped my hand off instead of that venison meat? What if I had tripped down the stairs and folded up like an accordion? What if I hadn’t stepped out of the way of that carriage in time?”_ thoughts like these Roman could hear Remus saying as if he were there in the room with him. But the one thing he never wanted to hear his brother say again, was what Remus would do without Roman.

_“And if you died... I’d go to the ocean, go to a cliff and throw myself off of it.”_

A knock at the door tore Roman from the harrowing and vivid vision in his head of his brother falling to his death, to say the least, he was glad for the interruption. “Enter.”

He wasn’t surprised to see Dee enter the room, but was surprised as the man quickly closed the door and immediately came to his bedside. “Do you know, exactly, _how_ idiotic that was? It wasn’t like there were _ten_ guards out there that could have handled it just fine without you nearly dying,” the rushed speaking of the seer was unfamiliar yet it only betrayed the man’s concern.

Roman reached a hand out to grab one of the seer’s sleeves and smiled, “It _wasn’t_ like I was in the best position to do something before them.” Dee was silent for a moment and Roman let go of him, “If I hadn’t, Remy would have suffered far worse and actually died since he’s smaller and has less blood to be able to lose.”

It took a moment for the seer to sigh and straighten up before he spoke more calmly, “Don’t steal the sarcasm, that’s my territory.”

“Because you invented it, of course.”

“Thank you for the acknowledgement,” Dee said with a hum as he reached into a pocket, “Also, before I forget. Your brother replied.” He held the letter up between two fingers.

Roman nodded towards the bedside table before giving a slight smile, “Thanks. Now, how bad are my wounds? I haven’t tried to move, but it hurts like hell. And also, how is Virgil?” He’d just remembered the servant that must have been exhausted after treating him.

Dee placed the letter down before sitting on the side of Roman’s bed. “Virgil is resting and should be back in commission by tomorrow afternoon or evening. Your wounds are actually, you’ll find, all fixed. It was simply, with Virgil’s state as it was, he couldn’t dull the pain of being nearly bisected by a longsword.”

Roman nodded for a moment before sighing, “You saved me.” He couldn’t help but sound a little confused, this _was_ the man that had come to his room two nights in a row, asked him horrible questions, hurt him and repressed his memories. At least Roman _thought_ it was the same man, he seemed so different when he wasn’t doing those things, could people really be that two-faced? Remus seemed to believe so.

Dee hummed before he spoke, “I _wasn’t_ in the best position to do something either.” He smirked and somehow Roman could feel it, the squire smiled softly in return, despite his lingering doubts.

“You lifted Cyrus off the ground,” he started, “You’re funny, intelligent, graceful, _and_ you can lift a man your size with one hand.”

Dee nodded, “Your point?”

“Just saying, be careful around Remy, he already likes you and you’re just proving to be more and more eligible,” Roman stated with a laugh.

Dee actually laughed with him, “Oh yes, I’m _guaranteed_ to have him in my arms soon. Forget his prince charming who saved his life who he already called hot.”

Roman shook his head and winced as his laughs pulled at his wounds, but regardless, laughed with Dee before they calmed down. The seer seemed to look back at him, “I need to ask you some questions before I leave you for the night.”

The little sense of peace left Roman as he heard that, he frowned. “I’m feeling tired, can we do that tomorrow?” he closed his eyes and let his head sink into his pillow. Damn his doubts for being founded.

“Sadly, no. Believe me, I don’t want to either, “ Dee commented.

“Then don’t.”

Dee frowned, this was already hard enough when the man agreed, he supposed after today’s events that convincing Roman would be more difficult, but he _needed_ to do this. “I’m under orders from the king to ask, Roman.”

Roman felt his fingers dig into the covers beneath them, “Can’t you just fabricate my responses? Just yes, no answers, right?”

“...How did you know that?”

Roman blinked wide and he looked over to the seer who slowly stood up to face him, “I didn’t know, I guessed.”

The silence in the room was thick with tension as Dee uttered, “You’re lying.” It wasn’t a question, and Roman didn’t try denying it. He’d fucked up and fucked up _bad_. If he knew things that he shouldn’t there was no guarantee that he’d leave this room alive, and he was too hurt to defend himself.

Dee was suddenly leaning over him placing a hand on the headboard above Roman’s head as two points of yellow light began glowing from under his veil, the squire’s breath hitched in fear. The seer spoke slowly and calmly, “Roman, how much do you remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You done fucked up Ro-ro.
> 
> Hey Logan stans... ya happy? Because I am! First time writing for Logan so I hope I did him justice. Also, Cyrus finally went off and Remy has had some development!
> 
> Comments really help in drive for this story but I know how hard it is sometimes to think of something, so I'll ask you a question to help! Answer if you can please. ^-^
> 
> Chapter Question: What moment in this chapter impacted you the most?


	4. Relation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsewhere and many hours ago...  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Sexual references, referenced consensual underage sex, referenced underage prostitution, referenced physical abuse, referenced possessive behavior, reference to abortion and dated gender roles/expectations (tell me if I missed anything!)

Roman seemed so small in the covers swaddled around him as he laid asleep on the mattress without a bed frame to keep it off of the floor of their house, he groaned lightly as he shifted. Remus watched his brother through the smoke he exhaled through his nose, weed always helped calm him down after such a shit day. He was running low though, he was always running low. Roman hated the smell but agreed that Remus seemed to do better when he smoked it, he even helped collect some so Remus wouldn’t lose a job again.

They were so close to getting out of this house, out of this prison with reminders of the poison memories that made Roman smile then cry at the reality that they were nothing but fake. Wonderful, fake times.

Remus needed to get Roman out, he couldn’t let his brother hurt anymore. They were nearly eleven and soon Remus would be able to lie and tell the local butcher that he was twelve and knew his way around a knife. Then he’d get Roman out of here, so he’d never be like him, so he’d stay as pure as possible, so he wouldn’t grow up to betray him just like-.

Roman made a noise, pulling Remus out of his spiral. He put down his pipe as he made his way over to the bed, “Ro-bro?” He didn’t look like he was having a nightmare, but his expression was hard as he rocked back and forth in his cocoon of blankets.

“Dragon witch...” Roman muttered as he kicked softly, “Don’t take my...toes, no.” The little boy whined and Remus snickered.

The dragon witch had been a long-lasting imaginary friend of Roman’s, but he hadn’t brought it up in years, Remus had assumed that the creation had been forgotten. Apparently not to the boy’s dreams.

The boy laid down next to his brother and began poking him in the nose, trying to get him to sneeze. He yelped and laughed when Roman woke up and promptly chomped down on his finger.

* * *

“Remus, you lazy ass! Wake up!” a gruff voice grated on the man’s ears and he glanced over. His boss, Bruno stood in the doorway of the backroom in which Remus worked.

The man stood from his chair with a grin, “I did the meat pounding already Brun! Not the fun kind, but hey, who’s judging either way right?” He pointed out the bowl of ground meat and then gave a shrug, “And I was _not_ sleeping!”

Bruno gave a scowl, “You’re a terrible liar.” He had Remus as an employee for near nine years now, he was used to his... everything, but it made the man no less of a hassle to deal with. But he’d learned early on, arguing only made him more annoying, as the tangents Remus went on were enough to make Bruno go straight home after work to drink himself to sleep and forget them.

Remus watched him with wide eyes as he went to go grab the bowl of meat, “Or maybe I’m actually a great liar and pretended to be a bad liar, so you’d never know if I was telling the truth when I actually am.” He grinned at the look he received, “Ya’ never know, Brun.”

Said man rolled his eyes but didn’t comment. “I need you to make a few deliveries and then you’re done for the day,” he then stopped Remus before the man could react with more than an offended gasp, “and _no_ , it’s not because you’re driving me up the wall or getting fired. I’ll be closing up shop early today.”

That seemed to settle Remus down but fired up a whole new conversation, “Oh, don’t tell me. You’re going hunting or better yet, manhunting that scoundrel that screwed your wife?”

Bruno turned around and began walking to the front of his shop with Remus following close behind him, “Marigold and Harry are in a lovely relationship that I’m fully aware of and agreeable with. Maybe spread that information in the streets when you go out this time so people will shut up with their rumors?”

Remus snorted a laugh, “I can sure try! But you know this place _breathes_ rumors, yes? People would sooner believe that your beautiful Goldie is a beached siren that lures men to their death.”

Bruno stared hard at Remus, “But neither of us are dead?”

The man lifted a finger as if to make a point, “ _Yet_. You’re not dead _yet_. Death by fucking, it’s bound to have happened at some point, yeah?”

His boss ran a hand over his face and directed to a few boxes on the counter with a paper on top of them, “Finish this by midday or you _will_ be fired.”

Remus snickered and made his way over to the boxes, “Oh, you wouldn’t want to do that!” He grabbed the paper to shove it in his pants pocket before he lifted the boxes, “Then I’d have to come as a customer and you’d have to be nice to me. And that’d just drive you crazy.”

Bruno glared hard at the man before realizing that he wouldn’t leave without a response, “Yes, it would. Now could you go do your damn job?”

“Yes sir!” the man replied sounding far too flirtatious for Bruno’s liking. He received no other reaction as he marched out of the store, unencumbered by the boxes in his arms. Years of doing such things got his arms used to the weight, though Remus remembered when Bruno hadn’t even allowed him into the front room, too aware of the ruckus he could cause.

His consistent chatter turned most people off, Remus found. Though he truly didn’t understand what was wrong with talking as he did. He thought what he thought and shared the thoughts before they slipped from his mind. Sometimes what he thought was bad, but he didn’t often get to think about why he shouldn’t share those thoughts before they were already flying out of his mouth.

“Foul-mouthed, rat-faced brat with no filter,” was one particular insult that had been thrown his way by a rather _pleasant_ noble a few years back. Unoffended, Remus had just grinned in that unsettling way he’d always been able to and thanked her for the colorful regards. He didn’t even blink until she had been thoroughly unsettled causing her to leave. When he’d gone home to tell Roman, he had clearly been angry at the noble, his twin had found his reaction to be an entertaining one regardless.

Remus felt as if Roman had wanted to ask why he hadn’t stood up for himself, but then thought better of it. He’d felt some twisted sense of pride at seeing his brother understand how this kingdom worked. Even if Remus had been offended, he might as well have signed a death sentence had he stood up against a noble. He and Roman were the dregs of the Sadaire, and nobody would care for their lives if they suddenly ended in the night.

Remus felt a familiar weight pull in his chest as he thought of his brother, placing the boxes in his arms on the ground before he turned to sit on them. With practiced ease he pulled his pipe out of his belt pouch and plucked some weed from the leather pouch that hung on his opposite hip before stuffing the leaves in the end of the pipe. He needed to quell his thoughts and he knew himself by this point, if he didn’t take a few minutes to smoke, he’d never finish these deliveries on time and maybe Bruno would actually fire him. It wasn’t like Remus was the best help the man could get, by all means it shocked the man that he’d clung onto his position for this long.

 _“Where the hell are these even going?”_ the thought had him fumbling for his spark rocks in his belt and the paper in his pants pocket at once, his pipe firmly held between his lips. Miraculously he managed not to drop anything as he laid the paper out on his legs and used his spark rocks to light his weed. “Oh,” he started as he drew on his pipe, “ _lucky me_.”

Two boxes were going to a bakery near the center of town, another two were going to a mental institution nearby while one smaller one was going to a hospital in the slums. All locations bothered him for some reason or another but deliver to them he would, unless he wanted to lose his and Roman’s home.

The money he got from making shoes was not as much as the pay he got working this job, but he needed _both_ jobs to get by. And his... work ethic didn’t do well in many jobs, he had limited options. Remus tried to calm the thoughts in his head as he sat on the side of the street smoking his pipe.

* * *

First was the bakery, it was a nice establishment with attractive staff and a lovely building. A young woman met Remus at the back to receive the delivery with a warm smile. Reason number one that Remus hated this place, the smiles were fake. He could see the disgust in the woman’s eyes as she greeted him and then fetched a quill to sign the paper that Remus offered, to confirm that he had indeed completed his order.

She started to initiate small talk with him and Remus fought tooth and nail not to snap at her and tell her she didn’t need to pretend to like him, that she didn’t need to bend slightly forward to present her cleavage and he wasn’t interested in looking anyways. Reason number two that Remus hated this place, the workers were pretentious and manipulative. They often liked to trick delivery workers into doing something that could be considered to be rude or outrageous. Such as looking at the cleavage of an attractive waitress. Remus had been so unfortunate as to have been tricked in the past and then beaten in a back alley by male patrons on multiple occasions. He’d learned now to keep his eyes to the floor, hold a hand to his throat and don a pitiful expression.

Slowly realization came to the woman’s face, she frowned, perhaps feeling actual sympathy for a moment. “Ah, a mute. What a sorry sight you are,” she cooed as he ruffled Remus’ hair and then brushed a finger along his full mustache giggling when the sensation made him crinkle his nose.

The temptation to bite that stupid digit off of the woman’s hand was strong but ebbed away as she pulled her hand back to wipe it on her apron. He spent a good portion of his mornings styling and maintaining his mustache, it had become a part of his morning ritual. He remembered seeing Roman glaring at him in the mirror in envy of the facial hair he hadn’t been so blessed with. The memory calmed Remus enough to breathe in deeply as he bent down to pick up the boxes intended to go elsewhere and begin to walk away.

“When you deliver again, dear fellow, I could give you a _personal_ tip in the attic,” the woman then called after him in a not too unfamiliar seductive tone. Remus stopped as he turned back to smile at the woman, she seemed to start to return it for a moment.

“Bitch, I’m gay,” Remus giggled out in a derisive tone before turning tail and running with the three boxes he had left. He didn’t miss the pure look of offended rage on the woman’s reddening face before he was gone, it was sure to keep him laughing for months.

Reason number three that Remus hated that place, some workers assumed that he was so desperate that he’d pounce at a chance to even speak with them. The opposite was more true than anything.

* * *

The mental institution was surrounded by tall metal fences for the general public’s safety and sense of security, but all Remus could feel when he stared at those bars was dread. He could practically hear his old boss’ voice in his ears.

_“You pull this shit again, you’re going away in the asylum and ain’t nobody gonna let you outta there till you’re right in the head.”_

Losing his job as a carpenter had been financially awful but Remus suffered more now from the very memories of the bastard he had worked under. In hindsight, he was grateful that he had been fired, sure that his old boss would have eventually followed through with the threat to send him to this place. And where would that have left Roman? Remus dreaded to think of the millions of horrible possibilities already tearing through his mind.

“Young man?” an old woman’s call from the institution gates drew Remus’ attention from staring wide-eyed at the ground.

He grinned crookedly and stepped forwards to place the boxes down at the barely ajar gates, “Delivery of meat for you.” He was just able to bite back a dirty joke as he glanced around, handing over the paper for the woman to sign, not wanting some passerby to see him and beckon him to carry the boxes within the cursed fence’s perimeter instead of making the old lady do it. He never wanted to set a foot within the place. Remus didn’t care if some part of him agreed with his old boss that it was where he belonged. He liked his freedom and knew that captivity would _actually_ drive him insane enough to reserve a room here. So even stepping on the grounds made him terrified that he’d never be able to leave, he _did_ have quite the crazed stare on his face as one of his neutral expressions, what if someone thought he was an escapee? Remus’ breathing hitched as that thought rooted itself and he began to bite at his lip, waiting for this to be done.

As soon as the old woman had signed the paper it was plucked from her hand and shoved into Remus’ pocket, he picked up one box and turned to bolt down the street, not sticking around for anyone to see him and drag him into that prison of a building.

“I’m not crazy, just different. I’m not, I’m _not_ ,” the words he’d felt the urge to speak spilled from his lips. He hadn’t smoked _nearly_ enough for a trip like this.

 _“You’re not crazy, Re,”_ the memory of Roman’s voice from when they were nine echoed distantly as he ran. He couldn’t see the cobbles beneath his feet anymore.

Remus had huddled himself in the corner of their home gripping a knife like a lifeline against his chest just minutes after he’d been fired, more than convinced that people would be coming to take him away before the night was through. His eyes were wild and his breaths came in quick silent bursts.

Roman had sat next to him, _“I think the world is crazy, it’s scary, unfair and disturbing. I notice it too, the same way you do. So you know what I think?”_ His twin gently placed a hand on his shoulder, _“You’re more... what is it? Sensitive to how messed up the world is, they can’t lock you away for that because I’m sure everybody can feel it. But you? You channel it Remus and I think that’s amazing, to be strong enough to handle it.”_

Remus stopped running as he came through an alley, stopping right before he entered a populated street. He was in the slums, how did that happen? The man groaned in his throat as he leaned against the wall of a building and buried his face in his elbow. Just one last delivery, he could do this. He _needed_ to do this.

 _“If I can’t get through one bad day, how am I gonna survive without Roman? Without Roman? Oh fuck, what if he gets tricked into doing something bad and gets locked up forever? What if he has to fight and gets butchered?”_ his head’s throbbing didn’t stop Remus from banging his head against the wall to try and silence his mind. Once, twice a third time and he was stumbling backwards before finding his feet and entering the busy street to his left.

Don’t think. All he had to do was not. Think.

His body auto-piloted him through the people scattered along the street, he could feel himself grinning at some of their alarmed faces. Was his head bleeding? He didn’t notice or want to know. The less he focused on himself the less he focused on the thoughts teeming at the seams of his mind.

He spotted the hospital and wasted no time in getting to the doors, he’d need to actually enter the building to make this delivery. Remus wasted no time in opening the doors and making his way to the first official looking person he could. The man that Remus had approached looked startled at his sudden approach but then saw the box under Remus’ arm. “Ah,” he uttered in distaste as Remus shoved a paper into his hands. He’d just been taking a break and now he had to deal with a deranged looking delivery boy, “I’ll need to grab a quill.”

Remus watched as the man left with the paper and the box, anger burning in his mind. “Fucking pea-brained dick,” the words slipped out of Remus’ mouth after the man was out of hearing range.

“Woah, that’s _some_ venom,” an amused voice drew Remus’ attention over to see a young woman standing to the side with red hair in a braided crown. Her face shifted as she saw him, “Wait, Remus?”

The statement coming from this apparent stranger confused him enough to calm his raging mind for a moment as he carefully looked at her, searching his mind for a name. His face relaxed a bit, “Nina. Neatie-Nina!”

Her face pulled in annoyance, “Man I wish you’d leave that stupid fucking nickname in the past.”

Remus giggled briefly, “Why would I when I know it pisses you off in all the right ways Neatie?” He felt his shoulders relax a bit. Nina Wheatly had been one of Remus’ only “friends” back when he and Roman still lived in the slums. Real friends didn’t exactly exist in this place, not for them, they were only people with something to gain from the other. Nina had worked in what profession most girls in the slums did and when she had the time, she bugged Remus and allowed him to vent at her. The two had even still spoken for a few years after he and Roman had moved until the event that Remus would never be able to forget.

His first time.

Kinda.

Not really, but it _had_ been a valuable learning experience.

Barely anything had happened when Remus bluntly stated, “Is this supposed to be sexy?” Nina had stared at him for a long moment before bursting out in laughter and told him that he definitely wasn’t into women. He knew now that assessment was indeed true, but even with men that he found attractive, intimate matters baffled his mind. He didn’t really feel anything, just experienced it.

He looked Nina over and his eyes locked on her stomach, slightly protruding from the rest of her. “Shit,” he uttered. His raging thoughts crashed back into him as realization struck and he was reminded of the reason he hated the slums. He could clearly remember his mother’s face, coldly staring through her children as if they were strangers, pulling their father through the front door to disappear forever.

Nina rubbed her stomach with a nod and a neutral expression on her face, “Yeah, a lot has changed on my end.”

“Obviously.”

“Gonna ask who the father is?”

“Don’t exactly care, Neatie.”

“Care about anything besides your brother?”

“Money to keep our house,” he answered honestly. Nina always encouraged him to speak his mind, it helped with the buildup in his mind. It was what he gained from keeping contact with her, but he’d never been able to figure out what she got from speaking with him.

She grinned at his response, “Good to see that some things never change.” She stepped closer to him as she pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket to gently dab at Remus’ forehead, the sensation stung but he didn’t move. “Have an argument with a wall?”

“More like a friendly meeting to shut my head up.”

Nina’s eyes slimmed in a somewhat pitying gaze before hardening, “Say, how much are you getting paid for your jobs right now?” She removed the handkerchief from his head, spotted with blood, confirming Remus’ earlier suspicions that he had in fact been bleeding.

“What makes Neatie-Nina think I still work multiple jobs?” Remus felt himself leaning forwards to loom over her. He remembered when they had been the same height.

She didn’t lean back of course, being three years older than him and having worked in a profession that required mental fortitude, Nina’s reactions were always schooled to show only what she wanted them to show. “Your mind. It’s far too loud to allow you to work in a steady, stable job that pays for a house _outside_ of the slums,” she droned out boredly, “How much do you make?”

With an amused grunt Remus leaned back and glanced behind him, what was taking that pea-brain so long? “Five and fifteen silver daily, one job per day.”

“I have a job for you.”

Remus turned to give Nina an incredulous grin as he cocked his head, “I don’t freelance, Neatie.”

“Fifty silver.”

Remus’ grin stayed in place for a long moment, unmoving as if porcelain. He slowly straightened his head and leaned back into Nina’s space to watch her eyes for a reaction, “You’re full of shit.”

“I want my husband dead, Remus. I’d say I’m more full of loathing.”

Remus hadn’t expected _that_. The man that he had given the delivery to finally approached with the signed paper to give it back to Remus. He then turned to give a small glass bottle of clear liquid to Nina, “Your prescription.” He didn’t stick around for a moment longer, seeming to sense the tension building between them, leaving the two standing there.

With another glance Remus took in more information, Nina was nicely dressed but not overly dressed. Being _too_ nicely dressed in the slums put a target on your back for all kinds of things. Her dress was clean too, as if it hadn’t been worn for more than a day in the dirty streets and buildings of the slum. Remus’s grin became amused, “Come, let’s talk about your dearly beloved and why you want him to become your dearly departed. And, conversely when you stopped fucking every tourist from Sadaire to Kinton with coin in their pockets.”

He led Nina out the doors of the hospital as she tucked her medicine deep into a discreet front pocket of her skirt. She sighed as she gave a fond smile at nothing in particular, “I stopped when I fucked one that wanted me, he became my husband.”

Remus giggled but didn’t interrupt again, simply tickled at how unexpectedly this delivery had turned out.

As the two made their way to the butcher’s shop, Nina shared her story with her old playmate as he listened for contradictions or any signs of inconsistencies.

“Paul is what some people may refer to as a passionate man. In reality, he’s covetous. He knew if he didn’t convince me to marry him, others would get to have me. So he spent a year wooing me, convincing me I was better off by his side. I didn’t make it easy on him, then again he hardly had to try. I _am_ better off now, as much as I miss the fucking.

“He’s so possessive that he told me early on that he didn’t want to compete for my love with _anyone_ , including a child. I was fine with that, bringing a child into this world in _this_ place? I may be corrupted but I am not so cruel... or at least I thought I wasn’t,” she trailed off running a hand over her stomach, “Stubbornness always came easily to me. So when we found that I was with child and Paul told me to get rid of it... I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to find myself two months later, disobeying him and wanting to have my child.

“He told me to get rid of the baby before he left on a trip to see his parents, so sure that I would listen. I tried talking about it with him before he left, but surprise surprise, I get smacked around for even considering having a child. I used to control everything that happened to my body, now I belong to him so I can control nothing. So I suppose what I’m asking for, Remus, is freedom. For me and my baby,” Nina glanced up to gauge his reaction.

Remus was staring in that wide-eyed, unsettling manner, looking at the woman next to him. They stood outside the butcher’s shop and Remus glanced from her to the shop, “I’ll be right back, Neatie.”

She nodded as she wiped her face a bit, from the sweat built up on the way there and not tears, she would insist if asked. “Don’t run, I’ll accuse you of stealing my purse,” she uttered.

Remus snickered as he backed towards the shop, “As if you’d ever own a purse.” He entered the store and immediately made his way towards the back, passing a curious looking Bruno.

“Were you just talking with someone?”

Remus nodded distractedly as he looked around the back room, did he believe her? This was Nina, the woman who never changed her mind once she had made it up. She had never wanted a child and now she suddenly wanted to be the world’s number one mother? It didn’t add up.

Even if it was true, how sure was she that she would be able to care for the child by herself? Sure enough to try and hire someone to kill her shit-stain of a husband but was she doing this just to spite him? Perhaps she really _was_ doing this to regain some agency in her life, that seemed very Nina of her. Hell, Remus couldn’t imagine legally belonging to someone else and being forced to do what they wished, he’d probably kill them himself.

The last thing raging in Remus’ mind came to the surface, “Hey, Bruno, if you wanted someone dead would you hire me to kill them?”

“...Hypothetically?”

Remus glanced around and found what he was looking for and grabbed it, shoving it in his duffle bag that hung by the back door. Bruno called again, “You didn’t answer me Remus.” Said man peeked from the back room at his boss with an expectant look and the older man grumbled, “Where’s the signatures? Then I’ll think about answering your... question.”

Remus gasped and reached into his pocket to pull out the wrinkled paper and hand it to his boss, “Opps! Silly me!” As Bruno looked over the list, Remus stood close to him and began absentmindedly feeling the man’s arm through his shirt, appreciating the defined muscles underneath.

Bruno gave a sigh as he pulled his arm away, “Remus, yes. I would.”

The answer surprised the man and he felt himself grin crookedly, “Why?”

With a sigh his boss put a hand on Remus’ shoulder, his eyes dark. “You seem like you’d enjoy it and suffer the least from doing it. Now,” he turned the young man towards the door and gave him a push, “Go home.”

Remus laughed a bit as he heard his reasoning and walked towards the door, “Fine, fine! I’ll see you and your muscles in a day!”

“Remus!”

The man glanced back towards his boss, leaning on the counter in front of him. “That _was_ a hypothetical, right?”

He was met with a grin that did nothing to calm his nerves before Remus opened the door to leave, “Of course it was, Brun.” No other calls came after him as he closed the door and turned to lock eyes with Nina who was waiting there for him.

He was conflicted, the story sounded far too good to be true. And if he was caught, that’d be the end of him. Murderers were met with nothing less than death, and he wasn’t willing to flee the kingdom and leave Roman here. With a grin still on his face he walked down the steps to stop in front of her, “I’ll do it for one hundred silver if you’ll give me some leverage, your address and the date he’ll be back.”

“You believe me?”

“It doesn’t matter if I believe you. You’re paying,” Remus stated, offering an arm to her, “I’m listening.”

Nina’s face shifted as she gave a small smirk and looped an arm through his to walk by his side, “Fair enough. He’ll be back this Sunday and for your leverage, I can be there when you do the deed?”

Remus gave a sharp laugh as he led them to the back alleys away from prying eyes, “So you can call for help at the last minute and become the widow with the murdered husband? Fuck that, Neatie. I want a letter- no, a _contract_ with your signature stating exactly in what capacity that I’ve been hired, two copies of them. In fact, the further away you are, the better.” As noisy and disturbing as his mind was, Remus was not stupid. He’d been screwed over far too many times to not develop some sense of street smarts from his suffering, he was _not_ about to do something this extreme without some insurance that Nina wouldn’t fuck him over. Not with the life that he and Roman had worked so hard to build at risk.

Nina blinked twice before giving a warm smile, “I just remembered, I have some friends in a book club out of town that I’ve neglected to visit for a while. Would that work for you?”

Remus looked down at her, “Only if I can watch you go, to make sure.”

She grinned widely, “Deal.”

* * *

The front door to their home always got stuck in the frame, the wood was warped so Remus took a small amount of joy in kicking it closed once he had entered the house. It slammed into place and Remus laughed softly, “What a fun fuckin’ day!” He had his pipe in his mouth, having started smoking as soon as he and Nina had gone their separate ways. He’d been given an address and two copies of the contract would arrive before the weekend came.

Remus always imagined that someday he’d kill someone. He’d imagined a thief breaking into their home at night and Remus making them regret underestimating them. He’d imagined Roman being attacked by one of his instructors and taking revenge for his brother, slowly and painfully. He’d imagined his parents coming back, begging for his and Roman’s forgiveness, and Remus not letting them get a word in edgewise. Being hired by an old playmate for premeditated murder was certainly unexpected.

As the man turned to face the empty room, he found his mind going back to his brother, missing his presence there. What would Roman think of this job? The story behind it would certainly make it more appealing but would it justify it to his softer-spirited twin? He could imagine Roman’s face pulled in conflict but then settling on disgust and turning from him. _“No. No, I won’t tell him, can’t tell him,”_ Remus decided as he tossed his bag on the table and pulled out a large sharp knife that he’d swiped from the butcher’s. It was appropriately named a butcher knife that Bruno had told Remus to get rid of a while ago due to the fact that it had a huge chip in its middle from a mechanical mishap that had occurred when the new grinder had been moved into the shop.

He held the wooden handle in his hand, and nearly thought he could see blood staining the blade and his hand, brain matter smeared on both. The realization that the sight was thrilling his senses was distantly numbed by the weed he was still smoking but he chuckled to himself lowly nonetheless.

A knock at his door drew his attention to the shut door and he grinned as he placed his pipe down on the table, _“Oh goodie! I get to kick it closed again!”_ He made his way over to the door, transferring the knife to his left hand, thankful for his ambidextrous nature.

The door opened to reveal a young courier dressed in casual clothing, it was to be expected, if couriers wore uniforms they’d stick out like sore thumbs. And most of them were young boys and men, easy targets for those who really wanted what information or cargo they held. Remus remembered when Roman had intermittently worked as a courier himself when he came back from training, wanting to help in what way he could. 

At first the job had only been taken up because of a big fight between the twins about Roman not appreciating the work Remus did to sustain them, so he began to work claiming that it couldn’t be “that hard”. Roman had worked for six weeks, just to prove that he was able to function by himself before the one job began to take a toll on him. Remus still remembered the tea that Roman had brewed for him on a cold night, speaking more than five words to him for the first time in weeks to apologize and thank him for the work he did. Moments like that made it all worth it, because it was sweet _and_ Remus got his brother to admit that he was right. But from that time on, Roman helped in working when he was able without any complaints.

The courier nervously looked the man up and down, “Mister Remus?”

He snickered, “Last I checked, yeah. Only one who lives here kid.”

The boy held out a letter with Roman’s print handwriting on it and Remus barely heard the boy confirm who the letter was from as he plucked the paper from the boy’s fingers. He opened up the letter as he stood by the door and immediately began scanning the page, he flipped the letter over and found what he had hoped he wouldn’t. With a glance he saw that the boy was still at his door, nervously twiddling his fingers. “You’re here to deliver any letter I write in response, yeah?” Remus asked, his voice low.

The boy nodded, “Yes, sir.”

Remus nodded and waved the boy inside as he began heading towards a desk on the far side of the room, placing the knife down on it, “Sit at the table, don’t touch my shit.” He made sure the kid had actually done as he told him to before he opened a drawer in the desk to retrieve some paper, a quill and ink. He sat down.

Since Roman had spent the majority of so many years away from home and Remus, the two had developed a system to let the other know that something was going wrong. They always wrote their letters out in such a way that they never left important information out, so using a post scriptum notation was unnecessary. So whenever their letters included a P.S. at the end, there was something wrong and the rest of the letter was to be disregarded. The text that followed the P.S. would also be encrypted to disguise this correspondence in case others were to read the letter before it reached the intended twin.

Remus began reading and writing notes down to decrypt the short paragraph.

_“P.S. - The weather here is nice at the castle, the sun casts long shadows up here. The people and squires here seem used to it, so they never talk about it, but it astounds me. My room is also nicely lit by the sun during the day, in fact it’s helped me catch sight of something under my wardrobe that I think the cleaning staff may have missed. It looks like a marble, like the ones father gave us once. I might try to get it and see what kind of design is inside it, I don’t want to bother anyone._

_Your dear brother, Roman”_

Remus’ fingernails of his free hand tapped rhythmically against the desk as he wrote out interpretation after interpretation until it felt the most accurate to him. This process took a while, but it was nothing to make sure his brother was safe. And according to this letter, he wasn’t.

“The weather here is nice at the castle, the sun casts long shadows up here. The people and squires here seem used to it, so they never talk about it, but it astounds me,” was another way of saying the atmosphere at the castle is cheery. Cheery to a point of being creepy and it was freaking Roman out. None of the squires he’s competing against seem to notice or trust Roman enough to share thoughts about it.

“My room is also nicely lit by the sun during the day, in fact it’s helped me catch sight of something under my wardrobe that I think the cleaning staff may have missed,” there’s something or someone that is standing out to Roman amidst all of this. Under the wardrobe meant in shade, meant whatever this unknown factor is, it appears to be bad but might not be.

“It looks like a marble, like the ones father gave us once,” meant whatever this unknown factor is, as small as it seems, may end up causing Roman pain. References to their father were associated with pain even though the man never laid a hand on them. Remus was just relieved that Roman hadn’t referenced their mother, the two’s omen for danger of death.

“I might try to get it and see what kind of design is inside it, I don’t want to bother anyone,” Roman was going to try and see what the true nature of this unknown factor is and is going to do it alone. He couldn’t trust anyone there so he’s contacting Remus for advice.

“Fucking idiot!” Remus yelled. He heard the courier boy jump in his seat but ignored him as Remus grabbed a new paper and set it to the side as he drafted a response letter on the paper he had used for notes. Roman had sent this earlier this _morning_ , what the hell kinda trouble could he have gotten himself into since then looking into things that could get him hurt or worse?

_“P.S. - In response to your conundrum concerning the marble that the cleaning staff neglected to pick up. Be sure that before you reach for this marble that it is indeed a marble and not broken dirty glass that could cut your hand and lead to infection. However neglectful the staff, it is not up to you to take their jobs into your own hands. Let us not forget that the man that should have been our father left us and following that insult, I tossed every marble we had in the river to be choked on by fish. Our days of collecting are behind us, dear brother. Keep your eyes out for days where there are no clouds that I hope come your way with cooling rain. The sun that so astounds you, can often make the strongest men faint when they are not attentive of them self._

_Your dear brother, Remus”_

Remus hated waiting for the ink to dry and waved a hand over top of the paper as his leg bounced harshly under the table, “Fucking dammit, Ro-ro, still a fuckin’ child.” He muttered under his breath until the ink dried and he was able to flip the letter over to add filler text filled with lies about how great his day had gone, excluding all talk of being hired as an assassin, even though Roman would never read it. He needed to obscure his actual message to prying eyes, that’s how it always was whether it was over text or in conversation. Trojan horses behind every punctuation and smile.

When Remus finally gave the courier boy the letter, tucked into an envelope, he sent him on his way and watched him go. He knew he couldn’t just run into the castle and take his brother away from all the danger and keep him safe and secure inside their home, but he found himself thinking what he subconsciously had for the past three days since his brother had gone behind the castle gates that Remus couldn’t even see from their home. 

“I hope he fails,” he admitted to the air. He finally felt his chest aching in worry and his eyes tearing up, “I hope he fails so he can come home already.” He didn’t try to stop himself from crying as he walked back into their empty home and shut the door behind him with a push.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caring for someone who's never there can be exhausting.
> 
> Also I totally didn't make a Remus chapter JUST to leave you guys in the dark about what's happening with Roman and Dee for another week... I also wanted have some introduction to best bro Remus and a bit of the world of the kingdom! ...Dun kill me.
> 
> Question: Who's you favorite character so far and why?  
> You can also say which moment impacted you most from this chapter as well, compound questions. ^-^


	5. Tortured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to your regularly scheduled program...  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Panic attack, reference to child abuse and brief implication of suicidal ideation (tell me if I missed anything)

Roman’s heart thudded in his chest as he stared up at the man that had seemed so gentle mere moments before, looming over him as Roman laid in bed trapped and in pain. Some distant part of him was screaming at his body to move, run, punch Dee in the jaw to try and make his way past him. But no, Roman’s instincts were failing him. There was fight, flight and the worst of the three, fright. He was stuck with the latter, frozen in place and figuratively scrambling for some hint of a chance to live through this encounter.

And to make it all worse, Dee’s eyes were glowing through his black veil, and as terrifying as they were in this situation, they had captured Roman’s attention. He watched as Dee’s head tilted ever so slightly, “Roman, tell me what you remember.”

Hearing Dee’s voice so deep and serious gave Roman the jolt he needed to tear his eyes away from the seer in front of him, “I-I don’t. Not really, it’s all in bits and pieces.” He gasped when Dee grabbed him by the chin and forced Roman’s face to turn back towards his with a firm grip, “N-no!” His hands came up to grab Dee's wrist weakly, fueled by fear at the sudden touch. His eyes caught the edges of Remus’ letter sitting on the bedside table and some part of him was able to dismay at the fact that he’d never read it and see his brother’s handwriting that Roman had helped him perfect one last time.

He grunted softly as he pulled at Dee’s wrist to no avail, weakened and no match for the other man’s strength. He hoped to Gaia that he had actually connected with _some_ part of the man, so he’d actually have pity on him and give Roman the chance to claw his way out of this mess. His hands fell to the bed, trying to be ready for whatever was coming next.

The seer tilted his head as he observed Roman’s body language, seeing that he was tense and rigid. Sighing slightly Dee decided to begin shushing him before speaking, “I won't harm you Roman. Look at me.”

The shushing noise had been unexpectedly comforting despite Roman’s fear. It took a long few minutes of waiting for any pain, yelling or anything but when nothing did happen, Roman eventually found himself hesitantly looking towards the yellow glow from beneath Dee’s veil. He again was drawn to it. The squire couldn’t hear his pounding heart anymore or feel the pain in his back, he relaxed against all the warning flags waving like mad in his head. The seer nodded and leaned in to whisper in a much softer tone, “What do you remember?”

Roman felt the word tumble from his lips without his meaning to, as if his mind had decided to suddenly work against his survival instincts. “Everything,” he uttered. He gasped and tore his vision away from Dee again, suddenly aware of his racing heart and pain again. “N-no I didn’t mean,” he held a hand up to his head and again tried to pull his face away out of Dee's grip, "What did you _do_ to me?"

The answer had been pulled from him as he stared into that glow; that glow which Roman had now confirmed was able to do things to him. He wouldn't be able to find his way out of this now that the truth had been pulled from him. He was just thinking about biting the fingers holding his chin before Dee released his face as he made a low humming sound. "Astonishing," he uttered.

Roman looked in his direction but pointedly kept the man's veiled face out of view, he could still see the glowing dimly illuminating the top of Dee's suit in the dark room. This was _not_ going to go down like this.

Roman's eyes widened as he saw Dee straighten up to reach back towards his hip. _"I am_ **_not_ ** _dying like this!"_ his mind screamed as he pushed his body upwards and forwards disregarding the mind numbing pain his body was in. The candle by his bedside went out from the sudden gust of wind the movement had created, plunging the room into near darkness.

Dee gasped as he stood back and Roman lunged forwards off of the bed at him, one of his hands shooting out at Dee to cover his eyes through his veil and the other going for his throat. He shouldn't have been able to move at _all_ , let alone tackle Dee to the floor. That thought stayed in the seer's pounding head as they went crashing to the ground. He grunted and moved his hands to grab Roman's wrists before he felt fingernails dig into the left side of his face making him freeze. Flashes of pain that weren't really there made Dee shudder as his hands fell to the sides of his head.

He could hear Roman breathe heavily in exertion as he straddled his torso, allowing Dee to realize how Roman had done what he had. Adrenaline that caused his body to act as if not even the immense pain he was in would stop him from trying to defend himself.

 _"Did he think I was going to hurt him? ...Not an unfair thought, I suppose but I do wish he would get his hand off of my face,"_ Dee started to think about how to get out of this to stop himself from freaking out. Roman's touch on his face two nights ago had been a strange and gentle sensation, but now it was reminding him of a time that he'd _really_ rather not think about.

Roman finally seemed to be able to talk now that he had Dee subdued, "You're going to answer my questions, seer, and you're going to answer them _now_."

Dee breathed in shallow breaths of his own due to the squire's grip on his throat, surprisingly strong. "I'd be glad to do so once your hand is off of my face," he informed.

"So you can put me under another one of your spells? No," the squire was very intuitive. Impressive but still, irritating to the seer in his current predicament. His chest was starting to feel tight.

"Roman-"

" _No_. Answer me and I'll consider it. You want my hand off of your face so badly, you'll answer me and you'll do it quickly," Roman growled trying to not give away how much pain this was causing him.

He could feel the split in his back burning like hot coals had been embedded deep into his skin and wouldn't come out, but he could bear it. If only for long enough to get information out of the man beneath him, "What did you do to me just now? Force me to answer your question?" How he envied the man if that was what he had done, such an ability would make this much easier on his body.

He felt Dee nearly shake his head before he realized that he couldn't, "No. I simply calmed you, you were afraid so I calmed those emotions to allow you to answer truthfully." The man cleared his throat as he finished answering.

Roman wouldn't be able to see him very well with the minimal lighting seeping in from the behind the window blocked by a curtain, and for that Dee was glad. His chest was rising and falling quickly, trying to catch breath that was being restricted by the hand around his neck and the weight of Roman’s body on him. Miraculously his veil had stayed in place but still, it did nothing to soften the grip that was digging into the side of his face. Both of these things were making it hard to think clearly, he needed Roman _off_ of him. How loudly would the man yell if Dee were to punch him in the back? He’d need to be quick to muffle him but he had the advantage, only one of them could see in this darkness.

“Why the questions every night? What do you get from asking things like that?” Roman then asked.

Dee slowly began to move his hands along the floor towards his hips, trying to concentrate on answering to properly distract Roman from the movement, unable to see where Roman was actually looking. “King’s orders, as I said. What’s important isn’t the answers,” he felt Roman’s breathing hitch, “It’s the constancy of them. I’m sure you remember being hurt after both sessions?”

He heard Roman give a grunt of affirmation as Dee’s hands reached his hips, slowly he flipped his hands so his palms were to the floor. This feeling of the nails digging into his face was unbearable and his mind was loudly protesting, _“Get off, get off, get off!”_ He nearly jerked to throw the squire off once he leaned forwards, putting even more weight on him. Dee could feel his breath getting short but continued, “It’s conditioning. If you can resist the... the subconscious urge that your mind will... will have to change your answers every... n-night, you’re strong willed. Y-you’re knight material.”

He couldn’t take this anymore, his hands clenched into fists against the floor. “Roman, I-I need you to get... get off,” he whispered breathlessly trying to turn his head as if it would remove the squire’s hand.

“You just admitted to hurting me, no way in hell. I’m not done,” Roman muttered, “Did you do the same to the other squires?”

Dee began to slowly reach up, his hands shaking as he felt like he was barely getting any air. The hand blocking his vision certainly wasn’t helping his thoughts either, they were flying through his mind faster than he could understand them, his head was pounding. “I- you... Y-yes. R-Roman, it _hurts_...”

“You deserve it!” Roman growled before feeling light pressure on his sides. He gasped and looked to see that Dee at some point had been able to move his hands to grab his sides, there was barely any pressure and for a moment Roman was ready for pain. But none came. He looked back towards where he was holding Dee’s face despite the fact that he could barely see him.

“ _Please_ ,” the man begged.

Roman didn’t know what possessed him to start allowing Dee to slowly move him off of his body and sit him down next to him. As soon as he was off of him, the man began inhaling in deep shaking breaths as if he was trying not to cry. His voice was soft and fragile, like the squire never heard the seer before. The sound of him desperately trying to get air was harsh and made Roman’s chest ache along with his still throbbing back.

The squire nearly flinched away as Dee suddenly stood, seeming to stumble before he made his way to the window in the room, he threw aside the curtains to let moonlight seep into the room and pulled the window open. Roman nearly yelled when he saw Dee stick his torso out above the second story drop, but relaxed when the seer went no further. Not to say what he was doing was entirely safe, but Roman didn’t know what he would have done if the man had just thrown himself to his death right then and there.

Dee greedily breathed in the cool night air and let the light of the moon, visible on the cloudless night, shine in his blurry half-open eyes. Air was good but outside air had _always_ been better. There was a purity to it, an openness and sense of calm. And Gaia did he need calm right now. The phantom ache that had been burning on his face was still there, and he tried to hold his tears back, clenching his eyes shut only to open them again. Tears speckled his eyelashes, blurring his vision through the veil even more. With a glance behind him to make sure Roman couldn’t see, he lifted the right side of his veil, allowing direct moonlight to hit his face. He could feel its power made strong by the sun on the other side of the planet, and through his tear decorated eyelashes, the sight of the full moon was somehow made all the more beautiful. A calming wind brushed against his skin, and he breathed it in. _“You’re stronger now, they can’t hurt you. Never again will they hurt you,”_ he heard in his mind as the light burning sensation on his face dissipated.

Roman stared at the man's back in confusion and annoyance as he realized what feeling was crawling into his gut. Why was he guilty? Because the man he had pinned down had told him he would answer if Roman stopped touching his face, asked Roman to stop touching his face and _begged_ Roman to stop touching his face? Because right now he resembled the man that Roman had so enjoyed speaking with during the days and had saved his life hours previous? Because even now, he could hear him softly crying, because of _him_?

Roman couldn’t decide which fact was the biggest offender but still couldn’t ignore the other facts. Dee _had_ hurt him, he had taken his memories - or had tried to -, he had lied to him and... it was under the king’s orders. Oh, Gaia, what if it was _all_ under the king’s orders? That didn’t help Roman in his guilt nor in his situation. What was he _doing_ here? Competing against strangers in a cruel game to serve a king that would order them to be hurt in order to prove themselves? Knighthood was supposed to be about honor, duty and loyalty. Not mind games.

The squire then recalled his earlier thought, and grimaced. _“Right, this isn’t the eye of the storm here Roman, if anything, you’re in the thick of it all,”_ he looked at the man in the window. Complicit to the king’s game or a helpless victim caught in the middle? His mind screamed the latter, but still, he didn’t know if he could truly trust the seer. He had the perfect opportunity to hurt Roman so he would get off of him, yet he hadn’t. And _if_ Roman’s theory was right about Dee’s eyes being how he channeled his magic, he couldn’t have compelled Roman into finally listening. But that was only _if_ Roman was correct.

Dee finally leaned up to wipe his face and move his veil back into place, he straightened up to turn around and then sit on the window sill. He glanced at the squire who noted that Dee’s eyes were no longer glowing quite as brightly as before and looked away. The seer cleared his throat, “Thank you.” His voice still came out low and a bit croaky, as was to be expected after such an ordeal.

That got Roman’s attention, he hesitantly looked back, not making eye contact. “I nearly suffocated you, don’t thank me. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Dee glanced to the side, “You’re wrong.”

“What?”

Dee looked at Roman’s averted gaze for a moment, “...I’m calming myself.”

Roman glanced up to Dee’s face confused at the statement, “Wait, what?”

Dee shrugged, “My eyes glow when I use magic, you’re right to be cautious, but right now the only thing I’m doing is calming myself.”

Roman stared hard at him, “How do I know that?”

“You don’t, but it’s the truth.”

“So what’s the truth behind why you asked me to get off of your _face_ and not your chest or your throat? _How_ was I wrong?” Roman asked with a hard expression, “Don’t think I didn’t notice you try and dodge the question.”

Dee let out a dry chuckle, “Your observation skills are as impressive as ever.” His hands came up to hug himself and he sighed, he’d already been reminded of it so it wasn’t as bad to think about, especially when the only one touching him was himself. “The people that should have been my parents took it upon themselves to hurt me, badly, whenever I disobeyed them, disrespected them or stepped one toe out of line,” he informed the squire, “They cut my face, repeatedly.” He watched the squire’s face shift in horror and Dee nodded, “So, it’s a bit of an understatement to say that people touching my face with such a grip... clouds my mind a bit, making even breathing seem like a herculean task. So that’s how you’re wrong, _you_ didn’t nearly suffocate me.”

Roman nodded in numb acknowledgment, not having the evidence or courage to deny that the man was speaking the truth. He was then reminded that just minutes before he’d yelled at Dee and said he had _deserved_ the pain that Roman was inflicting on him. The squire lurched over, feeling sick. He grunted lowly at the pain that the movement caused and Dee made his way over to him, removing a glove. “What are you doing?” Roman was able to mumble with a hint of fear. He really _was_ unable to move now, with his adrenaline having worn off and his body now screaming at him for daring to move while still in such pain. So he wasn’t able to stop Dee as the man placed his right hand on his back.

“Doing what I was going to do once tonight’s interrogation was over, but you had other plans apparently,” Dee muttered, “Not that I’m complaining.”

Roman relaxed a bit when he felt his pain slowly start to fade but had a mind to give Dee an incredulous glance, “Not the best time for sarcasm.”

“I’m serious,” the seer’s tone definitely seemed to support that statement, “I meant it when I said I didn’t want to do it. I meant it when I said they were my orders. I _hate_ doing this.”

Roman nodded and groaned lightly as he rolled his shoulders a bit, “I’m starting to believe you.” He saw Dee’s head move to look his way and being this close, he could actually see the shape of the seer’s eyes through the veil, illuminated by magic. Roman swallowed to wet his dry throat, “I... I’m not sure if I can trust you yet, but I think I believe you.”

Dee nodded slowly, “I don’t deserve even that much, so thank you.” The squire almost opened his mouth to say something but then closed it, fighting back the urge to try and get Dee to not say such a self-deprecating thing. There was much about this situation that Roman didn’t know, blindly placing confidence in anything would likely hurt more than help.

The two sat in silence for a few long minutes as Roman closed his eyes and shuddered when he felt the pain finally ebb into nothing and realized, “The window is still open.”

Dee’s head seemed to snap up when he spoke, making Roman realize that the man’s head had slowly been dropping down to his chest whilst he was healing him. The squire cocked his head before remembering, “That’s right! You... you said you didn’t sleep much last night? How many hours did you get?”

Dee hummed a little as he slowly stood, “Negative six.”

Roman clicked his teeth in annoyance as he stretched his back and stood, relieved to be able to move without pain. His back felt a little tight, but he could deal with that. He stopped Dee as he saw the man step towards the window and went over to close it himself before turning back, “You need to go to sleep.”

“I need to go outside.”

Roman ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh, the seer was starting to sound like his brother, so stubborn. “What time is it even?”

Dee checked his pocket watch, “One in the morning.”

“You’ve been up for more than forty-eight hours, Dee,” Roman deadpanned.

“So we’re back to Dee now?” the man muttered dryly as he put his pocket watch away.

Roman blinked wide and looked away, “It’s not like I know your real name.”

“No,” Dee confirmed as he went to Roman’s wardrobe and grabbed a robe from it before tossing it behind him at the squire who caught it, “Let’s go on a walk outside. This conversation can’t stop here.”

Roman stared hard at Dee’s posture, his back was straight as an arrow but the second he began moving was when the man’s exhausted nature truly showed. Every movement he made was more languid and his steps were uneven. But Dee did have a point, Roman didn’t know _what_ he would do tomorrow if the conversation just ended there. He pulled on the robe and tied it around himself, “You nearly fall once, I’m carrying you back to your room.”

Dee waved a dismissive hand behind him as he headed for the door, “You don’t know where it is.”

With a frown at that very true fact and this entire baffling situation, Roman walked past the bed and desk with his brother’s letter on it, next to the red fabric usually tied around his arm and followed Dee out of his room.

* * *

The squire and the seer walked side by side in the courtyard, the former with his eyes trained on the servant carrying a lamp many feet in front of them to light the path, matching their pace so as to not hear their conversation. Roman glanced up at Dee, “Why did we need to ask them to accompany us again?”

The seer’s head was tilted upwards allowing the light of the moon in the sky to shine on him, he seemed to bask in it. He chuckled softly, “I already told you that I was operating under the king’s orders. So what do you think about purposely putting myself out in the open like this after having disobeyed him?”

Roman blinked wide before looking to the ground beneath his feet, thinking about what would ever push himself to do such a thing in Dee’s shoes. He looked up, “It’s stupid and doesn’t make sense for a person to do.”

Dee nodded, “And I can say without a doubt that the king and I both know that I’m not stupid. I’ll simply tell him you dragged me out here before you’d let me question you, wanting to get back on your feet. Hiding in plain sight.”

“Is that why you insist on linking our arms together?” Roman gave a glance down to their linked arms with heat rising in his face. He’d been trying to ignore it but he was starting to feel the slightest bit embarrassed despite the situation, “So I’ll appear weakened?”

Dee glanced down at him, “Yes, and definitely not because I can certainly walk straight after having been awake for more than forty-eight hours. Not that I ever do.” Roman raised an eyebrow when he heard a small snicker come from the man before he muttered something along the lines of “terrible joke” under his breath.

Roman bit back a snicker of his own, more at the fact that Dee was able to joke at this moment than the actual joke. “Are you delirious or did you just admit to being gay?”

“What, I can’t choose both?” the seer drawled for a moment before shaking his head and looking at the moon again, “No, don’t let me get off topic. We can stay out here for approximately ten more minutes before I have to escort you to your room and then go sleep myself.”

Roman nodded, right. “What’s the plan? Now that I know, that is,” he figured was the next thing he should ask.

“I suppose I’ll have to alter my plans to include you, since memory repression failed to work on you once, I’d rather not risk getting choked out again.”

“Include me in what capacity?”

“Still running on no sleep, Roman. I need _time_ , this development came out of nowhere for me,” Dee muttered sounding annoyed as he glanced around at the scenery around them, “I’m still trying to figure out _how_ you resisted my magic.”

The squire nodded, “Right, sorry. In that case, when and where could we meet to further discuss this in the coming days?”

After Dee took a moment to think he gave a hum, “You often spend your time in your room between eating and trials. I’d suggest you stop doing that and perhaps start taking to the library for your leisure time.” 

“The library? Why only the library?”

“Because that is the location that I spend my time in as well. I have been informed that Remy spends his own leisure time exploring what rooms he can in the castle, so if you ask to be led to the library it wouldn’t be suspicious as long as most of your time is spent there.”

“Where you conveniently are,” Roman noted.

“Exactly. I’m also sure that I don’t need to tell you to not bring this up to Remy,” Dee looked down at Roman.

The squire tilted his head slightly, “Could he not help?”

The seer gave a chuckle, “Help with the plan when you have no idea what the plan is. I’m _sure_.”

“You really get snarky when you’re tired,” Roman commented with a scowl, “And speaking of that plan. Details or not, Dee, I’m going to need to know _something_ , I need some assurance that you’re not going to stab me in the back. Otherwise why would I keep quiet?”

“The real question is why wouldn’t you?” Dee subtly tilted his head over to the windows overlooking the courtyard and Roman saw. The squire slowly moved his eyes over and caught the glint of a pair of glasses watching them through the window, his body tensed as he averted his eyes. Dee nodded, “Logan. He’s too far away to see your face, but he’s been there for a while. Roman, why do you think I didn’t try and kill or subdue you once I figured out what you knew?”

Roman shook his head minutely, “I’m still not sure. Part of me thinks it’s because you felt pity for me, another thinks it’s because you actually care for me.”

Dee gave a soft chuckle, “A combination of the two actually, but there’s more.” Roman looked up at him and the seer smiled behind his veil, “I didn’t hurt you because I didn’t know if I needed to. I trust you and I’m not simply saying that to appeal to your emotions. Objectively, there’s not a single person in this castle that I trust besides those that come from the outside. Therefore you shouldn’t either.”

Roman’s eyes widened, “Don’t you live here? And not one person? Not even Virgil?”

“How do you think Virgil got here, Roman? Forgive me for saying so, but you come from lower status life, you _know_ how power works here,” Dee’s voice became bitter, “He didn’t get here without hurting someone, his magic may have helped him, but no. I don’t take those chances and I don’t trust him. I trusted Remy and Cyrus but one won’t be able to help and the other nearly killed you earlier so that’s neither here nor there.

“But _you_ , Roman. Somehow you resisted my magic, clung onto your memories and then had the gall to try and interrogate me while injured. You’re a tenacious one,” he trailed off before looking forwards again, “But you’re also honorable. And I feel as if when you know of all the skeletons in the dungeon of this place, you’ll have no problem with helping me.”

Roman felt his face become warm despite the alarming statement he’d just heard, “You make the plan sound an awful lot like treason.”

Dee looked down at him for a long moment and Roman’s face hardened, the silence alone answering his question. Not _like_ treason. This _was_ treason. And maybe it was because Roman hated this kingdom, but that was assuring. Exposing some skeletons sounded like the most honorable thing he could do in this situation.

“As for your assurance that I won’t stab you in the back,” Dee started once the silence had carried on for long enough, “I’m afraid I’ll need you to wait until tomorrow night. I have an idea as to what will suffice. I know it’s not ideal, but _please_ , it’s for the benefit of everyone that you give me tomorrow.”

Roman’s mouth set into a thin line and he nodded, “You’ll die on the sword if you betray me.”

He was surprised to hear Dee laugh as he uttered, “I’d gladly oblige.” The seer turned his face up to the moon again and Roman felt his chest swelling with a jumble of confusing emotions.

Roman shook his head and looked forwards again, “Good... I think. You agreed far too quickly.” When all he got was an amused hum the squire continued, “But that entire conversation only begs the question, how did _you_ get here? You’re the Royal Seer, who did you hurt to get where you are?“

He felt Dee’s body tense as the man gave a sigh, “I think about that far too much. I suppose, I did nothing.”

Roman blinked hard as he heard that, “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” the seer confirmed, “And by doing nothing, so... _so_ many got hurt.” Dee sounded angry but Roman didn’t know who he was angry at.

Roman tried to switch topics, unnerved by that statement and filed away the information for later. “What are you a seer of?”

“...That answer is not ready to be revealed,” Dee uttered after a moment sounding a bit calmer but not much more so.

Roman kept his gaze forwards, trying not to give away the seriousness of their conversation since he now knew that they were being watched. “Well _I’m_ ready for many things, including not being patronized, Dee.”

“I’d never,” the seer responded before he took a deep breath of the cool night air, “I simply know what it is to learn a truth that was not ready to come to the surface. I do not wish to hurt you like that, I couldn’t take it.” There was something about how he had explained his answer - or lack thereof - that betrayed his guilt about having hurt others in the past, a silent “not again” that followed his statement. The squire sighed through his nose as he looked up at Dee and was surprised to see the man’s veil turned towards him, “The sky is rather beautiful tonight.”

He was trying to distract him, Roman knew it, yet he allowed his attention to be taken in by the sight above their heads. It was beautiful, quiet and beautiful. A full moon shining serenely amongst the stars in the dark sky. Yet only one thought surfaced in Roman through all of the distrust, concern, anger, curiosity, uncertainty and strange sense of security being next to Dee gave him. _“How can someone who hides their face, seem so entrancing?”_ Roman felt a strange lightness in his chest and his grip around Dee’s arm got tighter.

The two spent the rest of the ten minutes that the seer had allotted them just walking in silence before returning to the castle. Both of them had noted that the glasses that had been watching them from the window were gone, and Dee sighed, knowing he would probably be hearing about this soon. That was fine, he’d be ready.

Roman did most of the steering once they got inside, escorting his “escort” back to Roman’s room so there would be no suspicion as to why Roman had been wandering around so early in the morning. Dee gladly noted that with no one in the vicinity, that he did not have to reenter Roman’s room to make it seem as if he had questioned the squire. So he turned to leave.

Roman grabbed his sleeve, “Wait.”

Dee turned back to the squire and was surprised as he felt a warm hand cupping his face through his veil. The seer experienced only a second of panic before he realized that Roman’s thumb was slowly, gently stroking his cheek. Dee stared into the other man’s auburn eyes, clouded with guilt and sadness before Roman went up on his toes to lean forwards and gently press his lips to Dee’s opposite cheek. The side of his face that had caused him so much pain and misery, and the squire had just kissed him there as softly as if he were made of porcelain. The seer felt heat rush to his face, he was not _nearly_ awake enough for this.

“You... you _didn’t_ deserve it,” Roman whispered as he pulled back and settled flat on his feet, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

It was only when Roman spoke that Dee realized that his heart was pounding in his ears and he took a shallow breath, trying to calm down so he could communicate effectively. “And I’m sorry for hurting you,” he meant it. The squire stared holes into him as he dropped his hand away from Dee’s face and gave him a small smile before he closed the door to his room.

On each side of the door, the two men leant against the wood in front of them, unaware of the other’s presence or panic at what had just happened.

 _“A kiss on the cheek is a common way to apologize nowadays,”_ they both reasoned. Roman pushed off the door to throw off his robe as Dee pushed off the door to begin walking down the hallway.

 _“It didn’t mean anything, considering everything that happened tonight. It couldn’t!”_ Dee thought as he walked down the stairs as he held onto the railing, holding a hand up to his face but not daring to touch the spot where the squire’s lips had been.

 _“It was just an apology, a completely professional apology. I hurt him, it only makes sense that I tried to rectify that!”_ Roman jumped into bed and tried to forget the way that Dee’s breath had felt when it brushed his cheek.

The seer found his way to his room, lost in his thoughts as he opened the door and closed it behind him. _“It’s not worth it so I’m not getting attached,”_ his mind growled as if it would calm him at all.

The squire pulled his cover over his head and curled up into a fetal position, trying to clear his mind. _“He’s way too dangerous, I’m not getting attached,”_ his mind whispered, wanting to just go to sleep.

Their minds were quiet for a while before one thought emerged on top of their panic, _“Fuck, I’m gay.”_

* * *

Dee shot up in bed as he heard a knocking at his door, sharply inhaling and wincing as his head throbbed from the sudden movement. “Who is it?” he called as he began shifting out of bed. The light from outside his open window was already starting to shift from that soft blue that dawn brung to the orange of sunrise, he was likely running late, where was his pocket watch?

“His majesty, King Atroa is here for you, Seer,” Logan’s voice came from the other side.

Dee felt his body freeze up but forced himself through it to keep moving, he threw on a robe that he had sitting on a chair in the room and went for the veil he had carelessly discarded on his vanity early that morning. He couldn’t keep the king waiting, no matter how sluggish and in pain he was, he’d take care of it afterwards. “Enter,” he called once his face and body were covered.

The door opened to allow the king to enter, dressed like a peacock even this early in the morning. Logan followed closely behind only for the king to turn and order, “Wait outside.” His advisor looked a bit surprised but bowed his head and did as he was told, closing the door as he left.

Dee stood to attention at the foot of his bed, waiting for the king to speak. And speak he did as he looked to Dee’s bed, “Having a late start?”

“Yes, your majesty,” the seer kept his answer short and to the point. The king didn’t like hearing superfluous words, the faster he got his answer, the more pleased he would be.

“You were outside with the injured squire last night,” he wanted an explanation and Dee was ready.

“He wanted to walk off some of the pain he was in before I began questioning him.”

The king nodded curtly, “Any hesitance or change?”

“Remy is starting to hesitate more while Roman shows no greater signs of hesitance. Neither of their answers have yet to change.”

There was silence for a moment before the king reached out to pat Dee on the shoulder, “Good man. I’ll let you get ready for the day. Best hurry.” He turned, but the seer stayed still until the king was out of the door and Dee heard his footfalls depart from the door.

He exhaled deeply through his nose before breathing more steadily, allowing his heart the oxygen it needed to function properly. He hadn’t realized that he’d barely allowed himself to breathe during the short interaction but it was to be expected, this whole thing had become much more complicated. He’d always been a talented liar despite the fact that he’d been punished for it many times in the past, but that made the threat of being caught in a lie no less daunting.

He could vividly remember his stepmother growling as she dug the heel of her shoe into his arm with the threat of breaking it as he tried not to cry too loudly, desperate not to upset her further. _“You deceitful pig,”_ he could hear her voice as if she were in the room with him now. A soft wind came into the room from the open window and he began to move to get ready, remembering that she wasn’t.

His lies had helped him, even saved his life at times and at other times they had helped others. He would always be grateful for his capacity for deceit, thus why he’d told those that he could to simply call him Dee. He didn’t know if it was healthy to cling onto the nickname but part of him reveled in it, feeling as if he’d reclaimed a valuable part of himself.

As Dee finally got his uniform on he checked his pocket watch and chuckled, he’d be arriving five minutes late. He was glad he had made up that “grace period”, even if Roman had seen right through it.

As his thoughts brushed past Roman, he felt heat gather in his face. He still felt the ghost of his lips on his face and distantly wondered how they would have felt without the veil in the way. On his jawline, his forehead, his lip- “Stop,” he deadpanned at himself in the mirror trying to interrupt his thoughts no matter how impossible that was, “Stop. He was apologizing, not flirting or confessing. He wouldn’t want to if he knew what you looked like anyways.”

That comment didn’t make him feel _great_ but it did stop the inane thoughts raging in his head, so Dee considered that good enough. As an afterthought he focused his magic on his head, trying to alleviate the pain in it. When using magic on others, some sort of contact or visual contact was needed, those parameters didn’t extend to himself however. He just had to be careful. He distinctly remembered one time that he had cut off circulation to his foot when he’d tried to heal himself while he was still inexperienced and chuckled at his younger self’s foolishness. 

Dee checked his watch again and swore, now he’d be _seven_ minutes late. This is what happened when he got distracted, nothing good. _“Well not nothing,”_ his mind reasoned as Dee exited his room, _“Roman is good.”_

He smiled a little as he made his way to the dining hall, all the while agreeing with the thought. _“Yes, Roman is good.”_

* * *

When the seer arrived for breakfast he was glad to see Remy and Roman talking to one another but then noticed that Roman looked a bit distressed while Remy was widely smirking. The latter squire noticed him first and waved, “Morning, Dee. Roman and I were just talking about lattes! Have you heard of them?”

Dee glanced between the two squires in suspicion as he made his way over to take his usual seat next to Roman, “I have. A new caffeinated drink, yes?” Roman’s face seemed redder than usual and he had picked up a fork to immediately start eating a salad that was in front of him when Dee had taken his seat. He didn’t seem upset, so Dee supposed that Remy hadn’t done much but he sorely doubted that they’d been talking about _lattes_ before he’d come in.

Judging by the way that Remy was acting, Roman hadn’t told him anything as Dee had asked him not to. Good. He supposed that he could get answers from Roman later, and so was fine with being ignorant for a while longer. He laid out his napkin before beginning to eat while talking with Remy who seemed interested in trying out a latte at his earliest opportunity. It was when Dee had called in a member of the kitchen staff to actually make them some cups, that the seer felt as if Remy would _actually_ jump across the table and kiss him. The thought of kissing, again pulled his mind to that early morning and he shook the thought away as best he could, looking over at Roman who had stayed quiet for the majority of breakfast.

Roman wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation and rather, wanted the floor to simply eat him so he could avoid the glances Remy was shooting him. Smug and teasing. Although the man had said that he’d leave Roman alone, he had begged Roman for one more opportunity to poke fun at him before the two never spoke again. Roman had obliged, regardless of the fact that he strangely trusted Remy _more_ since his confession yesterday, just for today, just for breakfast. And Gaia did he regret it.

The next thing that had flown out of Remy’s mouth was, “So was he a top or a bottom?” Roman had blanched and when he asked for clarification, Remy simply smirked. “The noises and thumps coming from your room, you two leaving - prolly to go to his room for a better layout -, you coming back a bit later and to top off the entire thing, a _kiss_ on the cheek? I’m nosy, babe, not deaf. But even I couldn’t really tell who was topping, so, which was he?”

Roman hadn’t known what to say, if he denied it, Remy would just pry and get more nosy, or get suspicious. If he confirmed it... he supposed all he would have to suffer through was Remy thinking that he’d slept with Dee, not wondering what else they could have been doing. He wanted to mull over the two options a bit but Roman being who he was and panicking, simply blurted out, “Yes.” He’d immediately smacked a hand over his own mouth to silence himself.

Remy’s jaw had dropped with a grin and he kept pushing for details while Roman shushed him and _that_ was when Dee had joined them for breakfast and Remy had switched topics at the drop of a hat. It was impressive, in hindsight and Roman was glad that Remy had been so quick to do so.

“Roman,” the seer's deep voice came from the squire’s left and he looked over, “What did your brother’s letter say?”

Roman blinked and gave a small smile, he had eventually read his brother’s letter early that morning. As a way to distract himself and see what Remus had replied with. “The usual, he’s worried and has told me not to get too reckless.” It wasn’t untrue, but a great oversimplification of what Remus had warned him of.

“Reckless, like getting your back sliced open?” Remy noted.

Roman sheepishly ran his fingers through his hair, “About that reckless, yes. If you ever see him, please don’t tell him.”

Remy laughed a bit and agreed to keep his mouth shut about it. But really, Roman didn’t know how his brother would react if he knew- No, that was a lie. His twin would march right to the gates and demand to see him, probably grab him by the hand and drag Roman back home. Roman wasn’t under any obligation to be here, by all means, if he left, there would be no legal repercussions for doing so.

So why _didn’t_ he just leave? The thought lingered in Roman’s head for a moment before a small cup of coffee was placed before the three men Dee prompted them to drink. Roman lifted the cup to his mouth, blowing on the hot drink before taking a sip, he stilled. Remy had also taken a drink and let out a string of curses under his breath at how good it tasted, before looking at Roman.

Dee was also staring at the squire next to him, he reached into a pocket to pull out a handkerchief and offer it to Roman as tears fell down his face. “Are,” he took a moment to clear his throat, “Are you alright, Roman?”

The man seemed to snap out of it, accepting the handkerchief with a grateful nod, he laughed a bit. “It’s just, really _sweet_. I like it,” Roman noted as he wiped his eyes, “I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.”

Dee picked up his own cup of coffee and raised it to Roman’s, “Sorry for what? If anything, that reaction is a compliment to the kitchen.” Roman gave him a small smile and the two clinked their cups together before continuing to drink with Remy who spent the rest of breakfast giving the pair a content smile.

Roman didn’t know why he hadn’t just left, this was more than he had ever wanted to be involved with and he didn’t even understand the extent of how far this was all going. But as he sat there drinking the sweetest thing he had ever had with Dee’s golden handkerchief in his hand and sitting laughing with two men he never thought that he’d grow to trust, he found that he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and brave the unknown, if only to find a bit of a true connection in this kingdom of artificial people.

He only hoped that Remus wouldn’t get too angry when he received Roman’s letter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure he won't get too mad... right?
> 
> Yeah, I really felt evil after last chapter so I tried to add a bit more fluff in this one, but holy hell was it tough lol. I think I did a good job but I've also been informed that this chapter was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. I laughed in response. The creativitwins are having a wonderful time!
> 
> Thanks to my lovely significant other warcraftedtardis (AngelaEvil) for beta reading this chapter on my stream last night! They helped out a lot with formatting and flow to make this chapter easier to read, they also have their own writing on tumblr and Ao3 so be sure to check them out. <3
> 
> Question for this chapter: Did any part in this chapter have you yelling "yessss" or "noooo" in reaction (lol)?  
> Previous Questions: Who is your favorite character so far and why? | What moment impacted you the most in this chapter?


	6. Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was some good coffee. Now what's today's trial?  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Referenced suicide attempt, reference to child abuse and implied non-sexual nudity (tell me if I missed anything)

Remy smirked from behind Roman and Dee as the two men walked ahead of him in the west hallway of the castle, heading to a different location besides the courtyard. Both men walking in front of the trio were very aware of Remy’s staring but for different reasons.

Roman was still very aware that Remy was going to smirk in his direction anytime the two made eye contact until this week was over. Roman had already experienced his hour of regret in panicking and answering Remy’s question without thinking, and there would be many more hours of regret to come but he _was_ glad that the conversation had happened and was over with. Had Roman denied Remy the opportunity to make his preposterous comment at all or denied that he had slept with Dee, the other squire would have become even more nosy. And considering how much Remy had witnessed without Roman or Dee noticing, the nosy man would have likely heard more than what he was supposed to. And when dealing with treason, that was less than ideal.

Dee was aware of Remy’s staring for two very simple reasons, he was very used to being stared at and the only one that the young man ever seemed to talk to on these walks, was currently in the dungeon. Dee turned his head slightly to look at Remy's face as he walked, “You could join us up here, Remy. I know it is a different orientation than you are used to but we wouldn’t mind the company.”

Remy looked off towards the windows on his right and shook his head, “I’m doing just peachy back here, babes. You two chat if you want, I’m not listening.”

After a moment Dee turned his head to face forwards again and Roman heard the mutter of, “Blatant lie,” under the seer’s breath. Still he looked down to Roman, “In that case, Roman, are you a fan of books?”

The squire blinked in surprise and stammered for a moment, “I-I uh, I suppose? I don’t read much at the moment though.” He trailed off for a moment, “For the past - what, ten years - all I’ve read are instructional etiquette and fighting form books.” Remy yawned loudly and Roman pointedly glanced back to see the other man looking out the windows, as if the yawn hadn’t been directed at Roman’s answer.

“So you had no books from your childhood that threw tales worth silver and gold over you to lull you to sleep?” Dee asked. It drew Roman’s attention back to him.

It was a simple statement but Roman could swear that the wording sounded familiar. He could nearly feel the words in the back of his throat.

 _“And as there was no one left in the house, Cinderella went to her mother’s grave, under the hazel-bush, and cried, Little tree, little tree, shake over me, That silver and gold may come down and cover me.”_ Roman had read quietly by his brother’s bedside as Remus had been ill with a fever. Neither of them had known if he was going to survive the night, so Roman tried to calm them and lull Remus to sleep with their favorite book, their _only_ book.

 _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_. Dee was referring to fairy tales to try and have a conversation in front of Remy without the other man catching on to what they were actually saying. Roman felt his heart pick up in speed, oh Gaia. He’d done things like this many times through letters with his brother and rarely in conversation, but the two of them had a _code_ , a discussed method.

 _This_ was completely out of nowhere and Roman didn’t know if he’d be able to understand everything that Dee was trying to say or communicate effectively in turn.

 _“Relax, this is like when you acted out random scenes with Remus as kids, neither of you had a script. Just improvise,”_ he thought to himself before glancing at Dee. “Actually, yes. I think I did,” he started with confirming that he understood what Dee was trying to do.

Said man gave a pleased hum, “I’m glad. What was your favorite story, off the top of your head?”

It seemed to be a normal question asking for a reference in reply, damn... Roman racked his brain to think of something that would ask what he wanted. The answer came faster than he’d expected, it had been many years since he’d even opened the beloved book from his childhood, yet it seemed that his mind still had room for some of its stories. “The Golden Key,” Roman decided was the best to use, “A short one but always left me wondering what the boy found in the box beneath the snow.” A story that would hopefully convey Roman’s want for answers.

Dee nodded and seemed to think for a moment, “Mine would be The Hazel Branch. Like your favorite, short but it had a happier ending than most stories.”

Now Roman had to figure out what that answer meant. It was the story in which a mother that had been gathering berries in the woods was chased by a snake and avoided it by hiding in a hazel bush. The snake had not been able to attack her and retreated, allowing the mother to get the berries she had sought for. Roman understood —at least he hoped he did—the answers he wanted could not be given until it was safer. So where they were at this moment was considered not safe enough for the seer. “I see,” Roman noted, “An understandable choice but not one that I can relate with.”

Dee observed the pensive look on Roman’s face and couldn’t help but smirk as he seemed to understand his message well. The seer was impressed. He would likely hear the squire complain about this spontaneous use of coded speech later, but the seer would simply insist that it had worked in the moment and Roman had adapted very well. The squire seemed to enjoy compliments like that, from what Dee had observed of him, so hopefully the squire would drop it afterwards.

With a glance behind them, Dee judged that according to the displeased look on Remy’s face, he seemed to believe that Dee and Roman were only discussing simple fairy tales. Turning his attention back to the hall, he noticed that they were approaching the room that the next trial would be in. He glanced down to Roman, trying to figure out one last message to throw his way. He held a hand up to his suit and fiddled with one of the buttons, “In that case, another favorite of mine would be Tales of Snakes, part three. Do you recall that one?”

Roman looked up towards Dee and felt his mouth pull in annoyance, as clever as this all felt, _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_ had 200 tales within its covers. Many of those tales, Roman had either never gotten to, skipped over or had forgotten nearly completely. “There are many snake tales so I am not sure which one that is, no,” he answered. Roman distantly thought that it was strange that both stories that Dee had brought up included snakes in some capacity. If that meant something, he supposed he’d have to get his hands on a copy of the fairy tale book if one existed in the library that he’d be meeting the seer in later.

Dee chuckled a bit and undid the topmost button on his suit, Roman seemed to notice. “It was a tale of a small snake,” he redid the button and continued, “And a young girl. She had laid out a silk handkerchief out as she played with her dolls and the small snake came out of a crack in the wall. Seeing the handkerchief the snake left only to return with a beautiful crown made of ivy and wrapped in gold, to lay it down on the silk fabric for the young girl and then left. The girl eagerly grabbed the crown and placed it upon her head and when the snake had returned to see the crown gone, it struck its head against a wall until it died.”

Roman frowned, “Ah, well that’s-”

“Grim? Yes, it would be,” Dee mused before continuing, “But since the snake had died, the young girl was left with only the crown, never to see what other treasures the snake could have brought for her through the hole in the wall. I quite like the story despite its dark ending. I believe it teaches of patience and the unconscious effect a person can have on another’s life.”

Roman stopped walking as Dee stopped by a door and pushed it open, the seer beckoned the two squires inside with a wave of an arm. “But we can dwell on such matters later, for now, your next trial awaits,” the seer waited until both squires entered the room to close the door behind them.

The squires looked around what seemed to be a study with a long table surrounded by chairs, in the middle of the table sat Patton, reading over some papers. As Dee approached the table, the queen’s advisor perked up and smiled as he stood. “Heya, Dee!” he greeted as he came around the table to hand the papers over to the seer.

Dee accepted the papers with a grateful nod, “Good morning, Patton. Thank you for taking care of these.”

Patton shook his head and looked at the squires in front of him and waved, “Heya, I’m Patton. Advisor to her Majesty, the Queen.” Roman and Remy nodded in greeting before Patton suddenly came up to Roman to wrap his arms around the squire.

Roman froze up, not used to being hugged by... well _anyone_ but Remus really. “U-uh, hello, Patton?” he awkwardly patted the man’s back in hopes that he would let go. The hug wasn’t _unpleasant_ exactly but the man couldn’t get Remus’ voice out of his head, warning Roman of merchants that would try and swipe things from pockets when they went in for a “friendly” hug. And though the squire had nothing in his pockets, the proximity to the advisor was still freaking him out a bit. Patton did quickly let him go with a grin and Roman noted with some confusion that the man was a few inches shorter than him, which made the squire wonder how old this man was. He seemed young, younger than Remy, even.

When Patton turned to Remy and moved to hug him as well the squire backed away a step, "Uh I’m actually coming down with something, Pat, wouldn’t want you to get sick.” He gave a small smile.

The advisor nodded in understanding before looking at both of them, “Well, please take care of yourselves, you two! Wouldn’t want a repeat of yesterday.”

Remy glanced at Roman with a look that said “this guy has got to be on drugs.” Roman was simply confused by the man but was able to keep a polite smile on his face.

Dee seemed to notice the two’s discomfort and came up behind Patton to place a hand on the advisor’s shoulder, “Please, Patton, the only dangers they’ll face today are possible headaches and papercuts. Thank you for your concern.”

Patton nodded and made his way out of the room with a nod, “Okay, good luck, kiddos!” The door closed behind him.

Remy immediately looked at Dee, “What is he on and where can I get some?”

Dee breathed out a laugh, “I believe it’s called genuine kindness and you can get it from a happy and untraumatized childhood.”

It was Roman’s and Remy’s turn to laugh. They didn’t think about how all three of them were able to find that statement funny. They didn’t.

Dee gestured to the table behind him with a wave of his hand, “Now, let’s not waste time, you’ll want it. Remy, sit at the table nearest to the window, Roman, sit on the opposite side.”

The two squires did so and Roman looked at the papers in Dee’s hands, “Are we having a test or something?”

“Yes,” Dee placed a stack of at least four pages and a pen before him before doing the same to Remy, “Do you have experience with using a pen?”

Remy’s mouth dropped open, “Wait we’re seriously doing a test?” Being stared at through the seer’s veil gave Remy his answer causing the squire to sigh dramatically as he leaned his chair back, “Yes, I can use a pen.”

Roman looked over the pen in front of him and shrugged, “I suppose I could figure it out? It’s not too much different from a quill, yes?”

Dee nodded and made his way over to Roman’s side, “Which hand is your dominant?”

“I’m ambidextrous but I prefer my right,” Roman held up said hand a bit with a smirk.

The seer tilted his head, “What a coincidence, so am I.” Roman blinked wide in surprise, he and his brother were the only people he knew that could use both hands with equal skill and strength. He couldn’t help but smile a bit at having met another like them.

Dee reached down with his right hand to take Roman’s, the squire barely bit back a squeak when Dee leaned over him to start speaking. “When holding a quill, your hand is like this, yes?” the seer uttered as he guided Roman’s fingers into the appropriate position.

Roman nodded as he stared at his hand, not the man next to him and _certainly not_ at the smirking man across the table. Dee’s soft gloves shifted Roman’s fingers to form a wider opening and then grabbed the pen to slip it into Roman’s grip, “Exactly like this and better for the joints in your fingers, you’ll find. And when you push down don’t be afraid to give a little pressure to it, the pen won’t break like quills are prone to do.”

Roman looked up at Dee and nodded, trying not to think about how close he was. “Thank you.”

Dee nodded with a soft chuckle, “No problem at all, and one more thing.” He leaned a bit closer as he guided Roman’s hand back to the table before whispering, “I know you’re confused but don’t worry about what the story means, focus on this right now. I know you can do this.”

Before Roman could react, Dee let go of his hand and pulled away. The seer moved to the middle of the table to pull out a chair, “When I sit, you can flip over the papers in front of you and you will have three hours to complete the test. I am sure you have noticed that there is no visible clock in this room, so the only thing that will tell you when your time is up, is me. There is also another thing, no verbal noise is allowed while taking the test, nor any eye contact. If either of these things occur, your test will be taken from you whether you are done or not.”

The squires stilled as Dee stepped in front of the chair and seemed to look at both of them, before he took a seat. They began.

* * *

“Pens down, time is up,” the sound of the first voice in the room for the last three hours was a blessing to Remy and Roman. The squires gave a synchronized groan of relief as they did as the seer prompted them to. Dee stood from his chair and came to take the papers from them as the two squires looked around the room.

Roman’s eyes felt bleary as if he’d just woken up; he would have thought so had he not vividly remembered going through the worst test ever for three hours. It contained his worst subjects, history and politics, but thankfully he had the etiquette down like it was nobody’s business. “Why were there no multiple choice questions?” he murmured.

“Yeah, do you like seeing people struggle to write short answers and essays, Dee?” Remy whined from his side of the table.

“Oh yes,” Dee responded, “It’s my _favorite_ thing to watch you for three hours stressing over a test while I sit completely still doing absolutely nothing.”

Roman sent a sidelong glare at Dee for a moment, “...You phrased that as if it was sarcastic but I feel as if you also did kind of enjoy it.” He got up and began stretching his back and was pleased to find that it felt no worse than that morning.

Dee methodically flipped through the papers in his hands, “Perhaps, I _was_ dreadfully bored. But I didn’t write these tests, Patton did.” Both squires blinked wide at that and the seer laughed a bit, “Yes, I know he doesn’t look it but he’s quite intelligent and older than me.”

Remy stood from his chair and began to stretch, “And how old are you, Dee?”

“Twenty-two,” Dee automatically muttered out before looking between the squires in front of him, “The castle is yours to roam for the next two hours before lunch will be ready at one, enjoy your leisure time while I go over these.” The seer turned and without another word, left the room.

Roman looked after him for a moment before glancing over at Remy, the other squire shook his head. “I said I’d leave you alone after breakfast, do what you want, I’m going to the atrium to fall the fuck asleep,” Remy informed with a wave as he went towards the door.

Roman nodded as he watched him leave, “After this is all over though...” Roman’s voice caused Remy to stop at the door and glance back as Roman gave a tired smile, “I think I’d like to hang out with you, under more... normal circumstances.”

The other squire blinked wide before he sputtered and looked away, “Sure, whatever. See you.” He rushed out of the room and Roman felt an amused smile stretch across his face at Remy’s flustered exit.

He stood there in the room for a moment and let his eyes go down to the sash tied around his arm and sighed as he ran his hand over it, “I’m being as careful as I can, Re.” 

Roman knew that his brother wasn’t there and couldn’t hear him but some part of him still hoped that Remus would somehow hear him anyways. He could practically hear his brother ranting throughout the room if he knew all that had happened over the past few days. _“So you nearly got chopped in half for a guy who you should have known was out to hurt you because he’s out for the same fucking position as you, then you decided to trust him because of some crocodile tears? And then this magical fuck asks you fucked up questions night after night, hurts you, then when you nearly have more answers out of him, you let him go because of more crocodile tears! Anyone can fake a breakdown, Ro! I don’t care about his ‘tragic past’, he prolly had that one lined up because he knew it would get to you!”_

The rant went on and on inside Roman’s head but he ignored it, because Remus wasn’t there. His brother’s advice had been sound, but it had been sent before all that had happened last night, it was not quite so reliable anymore. And likewise, there was no use thinking about how pissed Remus would be if he was there with him. Roman breathed in, and out and then left the room to find the nearest servant to guide him to the library.

When he did find a servant and let them guide him Roman let himself zone out as he finally started concentrating on what he really wanted to think about. _Tales of Snakes_ _part three_. What was Roman supposed to glean from that? From the way Dee had explained the story it nearly sounded as if Roman was being chided for being too eager for answers, but it didn’t feel as if that was the case. If it had been, why would the seer then have taken the time to tell Roman not to think too hard about it during the trial? The squire shook his head, _“No, that wasn’t a clue, it was literal advice that I needed to take. That test was hard as hell by itself.”_

Dee had been doing something with his buttons when he had spoken about it as well, Roman recalled. Before he’d begun his retelling he’d undone his top button and when he’d described the snake, he redid his button. So was Dee the snake in the story, then? Roman let out a frustrated sigh, he’d _really_ be giving Dee a piece of his mind for making Roman think so hard after a three hour test.

When Roman finally reached the library and opened the door, he was surprised to see that Dee wasn’t there. He glanced at the servant that was walking away and supposed he shouldn’t say anything, Roman was supposed to be in the room just to be in the room, he couldn’t make it seem like he was supposed to purposefully meet the seer there.

Roman went inside and looked around the room, it was surprisingly small with a desk, duvet and center table as the only furniture. Bookshelves lined the walls, filled to the brim with tomes of different sizes, some only reachable via the sliding ladder installed on both walls. Roman breathed in the smell of the books around him inspiring a feeling of vellichor in him. He moved to start looking for a copy of _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_ as unlikely as it seemed that he would find one before he spotted something on the glass center table in the room. Dee’s golden handkerchief.

Roman froze and began to approach it as if it would suddenly spring out at him, but nothing happened, of course. His hands clenched and unclenched as he thought back to that morning when he’d received it and it was with confusion that he realized that he did _not_ remember giving the handkerchief back. He’d _meant_ to, but he’d gotten a little sidetracked by the rest of breakfast and the strange conversation that had happened afterwards. There was no missing time so he doubted that Dee had stolen any memories from him but... “He swiped it back,” Roman concluded remembering how close Dee had been to him while showing him how to use the pen. It must have happened then, when Roman had been distracted. But why take it back if he was just going to place it down in the library?

To show that he had been there? To portray a message? To distract Roman long enough to get him trapped and killed in this room? The last thought had the squire rushing for the door to try the handle, he breathed out a sigh of relief when the door opened. As a second thought, Roman peeked out of the room and looked both ways down the hall, he saw no one. With a few calming breaths, Roman closed the door again and turned to glare at the handkerchief as if it represented the veiled seer himself. “Of all the convoluted, ambiguous, enthralling sorcerers to be stuck in a castle with, just had to be Dee, didn’t it?” he snatched up the handkerchief only to pause as he felt the material. Silk.

A _silk_ handkerchief.

_“She had laid out a silk handkerchief out as she played with her dolls and the small snake came out of a crack in the wall.”_

Roman looked over the handkerchief once more before placing it back where it had been on the table. It was a riddle, “Okay, I can deal with that. I’ll play.”

_“Seeing the handkerchief the snake left only to return with a beautiful crown made of ivy and wrapped in gold, to lay it down on the silk fabric for the young girl and then left.”_

Roman looked around the room running a hand through his hair, “A crack in the wall, the walls are made of bookshelves, I’m not pulling every book out to find one fucking-” Roman stopped and approached the books to start looking over them, “Wait, what if... I only need to find a certain book?”

He went through three rows before he spotted a dark green book with gold gilding, he pulled it from the shelf and flipped it over to its cover. A woman stood with blonde hair so long that she was tangled with it, Rapunzel. Roman laughed a bit as he read the title, “Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales. Dee, this better be worth it.” He turned to go and place the book down on top of the handkerchief before going to the bookshelf again and was irked to not see a crack in the wood.

He ran his fingers over the wood, it felt solid but his hand felt a bit cold as it sat between two other books. Roman pulled his hand back and placed it against the wood again, yes, it was colder than the rest of the room.

_“The girl eagerly grabbed the crown and placed it upon her head and when the snake had returned to see the crown gone, it struck its head against a wall until it died. But since the snake had died, the young girl was left with only the crown, never to see what other treasures the snake could have brought for her through the hole in the wall.”_

Biting his lip Roman observed the empty space for a bit before looking at the books adjacent to it. One book was dark while the other had a gray cover, yet the cover of the gray book met with the bookshelf in an awkward way. Intrigued, Roman reached for the cover to pull it open and he balked, “Oh _that_ is cheating.” He grabbed the lever inside the false book and turned it.

Soundlessly the bookshelf to Roman’s right swung open and the squire whirled around to see two points of glowing yellow light in the darkness of the secret passageway. “I’m enthralling?” Dee asked curiously, “I understand the convoluted and ambiguous comment, but _enthralling_?”

Roman’s jaw dropped for a moment before he looked behind him to make sure they were still alone and then he looked back at Dee, “Oh, _that’s_ what we’re talking about? How I perceive you?”

Dee clicked a tongue as he approached the open passageway, “Ah yes, how you perceive me does not matter. Only I know me, yes?” Roman didn’t get the chance to reply before Dee handed him a large nondescript book. Dee nodded to the table behind Roman, “Fetch the book and my handkerchief please. And when you come back, close the false book and place the book I just handed you where the fairy tale book was. Can’t have anyone knowing that we know about this.”

Roman blinked wide at Dee and quickly did as he was told, as annoying as this all was, he had no urge to be caught in such a situation by anyone that happened to wander in. As the squire closed the false book and slid the dark book with no title or design into place beside it, he barely held back a yelp as Dee grabbed him by the arm and yanked him into the passageway. He would have yelled at the man had he not heard the bookshelf quickly slide into place behind him.

“Good job, see, I knew you could do it,” Dee noted as he let go of the squire’s arm.

“Oh, I am going to need _so_ much more than a ‘good job’ for all of this, Dee,” Roman muttered before he began glancing around the passageway they were in. It was narrow, but not cramped. Torches lined the stone walls every few meters that didn’t illuminate so much as acted as guides for how far the passage went. If Roman didn’t know any better he’d think, “These passages go throughout the whole castle.”

Dee gave a hum of affirmation before turning around, “Yes, hence why having a conversation out in the open was and _is_ a bad idea. The walls may not have ears, but the people that wander inside the walls do, and they’re listening. We’ll be taking this passage elsewhere while I explain what I have thought of so far concerning my plan as we make our way there. Whatever I ask you to do while we are back here, listen to me. I know where the walls are and are not soundproofed and where you could be prone to trip.”

Roman nodded, “Alright, but how do you know where everything is? Can you see through walls, is that what you’re a seer of?”

Dee actually snickered at that, “Yes, because being a Royal Seer only has one job; to see through _walls_!”

Roman smacked Dee in the shoulder as his face burned, “Oh shut up! My brain is numb after that whole ordeal on top of the test!” The seer’s laugh calmed down into a chuckle as he turned back to Roman to take his handkerchief back and gently hit the squire’s nose with it. Roman blushed as he realized he was eye to eye with Dee and he could feel the seer’s breath on his face, “S-so what _can_ you see?”

“Still not a question that is ready to be answered... but I suppose for now I will say that I can see in the dark,” Dee admitted as he straightened up and pocketed his handkerchief. The seer glanced down at Roman and his blushing face which seemed to only get redder, “So _yes_ I can see that you’re blushing at the moment.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Never said we had to.”

“Can we start walking now?”

“Of course, hold onto my sleeve,” Dee only began moving when he felt the grip on his sleeve as he’d asked, “Good boy.” Roman let out an indignant squeak and Dee laughed, “Sorry, I thought you said you needed more than a ‘good job’?”

“That’s _not_ what I meant, and you know full well that-! No, stay on topic, Dee. Plan?”

The chuckling seer nodded, “Apologies, I’ll behave. Now, I’m sure you recall our conversation from early this morning in which I called you honorable. Since you are that, I was unsure how you’d feel about this but wanted to run it by you regardless. That I could within reason, rig this all in your favor.”

Roman was silent for a moment, “The trials? I thought we were trying to reveal corruption?”

“We are Roman, but if you lose you’ll go back home and I’ll be stuck here. There won’t be much we can do at that point,” the seer pointed out, “The decision is not mine in the end, it is the king’s, but he listens to my input.”

“Do you normally have bad input about me?”

“Well, no, I suppose--.”

“Then there’s no need for any rigging, if I fail, I fail.”

“Even if it’s a rigged game from the start? Technically I’ve already begun rigging for you by fabricating answers for you when the king visited me in my room this morning,” Dee began slowly leading Roman down a steep staircase. 

The squire scoffed, “I suppose that is another trial isn’t it? A hidden trial.”

“Yes, a rigged game, like I said.”

“So there will be more trials like that?”

“Of course, even Cyrus did not fail when he attacked Remy yesterday. He was put away because of what happened to you,” Dee noted with a glance behind him, “Take a large step here, there’s a crack.” He waited for Roman to do so and grip onto his sleeve again before they continued walking.

Roman stared ahead in the dark tunnel, the only light source, the flames that they passed once every hundred steps or so and the light coming from Dee’s eyes. The way the orange light mixed with the yellow on the wall was hauntingly beautiful. “So even though the rules stated no dishonorable combat, Cyrus would have been rewarded for fighting in such a way?” his voice sounded far away and childlike. The thought of intentionally pushing a person to break rules put in place to protect another sat uncomfortably in his gut.

“Yes, the King believes that there is no such thing as honorable and dishonorable combat. He only sees weakness and strength in them respectively. Honor is just another word for empathy or sympathy, and he thinks those things should be beneath men,” the seer muttered into the darkness around them.

Roman opened his mouth to answer or say anything. He could only utter, “How long will Cyrus be imprisoned? I’m fine now, the king can let him go.”

Dee sighed, “The king doesn’t _have_ to let him go. He probably won’t until he’s confirmed that he won’t get any use out of the poor man.”

“Get any _use_?”

“People are chess pieces,” Dee droned out before he saw Roman’s worried expression, “That’s something he told me once. Advised me to find the pawns, rooks, bishops, knights... And use them.”

Roman felt his stomach roiling, “Life isn’t a game.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know - stay behind me for a moment there’s a raised brick there - the king’s philosophy has always appalled me. We’ll need to keep quiet here for a moment.”

The two walked in silence for a long while, every few feet a new light source came into the passageway. When Dee felt Roman slowing down, he stopped for just a moment to guide the shorter man to the wall so he could peer through the back of the painting hanging on the wall. The giddy look on Roman’s face when he realized what he was looking at left Dee smiling with a light burning sensation rising in his chest. And the squire found _him_ enthralling? Roman needed to look in a mirror to truly understand what enthralling really was.

Eventually Dee had to tear Roman away from the paintings and they continued to walk until they hit a point at which no one could hear them anymore. “So? Your answer to the rigging?” Dee prompted, “You never really came to a decision.”

Roman sighed, “I realize how childish this may sound but could you rig it for both me and Remy? I know you’re just making it fair for me, rigging a rigged game, but it just... wouldn’t feel right.”

Dee paused to think for a moment, “I can try, it will be harder to hide how Remy is truly doing and I must at least continue the questioning with him.”

“Then yes, I don’t play games set up by those that _want_ me to fail,” Roman muttered with clear annoyance.

“Noted. In that case, all you need to do is keep being amazing and some studying with me in the library wouldn’t hurt.”

“Ah, my test?”

“Your etiquette and combat knowledge is quite impressive. I don’t even care that much for history, but politics you _really_ need to brush up on.”

“You... have valid criticism and I appreciate it.”

“I feel as if you’re lying.”

Roman sighed, “No, I do appreciate it... More than the random coded speech at eight in the damn morning at least.”

Dee nodded, here we go. “I know, I’m convoluted, ambiguous, bad at communicating and put you in a stressful situation, however, I must say I’m truly impressed with you. Even sleep deprived and with no forewarning, you were able to catch on so quickly.”

Roman’s mouth opened to say something but he then lost his words and felt his face get hot again, “I... don’t try and flatter me.”

Dee stopped walking to half-turn his body to Roman and look over his face, “No, I won’t. You didn’t try and flatter me with your compliments, I will strive to do the same for you. You truly did impress me.” Roman’s blush as he heard that was cute, but Dee wouldn’t comment on that as he led the squire through the long passageways and they eventually came to the exit he was looking for. The seer turned to lean his back on the stone wall, “Any other questions?”

The squire nodded, “Am I going to need to brush up on good old Grimm too?”

“Oh _of course_ not, you’re still holding that book because I was too lazy to carry it,” Dee drawled.

“I can _hear_ that smirk, Dee!”

“I’m not smirking,” the smirking man denied.

“Ugh, whatever. How many more trials will there be today and in the days to come?”

“Today there will be no more trials, tomorrow there will be one trial and the day after that, one final trial. The nature of both trials are something I cannot disclose until the day of. Apologies.”

“Y’know you seem to do something that a friend once told me that I do,” Roman remarked.

“What’s that?” Dee asked with curiosity piqued.

“You apologize before it’s been made clear that a mistake has actually been made.”

Dee’s heart _didn’t_ flutter when he realized that Roman had quoted him, and he most certainly _did not_ blush when he saw the squire’s kind smile. “Ah, I- um... Fuck,” Dee uttered.

Roman laughed, “Oh no, did I embarrass you? That _certainly_ wasn’t my intention.” He chuckled a bit more before patting Dee on the arm, “But seriously, I’ve never heard you curse, are you okay?”

Dee nodded before remembering that Roman couldn’t see him, “I’ve uh... I’ve never had someone call me a friend and mean it.”

Roman started, “Oh, well uh... Don’t kill me tonight and I’ll continue to mean it?”

Dee snickered, “That’s not funny.”

“It’s not,” Roman agreed with a subdued chuckle of his own, “Where are we?”

Dee turned towards the wall and shifted his foot to the left into a slot in the wall and lifted his foot upwards. The door opened and Dee ushered Roman into a well lit room. The squire winced at the dramatic shift in light and blinked rapidly as Dee closed the door behind them. When Roman’s eyes had properly adjusted to the light in the room, he blinked wide. “A pool?”

“Not exactly, it’s a natural underground spring. It’s very powerful and old but _yes_ you could use it as a swimming pool. That’s all the king and queen see it as anyways,” the seer came up next to Roman as they looked at the water.

It was as blue as the sky and the air was rich with the smell of natural minerals. The spring had been built around, stretching the room far, but when Roman began to stare down into the water, and found where the sky blue water became darker and darker until it seemed black. He could have sworn he saw something glint red at the bottom and he shuddered. He was both mystified and terrified that he could not see the bottom and what he _may_ have seen at the bottom. “Uh, how do they know they won’t drown?”

“They don’t, in fact they stopped coming down here altogether a few years back. The power in the water finally began to scare them off,” Dee mumbled as he approached the edge and pulled off a glove to reach down towards the water.

“Uh, yeah, what power does the water have? Dee?” Roman asked as his body automatically tensed in preparation for if the seer fell into the spring.

Dee simply dipped his fingers into the water and the ripples caused by the intrusion seemed to make the water sparkle, “I’ll show you.” He stood up and stared into the depths of the spring and jumped over the edge.

Time seemed to stand still as Dee’s feet touched the water, causing more ripples to spread around him at the epicenter. Roman didn’t breathe, he didn’t breathe because if he breathed Dee would fall into the water. He felt his heart thump as the seer turned to him and stretched out a hand, “Come.”

Roman numbly shook his head, looking from the water to Dee and back, “Y-you’re... How?” He’d _never_ heard of even a magic user being capable of something like this.

Dee shook his head and to Roman’s fascination, began to walk towards him across the water. With his hand outstretched for him, Roman took it but simply couldn’t step down to where Dee stood. It was impossible. It wouldn’t work for him. He’d drown.

“Your whole life you’ve been taught that water can only make a being sink or float. While you hold my hand, it will do another thing that it does with anything that resides in it or on it. It will _carry_ you, Roman, I swear,” Dee’s words gave Roman the courage to shut his eyes and step down.

When he didn’t hear water splashing, feel water entering his lungs or even wetness on his definitely _not_ waterproof boots, Roman opened his eyes. He gasped as he saw his feet _standing_ on water and he began laughing, “I- we’re! You and- I’m!” He breathed in only to squeal, “I’m standing on _fucking_ _water_!”

“Being _carried by_ water, Roman. One thing water _isn’t_ is forgiving, be respectful,” Dee warned not unkindly.

Roman nodded as he looked past his feet and saw where the water became dark and nodded, “Yeah... sorry water...”

It was at this point that Dee noticed Roman’s unmoving state, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Totally,” the squire squeaked out softly.

“Having fun?”

“Yeah! Totally.”

“...Terrified?”

“Yeah! Totally.”

Dee nodded in understanding, “Want back on solid ground?”

“Yes please,” Roman breathed. He was quickly lifted into Dee’s arms and placed on the edge of the spring again before the seer joined him. The two sat in silence for a moment while Roman processed what had just happened, “How did you...”

Dee looked over at Roman as the man trailed off. He patiently waited for Roman to find the words, “How did you _know_ that it would carry you? When you first tried?”

Dee frowned and sighed, “I... I didn’t really try.” He could immediately feel Roman’s eyes on him and Dee felt shame creep up his neck, “I... The water wouldn’t let me die, despite what I wanted at the time.”

The silence that followed was deafening and Dee didn’t want to imagine the things that Roman was thinking about him. Unable to help himself, he glanced at the squire to see that he was shifting. Roman laid down so he could reach down and dip his fingers in the spring as he whispered, “Thank you. You did a good thing, not just that one time but for all the other times that he felt like life wasn’t worth it. Maybe just the thought that something wanted him alive, helped him.”

Dee’s felt his chest clench, “You’re...” Roman smiled at him and Dee laughed softly, “You’re quite the marvel sometimes, Roman. Thank you.”

“No problem... Dee?” Said man looked at Roman and the squire continued, “If this doesn’t end up working out, will I never get to know your name?”

The seer paused and stood before offering a hand to help Roman to his feet as well, “You will know my name as _soon_ as I am able to say it, as you have more than proven your worth. Not just as a knight, but as a friend, to me.” He checked the time on his pocket watch and began leading Roman by the hand out of the room, “Come, I want you to have some legitimate leisure time for at least an hour before lunch.”

Roman followed giving the strange spring one last parting glance before the door to the room closed behind them. What Dee had said about his name didn’t make sense to him and neither did the spring that they had just left, but he’d _never_ forget the feeling of standing on water. Something he and most people thought to be impossible, and he’d just done it. Standing on solid ground hardly felt the same and part of him even longed to urge Dee to let him come with him again if he was heading to the strange room.

When the two arrived in familiar territory Dee escorted Roman back to his room and with assurance, the seer nodded at him. “I’ll see you in an hour, then come to the library to study after lunch, then dinner and then... I’ll see you tonight,” he assured with a nod.

Roman nodded numbly and for a moment, he felt himself going up on his toes before he stopped himself and went back on flat feet again. “I’ll uh, I’ll see you later,” the squire confirmed as he disappeared into his room. Dee nodded and stood there for a moment before leaving himself.

From down the hall Remy bit into an apple with a smirk that was somehow simultaneously annoyed and fond. “These clueless gays, why didn’t he just fucking smooch the cutie? Ro-ro was so close!” he opened the door to his room with a groan and closed it behind him.

* * *

Roman was honestly nervous when Dee knocked on his door that night, lunch and dinner had been pleasant and the library had been more of a reminder of squire training than he would have liked. Dee could be ruthless when Roman wasn’t paying attention or zoned out midway through a reading of a long description of something that didn’t make sense, because Roman had stopped reading the description as a description and was just reading the singular words with no understanding of context. But there were results. He now understood what political structure Sadaire functioned under: a patriarchy with an honorary matriarch. So as long as there was a king, the queen had power, but without the king, the crown went to the king’s heir and not the queen herself.

Roman was proud of what he had learned but for the moment he had to push all of that aside to answer the knock at the door. “Enter,” he called. Dee came into the room and closed the door behind him. He had a wooden box in his hands and Roman came closer, “Is the assurance in this box?”

The seer shook his head and approached the bed to place the box down, he then reached under his jacket to pull out a knife in a sheath. Roman’s heart jumped in his chest and before he could start to fear the knife and what Dee was doing with it, the seer held the handle out towards him. The squire looked at the knife and back at the seer, when he received a nod, Roman took the knife and pulled it out of the sheath. “Two questions, why a knife and what am I doing with it?”

Dee began to unbutton his jacket not answering Roman, as he threw the jacket on the chair. He was breathing more unevenly than usual.

Roman frowned, “Dee! What the hell do you want me to--!”

“I can’t-!” Dee started before pulling his volume back, “I _can’t_ say. I have to show you and... I’m sorry but I have to leave a lot of this up to you. I can knock myself out so I don’t scream and clean the mess afterwards, but I need you to finish what you start.”

Roman’s heart was thumping in his chest and Dee made his way over to the bed to sit on it and beckoned the squire over. What was this? Dee was asking Roman to hurt him, to use a _knife_ on him, for what? “Please, Dee, you’re scaring me,” Roman whispered as he came to his side, “I need something, _anything_. It doesn’t need to be words.”

Dee nodded and sat Roman down before going to his desk and grabbing a paper and quill, it didn’t take long for him to return and hand Roman the paper. Two lines of pictures mixed with text along with one line of text.

A diamond with some sort of writing in it was equal to Dee not having a name nor having more power.

No diamond would give Dee his name back and his rightful power.

Below this it read, “I trust you.”

Roman looked over at Dee and the man turned his back to pull up his shirt halfway. The squire dropped the paper in his hand when he saw the orange gem embedded into the pale skin of Dee’s back, right along the spine. Roman gasped and without even realizing it, began to trace the edges of the gem with his free hand, skin had grown over it in some places but it was clear that it was _anything_ but natural. Dee wanted Roman to cut it out.

Roman looked at Dee who seemed to sense the squire’s fear and turned around to say something, but the squire stood and hugged the man first. “I’ll do it,” his voice was trembling but he didn’t care, “I’ll help you but there’ll be... a lot of bleeding Dee, you could...”

The seer reached for the box he had brought in and opened it, medical supplies. Roman nodded and let go of him to take the box, “Smart thinking. Uh, you should get on your stomach, take off your belt and bite on it so you don’t bite off your tongue and then... do your knock out thing. I’ll get to work, then.” His mind was moving faster than usual but Roman had always been good in an emergency, he’d needed to be. How many close calls had his mind been able to make when Remus had been spotted on one of his ludicrous pickpocket attempts when they had just been abandoned and ran out of the miniscule amount of food that their parents hadn’t been able to take with them? He’d lost count.

Dee moved before hesitating for a moment, “Please don’t lift my shirt anymore than it is or look at my face. Please.”

Roman nodded and leaned forwards to press his lips on Dee’s cheek through his veil, he hadn’t thought about it, Roman had just wanted to comfort him. “I swear on my brother’s life, I wouldn’t do that,” he uttered, “Now let’s get on with it before either of us lose our nerves?”

Dee nodded in agreement before he began to do as Roman had told him to before raising a hand off the bed, “Wait a minute until after my hand drops to the bed, then you’ll be good to start.”

“Alright.”

“And Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Roman didn’t reply as he clenched the knife in his hands and silently simmered. _“Thank you”_ he had said, genuinely and gratefully. Roman saw Dee’s hand dropped and began to count the seconds. _“One, two, three..”_

Was he thanking him for believing him after all of this? Though Dee had shown no sign of betraying Roman. Was he being thanked for mutilating the man? Was he thanking him for not being like the abusive shits his “parents” had been? _“Eleven, twelve, thirteen...”_

The gem was as big as Roman’s fist, if not a bit smaller, just shoved right into the skin at the base of Dee’s spine. Oh Gaia, Roman would need to cut carefully, spine, muscle, nerves, there was so much that he could accidentally cut. He grabbed the candle and began sterilizing the blade in his hand. “ _Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two...”_

Remus would think this was a trap, tricking Roman into doing irreversible damage but what was done was _already_ irreversible! A blind man could tell this thing wasn’t natural and certainly not self inflicted. The culprits of this horror were already at the back of Roman’s mind and he cursed these strangers that he’d never laid eyes on before. _“Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four...”_

Roman threw off his clothes as an afterthought, how would he explain the blood in the morning? How would he explain the seer in his bed in the morning? Worries for later, Roman was doing this. _“Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine... sixty...”_

Roman had promised to do this, he _swore_ that he would do this. He counted the extra seconds to be sure and straddled Dee’s unconscious torso and steadied the blade between the gem and Dee’s skin. He breathed in, and out, and pushed the knife down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray for back-alley surgery! I see no way in which this could go wrong.
> 
> Oh man, ever feel bad about thinking of something and then you do it anyways lol? That happened. I feel as if people thought that this whole thing couldn't get worse for the boys, and I continue to exceed expectations. It's not just for shock factor or anything like that though, so I hope it's not coming across that way. This was beta-read by AngelaEvil (WarcraftedTardis) Thank you, my love~
> 
> This chapter was incredibly tough on me to write (besides the spring scene) so I'm very pleased at how it turned out and I hope you all enjoyed it! If you have any constructive criticism, I'd appreciate it along with some answers to one or more of the questions below. The questions are just there to prompt readers that struggle with comments, so by no means do you have to answer the questions. Thank you for reading and supporting! ^-^
> 
> Chapter Question: Which character do you want to adopt the most so far?
> 
> Previous Questions: Did any part in this chapter have you yelling in reaction and what did you yell? | Who is your favorite character so far and why? | What moment impacted you the most in this chapter?


	7. Transforming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How's Dee doing post-op?  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Blood (like a lotta blood), implied abuse, mentions of near-drowning and kidnapping.

Dee’s mind was cloudy, he couldn’t open his eyes and his body seemed numb besides the very base of his spine. It seemed as if the area was burning and freezing all at once and he felt his teeth clamp down on something. It felt like leather... a belt. The very thought shocked clarity into his mind and the sensation in his lower back suddenly ramped up in intensity. He whimpered.

“Dee? Are you awake?” the voice of the squire who had promised to help him was more than welcome. He could only manage a whine in response and he felt like crying. Not just due to the pain now throbbing through his entire body, but the fact that Roman had actually done as Dee had asked him to. He could feel through all the pain that the gem was no longer in him, plaguing his body.

“Dee, I’m right here. I-I’m sorry, I know it hurts but I have to keep pressure on the wound,” Roman’s whispers into the dark room were scared but determined. Dee could feel the squire pushing gauze inside the wound, his hands were unmoving and unwavering with their strength.

The squire himself felt as if his arms were going to go numb from persisting in this position for so long. How long had it been? Thirty minutes? An hour? Time didn’t seem to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was how much blood had seeped through the gauze and between Roman’s fingers and how quickly he could stop it. The blood had slowed since he’d first started, but Roman was going to maintain the pressure for as long as he could manage.

Dee let the belt in his mouth fall to the pillow below him and he opened his bleary eyes just enough to see the room through his veil. He struggled to lift his head up before laying it on its side. He let out a hoarse whine and began to try and get his arms under him, it was a slow, sluggish process but Roman eventually noticed.

He pushed down harder against Dee as he felt the man’s legs start to move as well, “Don’t move, _don’t_! Y-you can’t-.”

“Off...” the seer’s voice leaked through clenched teeth.

Roman frowned in frustration, “No, Dee you’re too injured.”

“No... the gauze... off,” Dee whimpered out clarification.

The squire was about to deny him again before he noticed something different in the air around him. It felt warm and cracked with energy. Arcs of pale yellow lightning were arcing off of the seer’s body. Roman shuddered as static ran through his body where the magic brushed by. He quickly did as Dee asked him to, realizing that the seer was doing something. The bloodied cloth was thrown to the side and Roman moved off of Dee’s back to back away from the building magic. He could do nothing but watch Dee force himself onto his hands and knees as the seer muttered something under his breath repeatedly.

As more arcs of energy built up around Dee, they seemed to take form as a long tendril that suddenly opened up at one end. Roman gasped and backed into the wall as he beheld the snake formed of sparking magic, coiled around the seer with its open "mouth" hovering over Dee’s wound. What the seer was growling to the air slowly became more audible.

“Burn... burn... Burn, burn it, _fucking_ burn it, _burn it-_ ” his voice cut off in a silent scream as his magic seemed to finally react and the snake dove headfirst into the gaping hole in his back. Dee convulsed, letting out strangled cries and whimpers as he clawed at the bed below him.

The squire’s stomach sunk further and further as he watched, fearful of getting closer yet compelled to rush to Dee’s side to help. But he could do nothing. And it hurt. “Dee,” his fingers scraped at the wall behind him.

But Dee didn’t hear him, all of his energy was going into fueling his magic and not screaming his throat raw. The lightning coil continued diving into the wound as Dee’s fingers dug into the mattress, his legs pushed against the footboard of the bed so hard that the wood creaked. Then he suddenly stilled, and fell on his side. The magic around his body fizzled out into nothing.

Roman couldn’t take it anymore, he rushed forwards and gently took one of the seer’s hands. “Dee? Dee are you-” the squire stopped as he smelled the air. It was still sharp with the smell of blood but his stomach roiled when a new smell hit him, “ _Fuck_. Oh, shit, oh _fuck_.”

He rushed around the other side of the bed to grab the candle on the bedside table and hold it so he could see... Dee’s cauterized wound. Cooking meat, that’s what Roman had smelled. What the seer had been muttering before suddenly made much more sense now. Roman needed to take a step back to calm his stomach that was becoming increasingly more upset, but he didn’t stay back for long. Dee still needed his help.

“Dee?” the squire whispered as he approached the other side of the bed again. He didn’t want to see the wound again.

Roman was surprised to actually hear Dee speak again, his voice was so weak and his breathing was _so_ shallow, but speak he did. “Roman... thank you,” he croaked out.

Roman shook his head as he placed the candlelight down again, “No, don’t thank me. Please. What do you need now? Y-you said you could clean up the mess, before?”

Dee shifted with a wince before stilling again, “Yes... Window, could you...?” He seemed to lose the energy to speak but Roman got the message and went to open the window to let the cool night air in. A storm seemed to be brewing in the sky, Roman noted before returning to the bed.

“Do you need to get to it?”

“No. Air is... enough.”

Roman stood still for a moment before the cool air that came from outside reminded him of his state of undress, he frowned and looked at his hands, they were still heavily blood-stained and shaking. With a frown, Roman decided to pull his pants on again, careful on where he touched fabric to avoid staining it. The fabric was black, so it was the only thing that the squire was willing to put on for the moment.

Once he was more dressed he went to Dee’s side once again, “Is it helping?” He didn’t know how outside air would help the seer but Roman did distinctly remember the night previous in which Dee had been sleep deprived, and a simple walk outside seemed to keep him awake. Perhaps it was just how his body worked or how his magic worked.

Dee was able to nod, “Lift me up.”

Roman quickly moved to do so, reaching under the taller man’s arms and knees to lift him up to his chest. Dee wasn’t exactly light, but the squire could manage. “Where?” Roman asked.

“Just hold me for a moment... This... this’ll work just fine. I don’t trust my legs,” Dee murmured as magic again began to course through the air. Roman couldn’t move away from it now, so he leant against the wall by his bed to ground his feet and held the seer close to him.

The magic began building once again and Roman watched the snake manifest once more before it quickly made its way to the bed. As its body passed over the blood soaked sheets, the blood itself began to glow and rise into the air forming a sphere of plasma that hovered above the bed. Roman gasped as the serpent circled back towards them and swept over them. The squire felt his hands tingle as the blood that had been on them lifted away to join the sphere floating in the air.

“Too much, I need to hide some. I need to hide it within something...” Dee muttered.

Roman glanced from the glowing red blood to his room, he spotted something illuminated by the light outside. “In my sash, on the bedside table, would that hold enough?”

Dee nodded, “But it...”

“What?”

“It’s from your brother, wouldn’t that be...?” the seer’s words trailed off.

Roman shook his head, “It’s fabric, Dee. Remus would think it's cool.”

Dee hummed in affirmation before going quiet once again, concentrating as the sash began to float towards the blood. It wrapped around the liquid before it seemed to be absorbed in the plasma. The sash then emerged moments later, shining with a light of its own for only a moment before it floated down to the bed. The snake coiled around the remaining blood and then began to squeeze it, making the sphere shrink in size before solidifying and joining the sash on the bed. With the work done, Dee’s magic faded once more and his body seemed to relax.

Roman glanced down to the man and placed him back on the bed to peer around Dee’s shoulder to look at his back once more. The cauterized wound was clean and even the skin around the wound was free of any blood that had previously spilled and stained the man’s skin. With care, Roman grabbed the bottom of Dee’s shirt and pulled it down, covering the man’s torso once more. “It’s done?”

The seer breathed slowly and deeply, “It’s done.” He reached under his veil with his free hand to wipe his face of sweat and tears. “You can let go of me now, I’m numbing myself,” he notified the squire.

Roman nodded and stood back, ready to catch the seer if he turned out to be wrong. Dee merely swayed for a moment before he straightened his back and looked at the objects next to him, he was still, exhausted and running on fumes. Dee could feel that his consciousness was waning. He grabbed the sash and the sphere of his own blood and held out the sash for Roman, “Here, hand me the gem please.”

Roman found the gem, haphazardly discarded on the floor and traded objects with the seer. His sash didn’t smell like blood nor did the fabric feel any different, but it did seem to emanate a comforting warmth. Remus truly would have found that cool at least, and in a situation such as this, he would have agreed with Roman. The sash was a sentimental piece of clothing but it was just fabric and should be used as such in an emergency situation. Though, like this, Roman supposed he could keep it around a bit longer as a sentimental piece. He’d expected the thing to be destroyed, so still being able to hold it in his hands was a relief.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Dee trying to stand up from the bed. Roman was immediately at the man’s side, “I swear, you will be the death of me. I don’t care if you’re numbing yourself, your body is still feeling the damage!” His sudden outburst made Dee sit back on the bed as if he were a child being scolded. Roman sighed and offered his hands to the seer, “I’m here for a reason, aren’t I?”

Dee stared at Roman for a long moment, the squire’s face was soft and open, albeit annoyed, but still. Kind. The volume of the man’s voice had _scared_ Dee, he seemed to realize. Feeling pain like that just wrenched him back to the moment the gem had been put in him and all the other moments he’d had to simply sit there and suffer as quietly as possible. The yelling that followed afterwards often meant he’d been too loud and would be punished again, so Dee felt the instinct to stay still and stay quiet once more.

Roman started to become concerned as the man didn’t react to him, “Dee? I’m right here, what do you need?”

Dee snapped out of it with a shudder as he slowly shook his head. Those moments were behind him, Roman wasn’t there to hurt him and no one would hurt either of them if Dee had anything to say about it. He took one of Roman’s hands with a nod, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, I’m sorry I yelled,” Roman realized that he’d probably startled the man while he was recovering, “Can I help with anything?” He rubbed over the fingers in his hand, trying to ground the man so he could stay awake.

Dee nodded, letting go of Roman’s hand to hold the gem and his blood sphere in separate hands. He glanced up at Roman, “Do you know the relationship between magic and alchemy?”

Roman seemed confused by the sudden question, “I... I have only studied so much. But what does that-?”

“You need some form of understanding and I need to stay awake while I work. Please get a chair and move it to the window,” the seer asked as he held the gem up to the light coming from the window. He’d never seen it this closely before, it seemed laughably harmless now that it wasn’t embedded in him.

Roman nodded, placed his sash down on the bed and moved towards the chairs, “Anything an alchemist can do, a magic user can do. Though the same does not apply when the order is reversed. Magic users are blessed with magic from birth while alchemists must seek for magic to use in their work. Is that correct?” He brought a chair over and placed it next to the window and noted that the wind was quickly picking up outside, he gave a hesitant glance back to the seer.

Dee simply shook his head as he beckoned Roman over, “A little rain won’t hurt. You are correct that alchemists are more limited than magic users and therefore need to search for their own magic source. Though there are things that magic users can do that alchemists can also do, but _shouldn’t_. The power that would be better controlled and manipulated by an experienced magic user’s hand, would simply be forced into an object for an alchemist. Objects are fickle things, they can be lost, stolen, even ingested. Some can be implanted into weapons... or people.”

Roman’s eyes widened as his eyes trailed down to the gem in Dee’s hand, his chest clenched as he walked forwards to lift the seer up and transport him to the chair by the window. “The gem? What does it do?”

Dee breathed in the cool air coming into the room and felt a sense of weightlessness lightly sweep over him. He hadn’t felt so relaxed in years. He opened his eyes before he accidentally nodded off, “Zircon is one of the oldest gemstones in the planet. With magic being older than the beginning of everything, it only stands to reason that gemstones are often a source of magic for alchemists. Gemstone magic is different from the magic I or any other magic users have. The colors of our different types of magic mean different things.

“Red gems often assist with adding or taking away strength while yellow gems often assist in revealing or hiding lies and truths. One combination possible of the two is this; Zircon, the gem that suppressed a large portion of my abilities and conditioned me to be unable to reveal certain facts about my life and what I know of the secrets in this castle.” With every word, Dee’s mind became more wired, the memories of everything that he’d gone through when the gem had first been placed in him, tearing through his mind at once. 

He tilted the gem in his hand, “Every day after this was stuck in me, my father called me to his room and told me to say my name. I did as he wanted me to for two weeks until I opened my mouth to say it and found that I’d lost the ability to. It was like he’d robbed a part of me. He’d already stolen my confidence, joy and willpower. Then he stole my name, as if he’d regretted ever giving it to me.” He didn’t know why he was saying this to Roman, the squire hadn’t asked for this part of his story. It wasn’t important. Irrelevant.

Roman placed a hand on Dee’s shoulder, “After tonight and all that you’ve told me, I think I can say without fear that your parents are pieces of shit and didn’t deserve you or _anything_ good in their lives. Their judgment was shit too, so if your father regretted your name, I'm sure I'll love it.”

The seer laughed softly before placing the gem in his lap and holding his hand outside the window, the rain had finally come. “I appreciate you saying that, though I must say with great annoyance, it seems our plan went a bit awry,” Dee muttered as he held up the orb of blood up to Roman’s eye level.

It was small enough to be held by three fingers, it looked like a marble that swirled with patterns of red and black. Roman’s eyes then caught sight of another color, orange. Like climbing ivy inside the marble, it was latched onto the red and seemed to be moving, pulsing throughout it. The squire had to remind himself that it wasn’t actually a marble at that strange sight. “What does that mean? Was it... all for nothing?” Roman uttered. He didn’t know who he’d be more mad at if it had all been useless, Dee’s shitty parents or Roman himself. What if it had all gone wrong because he didn’t cut the gem out correctly?

“I can hear you blaming yourself, stop it,” Dee interrupted the train of thought, “It wasn’t for nothing, the payoff will simply be delayed. I made this orb not _just_ to clean up the blood but to monitor the situation inside of me. The gem has infected my bloodstream but according to this, it will become little more than a nuisance to be overpowered and expelled once I have all of my capabilities back. You really helped, Roman, so much. Thank you.”

Roman nodded, feeling warmth gathering in his chest despite the cold air on him. Gaia, he was relieved to have trusted Dee. Roman hated to think of what Dee would have done without his support, it was hard, especially considering that earlier that day the seer had admitted to being suicidal at one point. The squire shook the thought away, “You’re welcome. I can’t wait to learn your name.”

Dee felt a smile tug at his lips as he placed the orb into one of Roman’s hands, “You’ll be the first one to know when I can tell you.” The squire looked confused but Dee had expected that, “I can’t keep that on me and I have no personal place to keep it. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that I don’t trust anyone here but you again?”

Roman blushed and nodded, then shook his head. “N-no, you don’t. But how will I hide it?”

Dee tilted his head for a moment before looking out the window at the pouring rain, “You’ll keep it on you.” He gestured to the medical kit, “Hand me a needle and some thread.”

Roman did as he asked, “Is this more of that hiding in plain sight that you seem to favor so much?” He distantly marveled at how unbothered Dee seemed by the storm outside, he was certainly being spattered with rain every time the wind blew a bit harder.

Dee nodded as he began threading the needle while pulling his handkerchief out of his pants pocket, “Seeing as neither of our rooms have locks and there’s no other option? Yes. Now I have something for you that will hopefully calm you down before I’ll need your help getting back to my room. Inner topmost pocket of my suit on the left.”

The squire went to the discarded suit on the other chair in the room and reached in the pocket to pull out a letter from Remus. He sent an annoyed glance in Dee’s direction, “Why didn’t you _start_ with giving me this?”

Dee poked the threaded needle through the handkerchief, it was delicate work, sewing with gloves on. “Oh how silly of me, _of course_ a heartfelt letter from home would have made tonight’s ordeal so much more bearable, why didn’t I think of that sooner?” he didn’t even look up from his work.

Roman rolled his eyes, “Glad to hear the snark is back, I’m going to read this now.” He sat by his bedside next to the candle so he could read without the paper getting wet at the window.

_“P.S. - Must I remind you of the time you so boldly declared that I ‘shouldn’t worry’ as you balanced on the edge of a bridge, tripped and fell into the lake below and nearly drowned? The scariest part of that situation was that I could not reach you in time and had to yell for the fisherman in his boat to rescue you. Never again do I want to leave your well-being to others. Since you have finally obtained this marble - as you thought it was - I suppose I’m beating a dead horse by continuing to speak about it. If you make any further discoveries in that room of yours do contact me again and try to wait for a reply to arrive in the days to come. I am supposed to be the reckless one. I do wonder sometimes what our parents would think if they saw us now?_

_Your dear brother, Remus”_

Roman groaned a bit at what he got from the letter immediately, Remus was angry. The wording and the handwriting spoke volumes. The squire didn’t need to mull over the letter long to figure out it’s message.

The fisherman incident, right up to Roman nearly drowning, had actually happened so the meaning was quite straightforward. Neither of them could swim at the time and seeing Remus’ terrified face from the lake had scared Roman just as much as the possibility of him drowning. Roman remembered that after being hauled onto the boat, the fisherman had deposited him on the shore with Remus only to demand payment for the rescue. Remus growled, threw two coppers at the man’s face and took Roman’s hand to run away.

The squire shuddered at the memory, it wasn’t long after that Remus had forced them both to learn how to swim, so they’d never have to rely on the assistance of others to save themselves. So in other words, Remus was telling Roman to have another way to help himself if things went awry.

“Since you have finally obtained this marble - as you thought it was - I suppose I’m beating a dead horse by continuing to speak about it,” was, again, quite straightforward. Remus was certainly _not_ letting go of the topic, but wasn’t going to continue to berate Roman over something that was already done. He wanted more communication before Roman proceeded with any reckless plan. And to then call himself reckless, was in itself another message.

Roman and Remus both knew the extent of which Remus thought something out before he proceeded to do something, it was the only useful part of his ever busy mind. It generated twenty different worst-case scenarios in the span of a minute so Remus would be ready for any of them, he wasn’t reckless. He was unfiltered but he was calculated. So Remus was urging Roman to try and be more calculated than he was on a daily basis.

“I do wonder sometimes what our parents would think if they saw us now?” that message made Roman frown. It was a code, the most coded thing in the letter. Any references to their parents by themselves meant different things, but _together_ they meant one basic question. Remus was asking if this situation was dangerous enough to warrant fleeing the kingdom.

Remus had a whole plan mapped out in case he and his brother needed to get the hell out and get out fast, including houses they could steal money and supplies from, whose horses they could take, even which routes would be the safest to flee from city guards.

Roman put the letter down and glanced back at Dee who seemed to be making a pouch out of his handkerchief. The squire bit his lip as he thought, _“Yes the situation is bad enough, it seems... But I don’t want to leave.”_

“You’re staring.”

Roman blinked wide and averted his gaze from the seer, “Sorry.”

“I don’t mind,” Dee assured as he looked over his work, “Having siblings sounds exhausting.”

Roman nodded with a wry smile, “It is, but he’s the best. He just wants me to be careful and be safe.” He stood up to approach Dee to look at the nearly finished pouch, “You work fast.”

Dee shook his head, “It’s nothing. I do hope I get to meet your brother some day.”

Roman couldn’t help but laugh a little, imagining the two meeting. It’d either be the first clash of immediate enemies or... Or Remus would finally let himself have a friend again. Roman truly thought that the two would get along, Dee’s snark and Remus’ dark jokes, they’d be an entertaining pair. “I’d like it if you did too, he needs a friend. A real one,” the squire admitted.

He looked at Dee for a long moment before he went to the other side of the window and stood there, letting the rain hit him with every breeze. Lightning flashed in the sky and thunder followed not long after. It had been a long time since Roman had allowed himself to just... stand in the rain and listen to it. He couldn’t ignore the burning questions in his head for long though. Roman looked out the window as he asked, “So is there more you can tell me that you weren’t able to before?”

The rain filled the silence between them, making it seem like the silence was nonexistent. “It seems that many things were buried just as deeply as my name, if not deeper. The more I try to say them before I would be able to, the stronger the gem’s influence will be on me. I know our relationship has a lot of you waiting on me, and I hope that will no longer be the case someday, however...” he didn’t need to say more. Roman understood.

“Well,” the squire started with a smile, “I trust you. So there’s no worries, even if I do end up failing at the end of all of this, I can’t imagine you’ll keep me away for long.”

The seer snorted, “What, you’d break into the castle?”

“I’m sure you know of some secret entrances I can find on the exterior.”

“You’re not wrong. But you’re certainly determined for some royal secrets, aren’t you?”

“No,” Roman began. Dee glanced up at Roman’s face as the squire glanced away for a moment before looking back, “I’m determined for you.” 

The seer felt his cheeks become hot and he felt a smile grow on his face, he felt tears well up for a moment before he pressed the back of his sleeve to his veil. “So sssstuupid,” he muttered under his breath.

Roman tilted his head, “What was that?” Had he just heard Dee hiss? Or was that a lisp of some kind?

Dee shook his head before getting back to work, “You’re just hopelessly you, aren’t you?”

“Wait, is that a bad thing?” the squire asked in slight offense.

“Did I say that?” Dee asked in return. “I missed the part when I said that.”

Roman paused as he looked out the window again, “I suppose I am, then. Hopelessly Roman.”

Dee nodded as he tied off his last stitch, “Good.”

* * *

“What is it?” Roman asked after realizing that Dee had been staring down at him in the passageways in the walls on the castle. There had been an entrance fairly close to Roman’s room so getting there was fairly simple. Now that the two were back there, Dee was able to create a light source using the gem he still held onto, casting orange light around them so Roman could see. He was supporting most of the seer’s weight after all.

When Roman had asked Dee why he didn’t just destroy the gem if it was so harmful, the seer had noted with a dark tone that his parents were still around and kicking. If he destroyed it, they’d know. So it’d be best to keep it on his person. Roman didn’t question him further.

Now that they were in private again, Dee’s veil had been turned to him for a long while. So of course Roman got antsy, “Did I do something?”

“Were you... _naked_ when I woke up?”

Roman flushed and opened his mouth before snapping it shut, he groaned. “It was so blood wouldn’t get on my clothes, I was thinking about a servant or Remy coming into my room in the morning. I didn’t know you could clean up blood,” Roman admitted, “It was purely for the benefit of both of us, I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable or anything.” He felt shame rise in him as he thought what Dee was thinking, Roman had been naked _and_ sitting on the man’s back. 

_“Gaia, if you killed me right now, that’d be great, actually,”_ Roman’s thoughts pleaded.

“No, Roman, it’s alright! I was just making sure that I wasn’t hallucinating or remembering things wrong,” Dee quickly tried to stop Roman’s spiral, “I know you wouldn’t do anything without our best interests in mind.” He hadn’t meant to make the man feel guilty, he should only be proud of what he’d done!

The squire breathed out a sigh of relief, “Ah, alright, good.”

Dee paused for a moment before continuing, “Though if you don’t mind me saying, I brought it up because I thought I saw a strange birthmark on your stomach. I could have sworn it looked like something, but I’m not sure what.” 

Roman looked up in surprise before glancing down, he was wearing a shirt now, but he knew what Dee was talking about. “Right, _that_. I used to think it was an upside down crown. Remus would make fun of me for it,” he laughed despite himself. As a child it hadn’t been very funny, but hindsight often made such things entertaining.

“He did? Because you thought it was a crown?”

“An _upside down_ crown. And it’s right under my belly button so Remus used to grab my stomach and,” Roman snickered, “Make my belly button talk as if it were a prince!” He laughed a little harder, “Gaia, he was such an ass.”

Dee felt himself smirk, “I don’t know, sounds like he was just _peachy_.”

“Oh yeah, he was even more _peachy_ after I realized that his dick was in kicking range whenever he did that, so y’know. That whole thing was short-lived,” Roman noted.

That made the seer laugh for a moment before he trailed off, “Take this left... Do you still think it looks like an upside down crown?”

Roman led them to the turn the Dee had instructed him to, he shrugged. “Until I find another thing I’d rather refer to it as, I suppose?”

Dee nodded before pointing at a specific section in the wall, “There.” He found the brick he’d need to shift to open the passageway that led out into the hall in which his room was. He turned back to Roman to lean on the wall so the man could let go of him, “Do you know the way back?”

Roman nodded, “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

The squire seemed to frown before complying, “One right, down the hall until I get to the third stairwell going up, left for a bit and...”

Dee shook his head, “Left for _twenty_ torches and in between the twentieth and the twenty-first, there will be a brick jutting out. Push it.”

Roman nodded, “Twentieth and twenty-first, got it.”

“Drag your feet so you don’t trip on anything, I’m sorry that I can’t light your way back,” Dee glanced to the side, “And if you hear anyone.”

“Don’t panic, locate them, avoid them but don’t get lost,” Roman finished.

“If you do, you have a bit of me with you,” he directed to the pouch on Roman’s hip with the blood orb inside, “I’ll be able to find you in the morning and we’ll work it out then. But I have faith that you can make it back.”

Roman couldn’t help but beam at that, “Oh?”

Dee nodded and let the light in the gem go out, the two were plunged into darkness, which was perfect for him to do what he’d been meaning to do all night. Roman gasped as he felt Dee lean in and place his lips on Roman’s right cheek with no veil in the way, he’d lifted it. His lips were soft.

The seer then placed his hands on Roman’s shoulders to orient him in the right direction, “Because you were my hero tonight, you saved me.” He opened the passageway and turned to leave, “Goodnight.”

Roman only saw the seer’s silhouette outlined by the light of the hall as the passageway closed and the squire was left alone in near darkness. He didn’t seem to notice as he held a hand up to his cheek and heard Dee’s words in his mind, he’d called him a _hero_. “Goodnight,” Roman whispered as his smile only grew.

* * *

Dee woke up groaning and immediately activated his magic to start numbing his lower back before he got up. It had nearly been three in the morning when he’d finally gone to sleep. The night had been an ordeal, physically, emotionally... At the beginning of all of this Dee had never imagined that he’d get so emotionally invested in this. He hadn’t known who was going to show up at the castle gates so he couldn’t have known what kind of people he was going to get. _”Thank Gaia for Roman,”_ he thought.

At the thought of Roman, Dee closed his eyes as he got out of bed, searching for the part of himself that he’d told Roman to keep on him. It was far, in the opposite wing so it was very likely that Roman had indeed made it to his room. Dee would know for sure at breakfast, he checked the time and with no surprise found that he was running late, again. He was starting to make a habit of this.

He began to get ready, carefully but quickly. He knew that any movement his back couldn’t take he wouldn’t feel until he stopped numbing himself. If he wasn’t careful he could cause more irreversible damage to himself.

The man pulled down his veil and went for the door, with an afterthought he took a few steps back to grab his walking stick. The thin black stick was more of an accessory than a functional cane, but if he felt his back getting weak, he’d need all the help he could get. He opened the door to come face to face with Logan, who had a hand raised to knock. The advisor slowly lowered the hand, “Seer.”

Dee nodded as he joined the man in the hall, “Good morning, advisor. Does the king wish to meet with me?”

Logan shook his head, “No, not until later when the squires have begun their trial. I wanted to have a word with you.”

The seer began walking, “Then begin having words, I must be off to attend to the squires.”

Logan frowned as he walked to catch up with the man, “One of which you visit for much longer than the other?”

Dee didn’t react, he _forced_ himself not to react. He simply glanced at the advisor through his veil, “He’s quite the conversator, what can I say? I lose sense of time.”

Logan would have been an amazing gambler, his poker face was impeccable and Dee truly couldn’t tell what the man was thinking. It was clear that Logan didn’t trust him, which was less than ideal but how exactly to alleviate his suspicions, Dee had no idea.

The advisor adjusted his glasses, “And that is all there is?”

“That is all there is. If he were to win, I imagine we’d become good friends in time.”

“No exploitation is occurring?”

That made Dee stop in his tracks, “I’m sorry?”

Logan stopped walking as he explained, “People separated by class often get exploited by the other to gain something that they have that would be otherwise unobtainable from members of their own class.”

The seer tilted his head, “You think I’m being taken advantage of?”

“Or the other way around,” Logan started and quickly continued as if sensing the seer’s growing anger, “The act of taking advantage of someone does not always have to be a conscious choice. It can be unintentional.”

Dee’s eye twitched and without warning, he swiftly twirled his walking stick around by the handle on his side where the advisor was, making Logan take a step back. The seer smirked and could only think, _“Good.”_ The action was meant to startle him, not hurt him. The end of the walking stick then landed right between Logan’s feet and Dee made a show of looking at a gloved hand as if he could see his nails underneath, “Advisor, I think these topics are better left in a philosophy class, don’t you? What Roman and I are participating in is a professional, friendly relationship that has no effect on my capabilities to do my job. Which only begs the question, why waste your valuable time that you should be spending doing _your_ job investigating us?”

Logan looked from the stick in between his feet to the seer and quietly said, “I had a hunch.”

“And of course, hunches are the _best_ explanation to justify such accusations,” Dee chirped with a chuckle before removing the walking stick and placing it next to his own foot again. “Apologies if I scared you, I’m not upset, I was just frustrated that you’d think of me so lowly.”

Logan shook his head as he straightened up, “Why would my opinion of you frustrate you?”

The seer began walking, hoping the man wouldn’t continue to follow him. “I tend to value input from intelligent minds, assurance from people like you brings me comfort that I’m doing something right, after all,” Dee offered as he continued to walk away, “I’ll speak with you later then, advisor.”

Logan didn’t speak again and just watched him go; he frowned.

When Dee arrived at the dining hall doors, he was relieved to hear Roman talking in the room but was then confused when he heard the squire counting down along with Remy. He opened a door and the squires both looked at him, grinning. He felt a smirk tug at his lips at the sight of friendly faces, “What’s happening?”

Roman pointed at the clock in the room, “You arriving twenty-seven seconds before the grace period.”

Remy snickered, “Twenty-seven seconds from being rude!”

Dee paused for a moment before laughing, “You two are quite the sticklers, will you ever forgive me?” He approached his usual seat.

Roman and Remy seemed to exchange a look before they smirked. Roman played with his fork, “I suppose we could be convinced...”

Remy bridged his hands, “Iiiif you ordered us some more lattes from the kitchen?”

The seer snickered as he raised his hands in defeat before going to the kitchen, “Your wish is my command.”

Roman’s eyes followed the man as he went and soon returned, noting that Dee wasn’t really using the walking stick in his hand, and hoped that the man wasn’t pushing himself. When Dee sat down next to him, he nodded at Roman as if to reassure him. Only then was Roman able to start eating.

Remy kept Dee busy with conversation throughout breakfast but when the men’s lattes arrived, the seer glanced over at Roman. He noticed that some food on Roman’s plate remained untouched, the meat, specifically. Dee pointed at the food, “Will you not finish that?”

Roman glanced up as he lifted his cup, “I- uh... I’m not feeling too well.” The squire couldn’t imagine eating meat after last night, maybe in time, but not so close to such an ordeal. It hadn’t really hit him until he’d been lying in his bed early that morning, carving into Dee’s back hadn’t been an easy thing. It’d been quick, but only because the moment that Roman had begun to cut deep enough for blood to start surfacing, the squire realized that the longer he took, the more blood Dee was going to lose. He’d actually frozen for a moment before continuing to cut.

“Roman?” the seer’s voice pulled Roman from the vivid recollection with a hint of a concerned tone.

The squire shook his head as he began drinking his coffee, “I’ve been thinking of starting a vegetarian diet.”

Dee nodded and didn’t push the topic further, seeming to pick up on Roman’s distracted state. He continued to talk with the squires in the room, drawing Roman into the conversation to hopefully help him stay present in the moment. It seemed to slowly help and once breakfast was over, Roman seemed to be more aware and upbeat.

When Dee stood from his seat he gestured for the two squires to go ahead of him. Remy began walking for the door, Roman followed after him, passing Dee without a word. But he could have sworn that he’d vaguely heard the seer tell him, “Don’t be afraid.”

Roman nearly stopped to ask what the man had meant but was stopped when he felt Dee press a hand on his back, urging the squire to continue walking forwards. He steeled himself and walked forwards to catch up with Remy and leave the dining hall. Both squires cried out as they were tackled to the ground and their vision was suddenly obscured by the dark cloth of a bag being pulled over their heads.

Roman heard Remy shout out in anger before being silenced by the yell of a vaguely familiar voice. Roman didn’t struggle and instead, continued to listen as he was hauled up from the floor before being urged to walk. There had to have been a reason that Dee had told him not to be afraid mere seconds before this had happened.

The voice that was ordering whoever was restricting the squires to bring them to the front wasn’t one Roman had heard every day, no. But in the past two days... _“It’s one of the guards we fought on the day before the test,_ ” Roman concluded. Whatever was happening now was the beginning of today’s trial. And if that was the case, Roman could certainly stay calm to face this.

* * *

The ride in the carriage was a long, grueling one. Especially to the squires still blindfolded and bound, sat next to two guards who made sure they didn’t speak. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. Every once in a while they hit bumps and dips in the path they were on and Roman could hear Remy’s grunt of complaint. While Roman had been given some forewarning, Remy had been given none and he felt a little sorry for the younger squire. It had to have been over an hour of being stuck in the carriage before they came to a halt and a door to the carriage was opened.

The squires were pulled out of the carriage no more gently than they’d been tackled earlier, allowing their feet to hit the uneven stones beneath them. Roman and Remy were then grabbed by the bonds on their arms. “Take Aldin that direction, take Roman the other way,” the guard in command ordered, “When you’re placed in your location, count for ten minutes, get up and make it back to the castle.”

Roman felt himself be guided away and heard Remy be guided away in a different direction, _“Damn.”_ He wouldn’t be able to reassure the man if they were separated, he was probably pissed. Even Roman was a bit miffed about the way this was all being conducted.

It was about a half-an-hour before Roman was deposited on a large rock and was again told to not move until he had counted for ten minutes. The guard didn’t stick around after Roman’s bonds had been cut. The squire sighed deeply as he waited for the man’s footsteps to become quiet before he pulled the bag off of his head and rubbed his sore arms as he looked around.

“Oh, these fuckers,” Roman breathed as he realized where he’d been taken. He’d often seen the peak of the Glass Mountain from Sadaire’s marketplace, but never did he think he’d touch it. As a boy, he and Remus had dreamed of exploring it, wondering if the mountain held treasure or secrets within. When they’d been told that nothing resided in the old mountain but volcanic glass and ash -- much to their disappointment -- they’d quickly abandoned the idea.

Roman gave a long sigh as he looked around and realized among all the rocks and trees that he saw down the cliff face below, that he didn’t know the best way down. He looked at the materials he had on him and brushed his fingers over the orb still hanging in the pouch on his belt, “Dee, you’re awful at giving warnings.”

He started to walk in the direction he was sure he’d heard the guard retreat in before stopping as he felt a sensation on his left arm. He looked at the sash tied there and brushed his fingers over the fabric that was now glowing softly. The fabric was warm to the touch and Roman didn’t know why, but he felt as if the seer was apologizing.

He brushed the orb once more as he got moving again, “Just take care of yourself until I get back.” Roman couldn’t take his time with this one, he felt. This trial felt like a race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Run Roman, run. (old af reference lol)
> 
> Ho boy the fun I had writing this chapter and watching my beta reader and s.o. Eren (WarcraftedTardis) react to it in real time over discord. Immense. The angst is real, the fluff is sweet, stuff is happening and Roman is straight up saying, "heck the rules!" 
> 
> A lot of people have been losing reviews due to Ao3 suddenly reloading so I'd suggest writing them in a place you won't be able to lose them before copying and pasting them here! Also, if the chapter question doesn't appeal to you, feel free to pick from previous questions or freestyle it!
> 
> Your reviews and support mean so much to me, as does your continued presence both here and on my tumblr! So thank you for reading and I'll be on my blog until I return next week. ^-^
> 
> Chapter Question: Is it gay to kiss the homies? I'm asking for a friend... I'm not telling you who.
> 
> Previous Questions: Which character do you want to adopt the most so far? | Did any part in this chapter have you yelling in reaction and what did you yell? | Who is your favorite character so far and why? | What moment impacted you the most in this chapter?


	8. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys have been abandoned on a mountain. Getting back to the castle should be no problem, right?  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Psychological trauma, manipulation (gaslighting), suicide, gore, yelling and arguing. (tell me if I missed anything)

Remy yelled as he punted a rock with all of his might, “Son of a bitch!” He watched the rock fly for a few moments before landing with the crack of rock meeting rock quite a few meters away. He heaved a groan before taking a breath and straightening his posture, “Calm, Remy. Calm it down bitch, anger is not a good look on you.”

He looked around at the mountainside he was left on and couldn’t help but groan lightly. He’d heard which way the guard had gone but Remy would still need to climb down a mountain to get back to the comfortable castle which was, by all means, infuriating to him. He then imagined how pissed Roman was at that point and chuckled, “Man I’d hate to be Dee when he gets back, totally getting put in the doghouse.”

The thought that this was likely a race to get back then surfaced in his mind causing Remy to sigh, “Alright, stop dicking around and get down this thing.” With his own encouragement, he began moving. The sun was beaming today and he did not want to be in it any longer than he needed to be.

Remy was confident that he’d beat Roman down the mountain due to his natural dexterity, though part of Remy wondered if he _should_. This job was supposed to be _nice_ , something short-term and cushy until the king croaked and Remy could go back home a renowned knight. He’d rub the official badge of his fancy uniform in his bitchy older sister’s face and see what she thought about that, Remy smirked. _“Knowing Dara, she’d then proceed to be even more bitchy,”_ he concluded, _“Love that bitch.”_

But even then, this position was starting to seem not really worth it to him, with the entrance process being as taxing as it had been so far. Remy was only seventeen, he had time to find other jobs, maybe he could still go into tailoring. But would that be better for him? Would he even enjoy it? He had time to figure it out but... _“Does Abi have the time?”_ his thoughts brushed past his younger sibling, Abigail.

She was always getting sick and that was on top of the fact that she was also paralyzed from the waist down; had been for years. Their drunkard of an uncle had dropped her as a baby and the damage had been irreparable. Remy had only been four at the time but he could still remember the wails and screams. Their mother had passed with Abigail’s birth so their uncle had been their only living relative and they wouldn’t be rid of him for a while. And while that was the case, it didn’t stop Dara from stepping up and forbidding that he ever carry Abigail again. Remy had been raised by his older sister to care for Abigail, provide for her... do _everything_ for her. It quickly became a begrudging task for the boy.

Being raised in such a way grew to be an annoyance for Abigail as well, seeing as she wanted her siblings to be as happy as they always made her. She didn’t want them to work with her in mind and live their own lives; she’d told them so herself. It had been a relief to hear on Remy’s part and he told her that he would follow her wishes. His life had always revolved around her and he was tired of it, as much as he cared for her. Remy needed freedom.

Dara seemed to comply as well but then turned around to corner Remy later when they were alone and told him that under no circumstance was he to leave Abigail out of his life plans. They were siblings and they were supposed to look out for one another, no matter the sacrifice. 

Remy was torn between what the only two important people in his life expected of him, so he agreed, trying to find something that would be able to support his little sister while also giving him the freedom that he so craved. Pursuing knighthood satisfied both sisters’ wishes and thus, Remy was content.

Knighthood at first seemed impossible for him however, many of his fellow trainees had said that he’d started too late, his skill was lacking or he was too “like a girl” or “womanly” to be a knight. The comments only served to fuel Remy on.

He smirked as he remembered shoving their words down their throats just like the dirt he’d _accidentally_ kicked in their faces after besting all of them in sparring matches. He’d then thanked them for comparing him to girls and women, as he perceived that to be a compliment to the highest degree. His sisters were the strongest people that he knew, he wouldn’t let ignorant buffoons talk down on them. His behavior made him quite a few enemies and one surprising enemy-turned-one-night-stand. Remy rolled his eyes as he remembered William and how that experience may or may not have made Remy a bit too confident in his seduction skills. 

He was _still_ reeling over the whole Cyrus situation, disappointed in himself that he’d ever tried to seduce such a man. Whether Remy had underestimated Cyrus’ capacity for violence _or_ he had overestimated his own skills, Remy felt responsible for what had happened a day ago in the courtyard. He’d never perceived just how troubled Cyrus had really been, Remy had even felt a bit of pity for him as he’d watched him get dragged away. But since the unhinged squire had nearly killed Roman, Remy wasn’t going to dwell on Cyrus Corsa anymore, wherever he was now.

Remy stopped for a moment as he came across a steep hill going downwards and winced at the very thought of not traversing it correctly, not even wanting to imagine the scrapes he’d sustain from the tumble.

“Remy?” a voice called from behind him causing the squire to turn around.

Remy looked around and saw a figure a bit a ways up the mountain. He waved, “Roman! I’m here, can you make your way down?”

Something seemed strange about Roman, his outline didn’t seem like his own and the way the sun was hitting him, his hair almost looked... red. Remy blinked wide and blinked a few more times to adjust his eyes, the figure had red hair, light blue clothing and they weren’t moving where they sat. Remy’s heart leapt into his throat, “Abi?” His voice was thick with concern, “Abi, is that you!”

Abigail waved frantically, “Remy! I-I can’t get down!” Gaia, she was crying.

No. These fuckers did _not_ drag his thirteen year-old sister here for some fucking trial and abandon her on a mountain to bake in the sun. Remy growled in his throat, “I’m going to kill someone- Hold on Abi, I’m making my way up to you!” He began making his way over to where he could properly climb the mountain’s ledges to get closer. The squire moved quickly, hating being able to see his sister but not yet reach her. Seething anger burned in his gut and he knew that when he got back to the castle with his sister safe, someone would have hell to pay.

He came to a ledge that he couldn’t reach the edge of, he backed up, cursing his height as he ran to gain some momentum. He jumped up to grab the ledge and struggled to get his elbows up onto it as well, once they were up, he was able to heave the rest of his body up and stand. Abi’s round face became clearer as he got closer and before Remy knew it, he was hugging her and Abigail was returning it.

It was a short-lived display of affection as Remy pulled away near-immediately to look over her, she seemed to not be harmed but her face was getting red from either the heat, a fever or both. She was dressed in a nightgown, like she’d been taken away in the night from their home.

“Fucking bastards,” Remy growled under his breath as he lifted his sister into his arms.

“Language,” Abigail weakly protested. Remy just scoffed as he got moving further up the mountain.

There was no way that he’d be able to make it down the slope with Abigail and he needed to get her into shade, which meant he’d need to find a big enough overhang or make it to the other side of the mountain. “Do you remember who took you, Abi? I need details, as many as you can remember,” Remy started.

Abigail nodded, “I don’t remember who took me from our home but I do remember waking up in a carriage. There were um... two men in all black in there with me, they’d gagged me and bound me. It was a long ride, I fell asleep a few times. They fed me and gave me water along the way.”

Remy nodded and thought for a moment before asking, “They bound your hands and your legs?”

“No, just my hands, why?” she tilted her head at her brother in confusion.

Remy felt the pit of anger in his gut churn, “Because now I know that there’s someone I need to deck when we get back to the castle.” There had only been one person that Remy had spoken to about his family, therefore only one person that would know his sister was paralyzed waist-down. “A certain seer is going to see me and then my fist in his face,” he muttered.

Abigail didn’t quite seem to understand but she didn’t pry as to what Remy meant. She looked around from her limited vantage point, “Brother, where is this place?”

Remy jumped up a few stone steps before stopping for a moment, groaning as his knees felt weak. His sister wasn’t exceptionally heavy, but Remy was less strong than average and it was taxing his arms and his dismal stamina. He deemed it best to pause for a moment before he looked around, “I dunno, sis. I remember there being something about an old mountain here but I don’t know.”

“Just an _old_ _mountain_?” Abigail droned, “You said you’d look into the place before you set out.”

Remy looked at her and shrugged, “You know me.” She didn’t comment further as Remy stood there to catch his breath and begin to ascend. It wasn’t long until the squire noted that Abigail’s eyes were barely open and she was shying away from the sun and his touch. He imagined both were far too hot and unstandable, then his sister coughed. A few wet, deep coughs emerged from her mouth as she turned her head away from Remy. Just like that, the squire felt spurred to keep moving,

“Hold on Abi, I’ll get you somewhere where you can cool down, okay? Then you can tell me how much of a bitch Dara’s been, alright?” Remy got moving as his sister’s coughs continued to get worse, “Just stay awake and stay with me, alright?”

He ran up the mountain as fast as he could, hoping to run into Roman for help.

* * *

Roman’s pace was measured so as to not tire himself out. If the carriage ride had taken over an hour to transport them here, Roman figured that on foot, the journey may even be three times as long. If the only meal he was going to have was the breakfast still in his stomach, he’d need to conserve his energy. Even more so since he hadn’t rested more than three hours maybe, he was unsure. He was losing more and more sleep the longer this week went along. The idea of hunting for food danced through his mind before he immediately shot down the idea seeing as he had no weapons, tools, time or energy to expend on searching for food that might not even exist.

Roman observed The Glass Mountain as he made his way down it, deeming it haunting. The rocks were dark and anything that touched them would come away covered in ash. If Roman was remembering correctly, the last eruption that had occurred there had been nearly two centuries ago. It had killed hundreds of thousands and thus, the area around the mountain was abandoned to nature. No one wanted to build on top of a mass grave, after all.

The closest thing to the mountain, in fact, was the castle that Roman could see in the distance. Surely he would reach it by sunset at least, as long as he was careful. His balance wasn’t the best so he hoped that if he slipped that he’d have a strong enough grip to stop him from falling too far.

Roman didn’t believe in curses or lingering dead himself, but standing on something that had once long ago killed so many, made his stomach churn. It felt disrespectful, in a way, and the squire didn’t feel comfortable being there. The adventures that he and Remus had dreamt up were so far removed from what Roman was walking through right now, it wasn’t even funny. The squire was alone, and the magical place that he and his twin had imagined the mountain to be was dead and desolate. The surrounding area of the mountain had at least been reclaimed by nature since the tragedy, so perhaps in another two centuries this mountain would flourish into a glorious sight and home for wildlife.

Roman shook his head, it’d be a shame he’d never get to see it, but he hoped it’d be beautiful.

“Roman?” a voice that caused the squire to freeze in his tracks called from behind him.

Roman stood still for a long moment before turning around, “Re?”

Remus stood there in front of Roman with a wide-eyed wary stare that quickly relaxed as he looked over Roman a few more times, as if to make sure he was really there. “Ro-bro!” he rushed forwards to hug Roman who gladly returned the embrace.

Roman was dazed, why was his twin there? What was happening? Before he could relax completely, Roman placed his hands on Remus’ shoulders to move him back to look him in the eyes. “Why are you here and _what_ are you doing here?” he asked with great concern as he looked his brother over. 

Remus shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair to tug at some of it, “I don’t fuckin’ know! I went to sleep last night at home and woke up here! With _clothes_ on, which fuckin’ freaks me out because I don’t sleep with clothes on. So somebody broke into the house, dressed me, dragged me here and who knows what else they did!”

Roman recognized the look on his brother’s face when he started to spiral and so, the squire took Remus’ hand and began to trace the lines on his palm. “Remus, it’s okay, _you’re_ okay,” he started thinking of what would stop Remus’ train of thought and looked around, “I’ll tell you where we are, The Glass Mountain. Remember when we said we’d come here all those years ago?”

Remus nodded numbly before looking around, “Oh yeah...” He gave a high pitched giggle, “It looks like shit!”

Roman nodded, “Yeah, not so magical up close. Re, we need to get down this mountain.”

“And then what?” Remus’ voice was quiet as he looked back at him, “Why are _you_ here, Roman? Did you get left for dead or to fight something, to kill something, to kill _me_?” His face flashed with fear before he shook his head, “No, no, no, that’s stupid, we wouldn’t need to get down the mountain then. But why am I here? Why am I-” Remus cut himself off with a high pitched whine of frustration and Roman doubled his efforts of grounding his twin before he could start to smack himself in the head.

“Remus I’m here to get off of this mountain, it’s a trial,” Roman explained, “Remember the trials I mentioned in my first letter? We’ve had a trial every day since and this is today’s... they must have added a level of complexity in bringing you here.”

Remus raised an eyebrow and Roman waved a placating hand in front of him, “Not that you being here is bad! Really, I’m glad that you are.”

“Of course you’d say that now that I’m here,” Remus bit out causing Roman to deflate a bit. Remus immediately looked guilty and placed his free hand on Roman’s shoulder, “Hey, shit, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, I’m glad I’m here with you bro. I’m just... I’m still angry about this whole ‘marble’ situation and you being so reckless. Also, I’d like more information about that. See whose dicks I need to be ready to stab or throats I need to prepare to tear open.”

Roman sighed, “Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll tell you everything on the way down, Re. Let’s head this way.”

Remus often said things that he’d immediately take back in front of Roman, because when the brothers were around one another they were more relaxed. Remus had less of a reason to filter his thoughts and sometimes didn’t filter at all, so sometimes the things he blurted out were more harmful than helpful. Roman had gotten good at catching what thoughts were just drivel that Remus didn’t really mean and what thoughts had some actual thought put behind them.

Remus’ thought that he’d just apologized for, hadn’t _just_ been drivel.

Before Roman could properly get two steps down, Remus walked ahead to stop him. “Nope, I’m leading,” he announced rather nervously, “Don’t want you tripping, falling, me not being able to catch you in time and you splattering all over the cliffside, huh?” He then continued to walk.

Roman huffed a sigh, “What if _you_ trip?”

Remus gave a noncommittal sound that spoke volumes in itself, “Haven’t thought about it.”

The squire frowned and began following his brother, knowing that was a lie. Remus usually didn’t lie but at times like this, the alternatives that Remus could have said were much worse. Things like “an acceptable loss”, “I don’t really care” or “I could live with that, or die with it I suppose” were expected. But Remus knew that would have upset Roman, which is why, the squire imagined, that Remus had lied.

Even knowing that, Roman said nothing because he knew exacerbating the issue would only start an argument. And they didn’t have the time. Remus glanced back at him with his wide eyes, “Soooo? I believe it’s storytime Roman.”

Roman scratched the back of his neck and sighed, where to start? He supposed he should start with, “So on the day I arrived, I met a Seer. We call him Dee.”

* * *

“Hmm, wait... No, nope. Don’t get it, _why_ would this fuckin’ gem stop him from doing his weird tentacle magic shit?” Remus questioned. He had been consistently interrupting as his brother spoke, hounding Roman for detail after detail. It was understandable but no less annoying, especially now since the hot sun was starting to make Roman’s head hurt.

“Snake magic- Oh whatever and from what my understanding of it is, the gem came from naturally magical cave systems and the color of the gems mean that they’re capable of different things. His stopped him from using more magic and saying things that he knows,” Roman droned out trying not to sound annoyed.

Remus turned to start walking backwards, which Roman didn’t protest to now since they’d reached a bit of flat area. Remus didn’t look pleased, “Yet he still told you fuck-all after the fact?”

Roman nodded, “The influence of the gem is still in him, like an infection. But once it’s gone-”

“Once it’s gone? Roman you said there’s today, tomorrow and if you don’t get the knighthood, you’re out,” Remus stated, “Even if that’s how it works -- which I don’t believe for a fuckin’ second -- you’re relying on an outcome that you can’t know right now.”

Roman didn’t say anything, as Remus was right. He hated when Remus was right. He shook his head, “Well, there’s not much I can do right now except get off this mountain and monitor the situation.”

Remus sighed as he shook his head, “Monitor? How are you going to do that?”

“Remember when I said he turned his blood into an orb?”

Remus’ face lit up as he stopped walking for a moment, “You _don’t_. Tell me you don’t have it on you.”

Roman directed to the pouch on his belt with an amused smirk, “I’m no liar, Re.” He sidestepped as his brother nearly ran to grab the pouch, like Roman had expected him to. He reached for the orb and pulled it out, carefully holding it. “You can look, but don’t touch it. Please?”

His excitable twin just nodded as he got close and stared at the orb, he moved around it, trying to see how it looked when the sun shone through it. “So you’re monitoring through this thing?”

Roman nodded and held it up so he could look into it, the orange had receded quite a bit more since he’d last looked at it early that morning. He hoped that as the magic’s infection lessened in Dee, that the seer also felt more free. Roman couldn’t imagine living like that, unable to say even his own name, a stranger in his own body. But hopefully the seer would soon be able to say his name and Roman would be happy to call him as such. He smiled softly as he put the orb away, “We should keep moving.” When he looked up to Remus, Roman was confused at his twin’s suddenly pensive face. “What?”

“You like him,” Remus concluded with growing concern on his face.

Roman’s heart quickened as he turned his face, “Wh- No I don’t!” He started to walk down the mountain.

Remus wasn’t letting up though, “How much do you like him? Enough to kiss him, enough to fuck him? Certainly enough to take stupid risks for him, huh!” He sounded angry and disappointed as he was hot on Roman’s heels, “All the times that I warn you, time and time again, what do I have to do to get you to understand!”

Roman stopped and whirled around, “Listen to me! I _don’t_ like him, Remus. Not like that, anyways!"

His twin laughed without a hint of humor, “Yet looking at a sphere of his literal blood makes you smile like a schoolboy? Bullshit!”

“I care about him as a friend. He trusts me! He’s been hurt, badly, yet he still trusted me. He _chose_ me!”

Remus stared at him for a long moment before he rolled his eyes, “Oh, so _that’s_ what this is about?”

Roman ran his fingers through his hair, having had just about enough of this. “What? What else could this possibly be about?”

“Our parents,” Remus started. 

Despite the heat and the sun beating down on them, a chill ran through Roman. He glared as he nearly growled, “Don’t.”

“You’re still, _still_ so broken up about them leaving us that you just want to be _wanted_ , Roman. It’s been the case with every relationship you’ve ever found yourself in - despite my warnings - and if I recall, _every single one_ ended in flames,” Remus continued.

Roman’s hands clenched by his sides, “Remus, _stop_.”

But once his brother really got started, he couldn’t seem to stop, “This seer dick can sense your need to be wanted so he’s exploiting you. He praises you, gives you attention and things like that orb so you feel like he’s trusting you with responsibility. It’s all a fucking ploy and you fell for it. I mean, why else, when you removed this magical gem was he _immediately_ able to use his magic, but _not_ give you any answers? Because he lied. These answers that he assures you he has aren’t _buried_ anywhere, he could tell you anything that _he_ wanted to. The gem was probably there to keep other people safe from him because he’s probably a fucking monster or some-”

“Shut the fuck up, Remus!” Roman shouted, stomping his foot to keep himself from physically attacking his brother, “If you had misgivings about his fucking story, you could’ve just fucking said that! But you are _way_ out of fucking line, trying to trace this back to our shitstain parents! But since that’s happened and if we’re really going that far; ever since they left, you’ve been desperate to cling onto me! Whenever I started trying to meet people or even hint at doing something with others without you, you’d just break everything down into motives, making me doubt myself, others and even pushed me to ruin relationships before they could even get off the ground! You’re so caught up in keeping me by your side that you don’t ever think about doing more than just surviving, for both of us!”

Remus looked as hurt as Roman felt.

Roman didn’t know where that all came from, he hadn’t felt this angry in years. He only felt so angry because he was also so scared. Because, dammit all, Remus could be right about Dee. Roman didn’t know about magic and its intricacies, he would have believed anything that the seer had told him at that point. But he couldn’t know that now and he couldn’t _believe_ he’d just said such things to his brother! He opened his mouth to apologize but felt his words leave him as he saw his brother’s face.

Remus’ eyes were wet with unshed tears and a broken smile stretched across his face, “I did that for _you_ , you ungrateful-... The world was - _is_ \- fucked so yeah, I was a little paranoid. But if you’re so dissatisfied with how I did, by all means! If you want to turn back the clock and take charge, sacrifice your childhood, time, health and _sanity_ for me, go on! I’m waiting!” He stood back and spread his arms wide, as if anticipating it. When all Roman did was guiltily stare at the ground, Remus’ smile strained and then fell. 

He dropped his arms, “I did what I fucking could, Roman.” Remus then walked past Roman, bumping into his arm as he went, “While you just cried for my attention.”

Roman stood there, rubbing his arm and feeling as if he wasn’t really there before he realized that Remus’ footsteps were getting further and further away. He forced his body to move and follow, unsure what had just happened. This mountain definitely was not living up to his childhood expectations but at least he’d _had_ a childhood.

* * *

It was eerily silent between the twins as they made their way down the mountain, the ground was less flat in this area which made Roman stop to survey the area. It had been well over an hour by this point and he saw no clear path that the guard could have taken him up that morning. The squire stopped, “I don’t think this way will work.”

Remus stopped and sighed, “Which other way could we go?”

Roman shook his head as he looked around and felt a sense of helplessness before he thought he heard something. The squire straightened up and closed his eyes, he could hear... “I hear running water,” Roman announced before pointing up the mountain, “It’s close enough so it shouldn’t be that much of a detour. We should stop there to refresh ourselves and reassess.”

“Oh yippee, no dehydration for us!” Remus sarcastically chimed before heading off in the direction Roman had pointed.

Roman’s chest felt tight with guilt and he rubbed at his left arm again, it was starting to feel sore. Perhaps it was from when he’d been tackled. The squire bit his lip before following after his brother in more persisting silence.

It was an unnerving thing, not hearing Remus talk or make any noise. The last fight that had rendered them like this had been years ago, yet still, Remus at least muttered to himself in the silence then. Silence unnerved him just as much as it did Roman. But circumstances were quite different this time around, Roman supposed. Much more was at stake and then suddenly, the situation had been drawn into the twins’ personal issues, making navigation of the argument touchy. With a sigh, Roman sped up his pace to walk just behind Remus.

“I’m sorry,” he started, “I know our issues go deep and we can talk about them, I _want_ to talk about them. But right now I think we need to take a step back from them and focus on the trial situation.”

Remus seemed to glance back at Roman, “Why?”

The squire couldn’t help but be a bit relieved that Remus had responded, “Because Dee told me the trials are rigged for failure, I thought this one was straightforward at first but then I found you and now I’m not so sure anymore. I feel like there’s something we’re missing here but I don’t know what.”

“So in other words, the only reason we’re here is because you needed to become the knight of a crazy king?” Remus asked for clarification.

Roman was unsure if that was a barb at him, the king or both but elected to ignore it regardless. “I suppose so. Do you truly not remember anything from when they took you? Maybe you heard something,” he tried.

Remus laughed a bit, “Oh with all the things I think and dream of, sure, a few real voices should be _easy_ to pick out...”

The squire felt his mouth set in a thin line and he rubbed his arm once again, when they found this water source he’d take off his shirt to see if there was any bruising. He stared at his brother’s back, “How have you been these past few days? How have you _really_ been?”

Remus stopped walking to turn halfway to Roman, “Besides waiting on letters from you and hoping no servant comes up and tells me that you died? Guess I’ve been doing more of the same, y’know, _surviving_.” He pointed towards a cliff face with a small opening at the bottom, “Think we’ve found your water, c’mon.” He began moving with Roman following behind.

Despite the anger still permeating Remus’ voice, Roman tried to continue the conversation, knowing it’d be best for both of them. He felt like this place was affecting them both. “We’ve been walking for over an hour which is double the time it took for me to be transported to the area in which I was left, so that likely means we walked past the path they used to get up here. I remember needing to take a lot of steps on uneven ground,” Roman trailed off as they reached the small shaded area and was glad to see that there was indeed a small river, barely wide enough to fit three fingers in, but it was water nonetheless.

Remus immediately dropped to start scooping some into his mouth and Roman nodded as he sat down, “Let’s rest here for a bit, then. And then head back.”

“What then?” Remus paused to ask, “We’ll go back to the castle, I’ll be escorted home where I’ll be out of the way?”

“What, no! Re,” Roman sat next to him, “You’re not in the way by being here. I’d request that you be given a room at the castle as the minimum courtesy for dragging you out here. And to write a letter excusing your absence from work for your boss, they’d have to accept.”

“And then you’d stay the next day?” Remus asked, his eyes dark, “Even after they did all of this, you’d stay for him?”

Roman shook his head, not wanting to get into this again. “It’s exactly because they’d do something like this that I’d stay, to expose what other horrid things they may have done, with Dee’s help yes, but not _for_ him. Ideally, I’d like to help him as well but... It’s not my driving force, Remus.”

His brother nodded numbly before looking from Roman to the stream, “You should drink.”

Roman nodded and lowered his hand down to scoop some water into his mouth, it tasted clean though it did come with quite a few grains of sand and rock. Unavoidable, unpleasant but necessary to bear as Roman took a few scoops of water into his hand.

He could feel Remus’ eyes on his back and Roman could only sit back from the stream, watching the water go by. His eyes felt heavy and his body was tired. This was the first bit of shade, rest and water he’d gotten in quite a bit, so it was understandable. He was exhausted.

Roman shook his head to keep himself awake, “We should get moving.”

“You look tired though, collapsing out there isn’t going to do either of us any good,” Remus noted.

“Yes but we don’t have much time, I need to make it back before-”

“Before what? The time limit? Roman, I care about _you_ , not this stupid trial. I’m not letting you work yourself to death to complete it! _Please_ , think about me this once?” Remus asked quietly before nodding to his lap, “Go to sleep.”

Roman frowned, “I always think about you...” Remus gave a look that wordlessly told the squire to prove it, so Roman sighed as he shifted to lie his head in his brother’s lap. He looked up at Remus and smiled a bit when he was poked on the nose, “If you start to feel tired too, wake me up. Or wake me up in general when it gets to midday.”

Remus leaned his head on his hand, “Yeah, yeah. Gotcha Ro-bro.”

For a moment as Roman relaxed, it seemed as if he’d never get to sleep, but in less than a minute, he had fully fallen unconscious. His dreams this week had barely been tangible enough to remember in this week but as soon as he’d drifted off, Roman knew this dream was different.

He found his body moving in a stupor, towards the orb of blood floating in the void of black he found himself in. The ground that he couldn’t see beneath his feet felt anything but solid and he moved as slowly as molasses. Roman felt as if he should turn around but something in him urged him not to, there was something coming for him and it was coming quickly.

Irrational fear drove him to reach for the orb, he was just able to grab it and hold it close to his face. The inside of the orb was turbulent, swirling with black, red and at the center of the whirlpool contained within, orange. Roman felt the orb shaking in his grasp as if the vortex contained within was trying to escape its confines.

Roman felt heat creep up his back and he whirled around to face the darkness, there was nothing there but something inside his mind _screamed_ that he was not alone. Without Roman’s control, the orb in his hand began to rise, forcing his hand to rise with it as he tried to keep it from floating away. The squire fought to keep the orb down and he gasped as he looked through it and saw that the center was clear enough to look through.

The orb stopped rising for long enough for Roman to raise it to his eye and peer through it, he felt the air leave him as he saw what exactly was with him in the inky void. 

A white shade very distinctly _not human_. Wisps of white air rolled off it’s every edge as it loomed over Roman, three times his height with a wiry body that allowed its head to dangle right over Roman’s face. A number of black pinpoint holes in its face seemed to have eyes in them, all trained on the shaking human below it. It’s face split down the middle, revealing an endless maw as it roared, but Roman heard nothing, he only felt the bone-grating vibrations of the noise he couldn’t even seem to process, resounding through his body and making his ears start bleeding.

He registered crying out as he fell to his knees, hands letting go of the orb to clamp his ears. The orb hit the ground and shattered, releasing the vortex inside, swallowing the nightmare and Roman whole. 

Roman didn’t even know he was screaming till Remus had yelled for a third time as his twin shook him awake, “Roman, I’m here! I’m here, it’s okay!”

The squire’s voice slowly died down and he breathed for a moment as he looked around, they were still on the mountain. Roman sat trying to regulate his breathing a bit before burying his head in Remus’ shoulder with a relieved groan, “That was the worst in a while.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember you ever waking up screaming? Just crying most of the time...” Remus trailed off as he sighed, “Has this happened more than once this week?”

Roman shook his head as he straightened up and pressed his hands to his face, trying to ground himself. “No, this was a first for me,” he peered through his fingers to look at Remus, “Did you get any rest?”

Remus shook his head, “Nah, I don’t need much. We should get moving though, the sun's just right past above us I think.”

Roman nodded and turned to take a few more drinks from the stream before standing, waiting for Remus to do the same. While his twin took a few drinks, Roman couldn’t help but let his fingers brush the orb in his pouch. That dream had been bizarre and frightening, Roman wasn’t sure what to make of it. When the squire felt a pull on his arm he looked at the sash around his arm, it was glowing an angry red and Roman gasped. He hesitantly touched it and felt that it was warmer than it had been before, _“Is something happening to Dee? Shit, how long has it been like this!”_

Roman reached into his pouch and pulled the orb out to look at it. The squire was shocked to see the black, red and orange inside swirling, just like they had been in his dream. Roman’s blood ran cold and he moved from out of the shade to get a better look.

“Roman?” his brother called after him, “What, you need to piss or something?”

The squire shook his head as he firmly gripped the orb before holding it up to an eye to look through, “I... I think my dream was trying to tell me something.” He could see through the orb, the world reflected upside down in it, tinted red and black. He slowly began to survey the area.

Remus chuckled a bit, “Alright, when I have scary dreams, they’re nightmares. When _you_ have scary dreams, they’re prophetic?”

Roman sighed at his brother’s comment, “No, I feel like the dream wasn’t my own, it was... inflicted or something. It was trying to tell us to get off the mountain, I think.”

“That’s what we’ve been trying to do? Are your dreams rushing us?”

“Maybe?” the squire sighed as he continued to turn, “Look, haven’t you noticed that we’ve been off since we’ve been up here?”

“I’m literally always off, Ro-ro.”

“No, not what I meant. I mean, we’re arguing a lot more than usual and you’ve been strangely quiet,” Roman supplied, “I think the mountain is doing something to us.”

He could hear Remus’ incredulous huff of amusement and turned to look at him, “Look, I know...” Roman paused as he lowered the orb.

Remus looked expectant of more than that, “You know... what Roman? Come on, don’t info-cuck me.” 

Roman raised the orb to look at his brother and then lowered it again. His face fell, “Oh...”

Remus tilted his head and approached Roman, “Ro-” He was surprised as Roman backpedaled a bit, confused Remus looked at the orb. “What did you see? Do I look even shittier in that?”

Roman began shaking and pocketed the orb in its pouch, “Stay away from me.”

His brother frowned, “Roman, what did I do? Tell me what the hell you saw! You’re freaking me out here a little. Am I infected with something or-”

“You’re _not_ Remus!” Roman’s shout silenced him. Remus’ face fell, he looked confused, hurt and angry.

“It’s that thing that the seer dick gave to you isn’t it? It showed you something and you’re trusting _that_ over _me_ ,” Remus muttered before laughing sharply, “Oh this is grand! So the past twelve years of me taking care of you, providing for you and making sure you lived, means _nothing_ when put side to side with your fucking _crush_!”

Tears surfaced in his eyes as he began angrily pacing back in forth before his brother who seemed to not want to take a step near him, “He’s tricking you, _deluding_ you into thinking that he’s the only person you can trust by uprooting your trust in me! Why did you even write to me if you weren’t going to listen to me? Did you ever trust me? No, of course, because you and I have always known where I belong. The asylum, right? No room for your crazy brother now that you’ve got a handsome sugar daddy to take care of you right? You don’t even know his name bro, please! What, if I’m _not_ your brother, you’re just going to leave me here? If I’m not your brother what’s stopping me from just jumping off the mountain now-”

“Stop,” Roman nearly cried with his voice wavering. His heart was pounding in his chest and his head’s pounding had gotten no better. This was too much, but he _knew_ what he had seen. He looked up and shakily uttered, “Remus... Remus wouldn’t ever bring up our parents unless he was talking about killing them. Remus wouldn’t ever hold me more responsible than he held himself for how he raised me, we _both_ fucked up, a _lot_. My brother wouldn’t pretend like I wasn’t just as broken as he was at that point. And even when we’re angry at one another, he... he doesn’t endlessly shoot barbs at me under his breath, trying to make me feel guilty because hurting me hurts him even doubly-so. I feel the same way about hurting him.”

He took a calming breath as he steadied his voice, “So, whatever you are, you got me. It was a very _entertaining_ joke. You are an exceptional actor but you don’t know him like I do. My dream was warning me about _you_.”

Remus’ face fell and a chill ran through Roman as a wide grin broke across it, the thing using his brother’s body began laughing. It was still using his voice but it still sounded so _wrong_. It wiped its face and cleared its throat as it straightened up. “You got me,” it stated lowly, “So _that’s_ what that strange orb does; lets unblessed mortals see through my tricks... I don’t quite appreciate that.”

Roman clenched his hands by his side as he shook, the whole time, it hadn’t been his brother at all. That was the trial, but he still didn’t know the extent of the trial. He doubted that the king and this spirit or demon had an agreement to conduct such a trial. But Dee had known that Roman would need his blood, as he was a magic blessed being, as the demon had just confirmed. He felt some amount of relief at the fact that Dee had helped him even without having a physical presence there.

Now wasn’t the time to dwell on that though, he had to deal with this carefully. Roman bowed his head, “May I ask who or what I am addressing?”

The creature giggled, “Oh so polite! Do you think that will save you, you misguided child?”

Roman shook his head, “I presume to know nothing, so I seek knowledge from those who know more.”

“Hmm, you’re irritating. But not the least entertaining human I’ve had on my being in the past month. You humans call me the Glass Mountain -- such a ridiculous name -- I prefer Kenopsia. However,” the creature now known as Kenopsia walked forwards letting a strange childlike glee take over his face, “I can be your broken kin too.”

Roman’s jaw set as Kenopsia began to laugh again, “No, thank you.”

The laughter abruptly cut out, “I didn’t ask, child. Any human that walks my back will suffer as their ancestors made me all those years ago. It helped that you drank my nectar too, getting such a hold on people takes time, I was worried that I’d need to run off to get you to stay here longer.”

The squire shook his head, confused. “You hurt those who come but you draw them in so they stay? That doesn’t seem to benefit you, so why?”

“Humanity drove me mad, so I will do the same to all that I can,” the mountain spirit came close enough to lean into Roman’s space, “And make them stay here until they rot.”

Roman shook his head and pulled the orb out again, beginning to look through it. Kenopsia’s influence had even been making him see the mountain differently, but now Roman could see different pathways that he hadn’t been able to without the orb. “You don’t scare me,” Roman stated as he began moving.

“Oh?”

“You’re the mountain yet you project a vision to interact with me, my guess is, whenever I felt as if I was touching Remus, you made me think I was. So you can’t physically touch me and you can’t hurt me,” the squire theorized and hoped he was right.

“If you’re so sure about that, turn around.”

Roman stopped moving, fear shooting through his heart. It shouldn’t be able to hurt him, it _shouldn’t_ but, oh Gaia, what if he was wrong? _“Calm down Roman, this is an old and angry mountain, it wants entertainment, so give it a show,”_ and with that thought the squire turned around.

Kenopsia stood there, expression completely changed into one of fear and desperation as Remus seemed to be holding his own wrist. “ _Roman,_ ” he whispered, “I know you can’t trust this but please, _please_ bro stop it. It’s going to fuckin’-” He let out a pained gasp as Roman realized that Kenopsia was slowly bending Remus’ wrist to the maximum point that it should go.

His stomach dropped and Roman took two steps forwards before stopping as he felt the sash on his left arm become warm again, the squire looked from it to the sight of his brother about to break his own wrist. This hurt, it _hurt_.

That’s what Kenopsia was trying to prove, that without laying a hand on Roman, it could hurt him. The squire felt sick as he forced himself back one step and then another.

“Roman? _Roman!?_ No, no, no, please don’t leave! It’s me- It’s _actually_ me! The guards came in the morning, dragged me here and this fucking mountain took over my body, _please believe me!_ ” his brother’s shouts were painfully broken as tears streamed down his face.

Everything in Roman screamed at him to run towards his brother to try and help him, but he forced himself to turn around. And as if emphasizing the movement that already felt enough like a betrayal, he heard bone crack and Remus let out a choked scream. Roman couldn’t hold back anymore, he doubled over and puked up his breakfast. He let out a silent cry as he felt it leave him, coughing and wheezing as he bent over. Tears burned in his eyes and more fell down his face, he could have gone his whole life without hearing his brother scream like that, wail like that, beg for help like that.

He needed to get _off_ this mountain.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve, Roman straightened up and began walking with renewed determination and desperation to get off this malicious mountain. But Kenopsia wasn’t done with him, far from it.

With every hidden path Roman found, Kenopsia found something else in Remus’ body - his replica body - to break. It got no easier to ignore and walk away from, Roman had to consistently cling onto his sash and mutter to himself that Remus was safe, at work or heading home. The sun was getting lower in the sky when Roman spotted an actual decline down to the forest floor.

“So this is it?” Remus’ broken voice came from beside Roman and the squire fought not to look. Collarbones, left wrist and elbow, right ankle and knee. He’d seen the injuries and it had been more painful to witness Kenopsia stalk his every step with his brother’s broken body - replica of his brother’s broken body. The cries and whimpers would haunt his dreams for years to come. He didn’t need to look again.

Roman began the descent, not wanting to see what the mountain would do if he continued to hang around. “I’ve had enough, Kenopsia. You’ve had your fun,” he whispered with his voice barely there, “I know where my brother is and he’s not here.”

“No? I suppose not,” it uttered softly.

Roman was careful to not trip on any rocks on his way down, holding onto every handhold, prepared for Kenopsia to do one last cruel thing to scare Roman and make him fall. But when the squire’s feet hit the ground and he stepped away from the base of the mountain, Roman looked up and saw the replica of his brother smiling at him as he slowly leaned forwards, and tumbled down the cliffside. Roman wanted to look away but he just couldn’t, every crash and new bone breaking drawing silent cries out of him until the body hit the forest floor and laid there, unmoving.

He felt his body moving towards Remus and felt the heat on his arm again, pulling his eyes away. “Fuck, fuck, fuck...” he clenched his eyes shut and turned away to walk into the forest.

What if it _had_ been Remus? What if he’d just let a malicious spirit torture and kill his brother and Roman had done nothing about it? What if...?

The questions raging within Roman’s mind made his breathing quicken, yet it felt like no air was getting to his body at all. He wanted to go back, surely if it had been a spirit, the body would be gone? But if it was truly as vengeful as it seemed, would it keep the body there and leave the squire with no more answers than he had left with?

Despite the lack of air, Roman ran, With no direction but forwards in his mind he _ran_. Not feeling his numb legs, his lungs burning, nearly crashing into trees as he went. He was scared, so, _so_ scared. _“Gaia, what have I done?”_ he sobbed.

* * *

Virgil sighed as he scanned the tree line again rubbing his palms on his pants, wishing he could relax.

“You can sit down,” Dee’s voice broke the silence that had lasted for the past two hours or so. Virgil looked at the seer leant up against the back of the castle wall, reading what looked like a fairytale book. “It may be hours still until they make it back,” he remarked.

Virgil shook his head, “I want to be alert when they do.”

Dee seemed to look his way, “Virgil, I’ll reiterate. You _should_ sit down, you’re still not at full capacity.”

The servant seemed to pout for a moment as he made his way to the wall beside Dee to sit on the ground, not really caring that it was still wet from the storm that morning. He glanced down and picked some blades of grass from the ground, “How do you know they’ll make it back?”

“Hm?”

“None of the squires from the weeks previous made it back, the guards had to go get them. These two are good but...” Virgil trailed off, “I’m worried about them.”

“A fair thought. I don’t _know_ that they’ll make it back. Truly this trial is rather cruel but...” Dee trailed off and closed his book. Virgil glanced up and before he could ask what the seer was doing, the tall man raised a finger to his veil and pointed towards the tree line.

Virgil moved his attention towards the tree line and heard the sound of running, the servant stood as Roman skidded to a halt on the wet grass. “Squire Roman, you made it!” Virgil was surprised yet glad. Roman looked shaken and wary as he looked between the two. Frowning, Virgil took a step forward. “Roman?”

Dee put a hand in front of Virgil and handed him his book, “Wait here a moment, Virgil. I’ll handle this.” The servant nodded and stayed put as the seer took a few steps forwards.

Roman looked like he was either going to bolt off running, charge Dee and punch him or just collapse where he stood. Dee sighed, feeling sorry for the man. “Who did you see?”

Roman seemed to be surprised at that before he shook his head, “Brother... Remus.” He looked off to the side remembering the crumpled body at the bottom of the mountain.

The seer nodded and reached into his coat to pull out a letter, “As I suspected. I have a letter for you from Remus, it arrived just an hour ago.”

The look of surprise and hope on Roman’s face made Dee’s heart ache, “He’s... So he’s not...?”

Dee then deemed it safe enough to approach the squire and put the letter in his shaking hands, “Your brother is perfectly alive and well, Roman. The spirit of the mountain is an insidious one, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I-... I wish I could have helped more.”

Roman didn’t respond as he opened the letter and cried out in relief as he saw the handwriting, he nearly collapsed but Dee was quick enough to catch him. With great care Dee adjusted his hold on Roman until he was carrying his curled up form close to his chest, he turned to Virgil. “I’ll be back out after I’ve given him some water and medicine, keep an eye out for Remy,” he said as he walked by.

Roman seemed to be drawn away from the letter for a moment, “Remy?”

Dee nodded slowly, “You’re the first to come back.”

Roman’s heart sunk as he realized, Remy was still on the mountain, alone and in the dark. Well, not really alone, with Kenopsia. How could he have forgotten that? He’d been brought to the mountain with the younger man, he’d heard him yelling as they’d parted... How had he _completely_ forgotten about him? “Gaia, I...” Roman held his head in his hands, “I abandoned him.”

Dee sighed deeply through his nose, “No, Roman. This cruel trial marooned you two there. Had I not interfered in the way I did... Don’t focus on Remy right now, he’ll be retrieved in the morning. You need to focus on you right now. I’ll worry about everything else.”

Roman wanted to protest, wanted to be angry, wanted to cry and scream. But he couldn’t, he was _so_ tired. He allowed himself to relax in Dee’s arms as he held his brother’s letter close to his chest as if it were his brother himself and buried his face in Dee’s chest, relieved to feel an actual person’s touch for once.

* * *

“You’re a selfish piece of shit. You know that? You have everything I could ever want, and you still want more,” Kenopsia droned out the words with Abigail’s voice. Torturing the squire with his own self doubts and subconscious thoughts as he laid down, curled into a ball, crying out apologies. The mountain spirit had hardly needed to go as far as it did with the other human, but these reactions were far more entertaining. It appreciated that, less work for more of a reaction. The mountain knew that the day after these children were dropped here, they were quickly retrieved, so Kenopsia was going to enjoy this one. Nighttime was the best environment to play in, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to be facetious like I normally am or ask if anyone's okay because I know that was a lot. Trust me, I needed to take a lot of breaks mid-writing.
> 
> I hope that this chapter wasn't too traumatizing and that you aren't screaming after this. If you are, feel free to type the transcript of the screaming in the comments below. Or ask for hugs, hugs are free, especially this chapter. This hurt emotionally to write, but damn it was creatively fun.
> 
> Chapter Question: What do you think humans did to Kenopsia to drive it mad?
> 
> Previous Questions: Is it gay to kiss the homies? | Which character do you want to adopt the most so far? | Did any part in this chapter have you yelling in reaction and what did you yell? | Who is your favorite character so far and why? | What moment impacted you the most in this chapter?


	9. Unhinged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is safe at the castle but is not feeling too great after the mountain trial. Let's see how he's faring.  
> \-------------------  
> Includes: Referenced gore (tell me if I missed anything)

Roman stared out the open window of his room, sitting in the chair he’d pulled up next to it. His eyes were glued on the mountain in the distance. As far as it was, Roman still heard Kenopsia’s words rattling around in his mind.

It was to be expected, he supposed. It had used his brother’s face, mannerisms and voice. And despite Roman holding no love for the spirit that had put him through such psychological trauma, it’s words -- for the most part -- had seemed disturbingly reasonable when questioning all that Roman had divulged to it.

The squire had barely slept through the night, more due to his inability to dislodge the horrors he’d seen the day prior from his mind and less due to the lack of opportunity. Dee hadn’t stuck around for long after he’d supplied water, light food and medicine for Roman, seeming to sense his want to be alone. So through the night, Roman had just sat in bed and thought of what he’d been told -- not of the cries and screams he’d heard and could still hear -- and how much of it was actually reasonable. If _any_ of it was reasonable. If nothing was, then he could push the memories away and file them under the same category that he’d left vague memories with his mother and father from so long ago, fake and not to be dwelled on. If they did make some sense... Roman was unsure what he would do then.

Remus’ voice -- why did it have to be Remus’ voice -- echoed in Roman’s head like a distant thunder, _“Our parents. You’re still, still so broken up about them leaving us that you just want to be wanted, Roman.”_ This and every deep, wounding word that the spirit had yelled afterwards, theorizing why Roman was so quick to trust Dee and take risks for him, played on repeat in the squire’s head. How had Kenopsia come up with that? Roman hadn’t told it anything of his past so where did it get the idea to go after his parents -- a touchy subject on a good day -- and Roman’s sense of self worth? All to lead the squire to realize that what he knew of magic was overall quite surface level, so anything Dee would have told him about the gem that had been stuck in the seer’s back, Roman really _would_ have believed. Dee told him that he couldn’t give him answers but it was tough for Roman to believe that when the seer wouldn’t even say what he was a seer of.

With a growl of frustration Roman clenched his fists causing him to unintentionally crinkle Remus’ latest letter still in his hands. Roman gasped and immediately loosened his grip on the paper and smoothed it out as he held it close to his chest to look over the hastily scribbled words. It was the shortest letter yet after Roman’s last letter, which stated that he was unsure of the danger of the situation but wanted Remus to be ready in case they needed to flee.

_“P.S. - I can’t wait to hear your voice when I see you next. Good luck, Ro-bro._

_Your dear brother, Remus.”_

It was code for, “Just give me the word, and I’ll be ready.” The fact that Remus had used his nickname was both comforting and harrowing considering the fact that Kenopsia had used the very same nickname. Roman scratched his head with a low groan, cursing the mountain for tainting the sentiment behind his brother’s words, “Fucking mountain.”

“It’d be wise to not curse something that powerful.”

Roman cursed as he stood and whirled around to see Dee standing in his room, shutting the door that he’d just come through. The squire breathed out deeply, “Why didn’t you _knock_?”

“I thought you were asleep and didn’t want to disturb you. I just wanted to return this,” the seer explained as he held up the book of Grimm’s Fairy Tales before placing it by Roman’s bed, “It’s four in the morning.” He sounded as if he was concerned but didn’t want to outright admit it.

“So what?” Roman turned to sit and look out the window again.

Dee came closer to him to stand just in Roman’s eyesight, “Did you have nightmares?”

The memory of Roman’s nightmare that had indeed discouraged him from trying sleep again flashed in his mind. Remus standing before him in a void, smiling at Roman, perfectly fine for moments before Kenopsia’s writhing form tore his brother open from the inside out. Roman had screamed. Remus had screamed. The spirit had cackled with his brother’s voice before descending on Roman’s immobilized form to devour him whole.

Dee saw the far away gaze in Roman’s face before shaking his head, “Nevermind, stupid question...” He pulled at his sleeves, wanting no more than to retire to his room until he was needed, forget breakfast. He was exhausted. But right now, Roman was clearly in need of something. Dee just hoped he could be that something, whatever it was. “Do you need to yell at me?”

Roman pounded a fist on the window sill and glared over at him, “Don’t.”

Dee couldn’t help but bristle at that, “What?”

“Don’t say it like that when you know I...” Roman sighed deeply, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

The seer stared for a long moment, “But you’re upset with me.”

“No.”

“Lie.”

The squire quickly stood from his chair, “How in the seven hells would _you_ know that?”

Dee sighed and looked away, “See?”

Roman ran a hand through his hair as he placed Remus’ letter down on the window sill, “ _Fine_ , Dee. Yes, I’m upset with you. Why the hell does it matter? I’m upset at a lot of things right now.”

“Just because we’re working together, doesn’t mean you don’t get to be angry with me anymore. I don’t want you harboring resentment for me, for both of our sakes, so I’ll ask again. Do you want to yell at me?” 

Roman moved his chair from the window before he pulled the window closed, “Yeah, I do. A little.”

Dee faced Roman as he crossed his arms, “Then what are you waiting for? Permission? I’ve asked you twice already.”

“Oh you have asked me to do _so much_ over the past days, Dee! I answered the king’s fucked up questions, I kept quiet when I realized what you were doing, I participated in your convoluted riddles, I-” Roman paced back and forth between the window and his bed trying to regulate his breathing, “I carved a gem _out of your back_ , that _miraculously_ gave you more power immediately upon its removal, but _didn’t_ let you tell me any-fucking-thing else. I kept your stupid blood orb on me that you conveniently forgot to mention would get me off of that mountain that fucking tortured my-!” Roman inhaled sharply as he realized he was crying. 

He angrily wiped his eyes as he stopped pacing and stood facing Dee, “It acted like it was him as he broke his own bones, he was begging for me to stop Kenopsia but I... Everytime I felt pulled to help him the stupid sash started getting warm so I... I ignored him but I can still hear his screams and I wish this letter was enough to erase them but it’s not...”

Dee’s heart was beating painfully in his chest as he watched Roman stare at him with some strange combination of anger, confusion and grief in the squire’s eyes. Roman slowly shook his head, “You can’t _not_ tell me anything anymore, Dee... I can’t have gone through all of that to not get any answers from you. Why didn’t you tell me about the orb? _Why_ didn’t you warn me about the mountain at all? What... What are you a seer of?”

The seer stood still for a long moment to be sure that Roman was done; only when the squire seemed to sag and sink down to sit on the floor by his bed did Dee uncross his arms and approach. Slowly, Dee sat down on the bed so his legs stretched out perpendicular to Roman’s, feet nearly touching but not quite. “I didn’t know it would work like that,” he spoke softly, getting the squire’s attention, “I _intended_ to make something that would indicate when foreign magic was being used on you, the sash, and something that would mask your non-magical nature, my blood. The blood -- as you could probably tell -- didn’t work as I intended, masking you completely until you’d already found your way off the mountain so the spirit couldn’t affect you anymore. Much of magic is intent but the mountain is an old and powerful being, I should have known it could see through it so I am sorry for my lack of forethought in regards to that. I hoped that what I’d done would protect you.”

Roman thought back to when he’d first been left on the mountain and the sash had begun to glow, so it hadn’t been Dee speaking to him, like he’d initially thought. It was the mountain starting to affect him. And the orb... Roman supposed he could believe that, but there was no proof. He wanted to believe Dee so badly but he just couldn’t, not until he had more evidence of the seer working in _both_ of their interests. The squire didn’t respond, he wouldn’t, if he could help it. Not until Dee answered every question he had.

Dee sighed lightly and continued. “I didn’t warn you about the abilities that the two objects were _supposed_ to have nor about the mountain because I knew how you’d be taken, more specifically _who_ you’d be taken in front of. They needed to see that you had no idea where you were going, what you’d face, nor that you had escape tools. They, being the king and his advisor. They were there to watch you both be taken away and those mens’ eyes are quite sharp. I’m sure they’ve already noticed that you have a new pouch on your hip and one or both of them will approach you soon to ask about it,” Dee reached a hand around his side to feel the hole in his back. He’d been consistently healing and numbing the area all day so at the moment it would probably only take him another two hours of healing for him to not feel it at all.

Dee sighed, “And you’re right, I do owe you an answer about my title.” Roman’s eyes shifted up to look at him, his eyes now dry but still slightly red. The seer sighed, “The questions I asked you the first two nights...”

The squire’s eyes narrowed, “What about them?” He couldn’t hold back the words anymore, especially now that he had the sneaking suspicion that Dee was about to reveal that he’d lied to him.

The seer moved his hand from behind him, “Do you remember your responses?”

“Yes?”

“Are you aware that you lied?”

Roman blinked wide before he frowned, “No, I didn’t.”

“You did, exactly once,” Dee corrected and continued before Roman could angrily interrupt, “It’s alright, Roman. I know you didn’t lie on purpose. It’s something that you don’t realize that isn’t true. Here, I’ll ask the questions again. Have you ever killed anyone? And you answered?”

“No,” Roman grumbled, “You’d better not shock me again or I swear I’ll stab you.”

“Noted. I then asked have you ever wanted to kill anyone? You answered?”

Roman rolled his eyes, “No.”

“Would you kill someone for the king?”

“Yeah, I said yeah.”

“Would you kill someone for your brother?”

“Yes, I’d kill someone for Remus, the king, the mountain, whatever! What is the point in revisiting this?” Roman growled out, “I don’t want to hear the other question, Dee, just get you which one you think I lied about!” He knew that if Dee asked about killing Remus for the king that Roman would flip, and he was trying _really_ hard not to do that at the moment.

Dee conceded, “The second question.” Roman stopped and stared at the seer for a moment before looking at the floor. Dee tilted his head, “You don’t have to tell me who it was, Roman. But you _have_ wanted to kill someone before, you just never went through with it.”

“I... No, no, you’re trying to get in my head again,” Roman shook his head as he buried it in his knees.

“Roman, you’re not looking at my eyes right now, I couldn’t get in your head if I wanted to.”

“You’ve done it before without looking at me!”

“When?”

“When I was getting answers out of you before and you asked me to get off and... and for some reason I did,” Roman whispered.

Dee felt a tug in his chest as he looked down at the shaking squire, careful not to move as he spoke. “You moved because you sensed how much distress I was in, it’s called empathy, Roman,” the veiled man shook his head, “It’s why you helped me in the first place and why you’re continuing to help me.”

“Who said I’m _continuing_ to help?” the venomous words slipped out before Roman realized what he was saying.

Dee felt his body freeze up and his mouth open a bit before closing again, he wrapped his arms around himself in a sort of effort of self-comfort. _“Ah,”_ he thought, _“didn’t think about that possibility.”_ He shook his head, trying to keep grounded, “I didn’t mean to insinuate that you had to keep helping me, Roman. I merely meant that I can see what drives you when you do.”

Roman looked up at him for a moment, wanting to deny that but knowing Dee was right. He turned his head away, “So all of this to say that you can apparently _see_ lies?”

“I can sense them,” Dee rubbed his own arms slowly, “Much more keenly than when I had the gem in me. It was another reason why I hurt you every time you told me your answers, it was a spell so I could figure out which answers were lies and which were truths. Without the gem I don’t need to do that anymore, I’m picking up lies from people more regularly now. I’m a seer of lies.”

Roman didn’t move for a moment before he let out a soft laugh, “Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. After all, who best to have in the courts than someone who can discern truths from lies?” He straightened his head up to stare into the dimly lit room around him, “How can I believe you, Dee? Not just about the lying, but about the orb too? I... I want to believe you.”

It was silent for a moment as Dee opened his mouth to speak but then shut it again, he sighed. “I don’t know,” he uttered.

Roman scoffed and gave the seer a look, “Now I may not be a _seer_ _of lies_ , but I do have ears. You were going to say something.”

Dee nodded, “To prove the existence of my ability you could tell me things that are either true or false and leave it up to me to answer? It’s rudimentary but I think the results will satisfy you.”

The squire blinked for a moment before standing up, he looked at the seer’s veil and hoped the man was holding eye contact, “Anything?”

“So long as it’s not a vague statement, get as detailed as you wish,” Dee confirmed as he straightened up to lock eyes with the squire.

Roman moved around for a moment before stilling, “I once threw freezing water at people.”

“Lie,” Dee answered.

“I once threw boiling water at people,” Roman tried again.

“Truth, why?” the seer tilted his head curiously.

“They were chasing Remus, it was winter and I happened to have a cup of tea,” Roman explained flippantly, “My parents died when I was seven.”

“Lie.”

“I own four books at home.”

“Lie.” Roman only had one.

“I’m a virgin.”

“Lie.” He’d lost that status a year ago.

“My birthday is on the fifteenth of next month.”

“Lie.” It was on the sixteenth.

“My middle name is Amir.“

Dee actually snickered, “Truth. _Amir_?”

“Yes,” Roman frowned, “I find you absolutely infuriating sometimes.”

“Lie,” Dee said before noting, “You find me infuriating _most_ of the time.”

That wasn’t _incorrect_ , Roman supposed. He sighed and looked the seer of lies up and down, “Fine, I believe you.” The squire allowed himself to relax a little as he reached into the pouch that he’d left on the table next to him and pulled the orb out to look into it. He gasped quietly as he turned it in his hand, “Dee, the infection is nearly gone.”

The seer was in front of him before he could properly finish his sentence, looking into the orb. “Oh,” the taller man whispered out sounding excited yet nervous. His gloved fingers ran over the orb as gently as if it were a porcelain egg. When his fingers brushed the tips of Roman’s, the squire gasped and felt the orb slip from his fingers. The memory of seeing the orb shatter in Roman’s nightmare had the squire rushing to grab it, but Dee beat him to it, catching it easily in his left hand with a breathy chuckle. “Did I scare you?” he asked as he moved to return the orb to Roman’s hand.

The squire shook his head, “No, you...” He held the orb tightly as he returned it to the pouch on the desk, he knew that Dee had touched him since he’d come back from the mountain, so why had he reacted so strongly to _that_? The thought of a distant memory played in the back of his mind before he shook his head, “It’s nothing.”

Dee sighed through his nose, “Do you want me to pretend that I don’t know you just lied or push it?”

Roman stiffened, “What? Why would I want you to push it?”

The seer shrugged, “Sometimes we say one thing but mean another. ‘Leave me alone’ can really mean ‘don’t talk to me but _don’t_ leave me alone’. Pride has a way of making people conceal what they’re really feeling until it’s more-or-less forced out of them, trauma can do the same thing. So, we both know it’s not _nothing_. The only question I have is do you want me to know what just happened, or no?” Even he’d been prone to displaying such behavior, with the squire right before him, no less but Dee would never admit it.

Roman sighed and turned back to the man, his face seemed red. “Do... do you think we could lie in bed together? We wouldn’t need to touch! Or even face one another, I just need... I need,” the shorter man’s voice became quieter with every word, “Remus used to lie with me when I had nightmares and...”

Dee blinked wide, not having expected a request such as that. “I can do that, however, I’m not sure how,” he admitted, “Could you guide me?”

Roman straightened up for a moment -- having not expected Dee to actually agree -- before nodding and making his way over to the bed. Through short, hesitant and awkward orders, he guided Dee in how to lie on the bed. After the seer had informed him that he had no problems touching Roman as he found the squire “pleasantly warm”, said squire found himself tucked against Dee’s front in the bed. He snickered as he realized the arm that the seer had draped over him was strangely stiff, Roman poked it. “Relax.”

Dee nodded and let go of some of the tension in his arm, “Apologies, I’ve never been in bed with another person before. Is this usual among friends?”

“It depends, I guess? I’m not sure, I’ve only been in bed with family and... uh, well, the guy I first slept with,” Roman admitted, “I never really had friends that lasted long.” He shuffled closer to the seer at that. Gaia, he was a wreck. He didn’t want Dee to be another friend of convenience that was only by his side because Roman was just, _there_. Then again, part of him just wanted this to be a short-lived adventure, to be sent home where he could hug Remus and actually spend time with him. Perhaps he’d take a year off of training, help around with jobs so he and his brother could go out to the forest and play like they hadn’t done in years. It would be childish, but to hell with societal expectations. It would be _fun_ and that’s all he cared about, fun with his twin.

But _this_... Roman felt his face becoming warm and he ducked his head into Dee’s chest, allowing himself to relax a bit. Whatever this was, it was nice. It was nicer than that even, it felt serene. A moment of peace in all the emotional turmoil he’d gone through this week and in his life in general. His trial on the mountain had uprooted many memories of Remus, good and bad. Because at the end of the day, as fake as it had been, Roman had watched his brother fall to his death and die. Roman was sure that even when Remus stood before him next, there would be part of his mind that would never really believe that he was still alive.

Tears stung at his eyes and he angrily blinked them away, “So what was the point of this trial for the king? See who comes back the least emotionally scarred?”

Dee shook his head, “To see who comes back at all. In his mind, the resolution one must work up to make their way off the mountain with a _loved one_ actively trying to break their spirit so they stay longer, is resolution he wants in a knight. Even though it’s never been done before.”

Roman looked up at Dee’s veil in muted horror, “He... he sent us there _knowing_ that and...”

Dee held the man closer, “I don’t like the king at the best of times but seeing what he’s done to you... Makes my contempt grow even deeper for the man. The mountain -- Kenopsia, as you called it -- is a malicious entity that peers into your mind and makes a twisted version of who could break your spirit the fastest. Most times it will act exactly like how you think the person would in such a situation, but then... it gets nasty.”

Roman nodded numbly, “Tell me about it.” He then felt his face shift in anger, “Don’t tell me, you haven’t been there too have you?”

“I have, though the mountain didn’t touch me,” the seer admitted, “It did speak to me though, gave me advice and told me how to get down. My father had been waiting a safe distance away, he wanted to see how Kenopsia would react to me, being capable of magic. Thus, why I thought giving you some of my blood would help.”

“It gave you _advice_? What kind of advice, how best to shove someone down a flight of stairs without getting caught?”

“Something along those lines, but I’d rather not say. In general however, it was rather civil and said it wanted me to visit again when I had the chance,” Dee murmured, “Knowing it’s so cruel to people without magic however, makes me rather hesitant to accept its request.”

Roman huffed a laugh and was about to speak before Dee held a finger to his lips, the squire looked up and noted that the taller man was looking at the door. Roman stayed still for a long moment before tapping the seer’s arm to check what he’d heard or seen. Dee placed a hand on Roman’s head to gently direct him to lie his head down before whispering, “Someone’s outside your door. Fake sleep.”

Roman’s heart sunk in his chest as he did what he was told and stilled his body. Dee slowly removed himself from the bed, trying to stay calm. There was no use in worrying about who was outside the door, they knew he was in there and he’d eventually need to come out and with a good excuse as to why he was there. Dee went for the door, brushing his fingers over Roman’s ankle as if to communicate a silent ‘goodbye’ to him.

He pulled his watch out of his pocket and opened the door to the room, his eyes on the watch until he looked up. He sighed, glancing back at Roman before locking eyes with the stoic man standing there again, “Advisor, whatever are you doing here?” He closed the door behind him and put his watch away.

Logan shook his head, “It was concerning when you did not return to your quarters after the time period for the trial completion had passed. So I took it upon myself to find you and make sure you are up in a timely manner for today’s trial. And thus, I found you here. Just doing my job.”

Dee nodded in understanding, “Yes well, Roman needed someone to speak with after everything, for clarifications on what occurred on the mountain. We got wrapped up in conversation and-.”

“Lost track of time again, yes?” Logan supplied before the seer could finish, “Is he still awake?”

The seer shook his head, “He’s just dozed off actually. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get at least a modicum of rest before the trial, I may be skipping breakfast.” He began to walk down the hall before noting that the advisor wasn’t following him, he stopped and turned to face him. “Will you not also retire?”

Logan nodded, “I will, I just believe it would be best to gather squire Remy’s belongings before he arrives back at the castle, since I am already up here.”

Dee frowned, happy to note that the advisor couldn’t see it. He was lying, but there was nothing Dee could do to get the man to come with him without appearing suspicious. With a quick glance to Roman’s door, Dee nodded. “Goodnight then, advisor,” he said quietly.

“Goodnight, seer,” the advisor replied in a monotonous tone as he watched the veiled man turn to leave down the hall. Logan waited for a minute more before opening the squire’s door and peeking into the room.

Roman was absolutely still on the bed having heard the muffled voices in the hallway, he knew that whoever was in his room was _not_ Dee. The door opened a bit more and the squire felt heat creep up his back as if the man was getting closer. He wanted to turn around and deck the stranger, he could always do so if they touched him, but it was _waiting_ for something to happen that really scared him.

“Your breathing is elevated,” Logan noted, “If you wish to fake sleep under the assumption that I’ll hurt you, I can assure you that _that_ fear is illogical.”

Roman didn’t move, he tried to regulate his breathing but he didn’t move. He heard the advisor lightly sigh, “Have it your way then. Just know that if you are ever in any trouble, I am a resource you can come to, you are not alone.” The advisor moved away from the bed to go towards the door, “If you ever need an audience with me, my name is Logan Croft, advisor to the King. Goodnight, squire Roman.”

The squire laid in his bed for minutes and minutes after the door closed until he was sure that Logan had departed, _“He really does have a sharp eye.”_ While he laid there, watching light begin to light up the sky, part of him despaired at having not slept much at all while he’d had the chance while another part of him just hoped to have this all over with soon.

Without even realizing it, he let his heavy eyelids slide closed, falling asleep within the next minute.

* * *

“Roman... Squire Roman, I have a late breakfast for you,” a voice came from the darkness and the squire just groaned in response. He didn’t open his eyes, nothing would move him from the comfortable weightlessness his body was feeling at that moment, not one thing. It was silent for a minute more before the voice came again, “Squire Remy is back in the castle.”

Roman’s eyes snapped open and he pushed his body up so quickly that he felt lightheaded and needed to settle back down before looking over to the side. Virgil stood by his bed with a tray of food, with a ghost of a nervous smile. “If you finish eating quickly you might be able to see him before he’s sent to the hospital,” the servant announced.

“Hospital?” Roman echoed as he sat up. He took a bowl of salad in his hands and began eating quickly but not so much so that he’d make his stomach upset. He wanted -- needed -- to see the younger squire, to make sure he was okay. Afterall, Roman had _left_ him there. If Kenopsia had hurt Remy, Roman would feel as if he was at fault. “What happened, is he injured at all?”

Virgil nodded, “I... I’m not sure what happened but I’ve... I’ve been given orders to make sure you eat something before you leave your room today.” He placed the tray of food on the bed next to Roman before moving to the closet to retrieve clothes for the squire.

Roman nodded briefly as he continued to eat quickly, he had soon finished the bowl in front of him and went to the folded clothes that Virgil had laid out on his bed. The squire patted the servant on the shoulder in thanks and asked if he could wait outside his room while he got ready, Virgil did so with a nod.

After Roman was dressed he tied his sash around his arm and grabbed the pouch with the orb in it, distantly remembering all that had been discussed hours ago. The king’s advisor truly had been watching closely and had even come into his room last night, for what purpose, Roman didn’t know. However the interaction had only proved to unnerve him. With a frown, Roman decided to pocket the pouch instead of leaving it dangling from his belt, he could always say that he’d lost it on the mountain.

With a glance at the desk with Remus’ letter, Roman turned to leave the room. There would be no point in writing a letter today, after all. It was the last day. 

The last trial.

* * *

When Virgil opened the door to the infirmary where Remy was being temporarily held, he could hardly make Roman wait at the door as the taller man rushed past him towards the other squire. “Squire Ro- aw jeez,” he muttered lowly before rushing after him and giving the nurse next to the bed an apologetic nod.

Roman stopped next to Remy’s bed, the boy’s eyes were wrapped in bandages and his body was slowly shifting in place, his hands and feet tied to the bedpost. “Remy?” he whispered, “What’s wrong with him?”

The nurse shook her head, seeming as clueless as he was. “He was kicking others and scratching himself, we had to restrain him. And he kept screaming, saying the sunlight was too bright, we’re holding him here until an expert can come with a carriage to take him to a hospital,” she explained, “No one comes off of that mountain with all their facilities in check, he might be taken to the asy-”

“Stop,” Roman had heard enough and judging by the look on the nurse’s face, she understood that from his tone. The squire gently took one of Remy’s hands and flinched when Remy squeezed his hand harshly and began yelling and kicking. “Remy! Ah- Rem, it’s me, Roman,” he spoke trying to calm the boy down.

He was surprised to note that the grip on his hand loosened as Remy’s head turned his direction, “Ro-ro?” His legs slowly began to still.

Roman nodded, forgetting that Remy couldn’t see him, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, it’s me... I’m so sorry I left you in that damned place, Rem. So, _so_ sorry,” he whispered with guilt heavy in his chest.

“Not your choice. It was never a choice,” Remy muttered in response, “Nothing to be sorry about if you never had a choice.”

That made Roman frown, “What do you mean?”

Remy barked out a laugh, “We’re nothing. In the end, we’re just stardust and stardust doesn’t get to _choose_ where it floats. It just floats. You’re so bright, you’ve been compressed your whole life and eventually you’ll implode. It’ll be beautiful. I’ll be sure to see it no...” His voice petered out before he started thrashing against his bonds again, his head whipped back and forth, “I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, I saw it!”

The nurse went into a drawer for a sedative, “Stand back!”

Roman threw a defensive arm over Remy, “No. _No_ , I can calm him down! He’s restrained already, just give me a moment!” He wanted to help but how? This behavior was reminding him of something, maybe he could try how he dealt with that. Roman leaned over the smaller man, “Rem? I-I don’t know what you saw but can you do something for me? The road you took to arrive in Sadaire, can you imagine that for me?”

Remy’s thrashing lessened a bit as he muttered lowly, “The road... Clouds, trees and the stones.”

Roman nodded, “The stones, every single one seemed so circular, right?” If he grounded Remy, maybe he’d calm down and be able to rest. Maybe _this_ was how he could help him as he’d failed to on the mountain, “How many stones were there, you think? Can you count out how many you saw?”

“One, two... three, four,” the boy’s thrashing calmed down to a barely visible jerk every now and again as he continued to count. Roman sighed in relief.

He moved to pull his hand out of Remy’s grip but then felt Remy’s grip tighten a bit. He stopped moving, “Remy, I have to go, can you keep counting while I’m gone?”

“Come here first, I have a secret to tell you,” the boy whispered.

Roman nodded and leaned his head down next to his, “Of course.”

Remy’s head softly knocked against his as he leaned his mouth close to whisper, “I didn’t just see things up there. I heard something up there with me. In the wind... It said ‘ _tell the misguided child marked with red, hello_ ’. I don’t know what it means but Roman, _please_ get out of here. It’s not safe.”

Roman’s eyes widened for a moment and he leaned back to look at Remy’s face as the boy’s lip trembled for a moment, he continued counting. Anger and fear burned at Roman’s core. What had Kenopsia _done_ to him? What had its message meant? _“What did the king do to him by sending us there in the first place?”_

With Remy’s small moment of clarity come and gone, Roman slipped his hand from the boy’s and made his way for the exit before stopping. He turned back to the nurse and spoke with a tight voice, “Madame, whatever expert comes in, please inform them that Remy just needs a little patience. He’s not dangerous and he doesn’t need sedation, he’s just scared.”

He left, trailed by a very anxious looking Virgil who had to jog to keep up with his angry pace, “W-wait!”

Roman stopped and looked back, “What?”

The servant flinched and looked down, “Uh... the last trial is in ten minutes, you’ve been ordered to come to the throne room...” That made the squire sigh deeply. Virgil then spoke again, “How did you know?”

Roman looked at him, “Know what?”

“How to help him calm down?”

The squire shrugged as he glanced away, “I thought it’d be best to treat it as if he was having a nightmare. My brother always had them growing up.” Remus _still_ had them but that was something that Virgil didn’t need to know. He shook his head, “So, throne room?”

Virgil nodded, “It’s this way.”

* * *

Roman was unsure how to act when he arrived in the throne room with the king standing beside Dee. He was pissed at the king and he knew that the seer also had the ruler of the kingdom on his personal shit list, it felt awkward to say the least. But Roman wasn’t going to forget his etiquette now, he bowed at the waist towards the king before straightening and standing at attention. The middle of the room had twelve stone pedestals with small ornate cloth thrown over them, concealing something beneath.

King Atroa nodded towards him before looking at Dee, “Shall we commence?”

Dee nodded and stepped forward, “Step into the middle of the circle, squire Roman.”

Roman obeyed and stepped past the pedestals in front of him to stop in the middle. He awaited his next instructions. To his surprise it was the king that next spoke, “My great-great grandfather once had a knight named Martin. This knight was as brave, strong and quick as they came but when he was injured in battle the thing that served him best when defending his liege was his sword able to cleave through diamond with ease. It was made of the strongest material to be found for leagues.”

Dee came forward and one by one, he removed the cloths from the pedestals revealing slabs of different kinds of metal. The seer came to a stop once he’d finished revealing all the slabs and gestured to them with a sweep of an arm, “You have exactly one minute to touch the material that made Sir Martin’s sword. Whichever you touch first will be your choice.”

Roman blinked wide before his jaw set, he nodded.

“Your minute starts now,” Dee announced as he pulled out his pocket watch and stood back.

The squire immediately made his way to the closest pedestals to begin looking over the slabs as he thought, making his way around the circle. This didn’t make any sense, how was he supposed to complete a task like that? _“It’s a rigged trial, but how can you rig something like this?”_ he overlooked each slab before him. Some seemed more damaged while others had not one blemish in them, some were dark while some were tinted with different colors. He couldn’t look at Dee for any help in this with the king watching and, _“Hurry and pick before your time runs out!”_

Roman reached for a piece of metal, dark as night that seemed to shine with a hint of red as the sun hit it. He placed a hand on it right as Dee called, “Time.” The squire glanced over, not feeling very confident in his decision.

The king’s seemingly hardened stoic expression didn’t help either, he sighed and looked at Dee. “So close this time around too,” he seemed to mutter, “Squire Roman, you’ve made a valiant effort here this week and will be compensated for your struggles. However, it seems that you don’t have what we’re looking for in a knight.”

Despite Roman’s confusion, his heart seemed to sink at that. He looked at Dee who gave him a nod, “Your compensation will be sent to your home address, provide it to Virgil on your way out, if you please.”

A pang of pain shot through Roman’s chest and he simply exhaled before looking at the king and bowing. The squire left the throne room clenching his fists by his sides but before he could properly make it through the door his arm was grabbed. Roman turned to see Dee holding out the sash that as far as Roman knew, had been tied on his left arm just a few seconds ago. The seer leaned in close and placed the sash in Roman’s hand, “You dropped this. Now keep this tucked away and I shall look through the window and watch to see if you’ve stopped or turned back to return. _”_

“Seer, I wish to speak on next week’s trials, come,” the king called.

Roman felt the seer grip his hand a bit tighter before letting go to turn around and return to the king, “Yes, your majesty.”

Virgil was waiting for the squire when he came out of the room with a pitying look on his face. “I suppose it didn’t go well?” he said quietly after a long minute had passed. Roman just shook his head and didn’t answer, staring down at the sash in his hand. This didn’t make any sense.

He began to follow Virgil through the castle. He’d always tied his sash tightly around his arm so how had Dee gotten a hold on it and what had that last sentence meant? It sounded... _“It sounded like a reference but...”_ Roman racked his mind as he tried to figure out what story Dee had referred to. It was one that Roman knew but what Dee had said sounded... wrong for some reason.

A memory then came to him, Remus lying next to him in their small bed, dirty fingers tracing line after line of the book’s words. _“Now carry... the basket away, but I sh... shall look through my little window and watch to see if thou st... stoppest on the way to stand or rest,”_ Remus had slowly recited out trying to get the basic sentence flow down. Roman had cheered for him and tried to get him to try again. It was the tale of the _Fitcher’s Bird_.

That’s why it had sounded wrong, Dee had changed the quote’s meaning, therefore, changing the message portrayed in the source material. Dee _wanted_ him to come back. Roman looked up and saw that they were almost at the exit to the castle and he opened his mouth to speak before shutting it again.

He could just keep quiet, he _could_ just keep his mouth shut, return back home to receive his compensation and see his brother. Remy’s words from not even an hour previous echoed in his mind, telling him to get out of this place that was anything but safe...

Yet the chill of the seer's bare hand in his, his lips on his cheek, his laugh, his voice. They burned through him. _"You were my hero tonight,"_ Roman didn't care if it made him seem desperate but Gaia, he didn't want to be Dee's hero just _once_. He wanted to help him, save him again and again.

"Virgil, I just remembered," Roman spoke without actually thinking but by that point, he was already committed wasn't he?

Virgil turned back to see Roman giving an embarrassed smile, "I left something in my room. A gold pouch in the desk drawer. I'd go get it myself but I'd hate to intrude on his majesty any longer than I have."

The servant gave the squire an unsure look before nodding, “Yes, I’ll see if I can find it.” When he had disappeared up the stairs, Roman turned back and ran towards the throne room again.

He pulled the door open to peek inside and blinked in surprise to not see anyone in the room. Roman slipped into the room and closed the door behind him, scanning the room a few times. There were voices coming from somewhere in the room and it was at that point that Roman remembered the secret passage that the king had come through at the beginning of the week. The opening in the wall was slightly ajar, Roman quickly and quietly made his way over. The voices were more clear now that he was stood outside of the entryway. The king sighed deeply, “So?”

“The number of squires was adequate, we just need stronger ones. I’m sure that your servants would be more than willing to do some searching,” Dee spoke quietly, “Don’t wait for them to come to you.” There was something strange about his voice, it seemed heavier and slower. It set the squire on edge.

He slowly shuffled to the edge of the door to peer around the corner, Dee stood facing the king who had his back turned as he looked over a tapestry of some sort that hung from a wall. Roman inhaled sharply as he saw something slip into view coming from Dee’s sleeve, it was thin, long and sharp... A sword.

 _“Oh Gaia, he’s going to kill the fucking king,”_ the squire’s mind shouted in a panic. Roman shifted slightly and paled when the seer’s head swiveled to look in his direction, yet he said nothing. _“Why did he want me back?”_ Roman thought, _“Why did he bring me back just to try and... no, he wouldn’t. The plan was to reveal corruption, not kill.”_

Roman’s blood ran cold as Dee slowly turned to face him and yet another thin sword began sliding from his other sleeve. The seer flipped the already revealed sword to offer the handle of the sword to Roman, “Though I must say I’m rather put out. I really thought this week would yield us our knight.”

Roman shook his head as his eyes darted between Dee and the king, he couldn’t do this. _They_ shouldn’t do this. They’d need to flee the country and the countries adjacent for such a crime. No matter how much Roman hated the king, he _couldn’t_ kill him. But as Dee shrugged and began to turn around again, Roman grabbed the offered sword from him and gave the seer a desperate look to _not do this_.

“Yes, he was rather impressive wasn’t he? Becoming a knight worthy of protecting this royal house is perhaps another year of training away,” the king commented lowly.

Dee chuckled slightly, “Yes, well. I suppose we’ll have to keep looking, yes?” He bowed deeply to Roman before turning and raising his sword.

Roman blinked wide, everything clicking into place. _“Stop him.”_

The squire ran around the seer and blocked his blow, their swords clashed and it was with no surprise that Dee’s sword ground on Roman’s for a moment before he stepped back. “Oh, look who’s back!”

Roman heard the old king behind him whirl around, “What in the- Seer, what is the meaning of this?”

Dee tilted his head and Roman felt a shudder go through him as he heard the man _giggle_ , “Taking your head. Obviously. I was so sure that Roman would help me but alas, it seems like he truly is the honorable type.”

Roman shook his head, “I don’t want to fight you, Dee. _Please_ think about what you’re doing.”

The seer straightened up and lifted his sword, “I’ve done enough thinking for a lifetime, dear squire. So please, don’t make me waste any more breath.” He surged forwards and attacked.

Roman moved to quickly block and parry any move he could, when he saw an opening on the taller man’s side, he went for it. All that was running through his mind was two missions; don’t kill him and don’t die.

Dee was able to block and Roman then redirected his strike to go for the man’s opposite shoulder. The seer sidestepped just in time to dodge and laughed as he brought his foot down on the sword currently by his foot. As soon as he did, rather than struggle for control of his sword back, Roman rushed forwards to get under Dee’s arm and inside his guard to tackle him out of the secret chamber. The seer’s sword hit the ground.

Dee hit the ground with a grunt and with a jerk of the taller man’s legs, Roman was kneed in the stomach and suddenly rolled over so Dee was pinning his legs to the ground with his hips. The squire grunted and balled his hand into a fist to send it at Dee’s face but gasped as he saw the man’s veil sway for a moment and he could have sworn that he’d seen... scales...

Roman grunted again when both hands were taken and then pinned to the floor below him and Dee leaned down next to his head. He looked over and saw the man’s yellow eye, glowing dimly. “Roman,” he whispered and the squire was shocked to see the man smile, “My name is Janus.”

Roman stopped struggling and looked at the man before the moment of stillness was cut short by the sound of... applause.

As the king emerged from the chamber he clapped heartily and laughed softly, “Now, that’s enough of that, I think. Quite a good show you put on there, I think you can release him now.”

Roman looked from the king to Dee- or Janus, he supposed. A name he’d certainly never heard before but... why chose _now_ to tell him? And if he hadn’t been trying to kill the king who was currently standing to the side...

As Janus released Roman and stood up, the squire balked at nothing as he shot up. He pointed at Janus and the king, “So _that_ was the trial?”

The king nodded, “Yes, and you passed with flying colors. I suppose that very soon we’ll be calling you Sir Roman.”

The squire shook his head dumbly as he looked to Janus, “And you...”

The seer looked to the king, “Ah yes, we should explain. Are they present?”

The king nodded and clapped sharply twice, “Come out now!”

Roman flinched when another section in the wall behind him opened up and a very confused Logan and Patton emerged trailed by the queen. King Atroa held his hand out for his wife and she came to his side immediately, “It is time you three knew. For many years it has been thrown around in court that the Atroa family is doomed due to the fact that it has no heir. This, for a long time, was true as we had lost our child many years ago in a fire.”

He then came up behind the seer and placed a hand on his shoulder, “At least, that is what we thought.” The king then reached to the bottom of Dee’s veil and lifted it, Roman sucked in a breath. “May I introduce to you, Prince Janus Atroa, our blood-heir,” he announced.

Roman stared wide eyed at the man he’d spoken with, collaborated with, _bonded_ with for a week, his face was pale and handsome, unblemished with yellow eyes that shone as brightly as gems. Roman’s eyes went from the yellow eyes of the seer- no, the _prince_ , to the sharp yellow eyes that King Atroa possessed. Matching pairs.

 _“How much of it was a lie? How much of it was genuine? Who can I trust? The king? De- Janus? No one? What is...?”_ the thoughts tore through his head as he felt dizzy. He stumbled a bit before catching himself.

“Your majesty I... I _must_ protest, why was I not made privy to this information?” Logan interjected from next to him.

Patton didn’t protest but did comment, “Wow, Dee- I mean, Janus- I mean your highness! I would have never guessed, you were such a good actor!”

Janus gave a humble bow of his head, “Thank you very much, I am truly sorry to have deceived all of you, it was what father figured was necessary to serve this end.” He raised his head to lock eyes with Roman, “To find a knight for me.”

That got Roman’s attention, “For _you_?”

King Atroa nodded, “I’m an old man Roman, it’s only natural that your liege should be my heir. That was always the purpose of these trials, to find a knight suited for a future king.”

Roman didn’t look away from Janus, he _couldn’t_. He’d been deceived, or had he? Janus’ face was different from what he’d seen before, was it another spell? His face hardened and he approached the prince and knelt at his feet, he looked up to take Janus’ left hand and press his lips to it. “Then I will gladly serve you, my prince,” he declared with a look that he was sure Janus understood.

They would definitely be talking later. _Again_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Who called it? Who is confusion. Who needs explain?
> 
> Haha, this was a struggle to write but I've been told that it's a good chapter! (Thanks Eren~) So I really hope you all enjoyed it! PLEASE read the entirety of this end note, because there is important information here!
> 
> Chapter Question: What theories do you have for the story so far? Feel free to share them!
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT:  
> As I’m sure we’re all aware, the time for school has arrived once again.
> 
> I am going into my senior year of college so a weekly upload schedule for KillFM will no longer be feasible once I start up the week after next. So to keep my fuel for this story going and keep you all – my lovely readers – involved, I’m starting an ask blog for the series on tumblr.
> 
> The ask blog will be a canon plot-driven blog that will involve readers with main focus on one character in particular but I won’t reject other asks involving the world of the story and the characters that exist in it. (There will also inevitably be non-canon shenanigans of course.)
> 
> As for KillFM: The last upload will be Chapter 10, planned to be uploaded on August 22nd. After that is done, the main story will go on hiatus until I have a hiatus from college (whenever that will be) and can properly dedicate time to getting chapters out.
> 
> The Ask Blog: Will be made public and allow asks once chapter 10 is up, the blog will be linked on my tumblr and in the end note of next chapter. There will not be any activity for a long while on Ao3 so I suggest going to tumblr to follow me at theo-lord-of-love-and-rage.tumblr.com to get personally involved with the story!


	10. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are falling into place and is anyone happy about it? *shrug*  
> ________________  
> Includes: Implied/referenced sexual assault and gore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also talk about the sexual assault trigger in the chapter summary under the "TW:" Just a heads up.

Janus pulled another book from the shelf in his new room before placing it to the side, not quite caring about the contents of the book, but rather checking the room for a secret passageway. He’d always be able to check to make sure later, but this was all he could do for the moment.

An hour after the last trial the majority of the castle staff were still unaware of his identity but he’d now been permitted to roam as he pleased without his veil. He gave the circlet and veil on his bureau a strange look, it had been so socially restricting yet it had also provided much comfort, perhaps too much comfort. He’d gotten used to expressing however he’d wanted to under its cover, now he actually had to control himself. 

He pulled the last book from the shelf and pulled off a glove to run his fingers along the back of the wall. No chill existed there, were there truly no hidden passages around this room? Janus murmured to himself as he pulled his glove on again, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

A knock came at his door, he turned his head. “Who is it?”

“Roman is here for you, your highness,” Logan answered.

The prince felt a grim smile stretch across his face for two reasons; he had to face an angry Roman again _and_ he felt bad for the poor advisor. Janus had an inkling as to why the stoic man had been hounding his later interactions with Roman and felt the need to make some clarifications, sooner rather than later.

The prince sighed and stood to go and open the door, _“Roman is not going to be happy about this.”_ He gave Logan a small smile before looking at Roman, “It is good to see you. Roman, apologies, but would you mind remaining out here while I speak with Logan for a moment? It won’t take but a minute.”

Roman’s eyes seemed to widen for a moment and he bit his lip, “Not at all, your highness.”

 _“Oh, he definitely minds,”_ Janus’ magic told him as such so he nodded in thanks and opened up his door for the advisor. The man had a gleam of suspicion in his eyes and Janus didn’t blame him.

When Logan walked into the room, his eyes were immediately drawn to the tall piles of books that had been pulled from the bookshelf. He turned to the prince as he closed the door, “Do these titles not appeal to you?”

Janus shook his head as he passed him to walk over to the piles of books, “The organization of them did not appeal to me. I’m arranging them by color rather than title or author name. It will be much less harsh on my eyes.” He then tilted his head back to smirk at the advisor, “But we both know that’s not why I called you in here.”

He picked up a couple of books and began to pull out the brown covered ones before placing them back on the bookcase, “You’ve been rather suspicious of me this week.”

Logan watched the prince organize the books from where he stood, not looking in his direction. “In the weeks prior you -- playing your role of seer -- had never spent as much time with any other squire. I was not suspicious, I was curious.”

“Curious implies that you wanted to know what was going on between us, suspicious implies that you _suspected_ something was going on between us,” Janus replied, pausing to look back at Logan with a blank stare, “And in your first probing conversation with me you asked if any _exploitation_ was occurring. That’s not a curiosity-fueled question, advisor.”

Logan’s jaw set and he bowed, “I never meant to offend-”

“I’m not offended-- lift your head for Gaia’s sake,” the prince stopped him. He fully turned around as Logan straightened up with perhaps a bit of confusion in his eyes? Janus didn’t know but didn’t focus on it, “Truthfully, I’m relieved. You thought I was abusing my position to use Roman and decided to investigate me despite my playing a noble. While being accused of doing such a vile thing is never pleasant, the fact that you did it assures me of your character.”

Logan didn’t really know how to respond, “With all due respect your highness, where is this going?”

Janus seemed to smirk before turning back to his task of organizing, “I’m trying to pay you a compliment and assure you that I won’t tell my father of this or our prior conversations.”

“Pardon?”

The prince finished filling the first shelf and turned back to Logan, “I’m saying that if you had gone to the king with your concerns about me, I would have already heard about them and the situation would have been clarified and over with. Since I have heard nothing on my end that means you never went to my father and now since my identity is known to you, you likely never will. I’m assuring you that I also will keep quiet on my end, we can pretend like this whole thing never happened. I wouldn’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

Logan was silent for a moment, looking at the ground before looking back at Janus. The prince seemed to give a placative smirk, “I know, everything that comes out of my mouth inadvertently comes off as a threat and there is not much I can do to assure you that I am telling the truth. You can ask Roman if you want more than my word to confirm that I did nothing inappropriate to him. You can do so before you show him inside, by all means. All I can do _is_ give you my word. If you have any more questions, please ask them. If not, I would hate to take up more of your time.”

Logan blinked slowly at the prince before giving a shallow bow, “If you’ll excuse me, then.” He turned and left the room without another word, closing the door behind him.

“I don’t really know how to explain this Virgil but-” Roman’s voice faded as he noticed Logan. The servant that he was talking to looked at the advisor with wide eyes before immediately averting his gaze.

Virgil stood back, “I-I’m sorry, advisor.”

Logan shook his head, “You’ve done nothing wrong. Roman has passed the final trial and will be staying with us for the foreseeable future. You were assigned to be his personal servant, correct?”

Virgil nodded, “Y-yes.”

The advisor gave him a curt nod, “Then I ask that you continue to do so, we can discuss details of your extended tasks later in my office. For now, I need to have a conversation with Roman.”

Virgil gave a quick nod and a glance to Roman as he retreated down the hall. The latter man looked at Logan with a reserved expression, seeming uncomfortable. 

The advisor sighed and adjusted his glasses, “It seems that I’ve made a miscalculation in how to get answers I need, so my next preferable method must be asking you directly.” Roman seemed taken aback by the statement, but gave a slow nod indicating that he was listening. Logan continued, “There is truly no simple way to ask this but I will try. During this week were there any moments of indiscretion between you and his highness as he played his role of seer?”

Roman stared blankly up at the man for a moment, trying to understand what the advisor was asking him. A minute later his face shifted into shock and he let out a startled laugh, Logan tilted his head. “What? No, _Gaia no_!” he calmed his laughter and gave the advisor a calm smile, “Forgive me for laughing, I was uh... surprised. Of all questions, I didn’t expect that one. Why did you think that we...?” He seemed to blush for a moment before shaking his head, “Were indiscreet?”

Logan’s posture seemed to relax, his back was still straight and his arms stayed locked to his sides, but something seemed to unwind in his body and face. He shook his head, “You two had been spending a lot of time with one another. It seems I simply read the situation incorrectly, please forgive me and think no more of it.”

Roman didn’t get a chance to reply before the advisor had walked past him uttering, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must meet with the king.”

As soon as the advisor was down the hall the door behind Roman opened, he turned to look at Janus and felt something wrong as he stared the prince in the eyes. Seeing his face felt wrong, it felt off. He’d grown so used to the veil. Without a word Janus stepped aside and Roman came into the room, both of them taking deep breaths as the door was closed.

As Roman turned around he attempted to speak first but Janus seemed to also have the same idea and the two ended up speaking at once before stopping. The prince shook his head and gestured to Roman, “Please, go first.”

Roman nodded, “I think I’ve figured that me getting upset every time something like this happens only makes it harder for you to explain shit to me so... I’m going to try and stay calm during all of this. I may fail but if I do, let it be clear that my anger is not unfounded, alright?”

Janus nodded, “Understood.”

“What were you going to say?”

“I’m sorry... _again_. Hopefully I won’t have much to apologize for in the future, but I sorely doubt it,” the prince muttered as he made his way over to stand by a window, “It’d be best to talk over here.”

Roman nodded and made his way over to stand by Janus’ side, “So I’m now your knight. The knight of a prince who is three years older than I am, is the blood heir of the king and queen that was found on the side of the road seven years ago and will someday be the damned king. Have I got that right?”

“Mostly,” Janus replied, “Yes I am the blood heir, rather regretfully, and I am quite young, however my origin is not what the king would prefer you to believe. They didn’t _find_ me, Roman.”

Roman gave him a confused look and the prince tilted his head at him before asking, “Where is the orb?”

The knight reached into his pocket and held up the pouch for him, Janus took the pouch with a nod and pulled out the orb with a sigh. “Let’s look at it this way, how many years do you think it would take to memorize the layout of the inner walls of this castle? Take a guess,” he moved the orb around in a hand as he looked into it.

Roman shrugged watching the orb roll on Janus’ palm, “Five?”

“Unlikely.”

“Seven, then.”

“Unless I was a genius from age fifteen? _Very_ unlikely.”

Realization hit Roman and he straightened up, “More than ten years?”

Janus looked at him with a hard gaze, “Now you’re catching on, but still, far too low a number.”

Roman’s eyes went to the ground before going back to Janus’, “Twenty-two years?”

Janus nodded, “Well, give or take considering I was a child with the memory of a goldfish at some point or another, but yes. So, that tells you a few enlightening facts.”

Roman nodded as he bit a lip, “The king lied, you’ve been in this castle your whole life and... the king and queen were the ones that put that gem in you...”

He looked at Janus as the prince stared hard at the orb in his clenched hand, “They truly are sorry excuses for parents, aren’t they?”

Roman gave a numb nod, “Speaking of... you said they cut your face, where are the scars then? In fact...” He distantly recalled the glimpse of the prince’s face that he’d seen earlier, “What _did_ I see in the throne room? Your veil kind of...”

He didn’t need to finish his statement for Janus to understand, the prince sighed, “So you saw that...”

Roman’s eyes went to the orb in Janus’ hand, “Yes. So... will you stop hiding?”

Janus shook his head, “I’m not hiding.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I’m protecting you.”

The knight stared hard at the prince as his face shifted, “No, that’s not all... You’re protecting yourself.” Janus frowned but before he could say anything, Roman continued, “You’ve shown me a lot of things but for some reason... you think your appearance will be the thing to scare me away and you want to protect yourself from heartbreak...”

The prince blinked wide before he averted his gaze, “How could you possibly know that?”

Roman gave a shrug, “You tell me a lot more than you realize. You told me I’m the only person you trust in this castle... for twenty-two years you’ve developed no relationships in which you trust someone. I’m either the first or another addition to a long list of potential disappointments.”

Janus shook his head slowly as he looked away, “No... You’re the first... You are also much more intelligent than you seem to give yourself credit for, I-”

Roman took the prince’s free hand, yellow eyes met auburn. The knight shook his head, “Janus. I’d like to know what my friend looks like.”

The knight watched as the prince opened his mouth as if to protest before snapping it shut, gazing at Roman with conflicted eyes. After a moment Janus lowered his arm and while looking at his knight, he allowed his magic to fade. He shut his eyes and felt the mirage he’d been maintaining fall.

He waited, not opening his eyes to see Roman’s face and he wished he had plugged his ears so he could’ve missed the quiet inhale of shock he’d heard from Roman. But then... Roman let out a soft huff of a laugh and Janus opened his eyes, his right eye a deep brown and the left the same yellow as his father’s but with a definite serpentine appearance displayed in the slitted pupil. Roman immediately took in the opposing eyes when they became visible, a small astounded smile stretched across his face as he nodded. “I... I think I understand why you always referenced stories with snakes in them,” Roman shook his head trying to calm the prince before him, “Janus, I’m not going to do anything to you, okay?”

Rather confused and at a loss for words, the prince nodded. He felt Roman let go of his hand only to gently cup the left side of his face causing Janus to shiver from the direct contact. Roman’s thumb gently brushed over the scales, they were small, smooth and while they didn't take up the entirety of the left of the prince's face, the skin around the area was more pale than the rest of his body. Roman's thumb stopped right under the pinkened area around Janus' left eye, scared to hurt or frighten him.

His face was certainly shocking and a marvel to look at but Roman couldn't really bring himself to be afraid. It was strange but perhaps it was the prince's expression that disarmed him so; it looked as if he was waiting for an explosion to go off. Roman frowned, “Is this what they did to you?”

The prince thought hard about saying yes, just dismissing his appearance as something else that his horrible parents had done to him but with the way Roman was holding his face, he didn’t want to hide anymore. “No, I was born this way, I’m afraid. When I said that my parents cut my face, that and _only_ that was a lie. They would tear scales from my face, a few at a time to be increased and decreased at their whim. They grow back, but...”

Roman paled and took his hand away only for Janus to grab it and place his palm against his face yet again, he looked at the confused knight. “You said you wouldn’t hurt me, I can sense lies and you haven't lied to me. So your touch is more than welcome, Roman,” he uttered. He hadn’t thought about grabbing Roman’s hand, it was a knee-jerk reaction, his hand felt nice on his face, it felt _right._ Like the shield or warm blanket he’d always wanted to have as a child.

Roman opened his dry mouth to reply but was stopped as a knock came at the door. The two pulled apart and Janus sighed deeply before calling, “Who is it?”

“Patton here with a visitor for you, your highness!”

Janus nodded and looked at Roman, “So many answers, so little time. No matter, we’ll be joined at the hip from now on, won’t we?”

Roman didn’t know why but the idea of that was rather nice, he nodded, feeling himself smile a bit. “Yes, your highness.”

The prince nodded before lifting Roman’s left hand to his mouth and kissing the fingers of it, “Then we have a guest to greet, I do believe they are here for you too, my dear knight.” He winked, causing a spark to shoot down Roman’s spine, the knight repressed a shiver. Janus let go of Roman’s hand and suddenly the prince was wearing his false face again.

Roman blinked in surprise and shook his head trying to clear it. He was not naive, he _knew_ what he'd just felt and blamed the prince before him completely. _"Get it together Roman, you can't start being attracted to the fucking prince, no matter who he is. Don't get horny over a fucking wink,"_ it wasn’t just the wink that had done it, Roman was aware, but nevertheless he fought the feeling down with desperation.

When Roman had dealt with that and gave Janus a nod, the prince moved towards the center of the room and called for Patton to come in. The door opened and Roman felt his breath get sucked out of him as he met the eyes of his twin.

Patton stood behind Remus as he gave a short bow to Janus, before speaking. “Remus, Knight Roman’s kin, here for you, your highness. He has been signed to secrecy concerning your existence until your official announcement, as per his majesty the king’s orders,” Patton spoke rather formally before grinning at the men and waving, “Now I’ll leave you all to chat for a bit! Dinner is in three hours!”

The door closed and Roman hardly noticed. His brother looked so out of place, instead of being dazzled like most everyday people would have been, the glamour seemed to set Remus on edge. As if he'd stepped into a different world. However he seemed relieved to see Roman. And Roman... the knight didn’t even realize that he hadn’t let Janus or Remus say a word before he was practically tackling Remus in a hug.

“Ah! Shit, Ro, are you okay?” Remus hugged Roman back immediately with a nervous chuckle. His eyes went from Roman to the prince that seemed to be unbothered as he stood back and gave a nod to Remus. As Roman was hugging him, he felt a distinct wet spot gathering on his shoulder and Remus stiffened as he looked at him. “Hey... Did you get my letter?” he murmured quietly as he patted Roman’s back.

Roman nodded and sniffed before he pulled away, he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his arm. “Yeah,” he spoke before lowering his arm and giving Remus a grin, “I think it was a good idea but not necessary...” He had to let Remus know that he was okay and fleeing wasn’t a part of his plans. He then took a moment to look over his brother, like he thought, Roman couldn’t believe that he was alive. But there he was. With a glance to the sash tied around his arm he had confirmation, this Remus was real, alive and _real_.

Remus nodded, regarding the prince patiently waiting by with a gleam of suspicion in his wide eyes, “Alright, then.”

His look reminded Roman that Janus was there and of the unprofessional behavior that he’d just had in front of him. While he doubted that Janus would mind, he still felt a hint of shame and gave a short bow as he stood back from Remus. “Excuse me, your highness,” he said quietly.

His implied apology was dismissed with the raise of the prince’s hand, “Please, with all you’ve gone through this week, one could say you’ve been granted a few sweet reunions with your family. Speaking of, it is very nice to finally meet you, Remus. Roman has spoken very highly of you.”

Remus snickered lightly, “I somehow highly doubt that. But yeah, nice to meet you, it may be obvious but I have no fuckin’ clue how to interact with royalty or whatever? Sorry about that in advance.”

Roman winced at his choice of wording, quite used to it but was relieved when all Janus did was give a sort of fond smirk. The prince beckoned the two closer, “No worry, if you play your cards right, you won’t have to for much longer. Talking to royalty is a real bother and no one would know it better than I. I get sick of hearing myself talk sometimes. Now, if you would, I believe we have business to discuss.”

Remus gave Roman a wary look that just screamed, _“Are you sure about this guy?”_

Roman gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder in reassurance, he ushered Remus forward before looking at Janus. _“I’m not sure how I am, but I’m sure,”_ his smile became wider.

* * *

“Now sign there, there and there,” Roman directed Remus on the last sheet of paperwork in front of him as Janus read a book on his bed. 

The prince wasn’t really absorbing the rather droll information the book was trying to convey but it was something to do. However he couldn’t really help but listen in on the twins interacting, it was bizarre. He’d never met twins before and he’d expected their voices to be more similar than they were. Remus had a rather nasally higher-pitched voice while Roman’s was lower and less affected -- so long as he was calm, that is. Remus was the wilder of the twins, he had not been lying when he had said he didn’t know how to act around royalty. Not that Janus was judging, he found it rather refreshing. But he was taken aback at how different Remus was from Roman. Appearance wise, a few things told them apart. The dark bags under Remus’ eyes, his moustache -- of course -- and when the two stood next to one another Roman stood a good half-inch taller than his twin. Personality wise, they were not so much night and day, but still, _distinctly_ different.

For instance if Roman got annoyed, his reaction would have perhaps been a bite of his lip. Remus however wasn’t the best at reacting quietly, as he displayed when Roman quickly pointed at places he was supposed to sign on the document. “Alright, I’m not a fucking printing press Gaia-dammit! Jeez, you’re really getting on my ass-”

“I’m sorry,” Roman quickly apologized to slowly point out the lines, “Sorry, I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Janus asked curiously from his lounging position. The prince stood, tossing the book aside as he came up beside Roman to look over the contract Remus was signing. 

Roman gave Janus an apologetic glance, “Uh, it’s the font. It’s hard on the eyes so the lines are difficult to see.”

Janus frowned and looked over the wording more carefully, “Ah, I see what you mean, it is also overembellished. Is this what the royal scribe deems to be legible?”

Roman shrugged, “I can barely read it myself. It _is_ fine that he signs in print right?”

The prince nodded, “Yes, it is still his signature, after all.”

“If you two could shut it, that’d be great,” Remus muttered as he tried to concentrate on the one thing in front of him, “I really don’t want to have to do this again because I accidentally write some long ass word like _overembellished_.”

Janus gave a brief chuckle and mimed zipping his lips and dropping the key before returning to his book at his bed. He looked up to meet Roman’s eyes as the knight looked back at him with an embarrassed smile, Janus returned the smile before going back to his book.

 _“Gaia, he’s beautiful,”_ the thought snuck its way into the forefront of Janus’ mind. Not just in appearance but in a way that made the prince unsure if he was dreaming or not, _“How is he not scared of me? With the way I look... And he touched me so gently, it felt like...”_

Janus stiffened as he felt electricity shoot down his spine and he repressed it just as quickly as it had come, his eyes wide as the words on the book in front of him became nothing but decorations on paper.

Oh. _Oh._

It was not often that Janus experienced this particular sensation, as he had no particular want to sleep with anyone, even if it were just pleasure for pleasure’s sake. But now that he had felt it and it had been caused by the thought of Roman... Janus suddenly understood the rushed sex scenes of novels that he’d stumbled upon years ago. Not that he’d ever follow the example set by the characters in those books, their advances had often come off as creepy or far too pushy for Janus’ liking.

 _“Wait, Roman said that he’d slept with someone before... I wonder if he’d teach me,”_ at that thought Janus suddenly felt his... everything become warmer and he dug his gloved fingers into the book cover. He didn’t care if he damaged it, the book was hardly entertaining. _“No, stop thinking about it. Shut up, you’re not thinking about it. Read the stupid book, what the fuck is this book about anyways?”_

“I think we’re done, Prince Janus,” Roman’s voice made him flinch and shut the book in his hands rather loudly.

Janus stood, fighting down the heat in his face. He couldn’t make his mirage shift to stop blushing, he just had to hope it wasn’t too noticeable as he came up to look over the document. “Good, good. Yes, it seems like you’ve signed the correct areas. How does it feel to be a baron, Remus?” he gave the twin standing from his chair a smirk.

Remus returned the smirk a bit, “Absolutely no different. Especially since I’m only... what was it, an _honorary_ baron because of my bro?”

Roman nodded, “Well in that case... how does it feel to have a family name?”

Roman watched Remus’ face shift with a wry smile, “I mean it was always our family name but... it is nice to have it in writing, make that shit official, y’know?”

Janus waved out the papers before picking them up and nodding, “I think it suits you both. Roman and Remus Olurosa. How did you pick such a name?”

The twins both laughed a bit and Roman shrugged, “We made it up?”

“What else were two sad kids going to do when their parents just up and left?” Remus added with a laugh that struck Janus as hollow.

The prince shook his head and gave the two a smile, “Well, I do believe it will be pompous enough for the king, so I think you did well, both of you for making it here.”

Remus tilted his head, giving the prince an incredulous stare. “I didn’t do jack-shit though,” he grunted.

“Completely untrue,” Roman disagreed as he took Remus’ hand, “Remus, without you, I would have died a long time ago and I would have had nothing to work and fight for. Give yourself some more credit!”

Janus glanced between the two for a moment before bowing his head briefly, “I think I’d better get these to the king or Logan. Excuse me, Remus. Roman, could I have a word with you and then you can use the room to speak with your brother before dinner?”

Roman nodded and gave Remus a glance, his wary look spoke volumes so Roman gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yes. Remus, I’ll be right back,” he let go of Remus’ hand as he followed Janus outside the room, hyper aware of his brother’s stare on their backs.

When the door closed behind them Roman gave his attention to the prince who was regarding the papers in his hands, Janus fixed Roman with a contemplative look. “He’s quite unique,” he commented as he gestured towards the door.

Roman gave a nod as he ran his fingers through his hair, “Yes, that he is.”

The prince smiled, “I like him. I can see that he cares for you greatly and you feel the same way for him, he’s a good brother.” Janus then leaned down to whisper in Roman’s ear, “Be careful what you divulge to him, it may put him in danger. Revealing corruption requires select people knowing of the plan to do so. There _is_ a reason the king asked if he was your only family member the moment you came here, to gain leverage so he can control you later. Don’t let yourself become a piece on his board.”

Roman stiffened as those words settled like ice in his heart, he gave Janus a grim nod in thanks for the warning before the prince straightened up to turn and make his way down the hall, “I won’t be but half-an-hour, he loves hearing himself talk so if I come back catatonic, it’s because I’ve spiritually died.”

Roman didn’t know how to respond to that statement and so he just nodded and went into the room once again.

Remus was staring in that unsettling way that had always come easily to him, “So, it’s all just... _fine_?”

Roman nodded as he went to sit on the bed in the room, “Yeah, I’m sorry if I freaked you out, but I dealt with it. And everything worked out.”

His brother let out a high-pitched chuckle before he cocked his head, “Ro, that’s bullshit and you know it. What the hell is happening here? Why did you launch yourself at me when I came in like you thought you’d never see me again? You even fucking _cried_ and I know I call you a crybaby sometimes but you don’t even cry after you come back from training every year. _Something_ is up!”

Roman sighed and bit his lip, Remus was too perceptive for his own good sometimes. “I had to do a lot to obtain this position, nothing bad but it _was_ dangerous. I got hurt, I got scared and that kinda made me fear that I really wouldn’t see you again,” he decided to say.

“You got hurt!?” Remus rushed over to check over Roman, “Where did you get hurt, how bad?”

“Remus, I’m okay! Goodness!” Roman grabbed his hands to calm him down, “I have a scar and I don’t even feel it anymore.”

“Let me see it then, if you’re alright let me see it.”

Roman sighed and let go of Remus and turned around, “Alright, jeez.” He lifted the back of his shirt to reveal the long scar along his back, Remus didn’t say a word. When Roman pulled his shirt back down and turned to face his brother, he recognized the look on his face.

Remus was pissed. He looked up at Roman with rage in his eyes, “Who do I need to kill?”

“He’s in the dungeon, you don’t need to worry about him, it was one of the other squires, he... kinda lost it,” Roman explained as he fixed his shirt, “You don’t need to kill him, he’s suffered more than enough.”

Remus watched Roman’s face for a moment before seeming to relax a bit, “I’m always going to worry.”

“I know, that’s why I did this, Re. So you could stop,” Roman put his hands in his pockets.

Remus’ face faltered in confusion, “What?”

Roman nodded, “I wanted to give you a new lease on life, to do what you want for once.”

Remus gave a chuckle which quickly became a laugh, “Do what I want? I still need to work, Ro-ro.”

Roman shook his head, “Not unless you want to. My job pays for the house indefinitely as long as I do my duty here.”

That made Remus pause. He then dragged his fingers through his hair as he began pacing, “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you still doing this? You’re not even doing what you came here to do, you were supposed to be the knight to some dying old fart of a king, instead you’re serving some random prince charming who just popped up out of nowhere,” Remus muttered quickly, clearly agitated.

Roman knew that if Remus didn’t get answers that he was just going to get louder and more unpredictable, he tried to keep his voice level. “I’m doing this for _you_ Remus, I swear. And someday he’ll _be_ king so in the end, I get what I wanted for both of us.”

Remus stopped and turned on Roman, “And what the hell do I get! To lose you? Because that’s all I’m hearing!”

“You get to be free of me!” Roman finally yelled as he clenched his fingers into his own arm as he hugged himself, “Remus, you get to be _free_. The only thing I’ve ever done is take from you, Re! I took and took, you sacrificed _everything_ for me and I know sometimes you only kept going because I needed you.”

Remus straightened up, not saying a word as he bit his lip.

Roman sighed deeply and blinked away the tears that had surfaced in his eyes, “Remus, I love you, brother. But because of me you didn’t have the chance to live and I wanted to give that to you. The chance to live for yourself and not anyone else.”

The twins stood in silence for a moment before Remus let out a soft humorless chuckle. He shook his head as he scratched roughly at his head, “That... that’s not what I wanted Roman.”

Roman nodded, “I know... But I think this is what you _need_.”

“What the fuck would you know about what I need, Roman? I _need_ you at home!”

“Don’t do this Re, please, I know you’re hurt and I’m sorry, I truly am but... But if you were so against me not being at home, why did you let me come to the castle at all?”

Remus let out a loud groan, “I don’t know! I just... I didn’t think about it!”

“Now _that_ is just completely untrue, you think about everything-”

“But I didn’t think you’d really make it! I thought you’d come, do some sparring, get your butt kicked and come back home! Disappointed but thrilled that you got to go to the castle at all! I mean- shit, bro! We came from the fucking _slums_ , Roman, did you seriously think that you achieving something like this was ever in my mind?”

Roman sucked in a breath as the words hit him, he watched the realization and regret wash over his brother’s face as he scrambled for words to undo the damage he’d done, “Shit, no- I didn’t... fuck. Roman, I’m sorry, _so_ sorry. I-”

“You’re right,” Roman stopped him, ignoring the pain in his chest, “This was a one-in-a-million chance and the fact that I got it... It really is a miracle and it wasn’t something you were ready for. But like it or not, Remus, this is how it is now.”

Remus took a shuddering breath in and nodded, “Okay... Okay, Roman. I... I’m sure you’ll do great here. I’ll uh... do what you want.”

Roman sighed and stepped forwards to wrap his arms around Remus, “Don’t do it because _I_ want you to, Re. Of course I want you to live your own life, but do it because _you_ want to. I love you, okay?”

Remus nodded stiffly as he hugged back, “Love you too...”

It was the most Roman would get from his brother, he knew. After an argument like that, they often needed space, but since they had no idea how often they’d be permitted to see one another after this, they were taking every last second to make this hug last.

* * *

Roman’s heart was tight in his chest as he watched Remus be handed a silk bag by Virgil. Dinner had been an awkward occasion, they’d met in the main dining hall this time joined by the king and queen who had spoken the entire time with Janus.

It had been an awkward affair, especially since Roman had to silently guide Remus in which utensils to use to eat certain foods. Remus had just silently followed instructions, and rather thankfully, neither the king or queen prompted him to jump in on the conversation. It was concerning Roman’s knighting ceremony after all, he wasn’t really involved.

Seeing Janus interact with his parents and knowing how much he hated them was also a daunting experience. The prince only spoke when he was spoken to and when he did, his words sounded unlike his own, like he had been trained to respond in such a way without thinking about it. He never disagreed with them either and as Roman watched Janus’ eyes, they seemed dull. There had been one moment of communication between the prince and his knight, a singular glance that the prince had given him.

If Roman had to put words to the pained and frustrated look, they would have been, _“Gaia, make them shut up and choke on their tongues.”_ In that moment it seemed as if Janus was truly at the end of his rope and was about to snap, but then he gave a nod towards the queen and complimented her decoration idea with a smile on his face.

Miraculously, dinner had passed without incident and now, Roman was fighting to maintain professional decorum in front of the king who was standing by to send Remus off. He wouldn’t see his brother until the knighting ceremony and then every occasion that would follow after that. Roman couldn’t leave Janus’ side, the prince’s wellbeing was now his job, after all.

Virgil stepped back and bowed to Remus who seemed to bristle at the sign of reverence with a low grunt. Nervously, Virgil backed away and retreated to stand off to the side.

Janus nodded towards the bag, “In there you’ll find emblems to put in your new home and fifty gold coins to spend as you please. The carriage will take you to your new home in the morning and footmen will be there to help pack any belongings you have. For tonight, you’ll be escorted back to your home by one of our footmen in casual garb so as to not draw attention to you.”

Remus gave a hesitant nod as he glanced at Roman, “Yeah... thanks.”

Roman exhaled through his nose evenly, he glanced up at Janus. “Permission to speak, your highness?”

The prince nodded, “Granted.”

The knight looked at his brother, “Remus.” He waited for Remus to make eye contact with him, “If you have trouble with the emblems, feel free to contact me, I know how to put them up.”

For a moment Remus didn’t react, then as the footman came into the room for him, Remus nodded. “Alright, I will. Thank you, I’ll... see you around, Roman,” he uttered out.

Roman nodded and reached forward to pull Remus into one last hug. Brief, sad but just as sweet. The Olurosa twins separated and Roman watched as Remus begrudgingly turned to leave.

As the doors closed, Roman felt his heart grow heavy in his chest.

“Well, he certainly seemed excited,” the queen commented.

King Atroa grunted in agreement, “Quite, at a loss for words, one might say.” 

The two laughed and Roman ground his teeth to bite back the growl of anger he felt boiling in his chest. He was able to calm down when he felt a brief squeeze of his hand in Janus’ before the prince turned to speak, “I believe the twins may have been tired, after all, my knight seems to be rather worn out from today as well.”

Roman went along with it, feigning biting back a yawn. He blinked wide when he felt a real one nearly surface.

The king and queen looked over the knight and nodded. King Atroa dismissed them with a wave of a hand, “Then retire for the night, however, Sir Roman it would benefit you to be able to persist for long hours through the night.”

Roman bowed, “Yes, your majesty.” He turned to follow Janus, his eyes locked on the prince’s hands which were clenched behind his back.

The walk back to Janus’ room was a quiet one, both men’s minds occupied by their own inner musings. It wasn’t until the door shut that either of them spoke. Janus turned to look at the knight, “There are no hidden passageways in here, anything you need to ask, go ahead.”

Roman buried his face in his hands before looking up again, “What is the plan? The _entirety_ of the plan.”

Janus sighed, “The plan _is_ revealing corruption but the way we need to go about this... With the way that the king has every politician in the country wrapped around his little finger and a puppet in every courthouse, there’s only one way _to_ proceed towards our goal.”

“What?”

“Think about why the king did this. He posed as if he was terminally ill to lure in potential knights for a son that he mercilessly abused for the majority of his life and holds no love for. Why? Because people are just chess pieces to him,” Janus was spiraling in anger, his voice shooting up an octave before he took a deep breath to calm down, “And _I_... am a pawn that was never supposed to reach the other side of the board. My father means to set me up with a woman to make him an heir and once that is done, he will kill me.”

Roman stared wide eyed at the prince as he stood unsettlingly still in the center of the room before he slowly sat down on the floor. The knight slowly came closer, “Why are you saying this now?”

Janus pulled out the orb of blood from his pocket and held it so Roman could see into it, the knight knelt down beside the prince and gasped as he saw, no orange infection remained within the orb.

Janus clenched his hand around the orb and let out a shaking breath, “Because what we have to do, I’m aware that it may seem like it is a selfish and vengeance filled action, but it is for the good of the entire kingdom. He has hurt _so many_ to keep a hold on his power, a hold on me and he will continue to hurt as many as he pleases if it keeps this sick place thriving in agony, all in his name.”

The prince’s false face dissipated as he looked at Roman, “We need to kill the king.”

* * *

Remus stumbled into his house, closing the door behind him with a kick. The action gave him no joy, not this time and it never would again. Now that he’d be moving, now that he’d be “living for himself.”

 _“How the fuck do I even do that? Why would I do that!”_ Remus took the butcher’s knife on his table and chucked it at the wall. The knife impacted against the wall blade first but then fell to the floor. Remus tossed the silk bag in his hands on the table and stalked towards the knife to pick it up and swing it again.

The impact against the wood reverberated through him and unprompted, images began to flash through his head.

He saw his old boss standing before him as Remus yelled, "Idiot, you fucking idiot!" The knife landed in the old bastard’s neck causing blood to spew across the floor.

He saw the fisherman standing there next as he swung again, “You fucking lost him, you failed him!” The knife plunged into the prick’s beer belly and tore downwards to release intestines that pooled at the man’s feet.

He saw...

He saw himself.

Remus froze mid swing and felt a grin split his face. He laughed, “You fuckin’ failure!” The knife slipped out of his hand as he backed away from the wall letting out manic chuckles. He fell to the floor as he wiped the tears from his eyes, he buried his face in his hands.

He didn’t move for hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a bit, I've just moved into college and am going through stuff so, yknow. But it's also why I'm taking a break from this story while I am at college. At least, I'm taking a break on Ao3. 
> 
> On tumblr, the story is continuing following right after the events of this chapter so go take a look here:  
> killfm-askblog.tumblr.com
> 
> Chapter Question: What do you hope and/or fear is going to happen when we return to this story?
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me up to this point! My heart truly is touched by all of the kind words, theories and the screaming -- especially the screaming. I really hope you follow me to the tumblr blog to become a part of the story so I don't miss any of you! The Ao3 story will be on hiatus until I am given the opportunity to pick up an upload schedule once more. My main blog is at theo-lord-of-love-and-rage.tumblr.com if you want to chill with me there, otherwise, please give the askblog a try!
> 
> Have a safe and successful school year!
> 
> TW:
> 
> Just putting this out there so people know; please DO NOT follow Logan's example in this story if you suspect that someone is being abused in any way. I cannot iterate this enough. If Logan's suspicions had been correct, prying into the situation like he initially did would have put Roman in danger and made the situation worse. Checking in with Roman in a private, safe place was the FIRST thing he should have done.


	11. Observed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What were we talking about again? Oh right. Murder.  
> ________________  
> Includes: Abuse, Referenced Child Abuse, Non-Sexual Non-Consensual Touching, Description of Injury, Suicide/Suicidal Ideation, Drowning, Reference to Sexual Coercion

Janus didn’t know how to feel about this. The gentle pressure that ran lines on his scalp as Roman ran his fingers through the prince’s hair. It was certainly nice but unfamiliar. The prince had run his own fingers through his hair himself but it had never felt this... nice. He was starting to like this, touching and being touched by another person. Perhaps not every person, but Roman certainly.

The knight had absentmindedly begun the comforting gesture a few minutes into the deafening silence that had followed Janus’ declaration of how far this treason was going, practically a coup. The prince had half-expected the knight to go sprinting for the door, but instead, Roman had taken a seat on the floor next to him.

Now both men were lying on the floor of the prince’s room, silent.

That was, until the silence was eventually broken by the knight, “Janus?”

“Hm?” the prince replied automatically.

“Oh, nothing, just checking to see if you fell asleep.”

Janus’ magic flared and he sighed, shifting his body where it laid. “Do you _actually_ not want me to know or should I push it?”

Roman was silent for a moment before giving a light sigh, “I don’t want you to know... Sorry.” He removed his fingers from Janus’ hair.

“No need to apologize, I’ve just dumped a _lot_ on you,” Janus noted as he lifted his head to look Roman in the eyes. “Still think you chose correctly in listening to me?”

“I’m not so sure _correct_ has any meaning in such a situation,” Roman admitted, “I’m not sure _what_ to think but I know... I know what the king and queen did to you was horrid, I know you hate them, which you have every right to, but... This is a _lot_. Were you always going to ask your knight to kill him with you?”

Janus let out a breathy laugh, “Ah, no. I was going to do it. When he officially announced me to the kingdom. Him, then the queen and then...” Roman frowned as the prince glanced his way and then shook his head muttering, “Nevermind.”

The knight shook his head, “Hey... Should I leave it or push?”

“...Push,” Janus prompted, “I’m afraid to tell you.”

“If you were capable of scaring me I would have run to the king and told him everything by now, I think,” Roman placed a hand on Janus’ and gave him a small smile, “I can handle more than you think.”

Janus nodded and concentrated on the warmth of Roman’s hand, “After I had killed my-- the king and queen, I wanted my knight to do his duty and run me through, decimating the bloodline of this mockery of a family.”

Roman’s mouth pulled into a thin line as he nodded, “And the current plan? When did this start?”

The prince let his body lie flat on the ground as he exhaled deeply, “This floor is more comfortable than I thought it would be.”

Roman frowned, “Janus.”

“No really, lying on the floor in here is--”

“You’re digressing.”

“I am _not_. It’s really comfortable is all I’m saying.”

Roman held back a sigh of frustration as he shuffled closer before poking the prince on the nose. The knight could have laughed as Janus’ eyes opened wide, his nose wiggling at the unfamiliar sensation before the prince shot his knight a look of confusion. Roman just tilted his head. “When?”

The prince sighed and rolled over to sit up. He was silent as he felt Roman’s eyes on his back, fearing that the answer would cause quite the reaction. “Between my father’s plan for me and my plan on how to exact my revenge while also not... living past obtaining my vengeance... The idea brushed past my mind repeatedly over the years as he hurt me but I only made my decision to pursue my own goal this week,” he glanced back at Roman, “You... inspired me. Rather than commit myself to the path of least resistance or to the petty lashing out that would solve none of the pain that the king caused and just end my misery, I made my own path.

“It’s certainly not perfect, it’s anything but peaceful and that... that may reflect badly on who I am, but I am willing to do this if it alleviates some-- any of my father’s influence on this kingdom,” the prince looked back to his knight, “I feel as if his actions as ruler even before this week have hurt you -- even if by extension -- and I don’t expect _that_ to convince you to help me. You don’t have to, as much as your support would--”

“Janus,” Roman placed a hand on his shoulder as he sat up next to the prince.

“Roman,” the prince replied before letting out a hopeless laugh, “Don’t pretend like you’re just immediately on board with helping me in this, it’d be an insult to both of us... I just... knowing that he has caused you pain as well fuels me to an even greater extent. I wanted you to know that and know that I’ll never let anyone hurt you while you are at my side.”

Roman couldn’t help but feel reassured at that, but he shook his head as he had to remember, “I’m _your_ knight.”

“You’re _my friend_. I’m quite selfish about these things,” Janus countered, “Habit.”

“Habit?” Roman questioned.

His friend nodded as he stared into the middle distance, “You cling to what you have when you have nothing...”

That resonated with the young knight, in more ways than one. The personal belongings he’d had over the years, he could remember every single one even though most had been lost or sold. And Janus wasn’t talking about things, he was talking about _people_.

Janus was clinging to Roman because the knight was all the prince had. 

_“Reminds me of Remus,”_ a thought Roman really didn’t want to have, came to the surface before he could push it down. He bit his lip, _“Gaia, give me strength...”_

With a sigh the knight regarded the prince, “When is the king’s plan going into action?”

“A year from my public announcement next week, enough time to find a bride and--” Janus grimaced, “Yeah...”

Roman stared at him for a long moment before standing and offering a hand to Janus, “I want to help you.”

The prince let out a slow breath, “ _Roman_.”

“Am I lying?”

Janus looked up at him, “No, but _wanting_ isn’t--”

“Saying I will is another thing entirely, I know. But I’ve done a lot when you’ve asked me in the moment,” Roman fixed him with a hard look, “Janus, I _want_ to help and you have quite a bit of time to convince me. I’m quite clingy myself, I think you’ll find. And I don’t take to people hurting my friends very kindly. So, what can I do in the meantime? I...”

Janus was surprised to see tears building in Roman’s eyes. The prince stood up, “Roman! What...?”

“I _believe_ that they hurt you,” Roman whispered, clenching his fingernails into his palms, “I believe you so I feel like a damned _coward_ for not just--. Dammit!”

The prince blinked wide at the man and slowly felt a pained smile stretch across his face as he exhaled. Janus came close and began running his fingers through the shorter man’s hair much like he had done to him. Janus noted that Roman leaned his head into the touch. “My knight, killing is not something so easily decided upon. At least, I don’t think it _should_ be unless in self defense. You are _not_ a coward, you’re giving yourself room to assess the situation with the evidence you have, which is admittedly not a lot in terms of undeniable proof. Be kinder to yourself, you can help me gather evidence, yes?”

Roman nodded as he was just able to repress a shiver at the feeling of Janus’ gloved fingers in his hair. He looked up at his prince, “Is that all?”

Janus looked contemplative as he held his free hand up to his mouth as if he was about to bite on a knuckle but then stopped. With a sigh the prince fixed Roman with a tired look, he _really_ didn’t want to say this, but perhaps that’s why he did. He needed to.

Janus ran his fingers through Roman’s hair once more before trailing his fingers down to brush along the underside of Roman’s jaw to tilt his head up, at that, the knight really did shiver, staring into Janus’ contrasting eyes. His prince fixed him with a hard look, “Keep me from making his death about me. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to resist the temptation and I... I need to enact justice, not revenge.”

Roman’s eyes widened before hardening in resolve. He gave a curt nod, “Yes, your highness.”

* * *

A sharp knock at Roman’s door made him stir and groan softly. What time was it? He remembered staying in Janus’ room for a bit longer the night before, the prince had pointed Roman to the room right across the hall when the knight had bit back his third yawn of the night. How Janus had stayed so calm and been so understanding of Roman’s hesitance to help, the knight would never understand.

Roman felt like he was ten times more upset at himself than the prince was. He still felt guilty about his lack of support even now. Yes, he was still helping Janus but Roman couldn’t help but feel like he could and _should_ be doing more.

The knight sighed and rolled over in bed to face the door, vaguely remembering that someone had knocked only a minute ago and he hadn’t answered.

Roman blinked wide as he came face to face with the dark snout of a dog, centimeters from his face. The knight yelped and bolted up in bed to move back and figure out why there was a dog in his room. “What in the--”

“If I had been an assassin,” a voice came from elsewhere in the room drawing Roman’s attention to a woman sitting across from his bed near the vanity, Virgil stood next to her as she continued to speak, “the neck of your charge would have been long-since slit and I would have had ample opportunity to come and have a lovely cup of tea before slitting your neck, just for a little fun, and escape into the night.”

Roman’s face became hot with shame though he didn’t understand exactly _why_ this woman was saying such a thing. Dark hair in a long braid and wearing a long maroon dress, she didn’t appear to be a knight of any kind. That was, until Roman saw her face. His mind was still so groggy from sleep, no wonder he hadn’t caught it.

Her smooth dark skin seemed to tell that she wasn’t that old, perhaps no older than fifty. What Roman hadn’t seen was the deep and distinctive scar that went across each of her eyes that had long since healed over, permanently sealing her eyelids shut. Even if the eyelids could have opened, the eyes were most certainly a lost cause.

That explained the huge Great Dane by Roman’s bed, at least.

The knight looked from Virgil to the dog and back to the woman, “I... I am sorry, madame--”

“ _Sir_ Zayne or _Professor_ Zayne, to you, child,” the woman corrected, “I served more than half your lifespan fighting abroad and the other lesser half teaching ignorant boys such as you. And yes, you are _still_ a boy, I care not that you are a legal ‘adult’, you have had only a glimpse of the world and hopefully you’ll live long enough to actually get a look at it.” Zayne stood from the seat at the vanity and beckoned the dog to her side with a click of her tongue, “Stand at attention and state your name.”

Roman recognized the order of a superior when he heard one and immediately moved to obey. He felt a little bad for being grateful that Zayne could not see his disheveled state, he looked a mess. Nevertheless, he stood next to his bed at attention fully awake as he spoke, “My name is Roman. Roman Olurosa, Sir Zayne.” He’d nearly forgotten that he had a family name now and could actually use it, it felt good to say.

With a nod, Zayne reached down to find the leash attached to her dog’s harness and began walking forwards until the dog turned to slightly step in front of her once she was standing only two feet from the knight. “I am Sir Zayne Marlborough. His majesty the King has appointed me to hone your capabilities and oversee your training. If I hear one snide joke about my blindness, it won’t be the four-foot tall dog you need to worry about. It will be _me_. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Sir Zayne,” Roman suddenly felt like he was back in training again. He should’ve known that he couldn’t just coast now that he had obtained the position of knight.

Zayne nodded, “Good. Now, to be able to proceed, I asked King Atroa to perhaps appoint you with a squire of your own so you can focus solely on your duties, from the institution in which you trained. What was it called?”

“Greville Guard Institution.”

“Yes, that place. However his majesty suggested that we make things simpler and just appoint this young man to you instead,” Zayne nodded back to Virgil who seemed to be shrinking in on himself, “Since he had spent this past week attending to you anyways.”

Roman blinked wide, “Virgil? You’re a squire now, _my_ squire?”

The servant-turned-squire gave a shrug, “I suppose?”

“That’s a ‘yes, Sir Roman’ to him, Virgil. However much you don’t want this position, you should be grateful for it and its benefits. So fill out your position correctly to obtain those benefits. I will not be happy if I must train _both_ of you, that is not my job. And believe me, both of you, you want me happy when I am doing my job,” Zayne warned with a wide but thin smile.

Both boys felt a chill go down their spines and Virgil nodded as he directed his gaze to the ground, “Yes, Sir Roman.”

With a huff of a soft laugh, Zayne turned her attention back to Roman. “For the next three months I will train you to awake at the slightest disturbance, you will wake every morning at five, you will perfect your guardsman ability, your combat ability and you will then train your charge.”

Roman frowned, “ _I_ will train him? He already knows how to sword fight... and fight in general.”

“Good, that will be your challenge, learn from him, hone his talents, then teach _him_ something. Repeat the cycle even after our time together has passed and keep him sharp, keep yourself sharper,” she took out a pipe from her sleeve, “Mutual scaffolding. Do you understand?”

Roman nodded, “Yes, Sir Zayne.” Though he didn’t half-know how he was going to do all of that. Last time he’d fought the prince, he’d been subdued rather quickly. Some part of the knight insisted that was because he’d been taken by surprise or Janus had used magic or something, though he doubted it.

Zayne lifted her pipe up and blew into it, Roman was surprised when bubbles began coming out of the end instead of smoke. “Uh?” he watched the bubbles float through the air before popping at random times or when they hit the furniture.

“Any questions besides how I gained my scars, lost my sight and why I have a bubble pipe?”

Roman opened his mouth and then closed it before getting an idea, “Oh, what is--”

“And _besides_ what the dog’s name is?”

Roman frowned, “You don’t just call it ‘the dog’ when you’re alone do you?”

“No,” Zayne smirked and turned, “Now, our time will begin after breakfast. Enjoy your time without me, you will miss it, dearly.” When Virgil moved to come and open the door for her, he was stopped as Zayne merely raised a dismissive hand in his direction, “Another thing you no longer need to worry about, Virgil, guests in the castle. You have three masters, the king, his heir and his knight. No more opening doors for every person that comes to one.”

She clicked her tongue twice, commanding the dog to raise up on its hind legs to push the door handle down with its front legs. Led by her dog, Zayne exited the room calling back, “That’s your last free piece of advice, newborn squire.” The door shut and the two boys were left rather at a loss for words.

Roman finally let himself relax and sat down on his bed, “So uh... do you know anything about what squires do?"

Virgil wrung his hands and shook his head, “I never thought I’d need to...”

“Try not to worry about it. I’ll give you some pointers of my own and who knows, this might only be a temporary thing,” Roman tried to reassure him but Virgil’s face pulled, “What?”

His newly appointed squire shook his head, “It, I mean, I don’t think so... that this’ll be temporary. I’m the only healer the castle has, to put me close to you and the prince, it’s smart for the king to do. He cares about his son.” Virgil let a small smile appear on his face as he seemed to remember something.

Those words made a pit sink in Roman’s gut however and he turned his head so Virgil wouldn’t see him frowning, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

He supposed through an outside perspective, assigning Virgil to be as close to Janus as possible at all times really would be the action of a caring parent. To Roman it just made the king’s plan for Janus’ fate all the more cruel. Something so foolproof that whatever end King Atroa imagined his son meeting was so unavoidable that every "precaution" he’d taken to protect Janus would do nothing.

Roman clamped a hand over his mouth as he tried to calm his sick stomach, it wasn’t like he was unused to parents being horrible, but this was a whole new level of twisted.

This all sucked on _so_ many different levels but even more so because of King Atroa’s connection to Roman’s personal life. The knight had never met the king before this week of course but when word had reached Roman as a child, that the King was openly queer, that had given Roman the courage to come out himself soon after. And after he came out, Remus had followed him only a few years later. The King had always been Roman’s sort of “justification” for being gay - though he shouldn’t have needed one in the first place.

Though this just proved it, the King being gay didn’t magically erase the fact that he was a horrible person. The same applied for the Queen, Roman reasoned.

It was strange that Roman felt... a little _betrayed_ by this revelation. It wasn’t as if he’d idolized the king, but he _had_ made a symbol of the man. As if to say “Look, queer people aren’t dangerous or bad, that couldn’t be true when our king is queer himself!”

The knight let out a deep calming breath as he leaned back on his hands, _“Just another person that has let me down I suppose.”_

A knock came at the door pulling Roman from his spiralling thoughts. He let out a deep breath, “Enter.”

When he looked at who was at the door, Roman tried to hide his distressed state. “Your highness, is everything alright?” he stood from his bed to look at the prince standing wrapped head to toe in a blanket.

Janus’ eyes were only half open and they seemed a little red, a hand emerged from the cover he had pulled around him to lazily point down the hall. “I think I just saw the biggest dog I’ve ever seen,” he deadpanned not sounding entirely awake, “Just making sure I’m not dead.”

Roman smiled a bit, “You’re not dead, your highness, that was Sir Zayne’s dog. She’s a knight that will be training me for the next few months.” With a cursory glance he figured the prince was cold seeing as he had his heaviest blanket tugged around his shoulders. “Also, Virgil is going to be my squire starting today,” he added.

Virgil nodded as he came up a few steps, bowing to the prince. Janus looked his way and gave him a nod, “Oh good, someone I like.”

Roman tried to hold back a snicker, “Prince Janus, would you like to go back to your room now? Perhaps lie down for a bit longer?”

“Why?”

“You have yet to open your eyes completely.”

Janus sighed through his nose as he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them wide and leaning against the door frame, “I’ve opened my eyes completely.”

With his eyes open more Roman saw that he hadn’t just been imagining things, Janus’ eyes _were_ a bit red. Had he been crying? The knight frowned, “Then let us go back to your room to get ready for the day.”

Janus gave a huff before he turned to walk back into the hallway and towards his room. Roman and Virgil trailed behind him, both of them trying not to step on the sheet dragging across the hallway floor. The prince walked into his room, “So what is the dog’s name?”

Roman sighed as he followed the prince into his room, “She wouldn’t tell me.” He turned at the door to look at Virgil and directed to the wall next to the prince’s door, “Stand guard here.”

Virgil nodded, “Uh... who do I, what people...? Um...”

“King, yes. Anyone else needs permission from his highness,” Roman said with a nod towards the room, “Just wait here and don’t listen in. Understood?” The walls and door were thick enough that listening in would be a task in of itself -- he’d tried and failed when Janus had been talking privately with Logan -- but Roman couldn't be too careful.

Virgil nodded and turned to stand outside the door, his posture rather awkward. Roman sighed and closed the door, he’d need to teach the new squire the proper stance.

The knight turned back to the prince, “For now, I’m calling the dog Annabelle.”

Janus sat on his bed, smirking as his false face dropped, “Yes, perfect name for a dog, and what if it turns out to be a boy?”

Roman shrugged, “Not my fault she wouldn’t tell me its name. I’ll figure something out. For right now, it’s Annabelle.” The knight watched closely as Janus slowly let the sheet around him fall as he leaned back on his hands, “What’s wrong?”

The prince let out a long calming breath before he shrugged, “Nightmare. Nothing new.”

“Want to ta--”

Janus stopped Roman with a sharp look that sent chills down the knight’s back before the expression dissipated into an apologetic smile, “Sorry, but no.”

The knight nodded, not really offended, just a little startled. He’d had some pretty unpleasant dreams himself though they hadn’t been bad enough for him to really remember what they’d been about. He could make a few good guesses though. Roman sighed, “Then can I ask you something?”

The prince gave a hum of affirmation.

“Why me?”

Janus looked at Roman, giving him a once over before speaking, “Elaborate.”

“Out of all the squires of the last two weeks before I even came here, out of those that were with me this week... Out of all the people that you’ve known for twenty-two years, why _me_?” Roman’s hands clenched by his sides, “It’s not because of where I come from or my societal status... So why? The _truth_ , Janus. Please.”

Janus seemed to not react for a moment before he looked back towards the window behind him, “You know, I just realized... I dropped the mirage on my face as soon as we were alone, didn’t I?”

Roman frowned, “Yes... You’re not trying to--”

“No, I know. I just didn’t realize,” he explained before he admitted, “You were the first person to outright say that they’d kill the king with such assurance in their voice. You weren’t the first I’d asked a question like that to and you weren’t the first to say they would kill him. The others... they were so caught up in worrying about the consequences that would follow such a crime that it slipped into their voice. It’s not that they were lying, they just... Lacked conviction. _You_... that didn’t even occur to you, did it?”

Roman shook his head and Janus nodded, “So if you’re looking for the reason why - the _true_ reason why - Roman, it’s because I was desperate and I clung onto that. I clung to your conviction because I hoped it would have its place in my plans at some point. Because for twenty-two years I was waiting for someone even slightly like you...”

Roman bit his lip, “Yet you still need someone just a bit different.”

The prince opened his mouth to object before he sighed and stood, “Let’s not get into that. I have you and I am grateful. One thing I’ve learned in life is to not take good things for granted.” When Roman didn’t react, Janus came closer to lift the man’s chin with a finger, “That includes yourself. Don’t you _dare_ wish you were someone different Roman, I need _you_.”

Roman’s heart clenched as he stared up at Janus’ serious expression, he wouldn’t let go of him until he agreed. “O-okay. I... I’ll try to,” he looked away.

Janus nodded and let go of him, “Good.”

“On one condition.”

Janus blinked wide before taking in Roman’s just as serious expression, “What is this condition, dear knight?”

“You let me know how I can help you when you have nightmares, even if it’s not talking. Don’t suffer by yourself and I’ll be content with being how I am.”

The prince stared long and hard at his knight before letting an amused smirk break his expression, he reached down to take Roman’s hand in his to shake it. “Deal.”

* * *

The water of the spring was darker than ever today. The calm rippling of the waves lapping at the sides of the floor built around it were calming, though Janus couldn’t really hear them. He was elsewhere. He opened his eyes slightly to look back towards Roman, stood dutifully next to Virgil and Zayne, watching the prince from the corner of his eye.

He didn’t blame the young knight considering Janus’ current status, zoning out by the spring. Roman was probably ready to lunge for him if he fell forwards. Not wanting such a thing to occur, Janus let out a long breath and opened his eyes a bit more.

 _“Absolutely lovely that my thinking spot is so populated now,”_ the prince snarked in his head before looking into the depths of the water. He stared hard for a long moment, a thought nagging at the back of his mind he knew he _shouldn’t_ delve into. But it was already happening and before Janus knew it he was no longer elsewhere, he was _there_. In the exact same room several years ago, so lost and so very tired.

* * *

A thirteen year old Janus had opened the hidden entrance to the spring and stumbled his way in, he collapsed to his knees wincing in pain immediately. Moving at all in any way caused him pain, but nowhere did he feel the pain more intensely than in his lower back.

“Liars...” the little boy whimpered before letting the tears he’d been fighting back for hours go, crying into the spring before him. 

He should have seen something like this coming. His stepmother had been unusually jumpy around him lately and his father had been much more reserved in his criticisms and barbs. Neither of his parents had even laid a finger on him in weeks. Janus had allowed himself to be hopeful... Janus had been _naive_. 

He’d hoped that the decrease in disciplining meant that he was starting to get better, to be a better child for his parents who worked so hard to keep him in check. He thought it had been a sign of them actually beginning to _care_ for him. But no, it had been a sign of fear. Janus distinctly remembered where the fear had come from too.

He’d disagreed with his stepmother and thrown a book across the room, she’d slapped him, he’d slapped her hand away as she had tried to slap him again. The magic instinctively jump started from his anger shot from his fingertips and shattered the table across the room. Janus could remember how the color had drained from the woman’s face before she’d schooled her expression and said the lesson would continue some other time. It felt good.

Regardless, he’d apologized vehemently. He’d only half meant it. Maybe she was able to tell. So of course she had run to his father and of course the two figured out a way to suppress his magic so he couldn’t hurt them or himself or even fight back.

His parents had told him he was a monster, an abomination and a human-imitating creature. He didn’t need as much magic as he had or even a human name, is what they had told him, though Janus didn’t know what the second part of that meant. And as the gem in his back had started to burn hotter and hotter, fusing with his skin he could remember how they declared they were doing this because they loved him....

He remembered how his magic had _wailed_ at him through the excruciating pain from the falsity of the statements until the moment his magic was dampened to a point of numbness.

They were liars.

Janus choked on his breath as he felt the pain burning in his body, he was unloved, alone, a monster to be tortured all for his parents’-- the King’s and Queen’s plans. Had he been left with his magic he could have been rid of them both but now... He’d had his chance to be rid of them and he’d missed it, too weak to commit. The boy’s sobbing quieted into whines, watching more tears join the spring’s water. He blinked slowly and bit his lip. 

Perhaps there was no way to kill the king and queen now, but maybe... “I can escape another way,” he uttered softly. A haunted look took over the boy’s expression as he looked around him, he heard nothing apart from his own breathing and heartbeat in his ears.

The king and queen weren’t there to stop him. Not one of the servants in the castle even knew that he existed, those that were still alive, anyways. He had nothing so maybe things would be better without a creature like him around.

The spring had always scared him, but not as much as his parents scared him. The fear he felt while in this room was so much less than when he was with his parents. The darkness in the bottomless water seemed so vast, Janus couldn’t help but liken it to a gigantic maw, always open, always hungry.

Maybe Janus would be better off feeding it than sticking around in a world where he was known as nothing more than a monster.

He wasn’t scared as he leaned forwards and fell into the spring’s cold water, he was just tired. He’d never been taught how to swim so this shouldn’t be that difficult of a process. His body instinctively struggled as it realized there was no ground beneath it and floating or swimming wasn’t something it knew how to do. But in his mind all Janus could think was, _“It’s okay, I’ll be free soon. I’ll be okay.”_

The water was rushing in and he couldn’t keep his head above it, the sound of splashing was filling his ears but once he was under, everything became muffled. Water was filling his lungs, it stung, it _hurt_ , he couldn’t keep his eyes open as his struggles slowed. He opened them once more and felt a vague sense of fear as he realized he was staring into the darkness of the spring.

How long would it take for him to reach the bottom? Was there even a bottom? How long would it be until his parents found him and discarded him, not even shedding a tear over him? He _hoped_ they’d grieve him, but he doubted they would.

The darkness around him seemed almost comforting in that moment, comforting and welcoming of him. Welcoming like nothing he'd ever known.

In the next moment, Janus was coughing up the water in his lungs, his eyes opened only to shut again out of pain from the sudden brightness around him. The air around his body was cold against his skin and soaked clothes. Disoriented, the little boy laid there for a long moment, coughing and breathing raggedly as he tried to open his eyes once more. Had he died? Was he finally free?

The confusion and disbelief upon realizing that he was exactly where he was before was heartbreaking. Janus looked around again and sobbed as he looked down into the spring’s water’s below, he whimpered. “Why?” his voice was harsh yet helpless, “Why are you leaving me here?” He had no idea what or who he was talking to, but he felt abandoned nonetheless.

He let loose a broken cry and curled up into a fetal position, his body unwittingly suspended by the water below him. He hardly had the wherewithal to marvel at it, or the fact that he could no longer feel the gem in his back causing him pain, lost in his own despair.

Part of him wondered if he’d been stopped from ending his life because he deserved everything he’d gone through and would go through after that day.

* * *

“Your highness.”

Janus inhaled sharply and blinked a few times before glancing back to the three behind him, “Hm?”

Roman came to his side with a cautious smile, “Why don’t we relocate to the library? You seem tired.”

Roman was the only person that knew of Janus’ thwarted suicide attempt, even the king and queen had never found out about it. But Roman knew and had seen it as a _good_ thing, and Janus didn’t know how to feel about that.

The prince looked back to the spring, nearly able to imagine seeing his younger self, trembling as he was curled in on himself on the water’s surface in front of him. He sighed, “Not tired, but bored... Yes, the library sounds better than here.” He stood and made his way to the exit, not giving anyone another look, knowing they would all follow.

“Excuse me, your highness,” Zayne spoke before he could reach the door, “When traversing small corridors your knight should be ahead of you to prevent surprise attacks.” The woman tilted her head in Roman’s direction and the knight immediately placed himself in front as instructed.

Janus sighed and muttered under his breath, “Oh yes, one of the eight people that know I even exist are so likely to assassinate me on day one.”

Roman glanced back towards Zayne but saw no indication that she’d heard the prince’s remark. The knight led the way up the stairs without another word.

Once the group had made their way up the stairs and no assassination attempts had greeted them, Janus made his way around Roman to begin leading again.

“Virgil, stay at his highness’ back,” Zayne ordered as she grabbed Roman’s arm before he could quicken his pace to be at Janus’ side. The young knight looked up at the woman as Virgil sped up instead. With a click of her tongue, she called the dog that Roman referred to as Annabelle to her side. Annabelle dutifully came to Zayne’s side, matching her pace.

Roman looked back towards Janus, “What is it, Sir Zayne?”

The woman gave a soft hum, “You’re quite in tune with him.” Roman felt heat gather in his face as she continued, “What made you suggest moving to the library?”

Roman shrugged, “He looked half asleep and he was sitting by the spring so... I didn’t want him falling in.”

“Good,” the senior knight noted, “You have good instincts when it comes to him. Just make sure that you observe your surroundings more than you do him. Yes, being aware of his mental status is important in an emergency to make sure he doesn’t go off running without you, but in day-to-day guarding, it matters little.”

Roman nodded, “Understood, though I don’t think... Nevermind, I understand, Sir Zayne.”

“I always mind, Roman, so speak yours,” the professor insisted.

The knight sighed as he stared at Janus, the prince turned his head to glance back at him for a moment before turning his head away again. “He wouldn’t run off in an emergency, I don’t think he would, anyways.”

“I see, and why do you think that?”

Roman wouldn’t say the actual reason, that he didn’t think Janus would ever willingly leave Roman’s side as long as there was danger to make sure Roman was safe. For all the knight knew, Zayne could be reporting every conversation to the king and he needed to make sure that no one found out that he was friends with Janus. “Running off is quite cowardly and I don’t believe his highness is a coward, Sir Zayne,” he decided to say.

The senior knight hummed and gave a nod, “Smart words, I don’t suppose you’ll need any schooling on ballroom etiquette and polite conversation with how well you speak.”

“Actually a review would be appreciated, I believe our books at the institute were a bit outdated, they may not have been up to modern standards.”

Zayne nodded and let go of the man’s arm, “Later. For now, back to your charge with you.”

Roman nodded and made his way to Janus once more, nodding in thanks to Virgil as he took his squire’s place. He had to be careful around Zayne and others, he had no idea what he could say around people that would possibly put Janus or Remus at risk. Not for the first time, Roman felt exhaustion creeping in his mind at all of the pretense he would have to hold up in the future.

As the prince and his entourage made their way back to the main section of the castle, they passed through the main hall. Standing there, seeming to be wrapped in conversation was the king and his advisor.

Janus tried to make his way through the hall, hoping that the king was too busy to pay him any mind. But of course, that would’ve been too kind.

“Janus,” King Atroa called him, “I need to speak with you for a moment.”

The stiffening in Janus’ posture was minute so no one could notice it as he turned immediately to walk down the hall towards his father. Roman kept his expression neutral as he followed.

As they drew closer, Janus noticed Logan’s glance in his direction that immediately went to the floor as he bowed his head in greeting, “Your highness.”

Janus nodded at him, “Advisor.”

King Atroa waved Janus over as he went towards a side room, “Come. Logan, do not go far, this chat should be quick. Give Sir Roman a rundown of what is happening today.”

Logan bowed, “Yes, your majesty.”

Roman stared at Janus’ back as he followed the king into the room and the door closed behind them, he couldn’t follow. The king’s words had made that very clear. _“Gaia, what is he going to say to Janus? What is he going to_ _do_ _to Janus?”_

“Sir Roman,” Logan drew his attention. He looked bored if anything, completely unconcerned with what was happening behind that door. It was only five feet away, what _could_ happen?

Roman nodded towards the advisor, showing that he was listening. “Go ahead, please.” He could only wait for Janus to come back out of the room for the moment, wait and hope he would be okay.

* * *

Janus was two steps into the closed room before his father turned on him and gripped his face by the jaw, his body instinctively tensed but his arms stayed put at his sides. King Atroa’s hand was not yet far enough up his face to cause Janus to panic but being alone in a room with the man was putting him in a less than calm mindset regardless.

It was silent as Janus kept his eyes on his father whose yellow eyes were burning into him with something dark and angry, the prince didn’t dare speak or even wince at the pain this was causing him. The king was old but he was anything but frail, standing four inches taller than his son, he hid his strength under robes and a hunched posture that made him seem smaller. He didn’t even need the scepter he carried around with him sometimes. The man stood straight with his arm securely holding Janus’ head in place, this was the man that Janus had grown to fear and loathe.

King Atroa breathed in slowly before looking over Janus and letting go of his son’s face, “Good, no foolish willfulness at all in you. Are you happy with the week’s results?”

Janus rubbed his chin absently before answering, “I am.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Now that this phase of your plan is complete, the sooner the next phases will come,” Janus supplied, “The sooner I can die.” The fact that saying it didn’t feel entirely false gave Janus a bad taste in the back of his throat. He’d think on that later, right now genuine was good.

His father nodded, seeming satisfied with that explanation. He looked at the door past Janus, “The new knight seems quite taken with you. He can’t take his eyes off of you. Do you like him?”

“I do not know what it is to ‘like’ someone, father--” Janus paled as the king glared at him, “Your majesty, I apologize.”

His father grunted, “Continue. Do not call me that while we are unobserved.”

Janus nodded, trying to quell the shock of primal fear he’d been hit with, he might as well have been slapped when the king glared at him. “My existence is only for your plans, I have no friends, family or connections besides you and her majesty, by the kindness of your hearts,” he wanted to throw up, “I don’t need to like him, since I will be gone from this world before anything like that will matter.”

King Atroa sighed deeply, as if displeased. Janus frowned, he’d said everything that would usually make the king happy, what was wrong?

“Well that much is obvious. But that is not the kind of connection I am talking about,” the king noted before turning to Janus, “Do you find his demeanor, face or his body attractive?”

Janus felt his heart drop into his stomach, “No. I have no interest in that and it does not matter.”

His father simply shrugged, unbothered by the surety in the reply. “If you do develop the attraction, tell me. He is an intelligent sort, seeing as he solved the last trial. He’s reasonable and with the right words, I can make sure he... reciprocates.”

Janus wanted to scream, wanted to punch his father’s smug face in until it was nothing but pulp, every part of his mind wanted to be _anywhere_ but where he was. _“How dare you,”_ his mind growled wanting nothing more than to lunge for the bastard’s neck and throttle him for daring to even suggest--. Janus cracked his fingers to drive off the urge to clench them into fists.

He swallowed the dryness in his throat away, “I will tell you if that occurs. But your majesty, why would you do such a thing for me?” He truly wanted to know, things like this, as disgusting as it was, _never_ happened. The king doing something _for Janus?_ There had to be some ulterior motive.

“You said yourself, you will die in a year. Seems overly cruel to let you do so without indulging in whatever minor pleasures you find yourself wanting,” the king answered simply.

The prince didn’t respond, he felt the disgust roiling in his core that the king would _coerce_ \-- no, _threaten_ Roman into sleeping with Janus. _“I might implode, could I? Just implode right here and take the bastard with me,”_ his thoughts raged as he felt his magic pushing from inside him like an urge to hurt and maim and-- _“No, justice, not revenge. Justice. Plus, kill him and yourself and who will run the country then? The queen.”_ Janus quelled his magic, relaxed his body and waited for the king to speak again.

“Truly though, very intelligent, I asked him how he knew to come back to the throne room and you know what he said?” The king paused and Janus did not respond, knowing he didn’t really want a reply before continuing, “He said ‘the trial seemed rather silly’. He noted that it didn’t fit with the other trials, luck based rather than skill. He was supposed to pick up on the fact that my ‘seer’ was behaving strangely and come rescue me from an assassination attempt... but instead he saw through the hidden trial as a whole. He will make a good knight for the child you help create.”

Janus nodded, suppressing the urge to smirk as the man seemed to buy Roman’s story.

The king swiftly came up to him and grabbed his chin to make the prince look him in the eyes, “Drop it.” Janus’ eyes widened and he let his false face dissipate. The king’s sneer was familiar and unpleasant from this close as he spoke, “Say your name.”

The prince opened his mouth and let out only the noises that hinted that he was attempting to say something. His father grinned and let go of his face to walk around behind him and place his fingers on the gem in Janus’ back, “Good man.”

Janus repressed a shiver of pure, visceral discomfort. Distantly he was glad that his feigned obedience seemed to be believable and that he’d thought to place the gem back in the divot in his back, separated from his skin by a thin adhesive that kept it in place. The gem was inactive and so long as the king didn’t catch onto that fact, it would stay that way.

“Now, back to your cute little knight with you,” the king removed his hands from Janus and moved out of the way.

The prince couldn’t leave the room faster - literally, it would be suspicious - he nearly forgot to put up his false face.

When Janus opened the door, he immediately felt Roman’s eyes on him. He avoided looking at him as he glanced back towards his father coming out the room right after him, “If that is all, father?”

King Atroa nodded and Janus took the opportunity to leave as quickly as he dared. Roman stuck close by him, wanting to speak but searching Janus’ face for a reason not to. He found his reason in the continued lack of acknowledgement from the prince, so Roman stayed silent as the group ascended the stairs and left the area as Logan began speaking with the king once more.

Roman blinked when he felt a tap from behind him, Virgil came up next to him with his eyes glued on the prince’s back. The knight glanced at him, “What is it?”

Virgil spoke lowly, “He looks like he’s going to be sick.”

Roman frowned and shook his head. “He might just be tired,” in reality Roman completely agreed with Virgil’s assessment but didn’t want to feed into the obvious fact that something bad had happened in that room. Janus didn’t seem physically injured, more drained than anything. “Once he’s laid down, I’m sure he’ll look better. Thank you, Virgil,” Roman dismissed. The squire nodded and slowed his pace once more to walk behind the knight. 

It wasn’t long until they arrived in the library and Janus immediately sat down on the duvet, leaning his head in a hand.

Zayne stayed in the doorway with Annabelle, “I trust that you will get his highness where he needs to go before lunch?”

Roman and Virgil gave an unnecessary nod as the knight gave a verbal answer, “Yes, Sir Zayne.”

“Good, I’ll be expecting you there,” the professor bowed toward the general direction where the prince was, “Your highness.” Janus murmured a goodbye in response as she left.

Roman looked at the prince, taking in his thousand-yard stare, _“Gaia, what happened to him?”_ The knight looked to Virgil and nodded his head at the door, “Stand guard, I need to inform his highness about this afternoon.”

Virgil nodded, his fingers scratching absentmindedly at his pants as if he was used to having pockets there. He left the room with only a glance at the prince on the duvet.

The click of the door closing a second time was the last noise before the next few minutes of silence. Roman stood by, wanting to speak but feeling as if Janus wasn’t yet in a mindset to listen.

Surprisingly though when the silence was broken, it was Janus who had spoken. He’d muttered something so quietly that Roman couldn’t understand him. The knight frowned and came closer, “Sorry, what was that?”

“I said,” the man started clearly, “Stop staring at me.”

Roman averted his gaze, “Right, sorry. I was -- am -- worried.”

Janus gave a humored scoff, “That’s fair... I will not tell you what happened in there, Roman.”

“Nothing good, I’m guessing?”

“No, it was _lovely_. He hugged me, apologized for being the absolute scum of the earth all while crying like a newborn,” Janus snapped, “Said he’d repent by jumping from the highest spire of the castle and ending his wretched existence.”

Roman bit his lip, scolding himself for the stupid question. An apology sat in his mouth but he felt like it would hurt more than it would help.

Janus also felt his own apology coming up but he knew his tone was too bitter for it to actually come across as genuine. He felt disgusting, what his father had said to him about Roman was bad enough but then the way that the king had touched the gem in his back... He preferred that he’d been struck instead. His father would never touch him in an inappropriate way, the man had never been _that_ awful. That wasn’t what was bothering Janus, it was the fact that he had been _appraised_. _“Like a foal...”_

All the king could think about when he saw Janus was what benefits the prince could give him.

 _“And I’m taking out my anger on Roman, lovely,”_ he chided himself and looked at his knight. The man’s gaze was pointedly turned yet Janus could tell very plainly, “You’re still watching in your peripherals aren’t you.”

Roman shook his head, “No, I mean-- Not intentionally.”

Janus felt that the last part was at least, true. He laughed softly, “What _is_ happening this afternoon by the way? I wasn’t really listening.” Changing the subject would help smooth things over, he hoped.

Roman chanced at actually looking his way before answering, “Uniform fittings for your announcement, my knighting and for general wardrobe.”

Janus rolled his eyes so hard his head moved with him, “Ah yes, the _costumes_.”

“They’re going to be uniforms Dee--” Roman tried again, “Janus, I mean.”

The prince smirked as he kept his head rolled back, “I don’t mind if you keep calling me Dee sometimes.”

Roman nodded, “Why don’t you like the idea of a uniform?”

Janus shrugged, “You’ll probably laugh.” He gave a chuckle as he saw Roman’s doubtful expression. Janus straightened his head up, “It’s not that I don’t _like_ the idea, I just don’t buy it. Everything I wear feels like a costume, Roman. What I wear now, my costume to play the _mysterious seer_. What I wore before all of this began, the costume for the obedient son-turned-slave. And this new one...”

The knight frowned, _“Of course. Officially, he’s a prince and has been taught to act like one but...”_ Of course with a past like Janus’, the man certainly wouldn’t feel like a prince.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Roman spoke, “Well, after your plan goes through, I don’t think you’ll feel like you’re wearing costumes anymore.”

Janus looked at him with an unreadable expression, “No?”

Roman nodded, “No.”

The knight felt his chest buzz with pride when he saw the smile slowly stretch across Janus’ face as the man looked away, “I think I’d like that.”

After a long moment of staring at the prince’s expression Roman gave a slight shake of his head, “We have about two hours in here before we need to go. Should I call Virgil back in?”

Janus hummed in response, “Sure, he is a quiet one, I don’t think I will mind his presence.”

* * *

Logan sighed deeply as he looked across the ballroom where all staff were gathered being introduced by the head butler to the new knight and new royal in the castle, or the old royal, Logan supposed. 

The king’s advisor had worked in the castle for three years and he’d known the king for longer, and in all that time a secret son had never so much as been hinted at.

Logan had only started seeing the prince around the castle a year ago and while he would have never guessed that the ‘seer’ was in reality a prince, the advisor _had_ seen Janus’ appearance as strange. With no belongings, no servant had even noticed him arrive at the castle, he was just suddenly there like a shadow. The advisor had distrusted him from the start.

Though it was time to disregard all of that, Logan reasoned. His duty was to serve the royal family so despite the less than genuine circumstances they had met under, Logan would do just that and serve the prince as he did the prince’s father.

“So?” the very king murmured as he came to Logan’s side, “Are you going to continue to sulk?”

Logan glanced over at the man, “I am not sulking, your majesty.”

The king smiled an amused smile, “Forgive me if I do not believe you. Come now, as smart as you are, you must understand why I kept this from you?”

Logan turned his attention back to the ballroom with a light hum, “I have my theories.” A look from the king prompted Logan to go on, so he did. “Either you were biding your time because you could not rule out the possibility that I may be a spy or you believed that I was too indiscreet that I could not be trusted with a secret of this magnitude,” the advisor supplied simply.

King Atroa chuckled lowly, “Come now, you must not think so lowly of me, or yourself!”

Logan just adjusted his glasses as he pulled his notebook with the week’s and next week’s plans, both would have to be thoroughly scrapped. “What? I could be a spy.”

“I don’t doubt that,” the king placed a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder prompting the advisor to look at him, “Logan I trust you and have always trusted you. If I had told you and you were to be abducted... The worry wasn’t that your assailants would have then known about Janus, the worry was that if you knew everything or anything, only then would they have reason to torture and kill you. Otherwise you likely would have been fed a drug, left on the streets, bruised... but _alive_.”

Logan felt something in him relax and he felt a smile tug at his lips, “I understand, King Atroa. Thank you.”

“No problem, my boy. Now, what do you think of the tailor’s work?”

“What I think? Your majesty, you mustn’t think that my opinion on _fashion_ \--”

“Means something to me? As a matter of fact, Advisor to the King, it does. Now,” the king gestured to where the prince and his knight stood.

Roman stood at attention behind the prince with his new uniform consisting of a pure white shirt with a neat ruffle collar that peeked out from in between the equally white embroidered suit jacket that reached the man’s lower thighs. Below that were simple black trousers tucked into black boots that came just below his knees. He didn’t appear to be wearing his sash around his left bicep like usual, possibly because it was not supposed to be a part of his uniform.

Janus moved with the head butler along the lines of servants, a stark contrast to his knight, in all black. He had not gotten rid of the gloves he’d worn masquerading as a seer and he was likely wearing a dress shirt under his suit jacket with the straight collar embroidered with gold threading along the neck, shoulders and sleeve cuffs. The majority of the suit was hidden however and could only ever be seen when the prince raised an arm to shake the hands of the servants due to the cape draped around his shoulders, held in place by a single gold chain clasp. The cape itself reached far down enough that Logan could see the black dress pants that the prince was wearing underneath and the heeled boots that were giving the already tall man at least an extra inch of height.

“I believe the tailor and their team did adequate work, however why does his highness’ cape seem so cumbersome?”

The king seemed to give a bored shrug, “It’s for warmth. He gets very cold, an affliction he’s had since birth, I’m afraid. Though it will not be cumbersome, if what the tailor told me was correct. There’s a section of the cape that comes off leaving its base length around his stomach, like a capelet. That seemed to please Sir Zayne, she was very concerned about the prince’s ability to fight in it.”

Logan looked closer at the cape and nodded when he saw the exact section the king spoke of, “Then I believe they did well. Their entire wardrobes will be done before next week?”

King Atroa looked at his advisor, “Yes, they’ll work on nothing else until the wardrobes are done. And speaking of next week, was what I gave you enough to plan the next few weeks?”

Logan sighed as he remembered, right, the announcement to the public. He was grateful that the king had thought to make some preemptive plans for all of this, however most of them were vague and unorganized. “Your notes will suffice, leave it to me, your majesty.”

“I will, with confidence,” the king noted with a smile.

Logan again felt himself smile a bit before he looked back towards the ballroom, he blinked when he could have sworn that he’d seen a flash of light, yellow and glimmering that had disappeared as soon as Logan had caught a glimpse of it. _“What in the world...?”_ Logan looked around the room twice more before he shook his head, _“No, I must have imagined it.”_

He turned to the king and bowed, “I should get to work, then. If you’ll excuse me.” The king gave a nod as he made his way over to the queen standing nearby. Logan began walking through the room, past the lines of servants and stopped only once to let his eyes sweep over the room once more. He caught the prince’s gaze and Logan gave a slight bow, Janus nodded to him before turning his attention back to the servant in front of him.

Biting back a frown, Logan left the ballroom thinking, _“Don’t be stupid Logan, it was just a trick of the light. Just the light.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was that? I wonder...
> 
> Either way, welcome back everyone! Free hugs? Free hugs for what I just made you go through. I realized pretty early on in the process of writing this, that I was not easing into the return of this story.
> 
> But did you realize that chapter was 10k words? I figured that if I said it preemptively, it would *feel* like a 10k chapter so I waited to share that information until now lol. Hopefully it helped.
> 
> KillFM is back and will be back until I start my last semester in a bit over a month or so but the askblog for the story with its own story (killfm-askblog.tumblr.com) is still ongoing and is in need of questions! Send in asks to interact directly with the story going on there or ask me directly about the world, either one works!
> 
> So glad to be back! Thank you, WarcraftedTardis for beta reading this!
> 
> Chapter Question: Which moment or fact surprised you most to read about this chapter?


	12. Dynamics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus' identity is now known in the castle, so what's going to change?  
> ________________  
> Includes: Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attack, Implied Torture, Description of Injury, Suicidal Ideation, Disassociation

“Open your eyes,” his father’s voice came from behind him.

Janus did so to meet his father’s gaze, he was expected to do nothing less. The crowd around the two was dense, full of faces that were complete mysteries to him. 

Janus looked from them, to his father, to the wooden table in front of him. The prince could only sigh as he stepped forwards, knowing trying to escape was pointless. He was surprised however, by King Atroa raising a hand to stop him. The king gave him a knowing smirk, “Oh, no. That’s not for you.”

Janus was guided to stand next to the king by the table, and there he waited. What was going on? The table had always been where he was to lay, perhaps today was another one of his stepmother’s psychological tests and the table was meant to simply unsettle him. It was certainly working.

But why were all these people here?

“Janus?”

The man felt his heart sink as he heard the voice, “Roman?” He opened his eyes -- that he didn’t remember closing -- to see his knight on the table in front of him. Roman’s arms and legs were strapped tightly in the buckles attached to the table, he wouldn’t be able to escape on his own -- as Janus had never been able to.

The hand that landed on his shoulder was heavy and oppressive, Janus froze up. “Now, you’ve tricked this young innocent for long enough, haven’t you?”

Janus shook his head, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Another hand settled on his other shoulder and he could see his mother come up next to him, her steely eyes coldly observant as always. “Of course you do,” she chided, “You insidious thing, you’ve made him think helping you was in any way the _right_ _thing_ to do.”

Janus shrunk in on himself, “It is.”

“I’m sorry?” his mother asked.

His father’s hand tightened its grip, “Do you want to repeat that?”

Janus opened his mouth but found himself unable to, the gem in his back suddenly began burning, wrenching a cry from his lips. Panicked, Janus reached back to feel the gem and could have cried when he found himself unable to dislodge it. “ _No_. No, no, no,” his whispers seemed to cause his parents to laugh.

“Did you seriously think I wouldn’t notice?” the king sneered at him.

His mother gave him a cruel smile, “He was always such a foolish thing.”

Janus tried to move, tried to get away from them, tried to call on his repressed magic but found his body frozen in place, only able to tremble and feel the sparks of his power dying like a flame inside him.

Then he remembered, Roman.

Janus looked at the knight, staring at him with wide fearful eyes. Realization hit that he couldn’t save Roman and Roman couldn’t save him. Janus couldn’t let this happen, he swallowed. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please don’t hurt him.”

Janus winced when his father’s fingernails began digging into his shoulder, “Say what you mean.”

“I don’t want you to hurt him, there’s no _point_ in you hurting him,” Janus answered with tears gathering in his eyes, “ _Please_.”

The king and queen seemed to look at one another before they laughed again. The queen presented a blade and put it in Janus’ hand and he watched in horror as his hand began to rise with the blade on its own. “Wait, wait no! No, _please_ -!” his cries did nothing to stop his body from slowly and steadily moving the knife closer to Roman who seemed to be frozen in fear.

“If you didn’t want him hurt,” his mother started as she placed a hand over top of Janus’, “You should have let him go.”

He tried pulling away but nothing was working, he truly did freeze as his father placed his own hand on top of his. Janus stared into his father’s eyes, his eyes that were so hauntingly similar to his. The king smirked, “You did this to him, and everyone will know.”

They pushed his hand down and Janus screamed, but nothing was louder than Roman’s screams overtop of him.

“Janus!”

The prince jolted upright in his bed with a yell as he glanced around wildly, his breathing rapid. Hands were on his shoulders, who was touching him, where was--

“Janus, it’s me,” Roman’s voice was quiet but drew the prince’s eyes to his face in the darkness of the room. Janus’ eyes searched Roman’s face before his gaze fell to Roman’s body, scanning for marks or cuts or anything, he found nothing. He could see his knight clearly, he was disheveled but otherwise, unharmed.

“Dee,” Roman tried again to get him to respond.

Janus opened his mouth but felt tears choke his words and he closed his mouth again. He needed to let Roman know he was alright, thank him, apologize for getting him into this mess...

The prince sobbed as he reached up to hold onto Roman’s arms, not knowing what he wanted but knowing that he just needed to feel him, _know_ that he was there and alive. He let out a shaky breath as he was pulled into Roman’s chest and he felt the knight’s hand steadily rubbing his back. “It’s alright, I’m here. You’re safe, I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s okay,” he shushed the prince kindly.

But Janus just shook his head, “N-no it’ssss not... _You_ need to be ssss-safe and I can’t-!” His breath hitched as he tried to pull in air, “I’m jusssst as bad as them!” He didn’t know what he was saying, he was half convinced that he was still dreaming, he half _hoped_ he was still dreaming.

Roman shook his head though Janus couldn’t see it, “Dee--”

“Sir Roman?”

The man’s eyes snapped to the door now slightly ajar to see a silhouette of someone he couldn’t quite identify in the darkness. _“Shit,”_ he thought. “Who is it?”

The figure came further into the room with a lit candle, illuminating the face of his new squire. Roman sighed looking between him and the sobbing prince in his arms, “Virgil.” This was bad, _really_ bad. What if Janus didn’t have his false face up? What if Virgil had heard them say something incriminating? They hadn’t said anything like that though, right?

Before he could dismiss the squire, Virgil quickly shut the door and came close placing the candle holder on the bedside table. “Your highness? C-can you hear me?”

Janus’ breath hitched as he nodded, “Y-yessss. V-Virgil?” Roman looked between the two, confused as to what Virgil was doing.

The squire continued, “Your highness, I think you’re panicking, you need to uh, start breathing slowly. I can do it with you, do you think you can do that?”

The prince seemed to shrug but it was good enough for Virgil as he placed a light hand on the man’s back, letting his fingers glow purple. Virgil began to breathe in a slow, consistent pattern, loud enough for Janus to hear it.

Roman felt Janus actually trying to keep with the pattern as the prince held onto him, and was happy to note since he was focusing on breathing, his sobbing had ceased. Roman gave Virgil a grateful nod, keeping Janus close. As long as the prince’s face was buried in Roman’s shirt, it didn’t matter if the mirage was up or not, Virgil wouldn’t see it.

After a few minutes of the breathing exercise, Janus finally started to feel more grounded where he was and had enough wherewithal to be embarrassed by Roman and Virgil seeing him like this. He put up his false face and sat up wiping his tears away. Virgil backed up, letting his magic fade and Roman stood from his bed. With a deep sigh, Janus glanced at the two before averting his gaze to the candle. “Thank you,” he uttered.

Virgil nodded, “Of course, your highness.”

Another minute of silence went by before Janus cleared his throat, “Could you take the candle when you go?”

Virgil nodded and immediately went for the candle, Janus found that funny. So eager to help and just as eager to leave. As Virgil moved towards the door, Janus’ eyes began to glow. “Oh, and Virgil?”

Just as the squire began turning back to answer the prince, Roman was standing by Virgil, urging him through the door. “Could you ask a servant to make his highness a cup of tea, please?”

Virgil nodded, “Alright.”

Roman closed the door behind Virgil as he left before looking back towards Janus with a frown, “Were you about to take his memory?”

Janus blinked wide with an incredulous expression, “No, _of course_ _not_. I’m sure he didn’t hear anything damning and I _love_ when people see me breaking down like a child.” He fixed Roman with a hard look, “Call him back.”

The knight frowned crossing his arms, “No.”

The prince tilted his head with annoyance tinging his expression, “Why?”

Roman sighed as he came closer to light the candle by Janus’s bed, “Janus, I was going through what you said while you were calming down. Nothing you said was damning, trust me, I was afraid of the exact same thing.” He watched as the prince seemed to be debating on whether or not to stay there or go for the door while Roman’s back was turned. “And if you’d rather people not remember seeing you crying, you’ll have to erase my memory too,” that seemed to settle Janus down as the prince’s mirage dissipated and his eyes stopped glowing. Roman turned back towards him and smirked, “If you even can.”

Janus hummed, “Yes, but would you even know if I could?”

Roman’s smirk faltered, “You didn’t--”

“Of course I didn’t.”

“...Good,” Roman relaxed as he looked over the prince. His eyes were red, his hair was disheveled and his legs were pulled in close to him under his sleepwear. _“Gaia he’s hot one second and cute the next,”_ Roman mentally slapped himself as he realized what he’d just thought, _“No! Bad Roman! He was just crying, that’s not cute! That’s awful and you should feel awful for thinking about how he looks right now!”_

Though Roman couldn’t help himself as he moved closer to raise his right hand to Janus’ face, he paused, waiting for Janus to give him permission. The prince didn’t speak but instead, leaned his head forward, letting Roman run his fingers over his scales. The prince felt cold, the knight’s hands were warm.

Roman wanted to ask what the nightmare had been about, to ask why Janus had said what he had. Roman didn’t need to think too hard to rationalize who Janus had been talking about when he’d said “I’m just as bad as them”, and it hurt to think about. But Roman said nothing, if Janus wanted to talk about it, he’d say, hopefully. And the knight certainly didn’t want to pry while the prince seemed so... fragile. As Janus was right now, his eyes closed, his face pressing back towards Roman’s hand, the knight just wanted to pull him close and promise him nothing would ever hurt him again. But he couldn’t. Janus _knew_ Roman couldn’t and yet there he was, openly trusting him. Without realizing it, Roman swiped a thumb under Janus’ lip causing the prince to shiver.

Roman gasped as he realized what he’d just done and pulled his hand back to apologize, but Janus automatically grabbed it and pressed his lips to the tips of the knight’s fingers. No apology needed, automatic forgiveness. Roman’s eyes widened before he hesitantly let his hand continue trailing over Janus’ scales. _“He’s cute, hot and so fucking cute. What are we doing? What...”_ Other displays of affection the two had done so far, Roman could _probably_ disregard as platonic because they had only been _intended_ to be platonic, gestures of thanks and companionship, even if Roman had freaked out afterwards. But _this_ , he was struggling to find the reasoning he usually used to simplify such situations. _“He’s cold, that’s all. He’s cold, he doesn’t like me like that. He doesn’t,”_ regardless of his struggles his mind chanted it endlessly.

Janus opened his eyes to grab Roman’s hand once more and made eye contact with him. The prince slowly, deliberately pressed his lips to the center of the knight’s palm.

Roman froze as he blushed, his next instinctive thought was, _“Fuck, he’s gonna eat me.”_ It was the only thing he could compare that look to, like Janus’ snake-like eye had struck Roman as predatory... but not in a scary sense. He didn’t feel like he was breathing, was he? The prince had kissed his cheek before and he’d kissed his hand before too, but for some reason the press of Janus’ lips on his palm felt -- dare he believe -- more intimate than any of the prior ones.

The knock at the door was met with an exhale of something that simultaneously felt like relief and disappointment from Roman. He swiftly yet gently pulled his hand from Janus’ soft grip and stepped back towards the door. “I’ll get that, it’s probably the servant with the tea I requested for you,” he nervously noted with a soft laugh.

Janus just watched him turn and go from the bed. What had _that_ come from? Janus didn’t know exactly why he’d done that to Roman but he didn’t exactly regret it. He’d been feeling the warmth from the man’s fingers, simultaneously smooth and rough with callouses from his training. Then he’d remembered his nightmare. The thought of the king and queen taking Roman from him was unbearable... Something in him hated the very thought of it and wanted Roman to feel secure and safe. So without really thinking about it, Janus took his hand and kissed the inside of it.

 _“He looks cute, flustered like that,”_ regardless though, he figured he should apologize for it, or should he? In that case, should he also apologize for the kiss on the cheek he’d given Roman a few days prior? But Roman had kissed him first... This was confusing. A little frustrated with himself, Janus ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

The door closed and Roman came back to place the cup of tea he’d gotten from the servant, on the bedside table. He nodded to it before going around the bed to pull back the curtains of the window to look outside, “It’s chamomile, it should relax you enough to go to sleep.”

Janus stared at the man’s back for a moment before taking the cup and blowing on the tea, “Thank you.”

Roman’s eyes searched the dark sky for the moon but the cloud cover was far too thick. He frowned, “There might be a storm coming on.”

“There is.”

The assured answer from the prince drew his attention and Roman turned his head to look back at him. Janus was sipping at his tea with an amused look on his face. The knight frowned, “I feel like I’m walking into a setup by asking but why do you say that?”

Janus laughed softly as he held up a hand and stared at it for a moment before a current of lightning ran between his fingers and back, Roman watched intrigued. The prince moved his hand along with the current of lightning before swiftly shaking his hand once, dispelling it. “My magic is more unwieldy than usual and I can feel it. It’s like waking up with a surprising amount of energy.”

Roman nodded in understanding before frowning, “Will you be okay?”

The prince drank another bit of his tea and smirked, “The question of my life.” He put the teacup aside and stood, “I will be fine. So long as I stay far from the king and queen, they will agitate me and I am not yet used to controlling my unrestrained magic.”

“And if they see you using magic...”

“If they even see my eyes glow, we’ll be in trouble. If that explains it,” Janus mused as he came over to Roman’s side by the window. With a sigh he leaned against the wall repressing a shiver from leaving the warmth of his bed.

He could feel Roman staring at him so he met the man’s gaze. Roman didn’t look away as he asked, “So, what can I do to help?”

The prince bit back a bitter laugh and instead gave a tired smile, “With the king and queen? Not much of anything. If they call for me, I will have to go to them.”

The knight seemed to deflate at that and Janus couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, “With my nightmare however...” The spark that lit up in Roman’s eyes made the prince nearly laugh but he instead pushed off of the wall to make his way back to the bed. What _would_ help him? He’d never been offered help in dealing with his nightmares before and he didn’t know what would help now. All he did know was that having Roman there did make him feel better.

Roman watched as Janus placed a hand on the bed before turning to him, something a little lonely in his expression. “Stay with me,” the prince uttered.

Roman found himself by Janus’ side within moments, “I will.”

Janus let out a breath of relief at that before he nodded, “Good. Thank you.”

His knight seemed to smirk, “Lie down, Janus.”

And lie down he did. Roman joined him in his bed, turning to move the candle closer before Janus placed a hand on his arm. “Blow it out,” the prince requested.

“I’ll need to light it again once you’re asleep, I might wake you.”

“Then don’t relight it,” Janus murmured as he got under his blankets again and stared up at the ceiling, “Stay with me for the night.”

Roman paused for a moment, looking at his expression. Janus seemed like he wouldn’t be bothered by whatever Roman chose to do, and yet he did seem bothered, Roman could have laughed. _“He really wants me to stay.”_

With a fond sigh, Roman turned and blew out the candle before lying down next to Janus. He figured that he shouldn’t say anything but couldn’t help himself as he murmured, “Yes, your highness.”

Janus let out an amused huff, “Yes, yes...” He trailed off for a moment before looking over at Roman, “How _did_ you know I was having a nightmare? I wasn’t loud was I?” Concern ebbed into the forefront of his mind as the thought of the king and queen hearing of this suddenly hit him.

Roman shook his head, “I had a nightmare too. Woke up and _this thing_ was rolling around on my desk.” He procured the blood orb from his pocket, “I must have accidentally put it in my pocket and taken it with me at some point. Figured something was happening and headed over. You weren’t making a peep, just shaking in your sleep.”

At that, the prince took the orb with an exhale of relief. “I see,” he’d need to do something about the orb soon before his father or mother saw it. Janus pushed the orb underneath his many pillows, “Well thank you.”

After a moment he recalled what Roman had just said, “Wait, you had a nightmare too?”

Roman nodded, “It was nothing.”

“Try again.”

“Right. It was scary, I guess.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“Didn’t Kenopsia speak to you as a child?”

“Yes, but again, it spoke kindly to me,” Janus noted, “It didn’t have a reason to torment or frighten me. And while it may seem insensitive to say so, I felt more safe on Kenopsia’s back than I did in this castle.”

Roman was silent for a moment, “Now _that_ , I can’t imagine... Where did you stay?”

“Hm?”

“When you were a child here. Where did you stay and how did people not know about you until recently?”

Janus did not answer. For a moment Roman waited before realizing his question might have been too personal and close to the prince’s trauma. He opened his mouth to apologize before he felt Janus drape an arm over him before speaking himself, “I will show you. Later. Go to sleep.”

Roman closed his mouth and eyes, determined not to make Janus feel worse. But he felt bad just leaving it there so he simply said, “Goodnight, Janus.”

The other man gave a hum of acknowledgment which seemed to be all Roman was going to get, so he took it and began to relax. It had been years since he’d actually slept next to someone in the same bed. Even the guy he’d first slept with hadn’t been quite so willing to stay after the deed was done. It wasn’t _uncomfortable_ per se, just different. And Janus’ presence in the bed wasn’t oppressive, it made Roman feel guarded, safe.

Roman felt his consciousness waning after a while and he could have sworn that he’d heard Janus say, “Goodnight, my knight.” But Roman couldn’t stay awake long enough to be sure before he fell asleep.

* * *

In the morning the prince and knight woke up to a curious and confused Sir Zayne when she found them both in one room. Half asleep, Janus had told her about some strange noises he’d heard early that morning and how he’d called Roman over to stand guard. The explanation seemed to satisfy the professor but she warned against Janus calling on Roman too much, “Sir Roman is your last line of defense, after all. We want him well rested, your highness.”

Janus conceded with a smirk in Roman’s direction as they both got ready for the day. It was only drizzling outside and it seemed like it would be raining all day, but that wasn’t going to hinder Sir Zayne’s plans for the day.

After a breakfast that thankfully enough, occurred without the king and queen present as the two were busy, the knight stood in an empty dance hall with sword in hand, sparring with a guard as Janus sat by watching from the sidelines. The prince’s eyes did wander every once in a while to Sir Zayne who had Virgil by her side giving a play by play on every move that the guard was making. If she knew what one side was doing, she could clearly visualise what the other was doing depending on the clashing of swords or lack thereof. Though every time either Roman or the guard was knocked down, Janus would see Zayne begin to ask Virgil questions that seemed to make the squire become nervous and avert his gaze from her.

Janus frowned, somehow knowing that if he went to join the pair on the other side of the room that he still would not be able to confirm or deny what he suspected. He was worried about letting Virgil go with memory of what had happened the night previous. Was Zayne asking about it right this moment? Janus felt some form of embarrassment concerning it but that wasn’t what he was worried about. If Virgil told Zayne and she then told the king, it would be obvious that Janus wasn’t behaving as his father expected him to. Cold, detached, unconcerned with his own or any others’ well being.

Janus didn’t want to be “trained” again, anything was better than that.

He shuddered at the thought and stood as he began to move towards Virgil and the professor. Regardless of whether she’d already asked or had yet to ask, his presence would cease any further discussion that she didn’t want him hearing and that was better than sitting there and doing nothing.

As he drew closer he heard Virgil rather impressively listing what was happening, “Guard left torso, push sword down, retreat two paces, attack right shoulder.” As Roman got hit in his shoulder, Janus and Virgil couldn’t help but wince. Sir Zayne gave an annoyed sigh. There was no need for immediate alarm, as the swords were dulled, meant for training, but metal hitting skin and bone still hurt.

“Cease,” the professor droned, “Sir Roman, are you aware of where you made your mistake?”

The knight who was rubbing his tender shoulder groaned lightly, “Uh, I was too slow to guard?”

“Before you were hit, did you also try to attack?”

“Yes, her right thigh.”

“Then how would guarding have even been possible? You likely saw the swing coming unless your eyes were closed, no. You swung, overbalanced yourself and by the time Guard Charline had swung for your right shoulder, you didn’t have time to guard, no matter how quickly you tried to.” Sir Zayne sighed, “Charline would you round up three more guards to bring in?”

The guard nodded as she moved to leave the room. Roman looked to the professor, “Sir Zayne?”

She nodded her head towards the ground, “Check yourself for broken bones. Virgil, attend to him.”

Both men moved to obey immediately and Janus felt his brows raise minutely, impressed at the professor’s ability for taking charge.

“Did you need something, your highness?” she asked, surprising him as she turned her head towards him.

The prince shook his head, wondering for a moment how she knew he was there before reasoning that her hearing was likely more acute than a sighted person. “No, I simply got bored of sitting,” he stated.

“Oh? It seems you get bored quite easily, your highness.”

“That, or most things around me are dreadfully boring.”

The professor smirked at that, “Not including your knight?”

Janus’ eyes snapped to her and he gave a noncommittal hum, “He doesn’t regard me like a fragile sickly child, so yes, not including him.”

Sir Zayne’s expression seemed to soften, “Your father has told us that you _are_ prone to sickness, but I can imagine being treated like porcelain is not what you want.” Then the professor stepped closer with her dog giving a small smile in the prince’s direction, “If you wish, I can make sure you are not bored for the remainder of this training session? I only need your permission.”

“My permission?”

“Yes, I promise you will not be in harms’ way for a moment.”

Janus looked from her to Roman who was -- not to his surprise -- looking at him. The prince smirked as he murmured, “Why do I get the feeling you’re about to do something quite mean, Sir Zayne?”

The professor shrugged, “Because I do my job and I do it _well_ , your highness.”

Janus crossed his arms, “You have my permission, then.”

That seemed to please the woman, though Janus didn’t yet know why. As the guard that Roman had been fighting returned with three more guards, the prince stood in anticipation for what was to come next.

Sir Zayne turned her attention to the group entering the room, “Hello and thank you all for your willingness to participate in this training session, can I have your names?” The three new guards introduced themselves and the professor nodded as she noted them, “Pleasure to meet you three. Trade your swords for practice swords and stand in a square formation around Sir Roman. Seven feet between each of you.”

Roman began to look a bit nervous as the guards did so, starting to get an idea of what was happening here.

“Now,” Zayne continued, “Does anyone have a length of fabric at least two feet long or something of the like?”

There was silence for a moment before Roman sighed and reached into his pocket, “I do, Sir Zayne.” He pulled out his red sash.

“Good. Your highness, if you would go and join your knight and allow him to tie the fabric around your arm, I would much appreciate it. Virgil, if you are done, come back here.”

Janus raised an eyebrow but did not question her as he approached Roman, passing Virgil as he went. Roman had a reserved look of confusion. The prince gave a small shrug, though he had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen. Roman tied his sash around Janus’ arm, “Done, Sir Zayne.”

Said woman nodded, “Good, now ready your sword, Sir Roman. Guards, your objective is to grab and remove the fabric on Prince Janus’ arm. You cannot attack or grab him to do so. You may attack Sir Roman all you wish to reach the prince.”

Roman seemed to pale at that, “Sir Zayne-!”

“ _Sir Roman_ ,” she challenged with a stern tone. Roman bit his lip and said nothing. Zayne nodded, “This exercise is simulating you protecting Prince Janus from a group of assailants in a life or death situation. If the guards get that fabric, they have killed your charge. Overbalancing or losing your footing is a fatal error in this exercise. Do you understand?”

Roman bit back a heavy sigh, “Yes, Sir Zayne.”

Janus looked towards the professor, feeling a little bad for his knight. “Sir Zayne, I don’t suppose I could fight back or run away in this... simulation, could I?”

The professor shook her head, “No, you have the hardest job for the moment, your highness. Doing nothing.” She tilted her head a bit with a smirk, “Having you fight or run around avoiding the guards would make things harder on Sir Roman, believe it or not. So once he has perfected this scenario, we can try that.”

Janus gave Roman an apologetic look as he watched his knight get ready.

Sir Zayne turned her head to Virgil, “I will not ask you to narrate the four guards, so for now, try narrating Sir Roman and the status of the fabric on the prince’s arm. Can you do that?”

Virgil glanced from the group of people to the professor and shrugged nervously, “Well... I can try, Sir Zayne.”

“Good. Now,” she tilted her ear towards the group, “Begin.”

* * *

Roman collapsed to the ground with a tired and frustrated groan as he dropped his sword, “Fucking bullshit.”

Janus frowned down at him before looking to Zayne, the woman had made Roman run the simulation what had to be more than fifteen times now. Granted some times, the sash had been grabbed quite early on, but Roman was obviously getting pushed to his limit. Physically and mentally. “Sir Zayne, are we quite done?”

The professor gave a light laugh, “Did you get bored of even this, your highness?”

“No,” he glanced away, “I simply do not like being the damsel in distress unable to avoid anything.”

Zayne sighed, “Please understand, your highness. You run, Sir Roman must run with you. While he has done very well, I know for a fact that he has never run and fought at the same time before.”

The prince crossed his arms, _“Damn.”_ He hadn’t thought about that.

The professor began walking with Annabelle leading her towards the group of guards who were just as tired out as Roman, “Thank you, Charline, Maria, Tom and Salmin. I may request you next time we conduct this simulation. Can someone hand me the fabric please?”

As the guards passed, one placed the fabric in Zayne’s awaiting hand before they began to put the training swords away. Zayne turned to where she heard Roman catching his breath on the ground. “Sir Roman, do not be discouraged by the outcome of this simulation. The goal is not to completely prevent the fabric from being taken,” she let her fingers feel the fabric for a moment before she held it out towards him, “It is to protect your charge for as long as possible. By my count, you held out for several rounds around a minute and thirty-three seconds. That much time can be the difference between life and death when holding out for reinforcements.”

Roman looked up at her with a tired yet less frustrated look, though she couldn’t see it. He reached out to take the sash, “Thank you, Sir Zayne.”

The woman nodded and straightened up, “I will let you rest until tonight, at that point we will review proper guarding positions for all possible scenarios. Be ready to do several training sessions like this in the coming days.”

The knight couldn’t hold back his sigh at that, “I understand.” He stood up and stepped to the side as Zayne began to leave the room. 

Janus looked at Roman for a moment, watching as the knight stared at the sash in his hand, seeming to zone out. With a glance behind him, Janus saw Virgil slowly inching closer to them. With a sigh, the prince turned and approached him much faster than the squire had been moving. His speed hadn’t been intentional, his long legs seemed to simply propel him places sometimes when he wasn’t paying attention.

Virgil simply stopped walking when Janus came up in front of him and gripped his fingers into his sleeves. What was making him so nervous? _“Am I looming? Gaia, I have to stop accidentally looming over people!”_ Janus shifted a foot back as he gave Virgil a small smile, “Virgil, I wish to talk to you about something later, when we have a moment. Before I go to bed possibly, would that be alright?” Their current location wasn’t an option, he knew all too well that two hidden passageways bordered this room.

Virgil seemed to move his head to tilt it, then stopped, nodding instead. “Yes, your highness,” he answered.

Janus missed when Virgil hadn’t known that he was a prince, he hated how people seemed to close up and mindlessly cater to his will now. It was not their fault, of course. Had Janus been raised as a regular prince, he probably would have reveled in it. _That_ particular thought sent Janus reeling and he turned away from Virgil before the man could see his grimace. Janus had thought time and time again, what he would have turned out like without the monstrosity of an imperfection that he had on his face. He likely would have been happier. _“And I would have been just as bad as the king and queen...”_

With a shake of his head, Janus looked to Roman. “Sir Roman,” he drew his attention, “Let us go have lunch, then I will show you to the bath so you can relax and bathe. If we are quick there might still be time in the day for you to write Remus a personalized invitation to the knighting ceremony. No one ought to refuse royal invitations but I suspect your brother might unless you personally ask him.”

Roman blinked at him for a moment before Janus saw a glimmer of recognition in the knight’s eyes. They’d gone through _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_ together picking out certain stories and phrases they could refer to in shorthand to mean certain things, as that would help immensely with communicating without detection. Janus was referencing The Elves, part two. One of the two’s chosen references for needing to meet or talk in a timely manner.

Roman nodded as he seemed to understand, “Yes, your highness.”

* * *

One of the benefits of having Virgil as a squire _and_ a healer, was that Roman could reasonably dismiss him to go rest after that morning’s training and the magic the squire had expended. This is exactly what Roman did after lunch and while he did not _dislike_ Virgil, he was glad to not consistently be followed by the man, regardless of it being his job. Hopefully when Roman was more trained as a knight and Virgil more thoroughly trained as a squire, Roman would be allowed to go without the man for long periods of time.

For now, the knight was staring wide at the “bath” Janus had brought him to. It was nowhere near as large as the underground spring, but it was huge and could easily fit more than fifty people at once. But thankfully it was only for approved senior staff and royals and Janus had made sure to bring him at a time when he knew no one would be there. “Janus?” Roman asked.

“Yes?”

The knight sighed as he turned around, “What kind of rich-- **What** are you doing!” Roman slapped a hand over his eyes as he saw Janus already out of his top and pushing his pants down.

Janus winced, “Please don’t yell in here. The acoustics are far too good. I’m going to bathe, as you should too. You’re sweaty and gross.”

Roman turned his entire body away from him, “I-I know that but... Couldn’t have given me a warning?” His quickly quieting voice was drowned out by his heart thumping in his chest.

The thumping had been - annoyingly - enough to block out Janus’ nearing footsteps. So it was not a surprise that when Janus next spoke, Roman felt a shiver shoot down his spine. “If you don’t take off your clothes and get in, I’m throwing you in myself, I wasn’t kidding when I said we don’t have much time.”

Roman glanced up to the man’s opposing eyes and knew that from the heat in his own face that he was blushing. Janus seemed to smirk at that. The knight blinked wide, “Okay, be straight with me right now.”

“I’m gay, don’t think I can do that.”

Roman ignored the prince that seemed to be holding back laughter, “Are you standing _right behind me_ , naked right now?”

“Technically yes,” Roman was going to die, “Visually no, I have a towel on.” Oh, no wait, he could breathe again.

Janus chuckled and stood back, “If it makes you so uncomfortable, I’ll just get in and turn my back. Figured since you’ve stripped in front of me before, you wouldn’t care so much.”

Roman only turned around once he heard Janus step into the bath, he locked eyes with the smirking man. “ _That_ was an emergency.”

“Self care is also an emergency that oh so many ignore daily,” Janus grinned as Roman motioned for him to turn around, and turn around the prince did. Janus walked until he was submerged to his shoulders and let out a sigh of pleasure from the hot water surrounding him. What he’d give to just lounge in here for hours and not experience any of the downsides like pruning or passing out from sudden temperature shifting once he got out.

With a wistful sigh, Janus slowly sunk into the water, going completely under just to wet his hair before bobbing back up again.

Roman watched wide-eyed as Janus pushed his wet hair out of his face and seemed to tilt his head in Roman’s direction. “Are you in yet?”

Roman started and shook his head dumbly as he walked into the bath, leaving a towel near the edge for when he got out. “I’m in.”

Janus opened his eyes and beckoned him to come closer, “Come here and let me wash your back.” He grabbed a bottle of soap from the edge of the bath on one side and gave Roman a placative smirk, “We don’t have all day.” The knight hesitantly came closer only to stop once the water came to his shoulders as well. Janus tilted his head, “Don’t want to wash your hair?” Roman shrugged and Janus huffed, “You should and you might as well.”

When Janus got a nod in response, he scooped some water up to wet the man’s hair. “You’re going to have to do that part yourself, I don’t want to mess up your hair.”

Roman nodded, “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

* * *

The knight’s eyes were trained on Janus’ back as they traversed the inner passageways of the castle. Something was bothering him.

And Roman knew that broad statement applied to both him and Janus. Something was on both their minds but Roman could only really focus on what was going through _his_ head, not Janus’. Roman could push and push and unless Janus lied spectacularly on his end, the knight would never know what was bothering the prince.

What Roman had been mulling over for quite a while now was an observation he had made just recently. Janus, the prince, the tortured man, the enrapturing sorcerer, the abused child, the charming noble... He didn’t make any sense.

Roman had heard his fair share of stories similar to Janus’ but never quite as unique as his, the abused protagonist and the dominating abuser. He’d seen people stuck in situations like that, unable to leave yet wanting more than anything to go. The thing was though, that if the abused person grew up their entire lives like this, it was often that they grew up hardened and unwilling to let people into their hearts.

Yet in this castle, and deep down under it if the amount of staircases Roman was being led down were any indicator, Janus had the same story. No matter how much more complex, at the basis, that was his story. Yet _he_ had reached out towards Roman, taken care of him, taught him, confided in him and comforted him. Roman had seen flashes of the rage the more time he spent with Janus and the callousness had been there near the beginning of their time together, but had since lessened when he wasn’t worried about pretense.

Where had the man learned his charm and grace? When had he developed his kindness? Even Roman with his kindness was a rare sort having come from the slums of the kingdom. For Janus to have endured alone for twenty-two years and come out the way he did... That in itself was a miracle.

“We’re here,” Janus spoke softly.

Roman looked up, he could see in the darkness thanks to the gem that Janus was pushing his magic into. The knight had been a little more than surprised that of all places to store the thing he’d physically cut out of the prince, Janus chose to store it in the same exact place. It was ingenious, Roman had to admit. When Roman had seen how Janus had stuck it in his back, a moment of panic had hit him before Janus had simply popped the gem out into his hand.

They were standing at an impressive looking iron door and the keyhole in it made Roman frown until Janus reached into a pocket to pull out a matching key. “How did you get that?”

The prince got to unlocking the door with a sigh, “My stepmother never did like coming down here, when she did, she used the king’s key. Completely neglecting the one she had been given. After a while it seemed that she completely forgot she had a key of her own.”

Roman hummed in understanding before looking at the rust on the hinges of the door, “It seems old.”

“It is old, only a year of neglect though, so not to worry,” Janus pulled the door open and stepped into a rather short hallway. The prince turned back to face Roman with his lips pulled in a thin line, “And don’t worry about keeping your voice down. No one has been down here in ages.”

Roman nodded but kept his mouth shut, this had to be painful for the prince. Roman couldn’t imagine returning to the home that he and Remus had been abandoned in and Janus had suffered so much more than them...

Janus reached a hand towards the wall before he felt Roman grab it, the knight looked hesitant to let him proceed. “We,” Roman started before swallowing the dryness in his throat away, “We don’t have to do this.”

The prince blinked hard before pulling his hand from Roman’s and pushing in a brick of the wall, the bricks adjacent shifted, revealing a door. Janus looked from Roman to the opening with an expectant look, “After you.” His expression left no room for argument.

Roman stiffened and nodded, feeling like he had upset the prince. The knight pushed the door open and stepped into a dark room, it was cold, it smelled musty and the air was dry. The door closed with the grating of stone causing Roman to turn around. Janus grabbed an unlit torch off of the wall and hit it with the still glowing gem, causing it to light up.

Roman took the lit torch when it was handed to him and stood aside as Janus walked past him, he had definitely upset him. The knight followed without a word.

The room they were in was stone all the way around, bordered with old furniture. The ceiling was just high enough that Janus could have hit his head on the doorway if it were just an inch lower. When they left the room and entered a hallway, Janus immediately turned left.

Gaia it was quiet. Every footstep reverberated through the space and it was still so damned quiet. “Where are we going?” Roman couldn’t stop the question from leaving his lips.

Janus stopped moving as they came up next to what looked like a jail door, made of iron bars with a keyhole. The prince hesitantly reached out to the door before grabbing one of the bars and pulling the door open, it hadn’t been locked. Roman watched as the prince stood still for a moment before glancing at him, “I’m not going inside. This is where I was kept most of the time.”

“ _Here?_ ” Roman whispered.

Janus nodded curtly, “You can look if you want. It’s probably not as bad as you’re imagining.”

Roman nodded, “Okay.”

It felt like it took him forever to breach the doorway but when Roman did, a pit formed in his stomach. A cot as thin as anything covered by a ratty and worn blanket, a lap table with papers strewn over it, a chest stuffed to the brim of old clothes and a chamberpot.

Truly it was not like Roman saw it in his mind, a torture chamber with dried blood and chains. But there were tallies in the wall that stretched across the length of it, how many, Roman didn’t want to count. He held his torch up as he approached the tallies and saw that they didn’t cover the entirety of the walls as they just stopped at some point. Had Janus lost count of whatever he was counting whether it was days, sleepless nights or times that he’d been hurt? Or had he just given up on counting?

Roman felt an oppressive feeling of hopelessness pushing on him that only grew stronger and made him feel more helpless the longer he stayed put there. He backed away one step, and then another. Then he turned and bolted out of the room, feeling sick to his stomach. “Janus!” he gasped as he realized Janus wasn’t by the door and looked further down the hall, seeing nothing before he turned the other way, he saw the orange light illuminating the silhouette of the prince back the way they had come. Roman dropped the torch and ran to him, “Janus!”

As he continued to not receive an answer he felt anger boiling in him, why had he let Janus do this? Intentionally coming back to trauma without making sure the prince was ready and not just doing this to prove his story to Roman. _“I’m the worst, why did I do this to him!”_

Roman realized that as he got closer to Janus, he had passed the room they had come from. “Janus?” He drew closer and realized that the other man was staring into another room. Roman looked at the prince’s face and saw that the man’s eyes were wide and tearing up as he stared straight ahead, unresponsive. Janus’ breathing was quick and shallow, seeming to not notice Roman at all.

The knight bit his lip as he turned to look into the room himself.

Now this... _This_ had been more accurate to what Roman had been imagining. A table with straps clearly meant to render a person’s head, arms and legs immobile, a chair with the very same straps. Weapons and tools lined the back wall but nothing seemed to have grabbed Janus’ attention more than the pliers, clean yet stained with blood that would never truly wash away.

Roman felt faint and he turned to face Janus again, “Janus?” No response. Roman cursed, “Janus...?” He stepped closer to the man, slowly reaching out a hand, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made us come down here, Dee. I wasn’t thinking, I’m _so_ sorry. Can you hear me?”

Janus let out a quiet whimper and Roman took that little sound as his acknowledgement. “Dee, I’m going to hold your hand. Just your hand, the right one. And... I want you to breathe with me, just like this morning with Virgil. Remember?”

Janus trembled and Roman gently brushed the fingers of the man’s right hand, Janus flinched but then relaxed and allowed for Roman to hold his hand.

He was stuck, stuck in the past, in that chair, or that accursed table, screaming but not making a noise. If he made a noise more pain would come and he had to escape the pain. Then he was breathing.

Slowly, like commanding air to join and leave him to the beat of music. Just breathing and breathing didn’t hurt. In fact, nothing really hurt. He was cold and uncomfortable but other than that... one part of him was warm, his hand. Did the warmth hurt? No, it felt unfamiliar. Like when his father had praised him just that once for his performance skills with a pat on his head. It felt nice. It reminded him of the curious man that he’d met so long ago now, now gone. It felt _kind_. It reminded him of Roman.

Janus breathed out sharply as Roman’s face came into focus, “Roman...” His voice was quiet and his eyes hurt like he had been crying. With a wipe of his sleeve across his face, he realized that he _had_ been crying. “What...? What happened?”

Roman breathed out a sigh of relief, “I think you were having an attack of some sort. Come on, let’s get out of here.” The knight turned and pulled Janus along with him, the prince followed with no arguments.

Only when the two were back in the hidden passageways, did Roman pause and lean against a wall, burying his face in his hands. “So fucking thoughtless,” he muttered before he looked at the prince, “I’m so sorry Janus. I... Gaia, I was so caught up in learning about the truth that I wasn’t thinking and I should have turned you down when you said you’d show me and--”

“I don’t see how you would have known how bad it would be,” Janus cut in with a frown, “So I don’t see why you’re apologizing.”

Roman looked at him through the gaps between his fingers and watched his face, Janus didn’t seem upset anymore, why wasn’t he upset? “You were angry at me.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You _were_! I asked stupid, insensitive questions and you got angry at me. You’re _allowed_ to be angry at me,” Roman put his hands down, “Yell at me if you want, this is my fault!”

Janus punched the wall and for a moment, electricity burst around his fist before crackling into nonexistence. The knight was shocked into silence.

Slowly, Janus lowered his hand and slowly stretched his fingers out. “...No,” he murmured.

Roman blinked, surprised at the answer. “No? What then,” he frowned, “Just going to let me get away with it?”

“Not everything needs yelling, I don’t work like that, Roman.”

“Then _what_ works for you?”

Janus stared at him for a moment before sighing, “Why did you not keep your parents’ last name?”

That question stopped Roman on his metaphorical tracks, “What? What does that...?”

“You asked a personal question, I’ll ask my own. Payback,” Janus explained as he made his way past his knight, “So answer me.”

Roman bit his lip but sighed, conceding. It was more than fair in his eyes, so he followed the prince as he spoke. “We didn’t want to, I suppose.”

“But having a family name would have made your struggles less, yes?”

“...Yes. But our parents _left_ us. For dead. So we considered them dead _to us_.”

Janus gave a hum, “So are they the ones you wanted to kill?”

Roman sighed, “I honestly can’t tell. Perhaps. I considered them dead, still do. But part of me knows they’re out there, alive and happy, knowing they left us... Gets me feeling a little murderous, I suppose.”

The two walked in silence for a few long minutes before Janus stopped. Roman looked up at him, “Wh--”

Janus swiftly turned and pushed a hand over Roman’s mouth to silence him. The knight’s nose was left uncovered so he could still breathe, so he at least knew this wasn’t a murder attempt. Janus stared at him and let the light of the gem quickly go out. Roman was plunged into darkness but felt Janus’ hands holding him steady.

There was silence but nevertheless, Roman felt Janus slowly guiding him to lie prone on the stairs and felt the prince put his body over his. It took a long moment of hearing his own heart beating away in his chest but Roman finally heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. He stayed still trying to stay calm and hoped they wouldn’t be discovered.

Janus had his eyes trained on the entryway to the stairwell they were in. All that was down this particular stairwell was his previous “room”, there was no reason for anyone to go down this stairwell. Unless it was the king or queen. If it was either of them, he was fucked. But he’d make damn well sure that Roman would escape.

Soon, torchlight came into view around the corner and Janus’ eyes caught a familiar silhouette right as it passed with a torch in their hand. The torchlight stayed for a moment before fading again. Janus slowly crawled the remaining steps to look down the hall and watch the king’s advisor and his torch get further away.

He glared.

Logan stopped walking and turned slightly to look behind him, and sighed lightly when he saw nothing in the darkness beyond the reach of his torchlight. He had never been one to be afraid of the dark but these passageways made it very easy to feel like someone was watching him.

A silly notion, of course, only the king, queen and he knew of these secret halls and the crown prince would learn of them in time. Shrugging away the discomfort, Logan continued walking on.

Janus stood in the hallway watching him go before he felt a tug on his sleeve, Roman was clutching at him, unable to see very well. The prince held back a sigh as he took his knight’s hand and began leading him away in the opposite direction.

* * *

It was soon after the two had emerged from the inner halls of the castle that Roman found himself separated from Janus as the prince was told that he had to meet with a visiting political professor in the study. They would be teaching him about the other kingdoms and the ambassadors that would likely be present at his announcement and subsequent balls that would be thrown to find him a wife.

At that very moment, Zayne also came to retrieve Roman and the knight simply nodded. No matter how worried he was about Janus, the best thing Roman could do to help him was act naturally.

But Janus always had something more to say, “Apologies, Sir Roman for raving about such nonsense tales for so long. We must meet afterwards, to write that invitation, yes?”

Roman started for a moment before nodding, “Yes, your highness. Until then.” He turned to leave with Sir Zayne.

Janus had referenced The Elves part two again along with another tale that Roman always forgot the name of but remembered because it was a nonsense tale. A short story called, Fair Katrinelje and Pif-Paf-Poltrie. Any reference to a nonsense tale basically translated to, ‘much effort was spent for little to no payoff’. Roman frowned realizing Janus had somehow managed to apologize again before they parted, it made the knight angry.

Not at Janus’ apology but the fact that the man felt like he needed to apologize at all. It was like Janus thought that Roman could do no wrong unless Roman was the one to get hurt as a result of his own actions. It was... It was sad.

Janus had told Roman that he was clinging to him and the knight didn’t find that to be strange, but now that he was thinking about it, Roman realized. Janus wasn’t just touch-starved, the man had been starved of affection on any level, kindness and patience. It painted the way Janus expressed his own affection in a painful light.

Janus’ touches, his kisses, how he held Roman. It was desperate but not in a way that made Roman uncomfortable, it just made him even more _angry_. That Janus had been so deprived that he felt like Roman was the one person that he could open up to and express affection towards.

 _“That means...”_ his thoughts turned over in his head and he gave a small sigh, _“That means he really doesn’t like me, then. Even if he does, I can’t allow myself to indulge in it. It’d be selfish and I can’t let him invest everything in me.”_

He knew that right now, with the two of them planning a coup, trusting people was dangerous and potentially fatal. But Roman wouldn’t let Janus remain too reliant on him, he needed to understand the world wasn’t against him. If Janus actually liked him by then... Roman would think about that later.

For the moment, he’d stand by Janus and support him. No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That's one way of looking at it Roman!
> 
> The delay on this chapter was caused by some irl drama and developments in my family taking a mental health toll on me so I'm honestly surprised I did 9k words when I was shooting for 6k.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience, I hope you enjoyed this one.
> 
> Chapter Question: How long do you think you'd last under Sir Zayne's tutelage? -AND/OR- Do you think Roman has a point in his final thoughts of this chapter?
> 
> Alternate Questions: Is it gay to kiss the homies? | Which character do you want to adopt the most so far? | Did any part in this chapter have you yelling in reaction and what did you yell? | Who is your favorite character so far and why? | What moment impacted you the most in this chapter?


	13. Refined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Proceeding from the awkward tension! Yay!  
> ________________  
> Includes: Referenced abuse and description of injury.

Janus rolled his orb of blood around between his hands absentmindedly as he stared out of his window, watching the storm raging on outside. Had all his senses been robbed of him, his sight, smell, hearing, touch and taste, he would have still known a storm was raging. His magic felt potent inside him, tensed and powerful, ready to strike at any moment.

 _“But nothing to strike out at...”_ the prince silently lamented in his own mind. He let out a long exhale, sinking down to sit on the window sill, letting his forehead rest against the cool glass. The coldness against his face was unpleasant but at the same time, refreshing. Cold reminded him of his old “room” and the bars that kept him trapped there. Knowing that this cold came from the _outside_ however...

Janus reached for the latch of the window and opened it before pushing the glass and allowing the rain in. He nearly forgot to stop leaning towards the glass that was no longer in front of him, how lovely it would have been if only he’d just _forgotten_ that there was nothing to save him from what a fall was out that window. 

But he did not forget, and he did stop leaning forward, if only just because he wanted to feel the rain hitting his skin. The wind carried the rain into his room along with the smell of nature he’d never quite be able to describe but loved nonetheless. And it was so _loud_. So loud that it seemed so quiet all at once. A contradiction of existence.

Janus let his eyes slip closed as he let the rain wash over him in both sensation and sound, losing himself in it. And in the noise of the rain, he heard a voice.

The prince’s eyes snapped open as a knock came at the door, pulling him out of his meditative state. Slowly, he looked around him, remembering where he was before feeling so much more tired than he already had been.

“Who is it?” Janus slipped the orb into his pocket.

While he was not completely present in the moment, he could feel the relief hit him of it being Virgil that spoke outside his room. “It’s Virgil, your highness. You um, wanted to speak with me tonight?” the squire’s unsure voice came.

Janus hummed softly as he stood up, “Enter.” He put up his false face before the door opened.

Virgil closed the door behind him before gasping as he turned around, “Your highness!” Janus barely had time to turn around and see what the squire was gaping at before Virgil had rushed to his side to pull the window closed. “It’s freezing tonight on top of the storm, what if you catch a cold?” Virgil locked the window back up again before turning his attention to Janus.

The prince couldn’t help but smirk as he looked down at the shorter man, “It would give me a great reason to skip all of the boring lessons I’ll be given this week.”

Virgil seemed to be holding back an annoyed expression for a moment before he looked over the prince once more, “Oh man, you’re soaked too.” Janus looked over himself and saw that he was wet but “soaked” was a bit of an exaggeration in his opinion, but he didn’t argue when Virgil grabbed a towel to help him dry off.

It was strange to have people care for his health because of his father’s lies. It made Janus feel guilty even though he’d done nothing wrong, he wasn’t even able to indulge in the attention because of its origin. And speaking of.

“Virgil, did you happen to... tell anyone of what happened this morning?” Janus finally asked as the squire laid the towel aside, “I don’t want my father thinking I’m...”

Virgil looked Janus over once before shaking his head, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. What happened this morning?”

That made Janus frown, Virgil had lied, was he playing dumb or...? Realization dawned on him as he watched the squire cover his mouth a bit too late to hide his smirk.

Virgil made his way over to Janus’ wardrobe before opening it and grabbing the prince’s sleepwear to lay it out on the prince’s bed, “If something _had_ happened this morning that wasn’t really any of my business, I wouldn’t share that with anyone. I hate gossip.”

Janus let out a sigh of relief, _truth_. He couldn’t help but laugh a bit, “Good. Gossip is a bad habit.”

Virgil nodded in agreement before backing from the bed, “Was that all you wished to speak to me about, Prince Janus?”

Said man gave a light sigh at that, “Do _try_ to be less formal with me when unobserved by the king... I am not so much a stickler for the rules like my father is, you’ll find.”

The squire gave a nod of understanding, “I see.”

“Goodnight Virgil.”

“Goodnight, Dee,” Virgil responded with a slight bow as he left.

That made Janus smile softly before he turned to his nightwear and began to get ready for bed. A bright flash came from outside as he put his used clothes in the hamper. The thunder that came after was booming and so sudden that Janus jumped and looked around to make sure that it had just been the storm and not something heavy falling to the floor. 

He’d felt that one strongly too, his feet buzzed with static from the sensation the thunder had caused. Curiously, Janus looked at the blood orb in his hands, with a look outside he approached the window yet again.

He tried to at least stay dry this time when he opened the window up again, he stuck the orb out into the rain. He let his magic flare up, it had been a while since he’d tried this. It was tough, like instead of pushing energy out, he was trying to pull it though it would have the same effect and hopefully the desired outcome.

“Please...” he whispered to the air as he stared up into the dark clouds. He grinned when he saw the lightning come from them and strike the orb in his hand, faster than the eye could follow. Janus looked at the orb, it sparked and crackled with electricity that rippled around it for a few moments before cracking the orb and then disintegrating it. He smiled as he watched it break down and crumble before following an invisible current of magic up into the storm clouds, only he could see how it sparkled.

When the magic trail was gone, the loudest thunderclap yet came but Janus did not flinch. He closed the window with a self satisfied smirk, “That’s one way to do it.” He dried himself off again and curled up in bed, pulling the covers over his head. Next step was perfecting the lightning summoning and learning how to keep his mirage up when unconscious.

* * *

The week was long.

Janus was thoroughly educated all about the ambassadors from neighboring countries and kingdoms that would be at his announcement. Apparently it was being more or less being played off as a political wellness update to the public, not exactly a lie. Just the thing King Atroa would do to avoid causing outright war with the other countries by suddenly introducing an heir out of nowhere.

And it was a near nightmare for Janus to find that he’d have to _speak_ at his announcement and pretend like it wasn’t the most outrageous thing ever. Logan spent what time he could spare with the prince, making sure his small statement was delivered _perfectly_. The prince could have laughed if the advisor hadn’t consistently been coming in looking more alike to death every morning. Logan’s eye bags had eye bags. If anything Janus paid attention and put more effort in so as to not add to Logan’s troubles.

But the week was _dreadfully_ long. 

From five in the morning to eleven at night, Roman was trained and shadowed by Zayne. It _was_ like his previous training except Zayne was all of his instructors at once. She was tough, unyielding but not so unreasonable that she’d make Roman get up when he was obviously hurt. That’s why she heavily relied on Virgil to heal the injured knight when needed so he could keep going.

Virgil had also gone through some training himself. Roman gave him pointers and tips in between lessons and found himself a little proud when the servant-turned-squire basically understood that the difference between his last position and this one was not as vast as he feared. Though Roman did also point out the fact that Sir Zayne might turn her attention to training Virgil as well since he didn’t seem to be trained in combat. The squire paled at that giving Roman a much needed laugh in the stress of the week.

It hadn’t kept raining after Sunday which everyone was grateful for seeing as it was just getting colder and colder as the year moved on. Janus was hardly allowed outside if he wasn’t going to the atrium so he wouldn’t be exposed to the cold or potential spies from Sadaire’s enemies.

It was calculated that rumors would start to spread within the week and no one would be able to stop them, it was not as if the king or Logan could keep a cap on the mouths of every single one of the 300 members of castle staff.

This was why Roman was being trained as rigorously as he was. Even if they got through the announcement without an assassination attempt, there would certainly be danger from that point on. Roman had to be better, refined, as Logan had put it. The advisor had been most everywhere in the castle, _including_ with Roman to check on him and even participate a bit.

Roman was glad the king had not come while he was fighting, the knight did not want the old bastard to see how hard he was willing to fight for Janus. At the same time, Roman did want him to see. _“Look what I will do that you never would. See how I would protect him,”_ he would think. But in retrospect, it was probably best that the king did not go to see Roman. His ignorance to the knight’s involvement in all of this would be most beneficial.

And despite Roman’s job being protecting Janus, the two hardly saw one another through the days. When they did, they were only ever able to exchange a word or two before being ushered off to their next assignment. Meals were taken to them where they were and they hardly had time to talk at nights seeing as they needed the resting time allotted to them.

The tension that had been between them at the start of the week had seemingly been forgotten when they had those precious seconds of interaction, neither of them minded. They needed the reminder of who they were doing all of this for.

But the week was _so_ _fucking_ _long_ , it hardly felt real when they were woken up on Friday. 

Janus didn’t appreciate being woken up at five, eating his light breakfast and then immediately getting assaulted with makeup brushes and sticks. He was _just_ able to convince the makeup artist to not use so much of the pink blush as to make him look flushed. In general he supposed he looked good, his jawline looked more defined than usual and his lips didn’t seem as pale. Had he been in the position to worry about such things like vanity, he might have wanted to... acquire some of these tools. But he wasn’t in such a position.

It was nearing nine in the morning when the prince was dressed in his uniform and guided to a room near the exterior of the castle. He personally had never been to this room, it was a pleasant sitting room, small, quiet and had its own fireplace. He noted the location as a potential thinking area to get away from his father and stepmother when needed.

The door opened only a minute later and Roman stepped through dressed in his full uniform with a sword on his hip. Janus looked the man over once, twice and found himself smirking. Roman looked good, somehow different, but good. Once the door closed behind the knight and they were alone, he seemed to relax as he gave Janus a slight smile. “I see you survived,” he greeted.

Janus nodded as he stepped closer to look over the knight, the uniform, that is. “And you. Did they not allow you to wear the sash?”

Roman shook his head as he gave Janus a look over himself, “It is not in the uniform.”

“Nonsense,” the prince chided, “Let me see your sword.”

Roman grabbed the golden handle of the sword and pulled it from its sheath, looking over it himself. The black blade seemed to be made of metal but a familiar metal indeed, it glistened red when the light hit certain areas. “So I’m assuming you were the one that picked the sword’s material?” Roman glanced at Janus curiously, “This is the material I grabbed during that last trick of a trial.”

Janus shrugged as he gently took the sword from Roman’s hand and traced his fingers over the flat side of the sword, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He smirked, “Do you have the sash with you?”

Roman reached into his pocket and pulled out the folded material, “Of course you don’t, you sap.” Since the first training session of that week, Roman had washed the sash and made sure Sir Zayne had other material to use when she requested it, not wanting his sash to get damaged or touched by so many people.

Janus held out a hand for it, “May I?” Roman raised an eyebrow at him before nodding and placing the fabric in the prince’s hand. Janus turned the sword so its point rested on the carpet and unravelled the sash before beginning to carefully wrap it around the handle of the sword, “These useless grooves don’t give any grip anyways, might as well make the sword more efficient... Did you actually end up getting that letter sent to Remus?”

Roman shook his head as he watched Janus for a moment, his fingers so careful with the fabric as if he would tear it. “No. I mean, I ended up writing a letter or two... or six trying to convince him to come but I figured I shouldn’t send it anyways.”

“Why did you figure that?”

Roman made his way over to the fireplace in the room and trailed a finger over the mantle, it was spotless. “If he’s coming, him reading that letter will just annoy him because I thought the worst of him or something... And if he’s not coming, it would guilt him into coming. Either way, he feels bad and I care about how my brother feels more than I care about him attending a ceremony,” he explained.

Janus tucked the end of the sash’s fabric under itself and looked over his handiwork, “But you do care.”

Roman looked at him and shrugged again, “Titles don’t mean a lot to him unless they can hurt or help him, I thought me doing this would make him happy because I can help him now.” He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh, “But that was wishful thinking, I know that now. He sacrificed his whole childhood for me, he’s my hero, what was I supposed to do? Rely on him my whole life like a leech?”

Janus frowned before looking at the sword and back to Roman, he made his way over offering a hand to his knight. Roman took the prince’s hand and stood. The knight dabbed at his own eyes with the back of a hand, “Oh damn, I’m not supposed to cry, Madame Rose will be furious if I mess up my makeup!”

“Let me see,” Janus spoke causing Roman to lower his hand. The prince’s eyes trailed over Roman’s face, his auburn eyes slightly watery, accentuated by the mascara on the man’s eyelashes. His face, healthy, smoothed by foundation and blush. His lips, wet with balm that smelled of a fruit Janus didn’t know in name or taste...

The prince swallowed, “You’re perfect.”

Roman blinked wide at that before he felt the hilt of the sword being pushed back into his hand.

“Perhaps talk to him the next chance you get?” Janus continued to speak, turning to look at the rest of the room. “I am not sure exactly what happened between you two and I have not asked as it is not my business but I can tell you both love one another very much. I am sure if you hurt him or vice versa it was not an intentionally malicious thing. You can get through it.”

Roman nodded before looking at the prince’s back and smirking. He put his sword away and stepped up next to Janus, “You’ve been spending too much time with Logan.”

The prince glanced at him confused, “What?”

“You talked exactly like him just now,” Roman explained causing Janus to blink wide and groan.

“Shit,” he sighed with an amused yet annoyed smirk, “It’s no wonder, we’ve been talking the entire week.”

“Did you two get along any better?”

“Any better? What do you mean by that?”

“You both are kind of tense around one another,” Roman stated simply, “Have you not noticed?”

Janus shook his head.

Before the two could talk any longer however the door opened to reveal Patton standing there. Janus had only seen glances of him during the week, usually with the queen but Roman truly hadn’t seen the other advisor for over a week.

Patton bowed when he came into the room, “Good morning, your highness!” He was as energetic as always as he looked at Roman, “And good morning Sir Roman! _Sir_ Roman, it’ll be official soon, oh that’s grand!”

Janus held back a snicker, “Sir Roman was a knight from the moment he declared he would serve me, in my humble opinion. Semantics and paperwork are such a bore.”

Roman felt happiness at hearing that and he couldn’t help but smile, “You’re too kind, your highness.”

“I’m not kind. I’m _right_ , everyone since that day has called you _Sir_ Roman including senior knight Sir Zayne, so I’m just saying what everyone is thinking,” the prince stated simply, “You have _been_ my knight and will continue to be my knight, what is happening today is for Logan’s paperwork and the citizens of Sadaire.”

Roman nodded in understanding for a moment before looking over at Patton, “Did you get through the week okay?”

The queen’s advisor nodded slowly, “Yeah, I felt like I coulda’ helped more though. I was mostly helping her majesty figure out what she was going to say to the neighboring nations’ rulers in a preemptive apology and invitation for the ball to introduce Prince Janus to the royal society.”

Janus shook his head, “We all have our parts to play. Your assistance is very helpful to my mother, I’m sure.”

Patton seemed to brighten up at that, “Thanks for saying that Prince Janus! Oh, that reminds me, the announcement is happening in half an hour, I’ve come to guide you to the room. The knighting ceremony will be done first.”

Roman stepped forward, “Has my brother shown up yet?”

Patton seemed to frown, “Ah. Uh no, not yet at least! We have servants watching for him at all gates. We can have him rushed up-”

“It’s fine,” Roman stopped the man with a sigh, “If he’s not here already, he’s not coming. It’s fine.”

Patton seemed to not know how to respond to that. Janus sighed lightly as he walked to the queen’s advisor to pat him on the shoulder, “Come, Patton, where are we heading?”

Patton hesitantly nodded as he turned and began walking, “It’s just down the hall here.”

Janus let Roman catch up to him before he brushed his gloved fingers against the knight’s. It was surprising how quickly their hands ended up holding one another’s. The knight glanced up at his prince and gave him a grateful smile. Janus smiled back.

They had released one another’s hands and smoothed their expressions into neutral ones before Patton had opened the door to the room. It was a bright, sunny day out and it could be seen through the large open doorway that led out to a balcony. Outside the gathering crowd of citizen’s dull roar of conversation was audible but not overpowering due to the distance from the balcony to the ground.

Virgil, Logan, Sir Zayne, the Queen and King were all there, in position for the knighting ceremony.

King Atroa raised an arm, beckoning Janus over. The prince immediately came to his side, his eyes on the ground. Roman couldn’t help but hate seeing it, but he didn’t show it.

The king turned to pick up a crown and placed it upon Janus’ head. It was simple as far as crowns went, which went well with the prince’s ornate uniform, black gems bordered the top of the intricate metal work around Janus’ head. It was beautiful, regal and it felt like nothing more than a _prop_ to the man that wore it.

When Roman was told to kneel and present his sword before the royal family, he did so with resolve in his eyes. The king’s voice was static in his ears yet when Roman spoke his vows, he recited them perfectly in response.

In all the ways Roman had ever imagined his knighting, it was not like this. With him half paying attention and hardly even caring for the words being spoken to him. Roman knew that it was because he agreed with Janus, this didn’t matter for him. It only mattered that Roman had fought, struggled and succeeded in his own ways to be the type of knight he wanted to be. What the king wanted was irrelevant to him.

Roman felt his mind come back to the present as he felt his sword lifted from his hands and felt the blade rest on his left shoulder and then his right. “I, King Cleodeus Atroa of Sadaire, knight thee Sir Roman. Knight of Sadaire,” the king spoke before placing the sword in Janus’ hand.

The prince’s words, Roman listened to. “Sir Roman, do you vow to serve the Kingdom of Sadaire by protecting its heir, serving its heir and guarding its heir till Gaia welcomes your soul into the eternal?”

Roman finally felt intent in his words when they came forth, “I do.”

Janus let the sword rest on Roman’s right shoulder and then his left, accepting the knight’s vow. “Then Gaia protect you well,” he looked to his side where Sir Zayne stepped forwards with an open box in her hands, “Sir Zayne, this medal is freely given?”

Roman didn’t know why but hearing the question made him nervous, it was a true question to the most senior knight in the room to make sure she was not being threatened or coerced by any higher power to allow Roman’s knighting.

“Freely given, Prince Janus,” the senior knight calmed his worries immediately.

Janus grabbed the medal from the box and looked to Roman once more, “Rise, Sir Roman.”

The knight obeyed, standing at attention. He wondered if anyone else noticed the small tugging at the edge of Janus’ mouth that told he was smirking. The prince reached forwards to pin the medal on Roman’s collar. Two snakes, golden and coiled around one another.

When Janus pulled his hands away the tips of his bare fingers -- when had he taken off his gloves? -- brushed the underside of Roman’s chin. The prince seemed to look him over before presenting the knight’s sword to him once more, “Your vow has been heard and accepted, Knight Roman.”

Roman accepted his sword, sheathed it and bowed to Janus.

Like that, the ceremony was complete. King Atroa let out a hearty laugh as he approached Roman and patted him on the shoulder, “You weren’t too nervous there were you?”

Roman bristled at the sudden touch and shook his head, “No, your majesty, I was fine.”

Before the king could say much else, Logan cut in. “Your majesty, five minutes.”

The king nodded and left Roman alone after clapping him on the back once more, “Good job, my boy.” King Atroa turned to speak with his advisor.

Roman turned to notice that the queen was looking at him, not panicking, he gave a small bow of his head. That seemed to have been the right thing to do as she smiled a bit at him before going to stand at the king’s side.

Roman looked at Janus and saw the prince glance at him with the same small smirk he’d been holding back, he looked proud. Janus turned towards the open balcony, sunlight hitting his face and the crown upon his head and Roman watched as the gems in his crown seemed to shine _almost_ as brightly as the prince’s eyes. 

The minutes went by quickly, Roman staying by Janus’ side with Sir Zayne and Virgil. Roman had grown strangely fond of Zayne during the week as she had certain things she did not care about, like proper decorum when unobserved by superiors. She cursed like a sailor when they were alone and even pointed out certain exceptions to rules that Roman could exploit when it best suited the situation. Despite her high-ranking and many years in battle, she seemed to remember what it was like to be in his shoes. Either way he’d gotten better at reading her and she seemed strangely calm. It was not as if she was panicked or high strung at all times, but she did have an air of seriousness at all times. Right now, she didn’t have that air at all.

When Logan called the time, the king and queen went out onto the balcony where four guards already stood. They were positioned behind the king and queen but close enough to protect them in case something happened.

The crowd outside suddenly grew louder in volume, cheering as they saw their rulers on the balcony.

Roman heard a slight groan from next to him and looked over to his squire, the poor boy looked nauseous. Roman frowned, “Are you alright?”

Virgil looked at him and shrugged, “I’m fine. I’m fine, just... do I _have_ to go out there? The people are here to their majesties, the prince, _you_. They don’t care about me...”

Roman glanced from him to Zayne, “I’m not sure if you have to. Sir Zayne?”

The professor didn’t even hesitate in replying, “He is your squire, Sir Roman. He will obey your orders. If you see a place for him out there, order him to attend you. If not...”

Roman nodded and actually thought about it for a moment. The king and queen, the four guards, Janus and himself... The balcony was large but it could get crowded and crowds had the downside of becoming dangerous in an emergency. “Stay at the balcony doors so no one sees you,” Roman decided, “If something happens, pull Prince Janus inside immediately. Understood?”

Virgil seemed to relax a bit and nodded, “Understood, Sir Roman.”

The crowds outside finally quieted enough for the king to begin speaking and telling the same story he’d told the rest of the castle of how he and the queen had “found” Janus. After hearing it twice already Roman was tired of it, the story sounded uninspired, completely improbable. The knight couldn’t imagine how Janus felt about it by now, listening to his father paint the entirety of Janus’ past to be far happier than it had actually been and not being able to object at all.

The prince himself was just watching the king’s back as he stood out there, gesturing with his booming voice as if he was an actor upon a stage. As if the man wasn’t speaking about a boy he’d kept terrified and subservient through torture for _years_. Janus wanted to push him over the edge. He still could, he figured. Reasonably the prince could imagine pushing all care for anyone besides himself out of his mind for long enough to just _do it_ , but Janus would never forgive himself if the old bastard somehow survived the fall. 

“Now, I introduce to you, my son. The heir of Sadaire, Prince Janus Atroa!” his father’s voice gave him his cue.

Janus breathed out lightly and stepped out onto the balcony, looking at his father. The man’s expression was warm but his eyes, still cold as always. No. When Janus made his attempt on the king, he’d be making sure he was dead.

The cheers and screams that greeted Janus surprised him, he was almost sure he saw some of the many citizens gathered outside their castle wall _crying_ out of joy. He supposed it made sense, he was their hope of a future in their eyes. If only they knew that his own father was plotting to end his life after another “hope” was created. Either way he’d never seen so many people in his life. They were gathered, bustling to get a good look at him. Children were sat on the shoulders of adults and more bold teens had scaled the wall, sitting upon it with grins on their faces all of them were waving eagerly. Janus raised a hand to wave in return, a true smile appearing on his face as he saw and felt all of their energy. The king and queen wouldn’t mind, Janus was _supposed_ to be charming to the people.

The prince could feel Roman’s presence by his left, the knight would not need to be announced, it was clear just by his uniform what he was there for. 

Allowing a minute for the crowd to get most of their energy and greetings out, Janus raised his hand higher, silently asking for silence to speak. He would not be thrashing his vocal chords to make sure everyone heard him, in fact Logan had assured him he wouldn’t need to. There were always scribes that would arrive as early as possible to be nearest to the front of the crowd so they could record everything being said, copy it and distribute it to those that could not hear or did not attend. As long as they could hear him, it would be fine.

Roman’s eyes scanned the crowd as it quieted down and Janus began to speak. Roman couldn’t help but be a little surprised at how loud the prince actually spoke to the people, it was the first time the knight had ever heard him that loud at least.

“People of Sadaire, I cannot express the joy I feel at being deemed ready to meet you. The pain I once felt at being lost from my home feels like nothing but a petty nightmare as I stand before your wonderful faces this morning. For every year since I was rescued, I have studied and trained under my mother and father’s tutelage and guidance and I will continue to do so to make sure I can one day serve you all, as your king. I know you have only met me today but I vow that I will try to earn your trust, not only as a ruler but as your family.” 

Roman couldn’t help but smile at that and the ensuing cheers that followed Janus’ words. The knight’s eyes scanned the crowd and saw people applauding, _screaming_ welcoming remarks. One in particular seemed to echo among the whole mass of people, “Long live Prince Janus!” He kept looking out at the crowd.

Janus couldn’t deny the feeling of... fulfillment at hearing and seeing these people, so welcoming, excited, overjoyed at the very fact he was alive. He _knew_ it was because he possibly meant improvement in economics, trade, a continuation of the Atroa bloodline... But still, it felt _nice_. He nearly forgot where he was and he felt okay with that, he didn’t want to remember who he was standing beside unless it was Roman. He just let himself enjoy it for the time being as he waved to the crowd.

What happened in the next fifteen seconds was almost too quick to comprehend.

A figure leapt up onto the castle wall, bow in hand, arrow already knocked. They’d jumped up at a moment when all three royals on the balcony had been looking the other way. They pulled back their arrow.

Roman saw the figure and was immediately in front of Janus, who the archer was aiming for. With no shield on hand Roman instead pulled his sword up, he was unable to get it out of the sheath all the way. But it was enough.

The arrow was loosed and Roman deflected it with the flat of his sword, causing it to ricochet upwards and hit the archway of the balcony doors. The knight didn’t have time to sit in his success, he glanced backwards and saw that thankfully, Virgil had done what had been asked of him and had Janus inside.

Logan was then rushing out to the balcony as the king and queen retreated, pulling out his own bow and arrow. He barely took a second to spot the archer on the wall, before firing and hitting them square in the throat causing them to topple over and crash into the grass on the castle side of the wall.

Fifteen seconds.

The screams of the crowd were panicked and some people were fleeing. Roman looked at the guards behind him, “Half of you, go down and check on the assassin, if they’re not dead, they’ll wish they were. The other two, stay here and watch for fleeing figures in similar attire.”

“Yes, Sir Roman,” the guards rushed to follow his command and Roman gave the crowd another once over before rushing inside with Logan.

The advisor was by the king and queen in moments while Patton was speaking to Zayne. Roman went to Janus who was still looking out towards the balcony. “Your highness are you alright?”

Janus hesitantly looked down to Roman and frowned, “You’re one to be asking that, are _you_ alright?” Before Roman could reply the prince reached out a hand to swipe the side of the knight’s face, his thumb came away red.

Roman gasped as he seemed to only now realize he was bleeding, he felt the sting of the injury now. He felt the cut himself and found though it was bleeding quite a bit, it was not that deep a cut. “I’m fine, it’s just a cut.”

“Virgil, attend to him,” Janus ordered regardless before looking over at the king and queen remembering he still had a part to play. “Are you alright, mother? Father?”

The two looked over at him and nodded. The queen smiled, “We’re just fine, it’s not the first attempt on our life and it won’t be the last.”

“Are you injured at all?” King Atroa asked.

Janus rubbed at his stomach, “Besides a little soreness from how tightly the new squire grabbed me, I’m fine.”

That seemed to make Virgil tense up as he finished healing Roman, the squire straightened up. “I had _orders_ , your highness.”

“And you did well in following them, thank you, both of you,” Janus said to both knight and squire.

Roman nodded in acknowledgement before turning back to the balcony doors, “Any sightings?”

One guard turned back to shake their head, “No, Sir Roman. And there’s been confirmation that the assassin was alive when the other team got down there but then expired from blood loss. They’re bringing the body around to the back now.”

Sir Zayne walked towards the group with Annabelle after being briefed by Patton, “King Atroa, judging by the example that has been set by Sir Roman and your archer-advisor, I deem it highly unlikely that another attempt on your lives will be made, any assassin that is still in that crowd is smart not to split themselves from the crowd, therefore they are smart enough to not try again. For now if you are still wary, I would suggest you and her majesty going out and assuring the people that Prince Janus is safe and you are not frightened. It will calm them.”

King Atroa nodded, “Wise advice, I will take it. Come, my love.” He held out a hand for the queen and she took it as they made their way to the balcony once more. The crowds panicked murmuring subsided as they began to speak.

Roman couldn’t really pay attention to it as Sir Zayne began to speak to him, “Where in the world did you develop the aptitude to deflect an arrow with your sword?”

Roman let out a soft laugh, “I learned it by accident, I suppose. When I was training with Logan.” He glanced at the advisor who was stretching out one of his wrists, he hadn’t put the bow and quiver on his back away -- Gaia only knew where he’d hid it in the room in the first place -- and his eyes never left the kings’ back as if he was still ready for another attack.

Logan nodded, “I was _trying_ to increase Sir Roman’s capability to fight while in movement so I fired practice arrows at him and he happened to block one or two.”

The professor raised an eyebrow, “I was not present for an _hour_ and you...” She sighed, “We will discuss it later, you did well in the moment, that is all that matters.”

The cries from the crowd outside suddenly became louder, not in fear or happiness, but rather a general unrest. Roman frowned before looking at Janus who seemed curious himself, “I will go see what is the matter.”

The knight made his way outside to stand at the king’s side. Things seemed more or less calm but now more voices cried out, “We want to see the prince!”. Some people just chanted the prince’s name, calling for him to show he was okay.

Roman made himself smother down his smugness as he turned to the king, “Your majesty?”

The king seemed bothered, his lips set in a deep frown as he sighed. “I don’t like it. He could still be in danger,” Roman knew that second part was bullshit in particular, “But it will please the people and I trust Sir Zayne’s judgement. Bring him.”

Roman bowed his head only to hide his smirk, “Yes, your majesty.” He made his way back inside to give Janus a smile, “The people of Sadaire wish to see their prince and will not be pleased until they do. I think it best you give them what they want.”

Janus’ eyebrows went up in surprise, he glanced at the group of people in the room to the balcony. “I think I agree,” he began walking to the balcony once again, “I’m counting on you to grab me if they try again Virgil.”

The tired groan from the squire behind him made him laugh. And the cheers that ensued when he stepped back into the light filled him with joy. He could get used to this.

* * *

The more than eventful announcement of the prince had the kingdom buzzing with excitement, a small festival was being planned for the coming weekend in celebration, the servants were constantly getting hounded for interviews whenever they got within earshot of the front gate. Word spread fast and it would only take a few days for word to reach the surrounding countries of Sadaire, and about two weeks for those further off. Janus found himself with roomfulls- actual _rooms_ filled with presents and gifts from citizens. He’d spend his leisure time opening them and reading them, with what leisure time he had anyways. A few things he opened and didn’t half know what to do with them, china sets, picture frames, he’d even gotten a cute stuffed toy rabbit from a little boy named Mica. The rabbit, he kept tucked between his pillows. Janus had even been gifted instruments he had no idea how to play, a flute, violin, a literal piano. It was all very nice, Janus felt simultaneously starstruck and humbled.

But again, that was when he had time. His days were no longer _quite_ packed from dawn to dusk but he was still rather busy.

For one, the assassin that had tried to kill him was identity-barren. Not a letter, cloth, insignia, initial or otherwise that would help in identifying where they came from was on them. Their weapon was handmade, something that the tribes of Genyido, a noble and seasonally nomadic people, did in the wilderness. But it was not something that only their people did exclusively. Besides the political relations between the Genyido and Sadaire were fine, so an assassination attempt from them was very unlikely. 

These were things Janus was learning about now, who had the most reason to try and kill him. It was very interesting for him though he sometimes had to excuse himself to go laugh or cry or do both simultaneously somewhere private, because the one with the most reason to kill him was right in the room with him. Thankfully however, Roman was also with him every step of the way this time, it helped.

Janus hadn’t even really been frightened by the attempt on his life, he found. It was more surprising than anything. He was just glad that everyone -- everyone he cared for at least -- lived.

It was during one of these meetings, four days later that they were interrupted by a man bursting into the room trailed by a servant that was trying to get him to calm down.

Seeing as an assassination attempt had only occurred just days ago everyone was immediately on edge but as soon as the man saw a guard point a sword in his direction, the man _shrieked_. “Oh heavens, put that blasted thing away! I’m not an assailant, you buffoon!” He waved at the guard’s weapon as if it were a fly, a dangerously sharp one.

King Atroa frowned and stepped around the table he’d been leaning over with a world map depicted on it, “What is the meaning of this? Who is this man?”

The servant bowed to the king, “He says he’s a doctor, your majesty. Doctor-”

“Doctor Finnegan, your majesty,” the man gave a deep bow before uprighting himself, “I’m here on behalf of one of my uh, new coworkers, and a patient of theirs.”

Janus looked the doctor up and down from where he sat and looked up at Roman who let go of a small smirk in his direction. They both found this intrusion to be much needed and more entertaining than anything. “He looks drunk,” the prince muttered.

Roman looked the doctor over once, “No, he’s just energetic. I’ve seen drunks, he’s not one.”

“But he definitely indulges after work, yes?”

“Oh definitely.”

The king looked Doctor Finnegan over, “Which patient? If it is Remy Aldin, news on him should go straight to his family. Last I was made aware, they are currently in temporary housing in the upper ring of the city, take your news to them.”

The doctor shook his head, “No, I mean _yes_ , you are correct your majesty, Aldin is one of their patients but for the past week my colleague and I have also been overseeing this other strange case and according to Aldin, who seems somewhat improved, there is a much needed...” The doctor’s eyes slowly drifted around the room in thought before landing on Roman and widening. Doctor Finnegan pointed at the knight, “You.”

Roman blinked wide, feeling somewhat affronted. “I’m sorry?” he asked.

The doctor rushed forwards, getting much closer very quickly. Roman put out a hand in front of him while resting his other on his sword handle, “Stop right there, Doctor. Whatever you need to say can be said from where you stand.” He didn’t think the man meant to hurt anyone, but he was clearly wired.

The doctor seemed to see the sword and paused on the spot, “Oh yes, right right. Apologies. Sir Knight, do you have a brother? A twin even?”

Roman’s heart throbbed in his chest, his hands fell down to his sides. A doctor, a _panicked_ doctor... _“Oh Gaia.”_ Roman nodded numbly, “Remus. His name is Remus, what has happened to him?”

Doctor Finnegan’s mouth set in a thin line, “I’m afraid we don’t know. He’s been in a coma for nine days at least. He didn’t have identification on him but _luckily_ , he was put in the same room as Remy Aldin and he told us to immediately come here, wasn’t too straightforward with his words.” The doctor shook his head, “I digress, my boy, we need a medical history for him. If-”

“Doctor Finnegan,” Janus spoke, stopping him as he felt the man would just keep going otherwise. The prince looked over Roman for a moment but not for much longer, the king was watching him.

The doctor bowed to the prince, “Your highness, apologies.” 

Roman was aware he needed to do something, _say_ something. How had Remus been in a coma for nine days, _nine days_ and he’d been told nothing? Had no one noticed? Where had he been? Would he die? Was... was it because Remus had tried to...

The questions were tearing through his mind over and over again, becoming more panicked and desperate for answers.

“Father, should we adjourn until another time?” Janus’ question seemed to pull the knight back to the present. Only a few moments had passed yet it felt like forever to Roman.

The king grunted softly, “Yes. Logan, take care of it please. Doctor Finnegan, take your time. Please don’t stress him out unnecessarily, that is his only family.” King Atroa then began to leave with a few guards following him. 

Logan looked around the room, seemingly reading the atmosphere before leaving himself, seeing as he wasn’t needed there any longer. 

Roman turned to sit down at one of the seats at the table, to hell with decorum. He didn’t care if the guards saw. “Doctor, I can give you that history now,” he spoke softly.

Thankfully, the doctor wordlessly came to stand next to him and pulled a notepad and pen from a breast pocket.

Janus sat down next to Roman without a word, as he couldn’t leave without the knight and he didn’t want to leave him, especially now.

Roman sighed and began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. What happened to Remus? Is there a blog that will (eventually) tell you that?? ...Yes. ^-^  
> killfm-askblog.tumblr.com
> 
> I'm exhausted guys ngl. Thank you all for being patient for this chapter, hopefully these next weeks stay uneventful enough for me to be able to actually write. Send questions to the blog please, literally any random thing gives me the opportunity to make posts.
> 
> I realize that I'm basically writing two fics at once for one universe but when I go back to school in a couple weeks and the main story goes on hiatus, updating the ask blog will be so much easier than updating this (even though I love this story to death). Ask things in bulk and I may be able to use them in an upcoming post or even a post I make a month from now!
> 
> Thanks again for all your support! Take care of yourselves! Take care of your loved ones! Hydrate before you die-drate!
> 
> Chapter Question: What was the vibe check at the beginning of chapter, versus the middle (around where Jan and Ro were talking and the whole announcement etc.) versus the end?


	14. Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit has gone down, so where are we now?  
> ________________  
> Includes: Abuse, Reference to Sexual Coercion, Emotional Manipulation/Gaslighting, Description of Injury and Torture

Roman breathed out heavily as he glanced up at the doctor next to him, “I think that’s all. How...?” His voice caught in his throat before he swallowed and tried again, “How likely is he to pull through this?”

Doctor Finnegan seemed to avert his gaze, “Well I’ve never seen anything like it, my new colleague has and will know more. I came in their stead so they could dedicate their attention to your dear brother. When there is time, I am sure you will receive a letter in the mail with detailed updates on his condition.”

Roman groaned in frustration as he set his head down on the table, “Or a letter saying he died, yes?” The doctor opened his mouth to reply before Roman quickly uprighted his head again, “No... No, I’m sorry. I know you all are doing your best for him, I’d hate to take up more of your time here. You should go back to the hospital.”

Roman flinched when he felt Janus set a hand on his shoulder, making the knight suddenly remember where he was. The knight relaxed before looking over to the prince who seemed to be thinking. Janus looked up at the doctor, “Doctor, in your professional opinion, should Sir Roman be with his brother?”

Doctor Finnegan seemed to purse his lips in thought, “At the moment, I don’t believe so but if nothing improves within a week from today I would say yes. Though I’d figure it may be difficult considering his position as your knight, your highness.”

Janus nodded as if expecting that, “Then will you help entreat my father for him?” He looked at his knight with a frown, “To request things of the king when he has only just begun is not a position I want to put him in, but I do want for Roman to be able to see his family. I will support you and it would mean a great deal to me if you did this, Doctor Finnegan.”

The doctor seemed to puff up proudly as the prince asked for his help, “But of course I will, your highness.” The man then turned and began heading for the door.

Roman meanwhile gave Janus a look as he stood from his seat, “You... you don’t have to do this.”

The prince stared at him blankly for a moment before standing himself, he gave a simple nod. “I’m aware but,” he sighed, “I can’t help but feel, if our roles were reversed, you’d at least try for me. How could I not at least try for you after all you’ve risked for me?”

Roman didn’t have an answer and Janus didn’t expect one. But he did nod, “Thank you.” The prince shook his head and led the way for the doctor and knight to meet with the king.

It was not long before they had Doctor Finnegan in front of the king again as he sat in one of his few offices with Logan, giving a long drawn out explanation for the old man of his professional opinion. “So in conclusion,” Doctor Finnegan finally said, “I believe a time should be preemptively blocked out, just in case things don’t improve with Sir Roman’s kin. If he does improve then the time can be spent how it would have been otherwise.”

King Atroa blinked slowly at the doctor before glancing over at the advisor at his side, “Logan, can you confirm that just a few days ago an assassin tried to take the life of the prince? I have not gone senile yet have I?”

Logan nodded promptly, “I can confirm that such an occurrence did happen. You are of sound mind, your majesty.”

King Atroa nodded and gave the doctor a wry smirk, “Well there you have it. Doctor Finnegan, the man you are trying to convince me to send outside the walls of this castle is the only reason my son is still alive. Do you truly think your _belief_ on where Sir Roman should be is still wise?”

Janus stepped forward, not planning on letting the doctor take the brunt of the king’s ire. “Sir Zayne noted that assassins would not try another attempt on my life so soon after the first. Doctor Finnegan is suggesting one day, an afternoon at most. Could you not grant Roman even that, father?”

The king’s hard gaze went to the prince in an instant as he slowly stood from his desk. Even then, Janus could tell the man was repressing his anger. This was risky.

“Believe me, Prince Janus, that I do pity the situation Sir Roman is in. You speak as if you consider me heartless for making sure he keeps his vows to protect you and the future of Sadaire,” the king challenged.

Janus knew what he was supposed to do when he was challenged by either the king or queen, back down. Concede. Stay silent. He inhaled slowly through his nose and out through his mouth, willing his heart to cease its nervous racing in his chest.

“I do not think you to be heartless, father. Nor would I ever,” he started and watched his father’s expression soften slightly as the king thought he was done. Janus bravely began speaking again, “But since family means so much to me, I had thought of a way for Sir Roman to keep his vow _and_ be able to visit his family. The two of us could go together, disguised so our faces wouldn’t be seen. Blend into the crowd and be gone for less than an hour.”

Doctor Finnegan looked at the prince and nodded, “His highness speaks wisely considering Dional Hospital is only a ten minute walk from your castle walls. It is an upper ring location so there would not be much foot traffic to risk them being seen.”

Logan frowned at that, “That seems more unsafe than anything, regardless of location and distance, Doctor Finnegan. And Prince Janus, the amount of uncontrollable factors that would surround your safety in such a situation is unacceptable and we cannot allow such a reckless endeavor.”

“Quite, you are but a child, Janus. You must trust my judgement when it comes to your safety,” King Atroa muttered before looking to Roman who had been silently standing next to his charge all this time, “And what do _you_ think is best, Sir Roman? Do you agree with what my son suggests you do in either instance?”

The knight looked at the king with wide eyes before glancing at the doctor and Janus, he sighed lightly. 

“No, your majesty,” he had to force it through his teeth before looking at the king once more. It took every ounce of discipline in him not to glare the man into a smoldering pile of ashes. The king was keeping him from his brother, from even seeing him. The only instance in which Roman would be allowed to see his only flesh and blood again was when Remus’ blood stopped cold in his veins.

But that’s not what the king wanted to hear right now and Roman was not about to challenge the king, no matter what position he was in now and how much he hated the bastard. Especially when he had to keep up the persona of a loyal knight, for his sake and Janus’.

“I understand why Prince Janus cares that I will be able to see Remus if he may be about to... pass on. And I thank him for his consideration for me. Though I also understand that my duty is to protect his highness, and by extension protect the future of Sadaire. I will do these things as I have vowed to. In addition, I understand your need to protect Prince Janus at all costs and I empathise with it as I would do the very same for my own family,” Roman noted.

Janus frowned and cracked his fingers by his sides. His attention was then on the king as the man slowly approached him, looking him up and down, his eyes analytical. “Well then,” King Atroa spoke softly, “I suppose that gives me my answer. No. Your knight stays here, with you.”

Janus stared him in the eyes for a moment before looking to the floor. Roman tried not to notice how the prince didn’t look in his direction.

The king backed away to return to his desk, “Doctor Finnegan, if you would kindly see yourself out, I’m sure you have patients to get to.”

For once, the doctor silently did as he had not-so-subtly been commanded to, and left the room with a bow.

Sighing, King Atroa turned around once again to look at Roman. “Truly, I _do_ hope your brother’s health improves. You are a strong young man, choosing duty first. Apologies that my son tried to uproot that with his half-baked plans,” he stared at Janus as if daring the prince to speak out again.

Roman frowned, “He did no such thing, your majesty. Truly, Prince Janus is doing his best to keep _his_ vow. To be trusted as both leader and family to all people of Sadaire. But by his side is where I’m needed the most and I do not resent him for it or his words spoken here today. Please do not hold this against his highness. He meant no disrespect.” The knight gave a slight bow.

The king looked Roman up and down before smirking, “Well spoken, the court will _love_ you. Yes, I will forget this ever occurred and I trust that nothing like it will occur again, yes?”

The prince finally looked at the king once more and nodded, “Yes, sir.”

“Then off you two go, I’m sure Sir Zayne has more lessons planned. She was in the atrium last I heard.”

Janus seemed to breathe out deeply as he turned and left the room with Roman behind him. Logan watched the door close before looking at the king, “Your majesty?”

King Atroa glanced at him before rolling his eyes, “Am I about to be scolded?”

Logan shook his head, “Of course not, you are not a child and therefore, scolding would be most inappropriate. However I simply wish to ask, would it _really_ be such a risky thing to allow Sir Roman some time with his brother? Leave Prince Janus under watch of the castle guards for the time being.”

The king sighed deeply, “Perhaps not, but to risk it at all fills my very soul with a worry so intense it makes me sick. I lost him once, I will not let it happen again.”

Logan gave a slight nod as he went to straighten out the papers on the king’s desk, “I understand.”

“No, you do not,” it was not an accusatory statement but rather just a matter of fact. King Atroa gave a tired smile, “Perhaps when you one day become a father, then you will understand. To have a legacy is everything.”

The advisor nodded again before turning his attention back to the papers and setting a few aside, “Shall we get back to it?”

“Of course.”

* * *

Roman felt wired.

He wanted to punch something, some _one_ and he just couldn’t do it. From the moment he and Janus had actually found Zayne, he knew that his current mental state was fairly easy to pick up on. As soon as Roman had told the senior knight that he was ready for the day’s lesson, she had sighed. “Not today,” she stated, “I will not train you while you are in such duress. Not now.”

Roman felt a scowl take over his expression, “What do you mean? Shouldn’t I be able to fight when in duress?” He was struggling to keep the irritation out of his voice but apparently it was not enough.

Zayne clicked her teeth to call Annabelle over who had been sniffing at a shrub, “Let me clarify. I will not train you while you are in desperate need of something to blow off steam. My lessons are not for your therapy, but if you think you can truly concentrate on what I have to teach you, then we can talk.”

Roman opened his mouth to speak and stopped when he realized he had nothing to really say, he heaved out a breath as he ran a hand over his face, wiping away tears of distress with a sniff.

Sir Zayne came closer to speak softly, “Find a quiet place and let it out there. This is not the place. Do you need me to take over for you with his highness for a few moments?”

Roman breathed in shakily and shook his head before remembering Zayne couldn’t see him, “No... No, thank you. I’m sorry, I’ll...”

Zayne nodded, “I am not upset, Roman. We can try tomorrow. Go, and be smart about it.” 

Roman nodded and left after wiping his face again. He made his way over to the prince, who was awkwardly standing to the side. Janus seemed to straighten up once he noticed Roman coming closer, “What is going on?”

The knight just shook his head, “Could you tell me about Tales of Snakes, part three again?”

Janus blinked wide before nodding, “Of course, I believe we might have a book with the story in the library, let us head there.”

It was a walk of complete silence from the atrium on the first floor, to the library on the second and into the secret tunnels within the walls of the castle. The two were lucky enough to have avoided Virgil as he was most definitely searching for them. Roman didn’t want to have to make an excuse to dismiss the man again.

Once both prince and knight were in the soundproofed sections of the hallways, the exhales that escaped them were long and frustrated. Janus got to work on getting the gem out of his back so Roman could see.

Roman meanwhile was wiping the tears surfacing in his eyes again. As soon as he could see, he kicked a wall with a yell of anger before looking at the prince. “How the _fuck_ is that fuck related to you!”

Janus flinched at the question before shrugging with a lost expression, “I don’t know and at this point I am holding out on the slim chance that he’s not. It sickens me to think we share blood, with him or my stepmother.”

Roman groaned and scratched at his scalp with his nails, “Just- just why the hell can’t I see my brother, he’s my- my _only_... And he _said it_ too, did you notice that?” Janus didn’t seem to understand what Roman was talking about, the man’s thoughts were jumping around. Roman seemed to note the confusion on his face, “When the king left the meeting room, when I learned about Remus, he said ‘that’s his only family you’re talking about’. He didn’t seem too fucking bothered or surpri-...” The knight froze before looking at Janus with wide eyes, _that look_ , the prince understood. 

Janus shook his head before Roman could start to panic, “No. Roman, listen to me, the king has had _no_ reason to do something like this. Think about it, you’ve been nothing but an upstanding knight this whole time and... If my father were trying to threaten you by hurting your family, this is _not_ how he would do it.”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Roman almost yelled. He watched a painful expression appear on Janus’ face as the prince looked away. Roman glared as he swiftly stepped forwards to catch the taller man’s eyes, daring him to look away. “How. Do. You. Know. That?”

Janus opened his mouth to answer before letting out a tired sigh, “Because I have seen how he threatens and makes examples of people.” He could tell that his answer wasn’t enough to satisfy the knight so he sighed as he looked past him for a moment before looking back down, meeting the angry and hurt auburn eyes. “Can we move while I answer?”

“So you don’t have to lie to my face?”

“I _did not_ lie,” Janus bit out with a frown, “I told you that my father would use your brother as a bargaining chip against you, you never asked me how and I assumed you would not want to know how, so it was not information I was going to share without prompting. I am assuring you that what has happened to your brother is not my father’s doing by telling you what he _has_ done to others in the past. If that is what you want.”

Roman kept glaring for a moment before he seemed to deflate with an exhausted cry. He let his head fall into Janus’ chest and the prince hesitantly set a hand on the knight’s back. “Why does hearing you say that, just make me worry more? Why does some part of me _want_ this to have been the king’s doing?”

Janus frowned, “Do you actually want an answer to that?”

Roman shrugged, “Kinda?”

“Because it gives you someone to blame. If you know who is to blame, you can fix what happened to Remus,” the prince uttered as his knight looked up at him, “You have so many unknowns and you hate how powerless that makes you feel.”

Roman breathed out sharply as those words hit home and he just shook his head though he knew it was the truth, “How... how do you even _know_ that? You... besides the king and queen you’ve never had anyone to care for. How do you know what I’m feeling? How do you _care_ about what I’m feeling?” The knight looked up at the prince with a lost expression on his face, “I’ve been thinking this for so long but no part of you makes sense, Janus. How can someone so damaged be so kind and just _know_ how to speak directly to my soul? It’s scary...”

Janus found it in him to smile a bit at that, “So I’m scary, then?”

Roman shrugged softly, “Everyone is scary in their own way. You’re scary in a way that makes me want to be closer to you, learn more about you. You’re unknown to me and yet... I’ve never felt so close to anyone before.”

Janus stared down at the man in front of him before sighing lightly and reaching down to lift Roman up into his arms, “Then I will tell you more. You’re the first to be scared of me for anything other than my appearance and magic.”

Roman was a little surprised to be in Janus’ arms but he was a bit too emotionally drained to care, he gave a hum of affirmation. “Everyone is scared of the unknown, think about it. You’re not scared of me in that way at all?”

Janus looked at Roman’s face for a moment before giving a slight smirk, “Yes, I suppose I am scared of you in such a way. But hush now, let me figure out where to start.”

He began to walk down the halls as he tried to speak without reliving the memories. It was difficult, to say the least, “Before I had the gem in me, my father and stepmother had to control me somehow. My magic was wild and as I grew more wilful and independent, they needed to find a weakness to exploit. You are correct, I did not have anyone to care for like siblings or friends... but that did not stop me from watching the servants of this castle move around throughout the day. The maids, butlers, footmen and guards. When they were unseen by the king or queen, they were so lively. I’d often pretend like I was on the other side of the wall with them.”

Roman’s arms looped around Janus’ neck as he noticed the prince become quiet all of a sudden. Janus looked at the smaller man for a moment before giving a slight nod, “I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“...Can you pretend to?”

“...Yes.”

The prince gave a grateful nod, “Good... The first to go was a cook named Fiona. She was young, shy but had an obscene sense of humor. She was lovely...” Roman stared wide-eyed at Janus as he uttered, “My mother slit her throat in front of me when I was only ten.”

Roman’s blood ran like ice through his body and his breathing hitched, “What?” His small question fell from his lips automatically, as if he simply couldn’t accept what was being said to him.

Janus didn’t seem to hear him though, “Fiona... She didn’t even seem scared of my face, it was like she thought she was stuck in a nightmare and my existence was simply proof that she wasn’t actually about to die. I hope she continued believing that until she did, then I at least provided some sort of comfort to her in her last moments... Next month was Jared the guard, then Rick the footman, Margaret, she was another guard I think... I could go on. Innocent servants’ lives were lost every month.

“They -- the king and queen -- warned me that if I were to ever try and run from them, if I were ever to try and hurt them... _Two_ a month would be killed. I... I am ashamed to say there was once that I did not care -- I thought I didn’t care -- and tried to escape anyways, but I got turned around in these tunnels, got lost and was discovered. My father killed _three_ people. I did not want to risk it again and they told me if I were to ever succeed in escaping, the deaths would continue without end until I returned,” Janus swallowed thickly and blinked rapidly to chase away the tears burning in his eyes, “But again, I did not risk it. Eventually when I was sixteen they truly did stop. They said as long as I continued to be ‘good’, everyone would be safe. No one has died since.”

Roman felt his heart throb harshly in his chest, “So... So you know how they do this...”

“Because they did it to me, yes,” Janus finished as he looked at his knight, “If my father were trying to scare you into aligning with his wants, he would make it crystal clear what he wanted from you and make you _see_ what could happen. He’d likely orchestrate a ‘near-accident’ that could have been much worse. Right now he won’t even let you go see Remus, and that would be unlike him if it was his doing... it is likely because he wants to cause _me_ pain, if anything.”

Roman frowned, “What? Why would you be in pain?” Janus raised an eyebrow at the knight and Roman’s face shifted in realization, “No! Stop feeling guilty! Gaia knows none of this is your fault. He’s probably jealous because he can tell that the citizens like you better than him.”

Janus laughed despite himself and set Roman down, “Alright, alright. Do you want to head back now or do you need more time?”

Roman frowned as he looked around, “I... I don’t want to go back.”

Janus nodded and shrugged, “Do you want to go see if we can find some evidence--”

“Evidence to prove your father is an asshole?” Roman interrupted eagerly, “Count me in.”

* * *

“Why do you call the queen your stepmother?”

Janus looked up from the drawer he was going through. They’d moved to the underground holding area but were currently going through the furniture there to see if there was anything left there. Currently Roman was standing with a journal filled with sketches upon sketches of scenery and buildings, they were detailed and quite impressive.

The prince gave a slight hum, “Well, she’s not my mother.”

“How do you know that?”

Janus heaved a sigh, “My father blames me for my mother’s death. Has since I was old enough to understand what death was.”

Roman nearly dropped the journal in his hands as he looked at Janus, “But... I mean, that’s awful that he would say something like that but... There has only ever been one queen. The king never remarried unless I _really_ wasn’t paying attention in my history lessons.”

Janus laughed softly, “No, you’re right. But also wrong. The entire country has been lied to by this royal family because the _queen_ has been dead for a very long time. The ‘queen’ you know was the twin sister of my mother, Jeanine. Rosalyn is the name of the woman walking around with my mother’s name.”

Roman nodded slowly as he processed that for a moment, “About your mother- your _actual_ mother... I’m so s--”

“Don’t,” Janus closed the drawer in front of him, “I didn’t know her and if she married a man like my father she was either as bad as him or... Actually no, it’s irrelevant. She was probably horrible.”

The knight placed down the journal in his hands as he came closer, “You say that like there’s no alternatives. Why?”

The prince looked at him with a hesitant wry smirk, “Because the alternatives are worse? If she wasn’t as horrible as the king then that means the only kind or relatively good person in this family died because of me... I don’t want to think of it, not for a moment.”

“...You’d be wrong.”

Janus actually met the eyes of his knight as the other man came to stand right in front of him, “What?”

Roman simply shrugged, “Besides the fact that babies can’t be at fault for mothers dying in childbirth? If she _was_ kind, your mother, that means that you inherited that despite never meeting her. Making _you_ the kind and good person in your family.”

Janus stared at the shorter man for a long moment, conflicted and torn between hugging him and rolling his eyes.

Roman seemed to concede so he wouldn’t have to decide, “But we can’t know, so okay, let’s assume she was probably horrible. So long as you don’t forget that you are a kind person, Dee.”

Janus let out a long breath, “Okay. Thank you.” He felt a smile forming at the corner of his mouth before he heard something.

Roman gasped as Janus suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him backwards. He nearly yelled but Janus’ hand was over his mouth, silencing him. Roman stopped struggling as he felt the prince trembling in the silence. Gaia, what was happening? Was someone coming?

“ _Shit,_ ” Janus’ frantic whisper gave him his answer and Roman felt himself being moved before he had time to protest.

Janus grabbed the torch from Roman’s hand and extinguished it. His eyes found a wardrobe in the darkness and he opened it before guiding Roman to sit inside. “ _Stay here. Leave when you have the chance,_ ” Janus whispered, pushing the key he had for access for these rooms into Roman’s hand, “ _And keep this safe._ ”

Roman shook his head gripping at Janus’ sleeves, his heart pounding in his chest. “ _Just hide with me! Hide anywhere!_ ”

“ _I can’t. I’m too big, he’ll see me and I am not risking your safety._ ”

“ _Dammit Janus, don’t be stupid-_ ” Roman was silenced when he felt something soft press against his lips. Soft, cold, yet filled with life.

Janus pulled his lips away from Roman’s a bit, staring at the man’s shocked face in the darkness. “ _Can’t help but be a little stupid when you’re around. Forgive me,_ ” pulled his arms out of Roman’s grasp, he shut the door to the wardrobe and backed away to place the torch back where it belonged.

The door in the wall opened as soon as Janus whirled around to see the king standing there with a torch of his own, looking furious.

“What the hell are you doing down here?” the king muttered.

Janus gestured vaguely to the rest of the room, “Looking around, your majesty.”

The king nodded for a moment as he looked around the room, and while Janus was not directly looking at the wardrobe where he knew Roman was hidden, the prince was glad to not hear or see any movement from it. King Atroa looked the prince up and down before approaching him, “Looking around... Idiotic creature, this is not your home to look around! Do not treat it as such. You should be grateful that your position requires that you reside where you currently do, otherwise I’d have you locked back up down here.”

Janus did not respond, he just kept his eyes to the ground and hoped the old man’s tirade would not take long.

“Did you enjoy the announcement?”

Janus was surprised by the question and shook his head, “It was interesting nearly being shot, but no. I do not need to enjoy things, your majesty.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” the king growled as he placed his torch in an empty holder on the wall, “With what you said earlier today ‘family means so much to me’...Were you trying to be _cute_? Trying to disrespect what the queen and I have done for you?”

Janus’ eyes widened, “No, your majesty, I-” He yelped in pain as his head jerked to the side. Janus reached up to hold his face which had just been smacked by the back of the king’s hand, he wiped the blood from his lip and grimaced. Of course it had been the hand with all the rings on it. “I... I meant no such disrespect. I was merely trying to keep the role you set out for me to play,” he slowly straightened up as he looked at the king.

King Atroa scoffed, “The ‘role’ you are supposed to play was a good and charming prince, obedient to the king and queen. Here until he plays out his role. Yet if I am not mistaken I have seen you, _heard_ you, daring to indulge in this role as if you deserve any of it.”

Before Janus could figure out what to say, the old king shot out a hand to grip the left side of the prince’s face and dug his nails in. Janus cried out in panic and pain at the burning sensation each one of the king’s fingers caused. King Atroa growled, “Drop the facade, monster. And _stop_ that useless whimpering.”

Janus hissed out in pain, his hands had immediately jerked up to pull the hand on his face away, but conditioning kept his hands from going higher than his chest. He _wanted_ to resist, we wanted to _get his hands off_ but he had no time to work up the will to try as the king dug his thumb in even harder, clearly not pleased with Janus’ delay in following orders.

The whimpering man bit his lip to silence himself as he dropped the mirage on his face.

The king held the other side of Janus’ face to make his son look at him through his tears. Janus hated how his heart ached at the disappointment and disgust in the old king's eyes, it hurt almost to the same degree as the fingers scratching at his scales.

The king shook his head softly, “My misguided creature, how much you need to learn.” He pushed Janus back towards the dark hall and grabbed his torch again, “Walk.”

Janus barely had any time to recover before he was being held tightly by the back of his neck and pushed along down the right side of the hallway, he knew where he was being led and the inevitability of it was driving him to panic. “No, no please! Please I won’t do it again, your majesty,” his cries fell upon deaf ears. He suddenly felt so much like a child as he was forced into the room with that damned table and chair.

He tried to call on his magic but it suddenly felt so small and so far away that he couldn’t reach it, his eyes wouldn’t even flicker with it. He whimpered as his body was quickly strapped down to the table. “Please, please, _please_ ,” Janus cried, “I-I made a missssstake! Please!”

A loud metal clang shocked Janus’ attention to the king as the man had hit a metal bar with the pliers in his hand, “Shhhhh.” His voice had no right sounding so calming in this situation, “You know you made the mistake. Now you must learn not to make it again through experience. How will it stay in that thick skull without my intervention?”

Janus’ breathing picked up in speed as he saw the pliers get closer and closer and grab one of the scales on his face. He begged the king with his eyes and the old man just held a finger to his lips, “Shut up and we’ll be done sooner than you know it.”

He yanked the pliers upwards.

Janus’s body strained against his restraints and tears welled in his eyes before falling rapidly, stinging his open wound. His chest burned with a scream. Yet he did not make a noise. He’d learned not to for so long. It was instinctual once he was there again, under the pliers once more.

Then the king... _smiled_. He patted the restrained man’s head as he flippantly tossed the scale over his shoulder, “Good boy. Let’s say only... fourteen more. Just keep quiet and you’ll be done in no time.”

The next one was in a different spot opposed to the other one, not allowing for the area where the pain came from to blend together.

The king decided to do the same for the one after that.

And the one after that.

And the next one after that.

By the next one, Janus couldn’t repress the shout that spilled from his lips and the king added five more scales to his punishment.

It was like nothing had changed, Janus had grown up, he’d grown stronger, the gem that had been used to repress his magic for so long was inactive and he _still_ couldn’t escape. Kill the fucker right then. Just... be free.

It felt like an eternity had gone by before the king uttered the word, “Done.”

Finally Janus breathed in and out raggedly as he groaned and whimpered from his injuries. The left side of his face was stinging so much it could be considered numb and his entire head was throbbing with a dizzying pain.

King Atroa leaned over his son with a much more calm expression, “Have we learned our lesson, misguided creature?”

Janus nodded as well as he could even if the movement caused him more pain, “I’m ssssorry your majesty, I-I should not have enjoyed the attentions of the people. I am not to enjoy thingssss, creatures do not enjoy anything. I will follow your will and yours only, I-I’m sorry!” He couldn’t help but cry.

The touch of his father wiping his tears away was foregin yet comforting in the moment, Janus whimpered as he tried to stay still. The king nodded, “Good, good. You can be taught after all. And about your little stunt, asking for a day off for your knight?”

Janus looked at the king with his eyes half open, trying to pay attention.

“I will ask again and I better get the truth. Do you like him? I do not appreciate you lying to me and like I said, he’s very intelligent indeed... and cute. I know you would not speak out against me for the attentions of just anyone,” the king watched the prince’s face as his eyes darted away, “Then again, if you truly do not like him then I suppose I could talk to him about some benefits that _I_ \--”

“I like him,” Janus spoke out before averting his gaze again, “I-I apologize for lying to you last time when you asked. I... I only denied it because he and I are... we’re already together. I did not want to trouble you with something that was already taken care of.” No matter how beaten down he was, Janus knew that there was one thing he could do, protect his knight. His father would **not** take Roman from him.

The king nodded and began to undo the man’s restraints, “Good. That is all I want from you, my creature.” He came around the table to be face to face with his son again, looking over the missing patches of scales that would be regrown by the time the week ended, the tear tracks and the blood that leaked down. King Atroa smiled, “Your loyalty, your obedience and your honesty.”

* * *

Janus trembled in his bed as he was racked with another wave of pain that made his head throb with an ache that made his ears ring. He choked out a groan as he reached out with a shaky hand to grab the glass of water by his bed and gulped down what little there was left of it before dropping the glass on his bed. The pitcher that had also been left there was empty and Janus wanted nothing more but to shatter the glass.

In fact with one good swipe of his hand, that’s what he did, shooting an arc of lighting from his fingertips that caused the pitcher to shatter into pieces across the floor. His magic was _more_ than functional now and he was keeping himself simultaneously entertained and tormented with all the ways he _could’ve_ , _should’ve_ and _would’ve_ murdered the bastard king had he been able to.

A tentative knock at the door caused Janus to wince and cover his head with his comforter, “Go away Virgil, I’m still alive!” He knew it was Virgil outside his door because every time Janus had made a noise that the squire to be considered worrisome for a “sick” person, he’d knocked and asked if Janus was alright.

The prince however was not one to mince words when in pain and so shortcutted to the part where Virgil let him be to writhe in agony until Janus could block out the pain to a level where he could knock himself out and sleep through it. Trying to knock himself out as he was now was more dangerous than anything and he’d kill himself if he was lucky, otherwise he’d just make the pain _worse_ and Janus knew he couldn’t take that. He knew Virgil didn’t deserve his snapping at him, but it was not as if Janus could stop himself.

And it was only now that Janus understood why he was supposed to play a sickly prince. So when things like this happened, Janus could reasonably shut himself away for days on end and it made sense that he did so. The mere thought that this could and would happen again made Janus’ stomach roil and he curled in on himself a bit more.

Another knock came at the door and the prince gave a loud groan that hurt his own head, “What is it for Gaia’s sake?”

“Sir Roman is here, should--?”

“Let him in,” Janus answered immediately as he peeked his eyes above his covers. 

There was silence for a moment before the door opened and Roman stepped into the room, concern clear on his face but not as clear as the subtle anger in the man’s expression. Janus couldn’t exactly concentrate on what could possibly be causing that expression, but he did feel guilt looming at the back of his mind. “Roman,” he uttered as the door closed behind the other man.

Roman came closer to the bedside, “Do you need anything?” His voice was soft despite his expression and it made Janus’ heart ache.

The prince shook his head softly before wincing, “Actually if you could have another water pitcher brought in... Gaia, I smashed the other one, why did I do that? Someone has to clean that up now...” He seemed to only now clearly remember smashing the pitcher, when had that been? A few minutes ago? Seconds ago? An hour earlier? Janus couldn’t tell.

Roman nodded before he sat by the prince’s side, “Janus... why are you hiding your face?” 

The prince let out a frustrated sigh at that, “Can’t concentrate enough to... to keep up the mirage.”

Roman nodded slowly at that before his frown seemed to deepen, “But why are you hiding your face from _me_?”

Janus felt his heart ache and his stomach roil before he looked away from the knight, “You... you can’t see. I don’t want you to see--”

“What he did to you?” Roman asked lowly.

Janus nodded, “It’s... it’s not good.”

“Show me.”

“Roman--”

“You kissed me.”

Janus looked over at the knight with panic in his eyes, the prince couldn’t bring himself to respond. He had done that, yes. Hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t asked permission, just did it. _“Gaia, why did I do that?”_

Roman didn’t seem upset as he seemed to be searching the prince’s eyes for something, “Why did you do that? Was it to keep me quiet or do you actually feel something for me?”

Janus closed his eyes as his head’s pounding intensified again. Roman sighed, “Show me or answer me, Dee. Please pick one, I won’t be angry either way.”

The prince took a deep breath and he pushed down his blanket to reveal his face, it had been somewhat treated and wasn’t bleeding anymore but the scars where scales used to be were an angry red. Roman inhaled sharply as he looked over the wounds once, then again, and once again. Tears brimmed in the knight’s eyes, he turned his head to wipe them away before they fell.

When Roman looked at Janus again, his eyes were wide with guilt as he leaned down to ever so gently press his forehead to Janus’. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not--”

“I could have helped.”

“We didn’t have a plan and you could have been killed,” Janus dismissed, “If I allow- If I allowed that to happen, how would I ever face Remus when he recovers?”

Roman felt an astounded smile tug at his lips, “You’re amazing.”

Janus gave a bitter laugh, “If you say so.”

“Dee.”

“I mean after all that bravado about needing to kill him and being able to use my full powers, I was still helpless against him, it’s pathetic. I couldn’t even protect myself so how in the world am I supposed to protect others? I feel like it- it’s like...” Janus exhaled sharply as he felt tears surface in his eyes, “It’s like no matter what I do he’ll always have the upper hand.”

Roman frowned as he pulled back to better meet Janus’ eyes, “Janus, abusers are like that. The best of them find ways to hurt you in the mind as well as your body... But don’t worry, you’re not alone in this.”

Janus looked into the eyes of his knight, cautious of the hope inching into his mind. “You... you mean...” he didn’t dare say a word more.

But Roman understood regardless and nodded, “Janus, do you truly think after seeing what I’ve seen that I _wouldn’t_ help you? I have all the evidence that I need. Now we just need to make that plan and _you_ need to recover.”

Janus barely heard him through his cries of relief, Roman placed a hand on the man’s shoulder and pressed his lips to the prince’s forehead. For a few long moments the knight sat with Janus as he quietly thanked him repeatedly.

When the prince finally quieted and Roman pulled back, he was not surprised to see that Janus had passed out, exhausted.

Gently, Roman wiped away the tears from the sleeping man’s face, barely applying pressure in areas near wounds. For a moment he just stared before pressing his lips to each of Janus’ closed eyelids. Roman exhaled deeply through his nose as he leaned away and pulled the blanket over the prince’s head once more before he turned to leave the room.

Once he’d closed the door behind him he looked at Virgil, “Find a replacement to stand guard here and get a servant to clean up and replace the broken water pitcher in his highness’ room. Then you can retire for the night, it’s been a long day.” The knight turned to return to his room.

Virgil nodded hesitantly, “Is he hurt at all?”

Roman stiffened up, digging his nails into the palms of his hands before turning back with a soft smile. “He just accidentally bumped his nightstand when he was getting his water. He feels bad for breaking the pitcher but otherwise, he’ll be fine, like the king said. We just need to give him time and space to rest,” he assured, “Now go, I want you rested for tomorrow.”

His squire nodded and let Roman go into his room and close the door behind him. The knight didn’t sleep at all.

In fact for the next few nights it became a common thing to see Roman around the castle later and later through the night, never straying far from the wing where the prince’s room was. He couldn’t be persuaded to go rest as he insisted he had rested enough.

Three days passed before the advisors got involved.

At around midnight Roman was found patrolling the hallway outside of Janus’ room. The knight seemed confused as Logan and Patton came up to him, each of them giving him a cursory look over. Roman tilted his head, “Patton, Logan, good evening.”

Patton gave a nod and wave while Logan just nodded. The queen’s advisor spoke first, “Heya Roman! Um... What’re you up to?”

Roman directed to the hallway with his head as he shrugged, “Just doing some patrolling before bed.”

“That much is obvious,” Logan noted, “Were you requested to patrol by his highness?”

The knight shook his head, “No, this is for my own peace of mind. Helps me sleep better.”

“And when _do_ you sleep?” the king’s advisor asked.

Patton jumped in before Roman could answer, “We’re asking because we’re worried about you! Sorry, but some servants have been noticing you around as late as two or three in the morning.”

Roman nodded slowly at that, “Yes, I suppose I _have_ been losing track of time while I patrol.” He seemed to smile before shaking his head, “It won’t be an issue after his highness is recovered, I’m sure. Thank you both for checking in on me but I am perfectly fine.”

Patton smiled before looking at Logan, “Well, there we have it.”

Logan gave a slight hum in consideration, looking the knight up and down. “Yes, I suppose we do. Did you want to tell him about your idea or would you prefer I relay the information?”

Patton looked confused for a moment, “Which idea?”

Logan sighed, “Where you go--”

“Oh,” Patton snapped his fingers, “Right! That idea!” The suddenly excited advisor looked at Roman who seemed quite confused as he glanced between the two men.

“What idea do you have that involves me?” the knight asked.

Patton bounced on his heels before seeming to force himself to stay still, “Right, um... I was wondering if you’d mind if I went to go check on your brother in the hospital tomorrow? My schedule is the most free of the senior staff and I’d bring back as much news as I can about how he’s doing and you wouldn’t be stuck here waiting on a letter.”

Roman blinked wide at that, “You... you’d do that?” When the man nodded vigorously, Roman gave a genuine smile. The knight sighed in relief, “I would _really_ appreciate that, thank you Patton.”

Logan adjusted his glasses as he half turned to leave, “Well I’ll leave that to you then, Patton. Sir Roman, I suggest you get the proper amount of sleep tonight. I’ll look into having a pocketwatch added to your regular uniform so you do not lose track of time so easily. Goodnight.”

Patton waved as the other advisor left down the hallway. Roman raised an eyebrow at his exit, “He seemed eager to get away.”

Patton shook his head, “That’s just how he is. Once everything is taken care of, he doesn’t see any reason to stick around.”

“Why? Does he not like me?”

“What? _No_! I mean, yes?” Patton groaned, “Words are hard, sorry. He doesn’t _not_ like you, I mean, me visiting the hospital was _his_ idea!” The queen’s advisor seemed to stare blankly at Roman for a second before grimacing, “I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that, but anyways! He cares!”

Roman laughed a little as he raised a hand to stop the man speaking, “Thank you, I understand Patton. Now I think it’d be best for us to part ways so we can go to sleep.”

The flustered man laughed at that, “You’re probably right.” He then turned to leave while waving, “Goodnight!”

Roman waved a bit, “Goodnight.”

It was only a few moments before there was silence in the hall again, then Janus’ bedroom door opened. Roman looked over and felt a bit of pride swelling in his chest as he saw the prince standing, dressed and upright with no mirage on his face. The scales were nearly grown back in, the areas no longer as fragile as they had been before.

Janus blinked slowly before he beckoned Roman closer, “Let’s talk.”

Roman nodded and went into the prince’s room without a word, closing the door behind them.

* * *

The next day, Janus was out and about the castle again and resumed his usual schedule. Roman was by his side every step of the way and Janus had been able to participate when the knight had training with Zayne. It had actually been quite fun when Janus had been permitted to have a sword when there were no other guards in the room.

Virgil seemed to be the most stressed one in the room as he relayed commentary for Sir Zayne of Roman and Janus sparring with one another. It gave the prince a much needed stress reliever and laugh.

Once the knight, prince and squire had finished the training session, they began to make their way to the courtyard. Janus needed some fresh air after being shut away inside for so long and so did his entourage.

“Hey!” a voice called down the hall causing the trio to turn around.

Roman blinked and squinted as he saw someone down the hallway standing next to Patton who was coming closer. The man was wearing a white flowy top, high-waisted black pants and a strange circular pair of dark glasses. Was that... “Remy?” Roman asked in near disbelief.

The laugh that came from the figure was unmistakably Remy and the man ran forwards only to stop short and give a deep bow to Janus. The prince seemed to stiffen before he saw the amused smirk on Remy’s face as he straightened up, “Good day, Prince Janus. Have you seen this tall beanpole of a man named Dee around here anywhere? I seem to have lost him.”

Janus breathed out a laugh, “Please, spare me. It’s good to see you again, Remy.”

Roman nodded as he looked over the younger man, “Likewise but- I mean- _What_ are you doing here?”

Remy glanced back at Patton who was just now coming up next to him, “I’m his notebook.”

“Don’t say that!” Patton chided as he fixed the other spectacled man with a lighthearted yet disapproving stare, “You’re just... assisting me.”

“I’m very confused,” Virgil muttered under his breath before speaking louder, “Sir Roman should I find a room for you all to talk in?”

Roman glanced up at Janus and the prince shook his head a bit. The knight nodded, “No, we’ll continue on our walk to the courtyard, if that is alright with you, Remy?”

Remy nodded, “Sure thing, babe. Oh, wait, am I not allowed to say that stuff anymore? I really don’t want to get reprimanded, so not in the mood for that.”

Janus shook his head, “Say what you will as long as my parents are out of earshot. Come.”

The entourage of four began to follow the prince outside and it was a lucky thing that they all had on overcoats to help shield out the cold. It was on the way there that Remy calling himself Patton’s “notebook” became clearer. “They’ve been testing his senses and uh... Things are looking better--”

“His senses of smell, taste and hearing are responsive to the doctor’s tests, which is more than what was responsive than three days ago. Pat, babe, come on,” Remy murmured.

Patton made a small sound of distress, “It’s not my fault my pen broke!”

“You _broke_ your pen?” Roman asked.

“A horse broke my pen, to be specific,” Patton clarified, “I was trotting down the road, tripped and dropped my things, horse stepped on my pen.”

“You did not just say _trotted_ ,” Remy deadpanned.

“I did! Horse pun! Anyways, Roman, it’s _good_ news. They don’t know what’s got him under but since his senses are steadily becoming more... of a thing, they think that the coma won’t last for much longer.”

Roman felt the relief hit him and he couldn’t help but grin, “That’s amazing! Thank you so much, both of you. And Remy, how did you even get out of the hospital?”

Remy gave a thin smirk, “I’m like, recovered? Got the okay from the doc to leave!”

“ _Temporarily_ , I do remember that part,” Patton interjected.

Janus looked at the men behind him feeling a smile tug at his lips, “Will you go to your sisters during your temporary leave?”

Remy nodded, “Yeah, but not yet. I’ve already seen them and honestly I’m not up for getting smothered by two overprotective women today... Maybe later.”

The prince shrugged at that, “Would you be interested in staying here for the night once more to get the space you need?”

Remy’s eyebrows raised up past his glasses, “ _Prince Janus_ , how forward of you!”

Janus laughed, “Of course you would get a room to yourself, if that could be arranged. Seeing as you were only injured because of your efforts here, I’d be disappointed if we were unable to offer even that to you.”

“It might be a bit last minute since it’s already getting dark,” Virgil started speaking softer once he felt multiple sets of eyes on him, “But I- uh. I’m sure the staff will be able to handle it.”

Roman shook his head, “Why stress them out? If you want, you can stay in my room Remy.”

Said man chuckled, “Damn, never been hit on twice in less than ten seconds before.” Roman jokingly shoved Remy in the shoulder before he answered, “But I suppose I shouldn’t refuse the invitation of the crown prince and his knight.”

With a glance to Patton, Janus asked. “Do we have the all clear from you, advisor?”

“Oh! Me? Um, sure,” Patton gave a smile, “I don’t see why not!”

The group stayed outside for only another few minutes before Janus noted that he was getting cold. They talked, joked, shared one another’s company. It was nice and a much needed change of atmosphere for the prince and his knight.

The rest of the day wasn’t quite as busy as others, rather miraculously, so Roman let Virgil do as he wished while he, Janus and Remy continued to talk during the day. They did not delve into what Remy’s actual injuries consisted of, nor how he felt about the trials. The topic was being skirted around but it was at least clear that Remy didn’t hold a grudge about any of it, not one that showed anyways.

When they finally parted ways for the night, Remy made his way to Roman’s room first, “giving them a moment” as he had phrased it. Roman used to groan at the fact that the other man thought Janus and he were together, but now... Gaia, how _did_ he feel about it?

“Is that what having friends feels like?” Janus suddenly asked, drawing his attention.

Roman thought for a moment before smiling warmly, “Yes, I suppose so. Do you like that feeling?”

The prince smirked softly, “Not at all, _completely_ disgusting.”

Roman snickered, “Ah, well too bad. You deserve friends and you deserve that _disgusting_ feeling more than anyone.”

Janus averted his gaze as he reached a hand up to tug on one of his ears, ducking his head so Roman wouldn’t see his smile, it didn’t work. Roman watched his face for a moment before bowing his head, “Goodnight, Prince Janus.”

The prince nodded and flashed him a smirk, “Goodnight, Sir Roman.”

When Roman entered his room he was immediately greeted by another far more smug smirk from Remy. “You two have gotten even cuter since I was out,” the younger man teased.

Roman rolled his eyes, “Shut up, Rem.”

“Good luck getting that to happen Ro-ro. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh like that.”

“Like what?”

“Y’know, with his chest! He seems happier now and shiz.”

The knight thought about that and sighed as he began to take his sword and outerwear off, “Hey Remy?” Janus seemed happier, but he wasn’t was he? And even if he was happy, how long would it be until that joy was stripped from him?

“Yeah?”

“I don’t mean to be a downer, but can we talk about something serious?” Roman turned to the man as he placed his sword aside, “It’s important.”

Remy tilted his head down, looking over his glasses and directly at Roman. With a hum the man replied, “Fuck it, what’s up babe?”

* * *

For the rest of the night the castle was quiet.

With Janus recovered and Remy as a guest, Roman was exactly where he was supposed to be past midnight, in his room. Virgil was taking a stab at staying up longer as he stood guard outside the prince’s room, also needing to be able to stay up at times, but he at least got a replacement when necessary. 

It was simply quiet, so it was strange to the king when he suddenly woke up a few hours later with no prompting.

His room was dark and the moonlight that streamed in only highlighted certain pieces of furniture, the door across the room and his canopy bed. With a grunt the king found his throat was dry and moved to sit up...

Yet he found that he couldn’t.

Making sure, King Atroa strained to move again, and was able to tilt his head to look down at his limbs and found that even that was a movement that felt nearly impossible. He was paralyzed. His breathing was at least unprohibited but something like this happening... it was unthinkable. Things like this didn’t happen to people like him. No one in his family had ever experienced something like this. How would he continue ruling Sadaire with no movement of his body? No, no it was probably just a cramp, a really bad cramp. If he waited it would alleviate and he’d grab some water for his throat.

A minute, two minutes, five minutes went by before the king had to admit that it was certainly _not_ a cramp and he began panicking. His heart started racing in his chest and he tried speaking, pushing air up and out his mouth had never felt so difficult. “H-help...”

The response of “Your majesty?” that came, surprised the king, more because of where the voice had come from. The voice was _far_ too close to be outside his room so where was this person in his room? He strained his eyes to see and inhaled sharply as a figure stood up from where they’d been sitting on the floor, hidden by his very bed.

Was this another assassination attempt? Gaia, why had they gone after him? There was no reason-

The king’s eyes widened in surprise as he watched the figure step into the moonlight with a blank expression on his face, “S-sir Roman, wh-what...” Roman stood in a casual shirt and pants as he seemed to look over the king and poked the man’s hand, the fingers didn’t even twitch. King Atroa was not obviously pleased by this, “H-help me... Wh-what are you... Get th-the healer...”

The knight’s eyes met the kings and a sharp sense of unease shot through the old man as Roman just tilted his head, “No.” 

Roman let out a deep sigh as he stepped forwards, “Right now, while we’re alone, you’re helpless and I already know one side of the story, _you_ are going to be honest with me.” He sat down on the king’s bed before fixing him with a hard look.

“In other words, we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh.  
> Oh shit.
> 
> This was an emotional rollercoaster and I am very aware of that. So I'll keep this short.
> 
> Chapter Question: How are you doing after this chapter?


	15. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman... What's going on?  
> ________________  
> Includes: Referenced abuse, referenced drowning, referenced torture

The slow, shallow breaths of the old man laid down paralyzed in his bed was the only sound for a moment as Roman seemed to be searching the man’s eyes for something.

King Atroa then spoke as he looked up at the knight, his words coming out slowly, “Talk about what? ...Why are you do... doing this?”

The knight crossed his legs as he looked away, “Talk about Janus, of course. His past... why you torture him. I know it is hard for you to speak so do not rush. We have all night.”

The king frowned deeply, “What are you talking about? Torture?” The man grunted, “I’ve never laid a-”

“Here’s the thing,” Roman uncrossed his legs before standing and glaring at the helpless man, “I don’t give a _single_ shit about you saving face right now. I know what I know and I’m not here to allow you to make every excuse to try and sweep it under the rug. The _truth_.”

King Atroa blinked wide a few times before frowning, “You understand nothing. He is not human, he is a blight on this world and you are being tricked.”

That made Roman tilt his head curiously, “If not human what is he then? Have you any proof that your claim is true?”

“Had _he_ any proof that whatever he has told you is true?”

The knight rolled his eyes, “That’s a ‘no’ then, you don’t have proof.”

Atroa bit his lip before sighing, “It is difficult to explain but his... he has a different face, Sir Roman. He is a demon.”

When the knight snickered it seemed to unsettle the man stuck lying down. “Yes, the scales and his eyes. He showed that to me weeks ago when I passed your stupid trials. That alone proves nothing of your statement. He behaves as much like a human as anyone.”

“You naive child, he’s an _imitator_... Trust me when I say, he’s dangerous. You don’t know what you’re dealing with,” the king wheezed with a cough and Roman sighed as he waited for the old man to catch his breath. “Now what did you do to me? If it is permanent, I truly do fear for you... He will make sure this all comes down on you in the end. Go get me a doctor and I will make sure you are seen as innocent.”

The knight gave a wry smirk, “Sorry to inform you, it’s permanent and no doctor or antidote could save you now. This is it.”

The king’s eyes went wide and he shook with rage as much as he was able, “What... What have you done? The queen, did you poison her as well? Might as well destroy the kingdom’s last hope while you’re at it.”

“I see it as removing a cancerous mass... The queen is fine as well, sleeping soundly in her room. And it’s funny that you call him a demon and an imitator when you sent me, Remy and who knows how many others to a literal imitating demon mountain for your ridiculous trials.”

“It was to test your mental fortitude you insipid-... How did he even tell you about his past in the first place? We had a preventive--”

“The gem. I cut it out of him,” Roman answered promptly.

The king seemed to pale a bit before his brow furrowed, “He... he had his magic all this time and... He still had you do the deed of killing me? That proves it, he’s manipulating you.”

The knight clenched his hands into fists, “No. He didn’t manipulate me. _You_ traumatized him so thoroughly that he couldn’t fight back.” He took a calming breath before he glanced at one of the covered windows, “Besides, this was my idea.”

* * *

“So how will it happen?” Roman asked the prince as he stood in the man’s room one night. During the days when Janus was confined to his room and Roman was patrolling the halls, the knight had ducked into the prince’s room when he had confirmed there would be no foot traffic for a while longer. Janus was usually awake when he did, so they took the time to plan.

The prince glanced over at Roman before sighing, “I’m not even sure. Using weaponry or anything that would leave a mark would not be smart considering the recent assassination attempt on my life. Suspicion would be cast of the castle staff and we don’t want that.”

“We?” Roman asked. Janus’ face shifted in confusion and Roman sighed, “And that brings up a different issue. Which one of us is going to do it?”

The prince frowned, “I was under the assumption we both were?”

“We’re _both_ planning it, who will actually be _physically_ doing this?”

That gave Janus pause, he sat for a few moments in thought before nodding. “It should be me, I know him best.”

“Janus,” Roman said lowly drawing the man’s attention, “You may get mad at me for saying so, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. It should be me.”

True to Roman’s words, Janus did seem angry. “Why in the world should it be _you_? Like I said, I know him best and I’m the one who has been directly affected, you--”

“Haven’t been hurt by him in the same way, yes,” Roman came closer with his arms by his sides trying to not rile Janus up even more, “And that’s _exactly_ why it should be me. I won’t be afraid of him when it comes down to it. Isn’t that why you need my help in this at all, Janus? Think about it.”

The prince was silent as he thought it through a couple times with his gaze averted. He eventually gave an angered growl, “I... I know you’re right I just...”

“I’m doing what you asked of me,” Roman softly noted. Janus looked into the knight’s eyes as he continued, “I’m making sure you don’t make his death about you. Justice, remember?”

Janus deflated at that, leaning back on his hands. “It’s not fair to use my own words against me.”

Roman nodded as he let out a breath of relief, “I know.”

“But thank you,” Janus muttered, “I know you’re just looking out for me.”

Roman sighed and patted the prince’s shoulder, “You don’t need to thank me. I have your back.” He backed away, letting the silence carry on for a moment to let the tension subside a bit. When the heavy feeling had slightly alleviated, he went back to the original problem, “In terms of suspicion, I feel like everyone will be a suspect for a while, even you.”

Janus eventually nodded, “That’s probably true. Either way, we want it to seem natural.”

“So, poison.”

“Yes, but from where?” Janus sighed, “It’d be much too obvious to have some delivered here unless it is ordered months before we try. If we use something that’s in the castle already, well that will just put more suspicion on the staff.”

“And even then, poison will be found in his system and then, yet again, suspicion on the staff,” Roman sighed.

The two sat in silence for a long moment, thinking it through before Janus let out a frustrated yell as he allowed himself to fall back onto his bed. “Fucking bullsssshit.” He felt utterly trapped in his room and it was not helping his already dismal mood, he sighed and sat up again to try and move out of bed. Roman was by his side in seconds.

“What do you need?” his calm voice was comforting. Janus hesitantly pointed at the window. The knight understood and went to open the window to allow the night air in, the moon was finally waning in the sky. 

The prince breathed in the fresh air before looking out the window and blinking wide, muttering something under his breath as he seemed to remember something.

Roman glanced back at him, “What?”

Janus looked at him and shook his head numbly, “I... Last week, the thunderstorm that happened on Sunday, I was listening to it and... I heard something in the rain. I’d forgotten until now with everything that’s happened since.” Roman’s brow furrowed in confusion as he fully turned to listen to Janus as he continued speaking, “I thought it was just my imagination but no, I’m sure of it now, it wasn’t my voice.”

The knight came closer, “Whose voice was it?”

Janus sighed a bit, “I... I feel like it was Kenopsia’s...”

Roman paled at that, “ _Kenopsia?_ I don’t even know what it’s proper voice sounds like since... But how would it even speak to you from so far away?”

The prince pointed out the window, “The rain that was falling that night. After all, nature carries power, just like the...” Janus’s eyes went wide, “The spring. The spring below the castle, the one that didn’t let me die all those years ago.”

“Janus,” Roman placed a hand on the prince’s, “I’m not following, what does this mean? What did Kenopsia say to you?”

It took a half hour for Roman to find his way down to the underground spring with the instructions Janus had given him. He walked into the room and looked around before going to the edge of the spring and kneeling there, “Gaia, this better work.”

Janus couldn’t come with him so the knight had his doubts that the message would even reach whatever force had saved the prince’s life as a child. But he would try. _“You have to believe that you’re talking to something,”_ Janus had advised, _“It’s like praying - if you believe something is actually listening - and even if you don’t get a response, keep trying.”_

Roman let out a deep sigh, it was true that he hardly believed in Gaia actually existing. The only thing that kept his belief afloat was the existence of people with magic, after all their ability was supposed to be something that Gaia lent them while they lived, something to be returned to her once they passed on.

So for right now, he supposed he’d really need to dig into that tiny belief and speak the name that Kenopsia had given Janus. “Benthic, will you lend me your counsel?”

It was not a surprise to him when nothing happened but it was a bit annoying. The knight centered himself and tried again, thinking of the fact that there _must_ be something here, if what Janus experienced here truly did happen. Maybe it had disappeared. It was not unheard of for places where magic was usually abundant to go spiritually silent in the world. “Benthic, will you please lend me your counsel?”

His voice echoed in the quiet room and Roman dug his fingers into his pants legs, exhaling sharply. “Please, I... I need to help my friend. You once saved him a few years ago and... I’m trying to continue to protect him but we don’t have what we need. If there’s anything here, I truly need your help,” he finished quietly.

There was silence.

And then the rushing of water filled Roman’s ears and his eyes darted up to look around him and at the spring. There was nothing in the room with him, the water wasn’t even moving to cause the noise he was hearing. Ripples began disturbing the surface of the stillwater. The knight squinted as he saw a figure fade into view at the epicenter of the ripples as the sound of rushing water continued loudly in his ears.

A child. A young child with short hair and long robes stood on the surface of the water only a few feet away. They seemed to be completely made of water themself, skin, hair and clothes. Their eyes were glowing a soft white and their mouth was moving though Roman couldn’t hear anything but the rushing noise in his ears.

He covered his ears as the sound began to hurt and the child seemed to stop moving their mouth, and like that, the rushing noise ceased. The knight let out a breath of relief as he looked to the child and stood, “Are... Are you Benthic?”

He watched the child’s attention be drawn to his mouth, they began to approach Roman. The knight stood still though he wanted to back away, he was still not so trusting of spirits after his encounter with Kenopsia.

The spirit reached up faster than Roman could react to and tapped the knight’s lower lip. Roman reflexively leaned back but not before he noticed the spirit tap their own mouth with the same finger before smiling.

“So the humans can no longer understand my native language,” they spoke softly before looking up to the wide-eyed knight, “I am Benthic. Who are you?”

Roman blinked wide and straightened up, “Roman Olurosa. Can you help me?”

Benthic gave an affirmative nod, “What can I assist you with to help the child of light, Roman Olurosa?”

“Child of light?” Roman echoed, “You mean Janus?”

Benthic nodded again, “Janus, the child who controls and breathes the fire of the sky. He has need of me again?”

Roman nodded, “His father, the king... We need something that can kill him, not a weapon or anything that can be traced. Something that will make it seem like he died in his sleep, naturally.”

Benthic seemed to stare into Roman’s eyes for a long moment, “A silent death for the destructive genesis. Why does the child of light require this?”

Roman frowned and blinked wide when Benthic extended a hand to him, he gave the spirit a questioning look. Benthic tilted their head, “And even more curiously, why do you seek this as well? I can see into your mind, you have not known the child of light for more than two moon cycles.”

“If you can see into my mind, can you not also see the answer to these questions?”

“What I can see is the child of light warning you that water is not forgiving and to be respectful,” Benthic answered immediately, “The price for summoning me. I do not offer counsel without proper conversation. Join me.”

Roman held in a groan of complaint and took Benthic’s hand to join them on the water, it was the same as when Janus had walked on water with him. Though Roman never imagined this would be the way he next experienced this feeling. The knight’s eyes were glued to his feet as he stood there, feeling the strangely solid yet liquid spirit’s hand in his.

“You fear water,” they stated matter-of-factly.

Roman looked up to meet the spirit’s eyes, “Yes, I nearly drowned once...”

Benthic continued staring into what felt like Roman’s soul at that point before turning their head, “Good. Then that will be your payment.”

“Payment?” Roman couldn’t help but sound nervous.

Benthic slipped their hand from his and stepped back. Roman froze up but was relieved when he didn’t immediately sink into the water below him. Benthic began walking, “If you can follow me further from your precious land, I will consider that to be your payment for my counsel. Your dedication.” They began walking and Roman gasped as he glanced from the spirit’s retreating back to the edge of the spring’s border.

 _“You have to do this,”_ he urged himself, _“It saved Janus once, it shouldn’t be malicious like Kenopsia. Do it, just walk!”_ His heart thumped in his chest and he breathed slowly as he turned and shakily yet steadily began following the spirit, not looking down at the depths he could not even see below him.

Benthic seemed pleased when Roman arrived at their side, “The answer to my questions?”

Roman nodded concentrating on his words, “His father is abusive, a torturer... Someone I imagine wouldn’t even hesitate to hurt as many people as he wanted in order to keep his power and influence. Janus wants his father gone because without him, Janus can lead the country _right_.”

“In a kinder manner, you mean?” Benthic asked. Roman nodded and the spirit gave a contemplative hum, “Is kinder always right? I do wonder. I do not suppose humans consider _me_ to be kind when their untrained drown in me, but it is right that they do drown, yes?” 

Roman paled at that before shrugging, “It’s different, I think. You’re a spirit, the king is a person. You’re a force of nature, it’s not like you intentionally drown people or gain anything from it when it happens. What the king does is entirely different, he goes out of his way to hurt people for his own benefit... And he hurts _his_ _own son_. I don’t want him hurting anyone I care about on a whim to keep me in check.”

Benthic laughed softly, “And is your care, your only reason for supporting the child of light in his quest, Roman Olurosa?”

Roman stared at the spirit for a long moment, he shook his head. “I don’t know, it’s... It _is_ that but I know there’s more to it. I just...”

The spirit waved a hand dismissively, “Humans and complex emotions are the bane of me. Do not continue to delve through your dictionary trying to explain your motives. Answer like a spirit does, straightforward.”

Roman’s brow furrowed and he nodded, “No. I care for Janus, my brother, even the people here. They are all in danger as long as the king is alive so... I want the king dead.”

A smile graced Benthic’s face, it was the first expression Roman had seen on it. “That is more like it,” Benthic noted before the water under Roman lurched in a wave.

The knight yelped, “What was that?”

The spirit leaned down to pluck something from the water to hand it over to the knight, a gem, red in color. It was beautiful. Roman glanced up to Benthic curiously, “What is this?”

“Your poison, do not let it scratch anyone but the false king or they will take his intended fate instead. I can only give this to you once,” Benthic pointed at the sharp end, “Graze his skin with it and the wound will heal as it begins to kill him. The effects are immediate and he will be dead within an hour.”

Roman’s eyes lit up and he carefully placed the gem in his pocket, “I understand. Th-”

Benthic held a finger up to his mouth, “You _do not_ thank spirits, such words are meaningless and disrespectful.”

“Oh,” Roman stopped a bit confused, “Sor- No wait, should I not apologize either?”

“I will accept an apology, for this time and the time that you thanked me for saving the child of light when he was young. You should be thankful I am not a faerie, they would be far more angry with you.”

Roman nodded, “I’m sorry for any disrespect I’ve shown you.”

Benthic nodded, “Just bring the child of light down here again some time soon and all will be forgiven, Roman Olurosa, right hand of the lightning.”

* * *

The king stared wide-eyed at Roman, “You... You mean to tell me you asked _a spirit_ to assist in my demise? One beneath my own home?” The outrage in the old man’s voice was evident and it only made Roman smirk.

“Yes, turns out more things are out of your control than you would think,” the knight noted.

The scowl on the king’s face was harsh, “How do you think this will play out? I die, he becomes king and you live rich and pampered for the rest of your short life? That assassination attempt will not be the last, you will not always be lucky. That _thing_ has no idea how to lead anyone, let alone a _country_.”

Roman shook his head, “I will protect Janus as I vowed to, I will protect this country as I vowed to.” He came close to the king’s bed reaching into one of his pockets, “And to do that, I need to get _you_ out of the way.”

Atroa ground his teeth together, “Say what you mean, you cowardly child. Don’t dance around the word, if you’re so committed.”

Roman laughed softly before nodding, “Fair enough. I need to kill you, and I’m going to.” He pulled a red gem out of his pocket and reached for one of the king’s hands.

The old man inhaled sharply, “Wait, wait! You said you already poisoned me, what’s the use of doing it again?”

The knight paused before sucking his teeth, “Oh right, I lied. You’re not poisoned yet, just paralyzed. Y’know you should’ve really looked into getting more attentive guards to watch the dungeons, especially considering the _one_ prisoner you have there.”

The old man’s eyes widened, “The squire...”

“Yes,” Roman stared hard into his eyes, “Seriously, after keeping him unjustly locked away for so long, did you really think a pardon and a free trip home offered from the prince was something Cyrus would refuse?”

He straightened up, “You see, this gem wasn't Benthic’s consult, it was their _help_. Their advice was to get Cyrus a key, some currency that no one would miss and a route to a black market where a paralyzer is sold that clears your system with no traces left behind. Cyrus made his delivery because of course, if he didn’t and had run instead, he’d be considered a fugitive. The key to his cell has been returned to the guard it came from and no one will ever be the wiser.”

Roman shrugged, “And Cyrus never even saw either of our faces so he can’t even blame us if he decides to tell someone.”

The king’s body trembled as he struggled to move, call out to the guards in the hall but nothing was working. His eyes darted from the knight to the gem in his hand, “Please.”

Roman’s expression went neutral before he looked at the old man lying in the bed, “What?”

“Please,” the king said again, “Please don’t. I’ll do whatever you want, give you whatever you want! However much land and money you want, a better title for your brother.”

The knight tilted his head slightly, “Funny that you beg for mercy from a stranger and expect... No, you don’t even expect me to listen, do you?” He watched the tears welling in the man’s eyes, “No... Because anyone who can _torture their child_ while he begs for mercy knows deep down that they don’t deserve mercy. I have never seen something so sickening in my life and it burns me deep in my soul that I couldn’t bring myself to stop you then.

“I’ll never tell Janus that I saw you carving into him, he deserves to be spared the knowledge that I witnessed something so... What do you even call something like that? Violating?”

The king gasped for breath as he sobbed, “Please, don’t. You... Why are you doing this? Just for him? He- he won’t--”

“What he does or does not do is no concern of yours anymore,” Roman reminded dully and he leaned forward and promptly scratched a line down the man’s hand, drawing a pained gasp from him.

The king’s eyes were glued to the scratch and the gem that had disintegrated in the knight’s hand only a few moments after, leaving nothing behind. Roman brushed his hands against one another, “As for why I’m doing this... I’ve had a few days to think about that now and I do think I have my answer. Yes, it’s for Janus, Remus, for the people in this castle you may see as expendable or bargaining chips... But really in the end it’s because I care for them, so in a way, I’m killing you for me. It is selfish, but it’s part of the reason I told Janus that I’d do this. So he wouldn’t have to suffer through trying to do this and so _I_ could see the look on your face when I told you that every well laid plan you’ve had is falling apart. And the man you’ve put down and tortured and _conditioned_ into being a tool has _unmade_ you.”

The king’s wide eyes were filled with rage, despair and anger and Roman was not surprised to not see a lick of regret. The knight sighed, “Well that’s all I wanted to say, I suppose. I don’t think I want to sit around for the finale, not because I’m a coward but more because I have a feeling that you’re going to try and apologize for things you’re not really sorry for. I don’t really want your last words and I don’t care for them.”

The king gasped out as he watched the knight move away and disappear into the darkness of the room, “Roman, come back. No, please, don’t-!”

Roman watched the dying man try pathetically to get him to come back for a few moments before turning and finding the secret passageway in the room and going inside, closing the door behind him.

* * *

“Your highness!”

Janus awoke with a start and put his false face up immediately, there was someone in his room. Why was someone in his room?

The blanket over his head was snatched and pulled off of him, causing him to whirl around to meet the wide eyes of Roman’s squire. “Virgil? What is going on?”

Virgil looked over him, “Are you okay?”

“Yes?” Janus straightened up in bed as he saw the panicked look in the other man’s eyes, “What’s happened--”

“Is Prince Janus unharmed?” Roman asked as he rushed into the room, he looked over Janus for a moment.

Virgil looked at the knight, “Is there word on the queen’s status?”

“She’s fine,” Roman said.

Janus felt a pit form in his stomach. “ _Oh Gaia,”_ his mind whispered.

He looked at Roman, searching the man’s eyes and while the knight was putting on a very convincing act, Janus saw through it. _“He did it, did he do it?”_

Roman frowned as he looked Janus in the eyes, “Your highness, your father, the king... He’s dead.”

The prince felt his mind slow down and he stared at the knight for a long moment before looking down. He felt his head shaking though he didn’t mean to move it. This had to be a dream. It had to be. Or a nightmare. Why did he not feel good?

His stomach churned and he murmured, “Where is he?”

“In his chambers...” Roman replied.

Janus nodded, “Can I see him?”

Roman nodded, “Of course. Virgil, get his robe.”

The knight slowly helped the prince stand up and pull on his robe before leading the way to the king’s bedroom.

This didn’t feel real.

 _“When will you do it?”_ he’d asked Roman only two nights ago when they’d obtained all they needed.

Pill and gem in hand Roman shook his head, _“It will happen before he finds you a wife. But I don’t think I should tell you, so you don’t start getting antsy around when you know it’s going to happen.”_

Janus had sighed out deeply and nodded, _“You’re way more smart than you give yourself credit for. And while I hate that you’re right, you’re right. That’s a good plan.”_

That’s what Janus had said and yet he still found himself surprised and in shock that the knight had actually done it and so soon after they’d last spoken. Maybe they were mistaken, he couldn’t _really_ be gone could he?

When Janus arrived outside the king’s bedchambers, he scanned the faces of everyone there.

Patton’s eyes were filled with tears as he held the queen, rubbing her back as she cried. 

Zayne was lowly speaking to several guards who looked quite thoroughly petrified.

Logan was bracing himself with his back against a wall, his eyes wide and unblinking behind his glasses.

Then all faces turned to him.

Janus nearly felt like turning and running as he saw all of them, but his eye was drawn to the open doorway. He flinched when he felt Roman place a hand on his arm, he looked down to the knight.

Roman’s face was truly one of patience in that moment, “In your own time, your highness.”

Janus nodded and felt his hands wringing into themselves as he took a deep breath and began slowly walking forwards. Roman watched him, keeping an eye out on the queen to make sure she didn’t try and stop him. While the woman didn’t seem like she was going to move, her gaze was definitely angry as it followed the prince’s back.

Janus stood by the open door for a long moment, breathing as steadily as he could before he dared to step inside.

A cry died on his lips as he saw the body lying still in the bed, he stumbled back one step before he blinked wide and took another step forwards. He had to be sure, there was no possible way this was real, he had to be sure it was real.

The room smelled of death and an aura of stillness emanated from the bed. As he moved closer the confirmation that yes, it was his father in the bed hit him and Janus was surprised to feel hot tears falling down his face. He moved closer to look at the man’s face.

The old king’s eyes were shut and his skin was pale and sunken in a way that signalled an unspoken finality, something that could not be faked or imitated. Janus’ eyes trailed down to the mans’ heavily wrinkled but otherwise unmarred hand and he moved without thinking. Janus placed his hand on top of the king’s and felt the stiffness in the cold limb, the cry that ripped from the prince’s mouth surprised even him but what was even more shocking was the next cries that he couldn’t hold back.

The sobbing man collapsed to his knees and held his father’s hand to his forehead, weeping as he sat there.

Roman watched from the doorway, glancing at the squire next to him. “Keep an eye on him,” he asked quietly.

The squire could only nod as he stood by. Roman looked at the crying prince’s back and knew that this reaction was not in any way faked, a part of the knight felt guilty while the other part of him knew that this was for the best. Janus would understandably be upset with him after this, but Roman could at least take comfort in the fact that he’d protected him.

Roman turned to go speak with Sir Zayne about possible intrusions. He’d protected Janus and everyone there, now it was up to him to help pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that happened.


	16. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see how Janus and Roman will move forward from this.  
> ________________  
> Includes: Referenced abuse and referenced unintentional self-harm. (Please tell me if I missed anything!)

“Has a coroner been summoned yet?”

“Yes, a footman, Derek Hall went to go grab one. Another footman is retrieving a servant’s log so we can confirm shift changes and who was here when the king... As soon as we know the time that he died and how he died, we will know what to do next,” Sir Zayne turned toward Roman with a grim look on her face, “Technically you should be the one calling the shots in this situation.”

Roman frowned, “Me?”

The senior knight nodded, “With King Atroa gone... Prince Janus is by all means, not a prince anymore. He has yet to be officially crowned but for all intents and purposes, he is now king. And you are the knight of the king.”

Roman nodded slowly, “For right now, I do not care about ranking, you are more experienced, Sir Zayne. I trust you. Tell me what we should do.”

The hallway was silent for a few more minutes as the professor spoke to the younger knight and guards. Janus’ crying had quieted down but he had not left the late king’s room yet. Virgil continued keeping an eye on the prince though it felt wrong to witness such a scene, like an intrusion.

The queen had seemingly calmed down as she stood staring into the room where her late husband laid dead. She held a handkerchief to her face only to hide the scowl there. Patton stood at her side, his attention on her and his fellow advisor who seemed to still be in shock.

Logan was no longer staring into the king’s room but instead was staring holes into the floor, thinking, just thinking. His eyes stung but whether that was because he hadn’t blinked or if it was because of the unshed tears in them was anyone’s guess.

A slight commotion picked up at the end of the hall, drawing everyone’s attention. Roman’s eyes went to the three figures standing there, two guards and Remy who was still in his sleepwear.

The young disheveled man had his hands placatively up in front of him as he spoke, “I was in Sir Roman’s room all night!”

One of the guards seized Remy by the arm and pulled him closer, Roman opened his mouth to stop them before another voice did.

“Guards,” Janus spoke with surprising volume from behind the knight. Roman turned to see the prince standing tall with his arms barred across his chest. He wasn’t hiding the glare he was sending at the guards down the hall, “Such force isn’t necessary, the man isn’t even dressed, let alone armed. I’m sure if he speaks the truth, Sir Roman can vouch for him.”

There was a pause as Roman felt all eyes on him, he didn’t hesitate. “Remy was indeed with me all night, I would have woken up if he had left the room,” he spoke evenly as he looked over to his friend.

Remy huffed as he was let go, stretching out his arm to work the soreness out of it. “ _Thank you_. Now what is going on here?”

Roman bit his lip, “Sir Zayne?”

“Classified,” she prompted lowly as Roman thought she would.

Roman nodded, “Apologies but that is classified information.” He approached his friend before looking between the guards that had tried to apprehend Remy only seconds before, “One of you, find a room for Remy to rest in and get a servant to retrieve his things and make him comfortable. As soon as the initial proceedings are done we want him where he needs to be as soon as possible.”

The guards seemed to glance between one another before one nodded, “Yes, Sir Roman.”

The knight placed a hand on Remy’s shoulder and leaned in to hug the man as he muttered, “I will tell you when I am able to.” He pulled back to speak louder, “I will see to it that you are not kept here long.” He saw Remy’s eyes widen a fraction behind his tinted glasses before relaxing.

Remy nodded and turned to follow one of the guards, “See you later then, babe.”

Roman turned back motioning for the leftover guard to follow him, the knight looked at the guards still standing by Sir Zayne. “You two, one of you split the castle staff into the two ballrooms. Those who were not on their shifts go into the main ballroom, those that were on shift will go into the secondary ballroom. The other, pull seven guards. I want three to accompany Prince Janus and Her Majesty _each_ until we know more. The leftover guard will stay here to watch this room. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir Roman,” and the guards were on the move.

The knight looked at the one guard he had behind him and directed to the late king’s door, “Stay here, Sir Zayne will stay with you until the other guards arrive.”

The guard followed orders and Roman’s eyes went to Virgil who seemed to stiffen up at the sudden attention. “Virgil, I need the full staff list of the castle, the butler should have that. I also need a list of all prisoners in the dungeon, the jailkeeper should have that,” he tried to break down the task into two simple trips and hoped that would help the man.

Virgil seemed to process for a moment more before nodding, “Butler and jailkeeper, got it. Yes, Sir Roman.” He quickly left the hallway himself.

Roman exhaled softly as he looked to the professor standing with Annabelle at attention, “Anything else you recommend, Sir Zayne?”

Zayne nodded her head towards the opposite side of the hallway, “Senior staff and the royal family should stay closeby, in the room a bit further down the hallway. Stay with them until the guards arrive. When they do, senior staff will stay in the room while Her Majesty and His highness retreat back to their rooms with the guards you have assigned to them. No member of the royal family should go behind any door without a guard by their side.”

“And what if I wish to reside here?” Janus suddenly spoke up again.

Zayne seemed to want to sigh but she refrained from doing so, “That would be an ill-advised decision, your highness. You need to be in a safe location.”

“Thank you _very much_ for informing me that the room I woke up in this morning is safe! I had no idea,” Janus shot back, “On a related note, my _father is dead_. My mother and I have to have been here for fifteen minutes at least, so if this area were unsafe, I think we would have been attacked by now, don’t you?”

Roman felt the chill of the prince’s anger in his words and knew he had to say something, “Prince Janus--”

“No,” the prince immediately looked at him with yellow eyes flickering with magic before the light seemed to fade, thankfully only Roman was standing where Janus’ eyes could be seen. Janus exhaled deeply as he rubbed his face with his hands, “No, no, I know. I know, I apologize I just-. Sir Zayne, I need to know what happened, I do not want to stay hidden away waiting for answers.”

The professor seemed to think for a moment before nodding slowly, “Truthfully, your highness, your reasoning is solid and it is not as if I had power to make you go anyways. Though I must insist that the senior staff go to the room down the hall. Your Majesty, do you also wish to stay?“

The queen stepped forwards and nodded, “Yes, I do not run from danger and I want to know what did this to my husband.” She glanced back at Patton, “Take care of Logan, will you dear?”

Her advisor nodded, “Of course, please tell me if you need absolutely anything, your Majesty.” He moved over to Logan who seemed to only now be actively reacting to what was going on around him. Patton placed a hand on the man’s shoulder and slowly guided him down the hall.

* * *

It took two minutes for the servant log to arrive, another five for the guards to arrive - only to be halved in number since neither member of the royal family was leaving the area-, ten minutes for Virgil to arrive with the servant and prisoner list and another three minutes for the coroner to arrive.

The tension in the hallway was palpable as the old woman arrived with an assistant at her side carrying a rather intimidating few briefcases. She bowed to the prince and queen, “I am sorry for your loss. I will be as respectful as possible, your majesties.”

The two nodded at her and the coroner was allowed into the room with her assistant, equipment and a guard to watch over them.

Roman couldn’t help but watch Janus, it was his _job_ and right now, the man was his greatest concern. Not only because he knew Janus was angry, upset, perhaps even furious, but because the prince was these things and the queen was standing _right next to him_. They were hardly looking at one another, neither having the energy or mindset to keep up the act of being a loving mother and son, they instead seemed to be opting for the “pretend they don’t exist” approach.

While the coroner was working, Roman had Virgil set aside the lists he’d brought up in case something _was_ found, Roman knew nothing would be. But if he didn’t act like he also believed that this was an assassination, suspicion would be placed on him. Either way, once Virgil had done that, Roman had him stand in the hallway, seeing as the squire was supposed to be by his side, especially in a situation like this.

It took two hours for the coroner to come out of the room and the two hours had felt like four. The tension was so taut that when the coroner did come out of the room, the poor woman was immediately accosted by the queen, “What did you find out? What was there? What killed my husband?”

The coroner raised her hands placatively, “Your Majesty, please. I found nothing at all alarming.”

“ _What?_ ” the queen breathed out in disbelief.

Janus stepped forwards, “Nothing at all?”

The coroner nodded, “It is a tragedy, but it bodes well for you, your majesties. His Majesty, the King passed from age, that is all. No poisons were detected in his system and no puncture or scratch wounds where one could have entered were found. All evidence says that it was a passing most people dream of, a peaceful one in their sleep.”

The queen didn’t react for a long moment and Janus took the opportunity. He reached out a hand to shake the old coroner’s, “Thank you, Ms... I apologize, I did not catch your name.”

“Marci Bowers, your highness. And it was nothing,” she gave a soft smile to the prince as he shook her hand, “Please take some time for yourselves before you focus on all of us. You need time to grieve him.”

The prince blinked a bit, not knowing why that sentiment nearly had him crying again. He let go of Marci’s hand as he straightened up to speak, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you, truly,” he whispered.

Roman stepped closer to address the coroner and her assistant, “One of our guards will escort you to the front gate. If you could please--.”

“Keep our mouths shut until it’s public? Of course, sir knight. I’ve been keeping the peace since I was younger than you,” she looked up at her assistant as he seemed to be looking over one of the straps of a briefcase, “We’ll keep this to ourselves, won’t we, dear nephew?”

The man just nodded and Marci smiled, “That’s cleared up then.”

One of the guards came and guided the coroner and her nephew down the hall. Roman watched them go for a moment before turning his attention back to Janus.

The prince was staring right back at him with a thoughtful expression tinged with a bit of the anger from earlier, Roman held eye contact. The knight felt guilty, he _did_ but he also wanted Janus to somehow understand in this moment that Roman had never meant to hurt Janus like this, and in order to do what the prince wanted, Roman had _needed_ to do this as soon as he had.

“Sir Roman,” Zayne spoke, unintentionally interrupting the interaction she couldn’t see, “Now that we know there is nothing more to worry about, the castle staff can get a full briefing and their majesties can return to their rooms.”

The knight turned his attention back to the professor, “Right. Who should take care of that?”

The professor sighed, “One thing that needs to be taken care of as soon as you are able, assign a captain of the guard.”

“Would you fill that role until he can?” Janus asked softly.

Zayne tilted her head in his direction with a thoughtful hum, “I will, your highness. It would be best for me to while Sir Roman protects you.” She clicked her tongue and Annabelle began walking forwards, the interim captain began immediately giving out orders to the guards.

Janus half turned to the queen and finally looked at her, “You should go be with your advisor, mother. He will take care of you.”

The queen’s face went stony as she stepped forwards to mutter lowly, “I _know_ this was you, you monster.”

The prince gave a disinterested hum at that, “You heard the woman, a peaceful death. Better than he deserved, but that’s what happened. Are you any sort of doctor who can refute that?”

She opened her mouth to reply but she could not as Roman stepped forwards to speak, “Your majesty are you in need of an escort to your room?”

The queen’s gaze flickered between Janus and Roman for a moment before she shook her head graciously, “You’re too kind, but no, I’ll manage. Thank you, Sir Roman.”

The knight and prince watched the queen go down the hall towards the room where Patton and Logan were waiting.

“Roman.”

The knight slowly looked up to Janus, “Yes, your highness?”

The prince looked around at the still rather crowded hall, “Let us go talk to Remy before I retire to my room. Will you dismiss Virgil?”

The squire seemed to snap to attention where he stood, clearly having heard his name. “I’m sorry, your highness?”

Roman shook his head, “Nothing, Virgil. Prince Janus was wondering if I would dismiss you and I think that is a good idea. Return the lists where they need to go, and the rest of the day is yours to spend as you wish. Stay inside the castle of course, we don’t want more unrest.”

The squire gave a slow nod and moved to leave before stopping, looking around the hall before turning to Janus. His face was soft with concern and sadness that was so eerily familiar to the prince it made his heart ache. “Dee, I’m so sorry for your loss,” he said quietly, “If you ever need to talk...”

Janus knew Virgil wasn’t just saying it, he knew the coroner hadn’t just been saying it. They were truly sorry for him and the prince didn’t know how to feel about that. Janus chose to give Virgil a thankful smile, “Thank you Virgil. Please get some rest today.”

The squire nodded and went to grab the lists and leave. Roman exhaled deeply and began walking, Janus followed him.

When the pair found the room Remy had been moved to, they found the man slouching deeply in a chair sipping at some tea from a teacup. He perked up once he saw Roman and Janus walk in and shut the door behind them. “Hey, so what’s up babes? You are not doing so hot, are you?”

Roman glanced up at Janus before shaking his head and looking at Remy again, “No, Remy... Should I tell--”

“I am fully capable of telling him,” Janus quickly uttered. Roman nodded, averting his gaze to the floor. The prince glanced up at Remy, “My fath-... The king is dead.”

“He’s fucking _what_?” Remy had to quickly place down the teacup in his hands before he dropped it.

Janus nodded, “Yes. But now that his death has been ruled a completely natural one, you should have no problems leaving and returning--.”

“Mm-mmh, wait, wait, wait, hold up!” Remy stood from his seat holding a finger in the air, “You especially are emanating so many mixed emotions, you have _me_ in a tizzy Dee. I know you’re upset but you do _not_ have to act in front of me.”

Janus blinked wide at that before flinching away when Roman placed a hand on his arm, “Don’t touch me.”

Remy blinked wide as he glanced between the two, holding a wince back as he watched the knight nod and return his hands to his sides.

Roman swallowed the lump in his throat after a moment, “Right, sorry. I was going to say, Remy knows very well that I wasn’t in my room last night.”

Janus’ gaze went from the knight to their friend who had opted to pick up his tea again and begin sipping once more. “He knows? He _knows_. _You_ _know_?” he asked with increasing confusion.

Remy nodded, “I mean, I was picking up on like soooo much bad energy from both of you so I was really happy when you guys invited me to stay the night but... Eugh, gosh, did not think things would come to a head like this.”

The prince held a hand to his head as he tried to wrap his head around what he was being told, “I-... Okay I’m really angry and volatile right now so if you two could not beat around the bush and just _tell me_ what happened last night, I’d be fucking ecstatic.”

Remy sucked his teeth at that, “Alrighty then, babe. Whatever you need.”

* * *

“I don’t mean to be a downer, but can we talk about something serious?” Roman turned to Remy as he placed his sword aside, “It’s important.”

His friend tilted his head down, looking over his glasses and directly at Roman. With a hum the man replied, “Fuck it, what’s up babe?”

The knight approached his friend, looking him over with a frown. “I just... I know we haven’t talked about it... the mountain and I just wanted to apologize for--”

“Uhp uhp,” Remy held up a finger stopping the knight, “You don’t need to apologize Ro-ro.”

“Because you think it wasn’t a choice, I know, you said that before but--”

“No,” Remy stood with a sigh, “I was _hoping_ you both just wouldn’t ask so I wouldn’t have to say but I... The truth is Roman, I can’t even remember the mountain trial.”

The knight blinked wide, “You can’t?”

Remy affirmed with a shake of his head, “Nope. Totally blank. Last thing I remember before I was apparently not so uh... cognizant, is having breakfast with you and Dee. If the doctors had never told me how I got so fucked up, I would have never even _known_ about the mountain trial. They say I’m lucky for not being able to remember, not sure I agree but whatever. I’m sure as shit not a doctor.”

Roman blinked wide before shaking his head, “No, I agree with them, I saw you when you were... You’re lucky, Rem. I mean... mentally at least. I assume to know nothing about your physical wounds.”

His friend shrugged, “Eh, most of them were self-inflicted when I was going loony.”

“Most?” Remy raised an eyebrow at that and Roman raised his hands in front of him placatively, “Sorry, sorry, I’ll quit prying.”

The shorter man snickered, “Nah, if anything, you’re being as nosy as I usually am. You make me proud, Ro-ro.” He slowly reached up and grabbed the frames of his shaded glasses before removing them just as slowly, Roman watched with rapt interest as Remy blinked rapidly, his eyes getting used to the low level of brightness.

Then Remy met his gaze and Roman gasped sharply. The knight would have thought he was imagining things but as he continued to stare, he affirmed that he was not seeing anything that was not there. The younger’s eyes that Roman had known to be green when he’d last seen him, were now iridescent colors that swirled through the irises like liquids of white, pink, teal and violet. His pupils were still black and were striking against the irises behind them.

Roman inhaled deeply as he took in the sight, his mind feeling slightly hazy as he stared at Remy’s strange eyes.

“They just pull you in, don’t they?” his friend uttered softly.

The knight blinked slowly, “I... Yeah, they do.”

Remy averted his gaze and Roman could suddenly think clearly again, “Yeah, Doc Picani says I was given a power by the mountain while I was up there. Stare at me long enough and you’ll be asleep in minutes. And in general I can pick up on people’s... emotions? Energies? Something like that.”

That got Roman’s attention, “A power? Wh... why would it do that?”

Remy gave a big shrug and he fell back onto Roman’s bed, stretching out his limbs, “I dunno. Either way, there’s downsides. Thanks to my eyes I have what’s apparently called photophobia and can’t be in the sunlight or even a bright night without these glasses or a veil. Oh! Does Dee still have his somewhere? I’d love to use it--”

“Remy.”

“Oop, sorry, right. Serious talk.”

Roman gave an apologetic smile, “I just... What you said to me after you came down the mountain... I know you don’t remember but you seemed convinced that this place, more specifically, this castle wasn’t safe. Do you have any idea as to why you would say that?”

Remy sat up on his hands, making sure not to make eye contact with the knight as long as his sunglasses were off. He gave a hum, “I don’t remember saying it but I do remember the emotions I was feeling at the time. I was getting hit with emotions left, right and center and none of them were mine... There was so much fear, anxiety... loathing... It was alarming and it just made me want to run. Made me want to tell anyone I knew I could trust to come with me.”

Roman bit his lip and looked to the side. Remy watched him out of the corner of his eye for a moment as he smirked, “And if you’re about to ask if I still feel that energy now, then yes. It’s worse than before and I still hate it.”

The knight frowned, “Then why did you--?”

“Why did I say yes to your prince’s invitation?” Remy sighed, “Because I knew something was up the moment I saw you two. You’re conflicted about something and incensed enough to do something destructive and Janus... Dee is just waiting with bated breath for the worst. There’s hardly any hope in him at all yet he’s clinging.”

Roman’s heart sunk to his stomach and he felt the anger that Remy spoke of surfacing, though not directed at his friend, just at the _thought_ of what he’d seen the king do to Janus. The prince had told him how bad his father was and yet it had taken Roman _seeing it_ to convince the knight to help. Roman hated himself for that.

“How can I help?” Remy then asked.

Roman glanced up at him and looked around the room, “There is probably no way for you to help in this. You do not even know what you would be helping in, you can’t, Rem.”

“But I _can_ ,” the young man insisted, “I’d be helping my friends, that’s all I care about. Any and all other bitches can fight me, I’ll shank their kneecaps. Just don’t get me arrested or killed and we’ll be good.”

Roman laughed despite himself and stared at his friend for a long moment, “Just... I need to be able to trust you. Can you promise me that I can trust you?”

Remy seemed to look him over for an equal amount of time before nodding, “You can. I swear babe.”

“Then stay here. I’ll be back in a few.”

“A few what?”

Roman paused on his way over to where he knew a secret passage was in his room, “I’m not sure. Don’t wait on me.”

“Seems like _waiting_ isn’t _helping_ , Ro-ro. How is this helping anything?”

Roman continued to the wall and opened up the passage by pulling a wall-mounted candlestick, “It will help. And in the morning, it is crucial that if anyone asks--”

“I see,” Remy nodded as he marveled at the secret passage, “You were here the whole night... What _are_ you doing Roman?”

The knight turned his back to his friend and entered the secret hall, “What I need to.”

Remy blinked wide as the wall closed behind the man, he crossed his arms with a smirk that was somehow amused and proud. “Good on you, you drama queen.”

* * *

Janus’ hands were pressed together in front of his mouth with his fingertips pressed to his own lips as if to hold back a tidal wave of outraged and disbelieving statements as he sat in a chair himself.

Remy had finished his tea amidst retelling the story of the previous night, and was glancing between the prince and knight. His eyes were attentive behind his glasses, clearly expecting a blowup. He didn’t want one to happen between the two per se, they were so cute together after all. But he was completely prepared to watch words fly. If anything physical happened, the small man felt like he was not the _best_ candidate to pull apart two men who both stood head and shoulders over him, but he _would_ if it came down to it.

Janus inhaled to speak but then lost his words, he let his head fall back and groaned. “Roman, what the hell?”

The knight, who had been expecting far worse, seemed to relax a bit at that. He glanced at Remy and then looked back to the prince, “We needed an ally, an alibi. Remy being here was the perfect opportunity.”

“So you _used_ him,” Janus noted staring at Roman in disbelief.

That got Roman feeling annoyed himself, “No more than you used me. I gave him a choice, just like you gave me and I made sure he would be safe at the end of everything.”

“And you didn’t feel the need to inform me of his involvement at all. Why am I not surprised?”

“I _told_ you it was best if you were completely unaware so--”

“So that I would get blindsided, _yes_! But why in the hell did you do it so soon? I had _no_ time to prepare myself or--”

“Because that’s how death works, it’s unexpected!”

Remy watched the two argue and leaned forwards once Janus shot up in his seat, “You’re _lying_. I can tell you’re lying!”

Roman blinked rapidly as he realized he’d walked himself into an inescapable route in conversation. How would he tell the truth without revealing that he’d seen Janus’ torture? He sighed heavily, “I wanted... I...” He trailed off as he noticed Janus swaying where he stood, holding a hand to his head. “Janus?”

The prince groaned lightly, “Dizzy.”

Roman’s brow furrowed as he made his way over to him, “You need to sit down, slowly. You haven’t eaten yet, it’s no wonder.” He helped Janus back into his seat before moving to give the man his space. When he was grabbed by the collar and pulled closer, he found that he could not move backwards at all.

As he was pulled closer he could see the prince’s eyes more clearly, still angry, confused, hurt and tired. It hurt Roman to know that he was the source of all that pain. Janus shook his head, “ _Why_ , Roman?”

The knight sighed, kneeling down by Janus’ legs. He rested his forehead on the man’s thigh and was glad when he felt the grip on his collar slacken. “I didn’t want you to suffer anymore. To allow even the possibility of you being hurt again... it would go against every vow I made to you as your knight,” he decided to say.

Janus’ gaze softened as he seemed to believe the knight’s words, he let go of the man’s collar completely to cup Roman’s face and tilt it upwards. Janus sighed out, his tone annoyed and fond at the same time, “But what if something went wrong or Remy didn’t keep his word? I couldn’t bear it if you were found out.”

“Uh, hello?” Remy chimed in with a disapproving stare, “I’m _right_ here, Dee. I wouldn’t have ratted him out. Swear on my life, I’m no snitch. Besides, if I _had_ , I’m sure he would have flipped on me in a heartbeat. And who would they believe between a knight and a civilian?”

Janus felt no lies leave his mouth but still the prince found himself confused, “I suppose but... Remy, you don’t even know why we did this. Why support people who are essentially criminals just because you like them?”

“Because it’s not just because I like you guys. One reason is that now I can cash in favors, like funds to open up a tailor shop or a cafe back home. The other is...” Remy’s expression turned pained, “Babes, I _know_ how afraid you were of the king. Even now some part of you fears that he’s still around, about to burst through the door and hurt you... I know that fear. Haven’t experienced it myself but more often than not, the one who everyone is afraid of usually deserves the fear.”

Janus’ breath hitched at his words before he felt a hand rest on top of his, the prince met the eyes of his knight as he smiled a bit. Right. Remy was right but Janus had to remember that he was safe, Roman had made sure of that. The prince began to stand again, slowly this time, “A cafe, huh?”

Roman laughed softly at the idea, only stepping back once he was sure Janus wasn’t going to fall over. The knight looked at his friend, “Are you going to consume more than you sell? Because if that’s the case you might want to rethink some things.”

Remy gave a wide grin, “Excuse me, I’d be an amazing businessman. Whatever I do or do not drink of my supply is my business, thank you very much!” He looked between the two for a moment before giving a bow of his head, “Either way, I should be going now that I’m sure you two lovebirds will be okay. I think you have some... energy you two need to sort through.”

Remy grinned at the suddenly blushing faces of the knight and prince as he went for the door, “See ya later. Just don’t end up like Romeo and Juliet, those bitches have nothing on you!” He quickly exited the room, leaving the two flustered men alone.

“What did he mean,” Janus murmured after a moment, “By lovebirds?”

Roman stiffened as he glanced at the prince, “I uh... when we were doing the trials, he got the wrong idea about what we were doing in my room after that one night that I tackled you... I sort of confirmed it so he wouldn’t catch on to the truth.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Janus murmured as he looked down at his hands, missing his gloves as he wanted something to fiddle with, “I’m the one who kissed you, and without permission. Which I’m sorry for, by the way.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Roman said as he turned to face him.

Janus blinked wide looking over at the knight, the prince let go of a small smile. “Surely it was bad enough to need an apology, especially with...” he vaguely gestured to the left side of his face, still disguised with his magic.

Roman clicked his teeth, “Everyone’s first kiss isn’t perfect. It’s natural, like being awkward your first time sleeping with another person. It’s not something to apologize for... And Janus, your face would never contribute to your kisses being bad in any way.”

“But it certainly couldn’t have been pleasant, knowing my face--”

“Let me see it,” Roman stopped him.

Janus turned his head to the knight and watched the shorter man gesture to the left side of his face. Hesitantly, Janus revealed his scales and mismatched eyes to be observed by the knight. Wordlessly, Roman reached up to stroke the scales with the tips of his fingers, all had grown back and were as smooth as ever. The prince couldn’t help but tilt his face to press against the warmth in the fingers and didn’t even notice when he’d shut his eyes. A small laugh from the knight prompted his eyes to open and see the small smile on Roman’s face and it astounded Janus.

“Hear me and know that I speak the truth Janus,” Roman uttered, “I have always thought your face to be beautiful. _You_ are beautiful, handsome, charming, otherworldly, whatever word helps get the point across. I did not mind your kiss. The only thing I minded was the _time_ that it happened and the fact that I _couldn’t_ see your face.”

Had he been asked later, Janus would have denied that Roman’s words brought tears to his eyes. But the prince felt no flare of his magic, he leaned down to lean his head on Roman’s shoulder to hide his tears. Roman held him there, running a hand through the taller man’s hair. The knight swallowed the lump in his throat away, “Are you still mad at me?”

Janus shrugged, “I don’t know. I think I am but...” He leaned up a bit, “I know if I am, it won’t last. You did exactly what I wanted you to, it just...”

“It hurt you,” Roman supplied, “I know, it hurts.”

“I don’t know why it hurts. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Human emotions never make sense, don’t force it.”

“Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Do you...? Do you love me?”

Roman’s heart thumped in his chest and he glanced at the prince, a smile finding its way on his face. He pulled away a bit, letting Janus straighten up, keeping his hands on the prince’s arms. “Do you truly want an answer?”

Janus blinked hard at that and Roman continued speaking, “I don’t ask because you might not like the answer, I ask because... Is this the time to receive an answer? You’ve just... I killed your father, I gave you no time to prepare for his death, it seems doubly cruel to make you forego properly grieving it too. You have waited so long for this moment and I don’t want to rush you through it. You’ve been part of someone else’s plans and schemes for so long, Janus. And dammit, I think you deserve to move at your own pace for once. 

“But if you truly want an answer regardless and this is the pace you want to move at, I will give it to you,” Roman finished staring into Janus’ wide eyes.

The prince paused for a long moment, thinking about it. A laugh left his lips without him meaning to, “I... I don’t know what to say.”

Roman gave a comforting smile, “That’s just the thing, you don’t _have_ to say anything. Not now, at least. Answer when _you’re_ ready, and then I will tell you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Janus smirked at that, “I think you’ve already thoroughly implied your answer at this point.”

The knight returned the smirk, coy in his expression. “Oh have I?” he mused, “Well, semantics and all.” He began making his way to the door before Janus grabbed his hand, Roman looked back at him.

“As it seems I will be king soon,” Janus began as he stepped closer, “I will need not only my knight but an ally, a partner. What I need to know now is, can you be that? Not just someone who protects me but allows me to protect them in turn?”

Roman felt his pulse racing through him and wondered if Janus could feel it in his wrist where he was being held, “And this _isn’t_ your version of a confession?”

The prince tilted his head before shaking it, “See it as an addendum to our vows, both of them.”

Roman turned, slipping the hand that Janus had grabbed out of the prince’s before offering his other one. Janus glanced at the hand before taking it and shaking it. The knight smirked, “I will, my prince. Now, you should get some rest and food in you. I’m sure Sir Zayne should be looking for me by now.”

The two let go of one another’s hands and Janus watched Roman go for the door, “Of course, dear knight.” He followed gladly without another word.

* * *

The two walked, heading towards Janus’ room until the prince stopped at a window, catching something of interest out of it. Roman glanced back at him, “Your highness?”

Janus looked over at the knight, “I want to check on something before I rest for the day.”

“I will come with you, then.”

“You are not even properly uniformed, go get changed and meet with Sir Zayne, I will not be away for longer than half-an-hour,” Janus assured.

Roman frowned and walked closer to look out the window himself, he sighed. “Yes, your highness. Make sure you wear your coat and if you are not inside within thirty minutes--”

“I assume you will come looking, yes. Now go, you worrywart,” the prince backed away, making his way down the hall. Roman turned to begin doing as he was told to.

Janus’ walk was quiet, eerily so. The usual movement in the castle had lessened considerably, with the death of the king weighing on all persons there. Janus’ pace was slow and he kept his gaze to the floor, any servants and guards he did encounter gave him a wide berth out of respect for his “grief”.

Though it would not be inaccurate to actually call what he was doing grieving, he supposed. While he certainly had never loved his father, he was not ignorant enough to deny that the old king had been one of Janus’ only constants for twenty-two years. Perhaps it was not really the king’s _life_ that he was grieving, but what the end of it represented.

He sighed as he gave up going down that rabbit hole of thinking, the emotions too turbulent for him to properly explore them.

What he knew he _did_ feel was gratitude to Roman. For what he had done and giving Janus the time to sort all of this out, the prince hardly knew what to do now let alone what he wanted to do involving his relationships and such things. Jumping into anything new truly felt unwise for the moment.

When Janus arrived at one of the exterior doors he surprised a servant and guard that were there, standing remarkably close to one another. “Y-your highness!” the servant gasped seeming to straighten his uniform shirt, stepping back a few paces before bowing.

Janus pretended to not be paying attention, “I need some air.”

“Where is your knight, your highness? Do you need me to accompany you?” the guard asked, grabbing the pike they had set down next to their feet.

The prince stayed silent in contemplation as the servant helped him into his coat and outside boots. Once he was covered enough he shook his head, “No, I’d rather not deprive you of your... company.”

His tone, no matter how casual seemed to make both guard and servant blush. The prince sighed lightly, “I won’t be more than ten minutes. Please point Sir Roman in my direction if- _when_ he comes looking.”

He made his way outside into the biting chill of the early afternoon. It felt so much later yet the brightness in the sky was telling. A stark contrast.

The prince slowly came close to the far section of the courtyard where an archery range was stationed, watching as Logan fired arrow after arrow into the targets. Respectfully, he only came closer when Logan took a moment to pull another arrow from his quiver.

It was when the archer had been doing this for the fifth time that he seemed to see the prince. Logan straightened up, his glasses sticking out of a shirt pocket, his face set in a grim yet confused frown.

Janus felt himself shiver, either from the cold or the equally warmth-lacking gaze he was receiving. “Advisor,” he greeted.

Logan seemed to snap out of a stupor before reaching for his glasses to put them on, “Your highness.” When he got his glasses on, the advisor gave a short bow of his head before turning back to begin knocking another arrow. “You should not be out here, you could catch any number of sicknesses.”

“I wanted to check on you,” Janus noted.

Logan assumed his position to pull back his arrow and adjust his trajectory, “I am perfectly fine, your highness. Checking on my status is unnecessary, you should focus on your own recovery and your future.”

“Yes, I believe that _completely_ ,” the prince murmured, “That is why you’re standing in thirty minus fahrenheit shooting arrows...”

Logan let his arrow fly, he hit the edge of the target causing him to sigh in frustration. He turned his attention to his bow, “I do not understand the use in stating the obvious. I am adjusting to new information.”

“New information, do you think me _blind_ , Logan?” Janus asked sounding almost insulted.

Logan picked up on his tone and looked to the prince again, standing at attention once he realized what he had said. “No... No, I apologize your highness, I did not mean to--”

“For Gaia’s sake, Logan,” Janus groaned, keeping the irritation out of his voice as much as he could. “I saw you outside my father’s bedroom, you were in just as much shock as me. This has affected you on a more personal level than an employee losing their employer,” he clarified, “What happened?”

Logan barred his arms behind his back, looking at the ground. “You would not... No, perhaps you _would_ understand,” the advisor trailed off and Janus felt fear surge in the back of his mind. There was no way Logan was like him, no way that Janus wouldn’t have been able to tell at all. Logan looked the prince into the eyes, “The king saved me, your highness. When I was without hope, he rescued me. So I suppose I am more affected by his... absence than I should be.”

Janus felt his heart drop to his chest and he turned his head to hide his expression, “I see.” No matter the fact that he had been mistaken and Logan indeed, was not the same as him, Janus didn’t like what the advisor was saying. “It...” he swallowed the sickness in his throat away to meet the other man’s eyes again, “It is okay to be affected, Logan. You are not... lesser for grieving him. I can understand if you feel uncomfortable to do so in my presence, but when I have left, please do. Whatever helps you.”

Logan blinked quickly, “I appreciate the permission, your highness. But it is unnecessary as I will not be here much longer.”

“What?” Janus frowned, “What do you mean?”

Logan sighed and began to walk down the range to get his fired arrows, he was only slightly surprised to hear Janus following behind him. “I assume that the king had not gotten to that particular detail of explanation involving your ascension to the crown, if you’ll forgive my mentioning of it,” he grabbed the few arrows that had actually found their marks in the center of the target.

Janus huffed and leaned down to grab an arrow that had hit the ground near his feet, “Yes, he did not.”

Logan sighed heavily, watching the breath appear in front of him in the cold. “In simple terms, it is not common for an advisor, especially one as young as me, to be -- essentially -- inherited by the heir once... once the heir is about to become king. Many governors, nobles and other such high-ranked citizens outrank me in terms of experience. It will be no difficult task for them to convince you that they would obviously be reasonable candidates for the position of advisor to the king.”

Janus observed the arrow in his hand and shrugged, “Well then it is simple to not choose any of them, despite what is common practice.” Logan turned to meet the prince’s gaze with wide eyes. Janus held out the arrow in his hand, “I would rather have you than any stranger advising me. As I said before, you’ve assured me of your character and you’re no buffoon.”

Logan hesitantly took the arrow and shook his head, “Your... your highness, I don’t...”

Janus sighed, “I will not force you. As I said, you need time to grieve and so do I... But I would feel much more assured knowing you would be my advisor. Give me your answer when you are ready.”

“Prince Janus!”

Both men turned and Janus sighed lightly as he saw his knight approaching, “Well there’s my warden.” He glanced back at Logan, “Please don’t stay out here too much longer, it’s freezing. I hope to see you later, advisor.”

Logan gathered the arrows in his hands and nodded, giving a bow. “Your highness.”

Janus began making his way over to the knight, not wanting him to have to walk the whole way to reach him. He couldn’t help but give a humored sigh as he noticed that Roman was carrying one of the prince’s heavier coats and as soon as the knight was able to reach him, Janus was draped in another warm layer. “Thank you,” he murmured as he pulled both his layers around him tighter.

Roman rolled his eyes, “Of course.”

As the two made their way back to the castle, two pairs of eyes in particular followed them.

Logan watched on from behind as he mulled over the prince’s words, wondering how the man was not already shut away in his room after losing his father only three hours ago. It was strange that Janus had come to express worries about _Logan_ of all people. After how heartbroken he’d seemed that early morning and how somber he seemed now, it was no question that King Atroa’s death was affecting the prince. _“It is strangely unnerving yet admirable how he can carry on like that,”_ Logan’s thoughts commented as tears filled his eyes. He choked back a sob as he dropped the arrows in his hand, clenching onto the bow the king had gifted him what seemed like so long ago now. The king had seemed much recovered since his strange sickness so it truly felt like it had come out of nowhere, it wasn’t fair. He let out a tremulous sigh as he bent over to pick up the arrows he’d dropped, still clutching the bow like a lifeline to his chest.

The other set of eyes that watched the pair were glaring with pure hatred in them. The queen’s sharp nails scratched at the glass of her room window, seeing as the creature standing next to Sir Roman seemed to have the poor boy completely tricked. She _knew_ the thing playing a prince, soon to be _an actual_ _king_ had killed her husband. King Atroa had never truly been sick, his body had been in perfect health, he would never just die from old age in his sleep. The coroner was ignorant, that was all. The queen had to get a second opinion before a funeral was held, find out exactly what had killed the old man and then... “I won’t let you drive this country into whatever hell it is you came from, creature,” Rosalyn muttered darkly as she clenched a blade in her other hand, “I will euthanize you before you get the chance to hurt anyone else.”

Janus stopped walking for a moment and Roman stopped to look back at the prince, “Janus?”

The prince was scanning the windows, knowing for sure that someone was staring at him, he was intent to find them before something floated down in front of his vision. He blinked wide as he followed the little speck of white all the way down to the ground.

While he had been looking down, more white specks had begun floating downwards around them and Janus couldn’t help but feel his breath get stolen away at the sight he saw when he looked up, “Snow... It’s snow.”

Roman watched as a childlike awe overtook Janus’ face, watching the prince’s eyes dart to every snowflake that got near him, seeming to want to take in every single one. “Have you...” he began not sure if his suspicion was correct.

Janus shook his head ever so slightly, “ _Never_. I’ve heard of it but...”

Roman bit his lip and with a shake of his head he said, “Stick out your tongue.”

“What?” Janus balked, perplexed.

Roman laughed a little, “Turn away from the windows if you don’t want to be seen. Tilt your head up, stick out your tongue, trust me.”

Janus gave Roman a skeptical look before slowly turning and doing as his knight instructed. He felt a little silly as he stuck his tongue out and then was told it wasn’t out far enough. But the chill that had landed on his tongue once he _had_ , made the prince want to... to do _something_ with his hands but he wasn’t sure what. He unconsciously flicked his hands under his coat a few times and the itch to move didn’t go away but it made him feel better.

Roman allowed Janus the extra time outside despite the fact that the prince was shivering, the smile on his face was worth it enough for both of men. Janus wasn’t just smiling either, he was _grinning_ , staring up at the snow and catching snowflakes where he stood, his hands flicking every once in a while under his coat. He’d never imagined snow to be so quiet either, it was serene, the epitome of serenity and he’d been deprived of it his entire life. The tears that filled his eyes now were both sad and happy, he felt... _liberated_.

It was deserved, Roman decided at that moment. Not just the small happiness Janus was experiencing now but _every_ small happiness that Roman could provide from that point on, he would give them all to Janus. And Gaia help anyone who tried to take the prince’s happiness from that day onwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been quite the ride hasn't it!
> 
> I know what you may be thinking seeing as the chapter count now says 16/16 but this is not the end of this story, as there is definitely more to resolve for our cast of characters here. I hope you will join me for the next part of this story in "Live For Me"!
> 
> But alas, as spoken about on my blog many weeks ago, it is time for this story to go on hiatus until I am officially free from college.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, leave your theories or thoughts below if you have the time (even if it's just screaming) and while you wait for this story to come back, feel free to send questions to the killfm-askblog.tumblr.com or just chat with me on my main page! If you have or make any extra things (theories/fan art) please, please tag me. I'd love to see them.
> 
> For now, the askblog story is continuing while this one is on pause for the time being. ^-^
> 
> Thanking my wonderful husband for beta reading every one of these chapters and helping me make the words I type make sense. I love you very much, Eren!
> 
> Chapter Question: Out of the 16 chapters, which chapter is your favorite and why?
> 
> ____________
> 
> "Live For Me" will be returning...
> 
> (Working) Summary: The prince was a strong man. Not just because he was physically powerful or his countenance was that of an eye of a storm in any situation, but because he was also weak. He was weak in all the ways that made someone so wonderfully human. A dichotomy soon to be put to the test and Roman would be there the entire way to aid and guard him. As was the man’s vow.


End file.
